John, come home. Moriarty is strapping explosives to the rubber ducks in the loo…hurry up, he's counting down from ten! SH
It's okay, Sherlock, after Moffat came over and brutally murdered all our Doctor Who favorites, I've started keeping a bunch of explosives in a drawer in my room. JW
Excellent, Now how to do this in the most fun way…I could detonate one and throw it in the bathwater so maybe it would give him some kind of electrical shock as well as blow him to smithereens. SH
As long as you don't jump off any buildings in the process, that's fine by me. Oh, and try not to make too big of a mess, we don't want a repeat of Mrs. Hudson's last reaction. JW
Why on earth would I jump off a building…? And don't worry, Mrs. H is out until tomorrow afternoon, so you'll be home in time to clean it up before she gets back. SH
Oh, splendid, I'll put on the tea and clean up the remains of your mortal enemy. That is precisely how I imagined spending my evening. JW
Well good. Then it works out for both of us. Also, thank you for mentioning his human remains, I hadn't thought of that! Maybe I can dissect his brain… SH
Just don't do it on the kitchen table this time, please. I don't like blogging next to another person's grey cells. JW
Blogging. Hmm. You would think the advancement of science and possibly of evolutionary theory would take precedence over your precious blog, but we all have our own priorities. However, as in most cases, I believe mine to be the more important. SH
I find it funny that that last sentence was extraordinarily self-centered, and you are ironically arguing against a blog primarily written because of you. Is Moriarty out of the bathtub yet? JW
Well you're the one who said I was "spectacularly ignorant about some things." It's become a place for the amusement of Lestrade and Co. Yes, he's out, and now we're making dinner. Or trying to. These domestic sort of things are really your area. See, John? I complimented you! SH
The men and women of Scotland Yard aren't the only one amused by your bouts of ignorance. YOU KEEP YOUR INTESTINES AWAY FROM THE STOVE. I literally JUST sanitized in there. JW
Don't be silly, John, they're in the loo. We're making soup, and just so you know before you come home and get angry, Moriarty is the one who splashed it on the ceiling, not me. SH
Why was he splashing the soup?! JW
He was trying to stir and then boom, it was on the ceiling. I turned my back for literally a second and this is what he does. Bloody psychopath. SH
(Author's Note: Bloody psychopath…only after he shot himself. *simultaneous sobs and laughter*) Just do what you can, I'll be home in 20 minutes. JW
Goodbye, John. SH