AN: This is an alternate universe story about Jax and Tara. Tara is 19 going to college. Jax is 20 and a patched member of SAMCRO.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Sons of Anarchy. K. Sutter and all FF writers own their original work.
This is my first written story. You will find a lot of common scenarios in the first chapter. The rest of the story takes you into a new direction for Jax and Tara. . Please review your response keeps me motivated.
Chapter 1
Sorrow
3 August 1999
4 am
Tara is unable to sleep. Jax is sound asleep next to her. She slips out of bed carefully to avoid disturbing him. She loves looking at him while he is asleep. He looks so peaceful and gorgeous. It always amazes her that such a good looking guy would find plain Tara attractive. She decides to go outside to sit on the porch. The morning dew and the sun rising are all signaling the dawn of a new day.
Jax turns in bed to reach out for Tara but she is not there. He starts to panic, thinking she already left. He pulls on his sweat pants and walks through the house. He is relieved to find her sitting on the front porch, looking up to the sky. He stops to admire her beauty. Her skin is so white, like a beautiful pearl, and her hair is shining with brown, red, and golden shades of color. He gasps as he is overwhelmed with the love and lust that he feels for her. He opens the front door quietly and leans against the door post staring at the love of his life.
Tara senses Jax's presence. Her attraction to him is in the air whenever he is near. It's like a powerful magnetic force that pulls her into his embrace. They don't have to talk, they just need to touch each other to know what the other one is feeling on this day.
Today is the day that has been coming for a long time. This is not a good day, this is a final day. The end of her life in Charming. This is the day she leaves for college. This is the day she leaves Jax.
After several hours of packing she has just placed the last bag into her car for her trip to San Diego. As her recalcitrant mind tries to create cognitive thoughts to make this day better, she is at a loss. The concentric force of her choices is a mighty weight of dread and resignation.
Jax is watching her every move. She feels like his eyes are trying to penetrate her mind, body and soul.
She takes a deep breath and tells him, "Jax, it is time for me to leave." Her heart is breaking but she just can't cry any more. Jax is standing in front of her with tears in his eyes.
"You know, Tara Grace Knowles, you have ruined me for life."
Tara can hardly speak. "I know, Jackson, I am ruined too. I feel so broken and confused."
Jax suddenly realizes he has to be strong for Tara. He is smart enough to know she has to leave. His Tara is so amazing...she has to spread her wings and fulfill her dreams of being a doctor. Jax thinks about Tara's mom being stuck in Charming. She never allowed herself to fly away because no one cared enough to support her dreams. She killed herself when Tara was nine years old.
Jax takes a deep breath, trying to be strong. "Tara, I know you have to leave, babe."
Tara exclaims, "Really? I can't believe you just said that!"
Jax gives her his trademark smirk. He can't believe he just said that either.
How can he be strong without Tara? He has no idea of what this will do to his life. How can he survive without her? He falls to his knees and starts to shake and sob as Tara falls to her knees in front of him. She doesn't want to cry anymore and she just wants to look into his eyes. What kind of strength can she get from Jax? How can she try to make them both stronger? She knows SAMCRO will change Jax. He will be more of an outlaw. She also knows the brotherhood of SAMCRO is totally ingrained in his soul...and he would be lost and broken without them.
Finally, she blinks her eyes shut after staring at him, looking for answers. "Jax, I know you have to stay!" He is shocked, he never thought she would accept his reality.
Tara thinks there has to be a way they can part by drawing a line in the sand. They have already decided a long-distance romance would never survive. Jax could never keep his physical needs satisfied...he can barely keep himself under control now. He knows he will be deep into some crow-eater the moment Tara leaves. It's not like he is some kind of womanizer. Sex has always been his favorite form of release and comfort. He never knew that sex and making love were two completely separate actions. Making love to Tara opened his eyes to feelings he had never experienced...the joy and wonderment filled his entire life. He knows that kind of love will only belong with Tara. The joy of love and pleasure for Jax and Tara will never die, but it has to be put aside.
They have to live apart for now. Tara wonders out loud, "Do you think we could at least write to each other?"
"I don't see how that would work, Tara. I would only end up missing you more and it would just be too painful."
Tara nods her head in agreement, knowing he is right. They have talked about this so many times with no solution. It has to be all or nothing. Tara stands up, shaking her head, thinking this is the worst moment of her life.
"Jax, I am going to become the best doctor I can be and I hope you will always remember that is the only reason I am leaving you!"
"I will never forget you, Tara. I am so proud of you. I also know my life is better for loving you. You have made me a better man. Just don't forget me, Tara...okay?"
"I could never forget you, Jax. You are a part of me. You have made me strong and confident by loving me. I don't know how or when, but I will be back. You may have a wife and family by then. I just know I will see you again when I am a doctor."
Jax shakes his head at her comment and starts to laugh, thinking Tara is suddenly delusional. One thing he knows for sure, his life is about to change forever.
Tara walks to her car with Jax behind her. Jax provided her with this old, beat-up cage that the guys helped him restore for her eighteenth birthday. Now he is almost sorry to have given her a way to ride out of Charming. As they say goodbye for the last time, they both smile at each other, knowing this is the look they need to remember.
Tara starts her car and is about to shift into drive when she suddenly stops and turns off the car. Jax is next to her open window as she looks at him...
"Jax, I have an idea. I would like to stay in touch with Donna. I won't tell her where I am so you will not be tempted to find me." If only he would want to find me, which will not happen. "Will that be okay with you?"
Jax can't help but smile at her knowing how this is going to change her life forever too. Can he handle knowing Tara will be in touch with Donna? Right now he is just so conflicted and in pain he really has no idea of how to respond. Tara sees Jax's reaction and she wonders if she is just prolonging this insufferable pain of leaving. She finally just shakes her head and turns away to start her car, and slowly drives away from the love of her life.
Jax watches her drive away. He feels his heart breaking as she disappears from view. Right now all he feels is the shattering of his soul. He has been torn to pieces and he wonders if he will ever be whole again. He decides to go to the one place that will understand how he feels.
Jax starts up his bike and heads over to Opie and Donna's house. Opie and Donna come out of the house as they hear Jax's bike. The look on Jax's face brings sadness to them both. They go to comfort Jax in a big hug. As they part, Opie takes Jax by the shoulder, leading him into the house.
Donna enters the living room where they are siting and hands them both a beer. "So she left?" asks Opie. Jax looks at them both with tears in his eyes and a smile on his face,
"Yeah she is going to be a doctor."
They all start smiling as the tension is lifted between them, knowing truer words have never been spoken. The three of them start to play with baby Ellie who is just six months old. Donna leaves them to start dinner. She decides to make Jax his favorite macaroni and beef dish with a big salad and brownies with ice cream for dessert.
Jax knows coming here was his best choice. "Thanks for a great meal and much-needed camaraderie. I would be lost without you both." They walk Jax out to his bike and give him goodbye hugs. Donna hears the house phone ringing so she excuses herself from the guys to answer the phone.
Donna picks up the receiver, "Hello?"
"Donna, this is Tara!"