As the blinding blue light fades away, I collapse to my knees. Vaguely I am aware of Sturges running up to me, asking if I'm ok. Dully I nod. And then shake my head. Preston is heading this way. I look up at them with haunted eyes full of pain. Not physical pain. But the sort of pain that uncoils throughout your soul like some creeping disease. Sturges is helping me to stand, and I find myself handing him the disc.

"Here's the information you wanted."

"So you got in? You were in the Institute?"

"Yes..."

"And your son?" Preston asks.

I stare at him for a moment, letting his words go through me. And then the tears start. Without a word I walk away.

"Ma'am?" Codsworth calls after me, as sad and confused as a robot can sound.

I ignore him too. I find my way to my house. My old house, the one I lived in when Shaun was born, the one where my husband and I had planned for our future together. I go to Shaun's room. To his crib. I rest my hand on the railing and look down into the place where he used to sleep. This crib may have sat for over 200 years but to me it was almost like yesterday that his little hands were reaching up to me, his innocent, trusting eyes set in that squishy little baby face. I reach down into the crib as though to touch him. I can almost feel him. I close my eyes against the tears, and in my mind the baby is replaced by a man. An old man. Old enough to be my own father. How many years did he know about me and let me remain frozen? All the time I should have had with him, gone, stolen. I sob. I find myself falling. I am on my knees, and then my side, curled on the rug near his crib. And then he had the gall to offer me a synth child to replace himself! The messed up thing is I almost, almost accepted his offer. For one brief moment I wanted a child, any child, to hold and hug, to raise and love. But it wouldn't be a child, it wouldn't really be Shaun. It would be a robot. Programmed to love me. It wouldn't be real. I want my real son. My real son is a man feared and hated by all in the Commonwealth. I know the settlers of Sanctuary are hovering outside, wondering and talking, trying to understand what happened. Thankfully they have the tact to leave me alone. They probably assume I found Shaun dead. He may as well be. We have thus far found ourselves on opposite sides of this war. Will I have to kill him? The thought abhors me. It drives through me, killing me. I'm so confused, so lost. He knew about me, he knew I was out here, looking for him. And yet he let me be, let me think and wonder, worry and cry. I want to believe he is Shaun. I look into his eyes and I see his father peering out at me. But is that my hopeful imagination? Everything he said made sense, and yet... I could have died out here. Many times I could have died trying to find him. Those final moments as I stood on the teleporter, as that pipe broke loose, I thought I would die. I thought I would be torn into a million pieces. I risked everything to find him. And he knew about me the whole time! I drift in and out of sleep and finally as light starts pouring in my window again I am slowly, finally, aware of a presence. I pick my head up enough to see Codsworth has joined me. Oh, Codsworth, faithful, loyal Codsworth.

"Ma'am? Is everything... quite alright? Did you find little Shaun?"

"Shaun is a grown man, Codsworth. We were wrong about how much time I spent frozen. He's not even the little boy we thought he was. He's old, older than I am. And..." Should I tell him? Should I bring to him the horror I have discovered? That my own son is the leader of the Institute? Would that be too much for his circuits? Everyone else will want to know too. I haven't exactly kept my search for Shaun a secret. Now that I've been to the Institute word will travel, people will know, and ask, and wonder. Did I find my son, my little boy, my baby? How do I tell them? Can I carry this knowledge alone? I don't even know how I feel about this. Everyone I met at the Institute kept saying how they were working for the future of humanity and that all they want to do is improve life, but how? No one told me how or what it was they were doing! It's easy for one to say 'I'm working for the good of all' when good could easily be a point of view.

"Oh, dear. Little Shaun... Oh, I am so sorry, Ma'am. But you found him! You know that he's alive and he's well, I hope?"

"Yes. I suppose. Growing up where he did he was at least protected. He was safe, he never had to worry about raiders or dying of radiation or super mutants or feral ghouls. He got an education. He was never hungry, he had safe water to drink. I suppose... of all the ways for this to happen he got the best life he could have. Certainly I couldn't have provided him with all of that, not out here, not as the world is now. Does that make me a bad mother?"

It has been days since then. I helped take out the rogue synth like Shaun asked me to. I didn't mind. Whether or not the Institute are good guys or bad this rogue synth was killing people. He'd become the leader of a group of raiders. That was fine. And then he asked me to help him recover synths from the Railroad. I used to wonder if the Railroad was doing the right thing or not. I never quite agreed that robots should be turned loose on society to live like normal people. Especially once I found out they gave them new memories and that afterwards they didn't even know that they were synths. Is it possible that the Railroad is more to blame for the state of things in the Wasteland than the Institute? The rogue synth I had to take down was one the Railroad had gotten ahold of. But I can't pretend that I didn't feel guilty as I slipped past and went straight for the synths I was to recover. I was on everyone's side. Institute, Brotherhood, Railroad. No one was shooting at me. I killed a few Railroad members before I realized that, and still no one shot at me. My mission was easy. I asked the synths why they didn't want to go back to the Institute and none could give me a clear answer. No one at the Institute is giving me a clear answer on what exactly it is they do there. Isn't there anyone who can give me clear answers? Even Shaun isn't telling me everything. I've come to accept that he truly is Shaun. When I reported back to him after my first mission he called me mother. It struck me, all the way down to my core. How strange. This man is my son. I'm trying to fit into this new dynamic, this new relationship. It wasn't that long ago that I was rocking him to sleep, changing his diapers, and now he's giving me orders and sending me on missions. I want to believe him that the Institute is doing it's best for humanity at large. But the look on his face when he looked out on the devastation that is Boston... I told him it wasn't always like this. I remember it so clearly. As I look down on the city I remember driving on those very streets, I remember the beauty of the city, the way people had walked along busy sidewalks. And now... But even still, there's hope, not everything out here is ruined. I am making a difference. I have settlements set up all over the wasteland. I'm giving people protection, homes, food, water. A little work, a little cooperation, and things won't be so bad out here. I need to make him understand that. I need him to realize that. The future of humanity does not rest underground, not entirely. I stand on the ruins of CIT, looking out on the city. I lift my face to the sun, feeling the wind brush through my hair. Shaun has already gone back to the Institute. There's a meeting he wants me to attend. I will go. Of course I will. I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing is right. But so far nothing I have done is wrong. What would his father think of all this? My husband, my poor husband. His body still frozen in the depths of Vault 111. A giant tomb. I should visit him. Even if he can't answer I should talk to him. Tell him everything. Later. Right now my son needs me. I sigh and bring my pip-boy up. Will I ever get used to relaying? I tap the screen and off I go in a flash of blue.

Dying? It's not fair! I just found him! My boy, my little boy, and now he's dying? So that's why he decided on now to release me from my frozen crypt. I realized why he let me look for him instead of relaying me directly into the Institute. He was curious where he came from, what kind of person I am. How being thrust into the wasteland would affect someone who remembers nothing but pre-war times. I'm proud to say I think I've set a good example. But what does it matter if I'm going to lose him so soon? He offered me the position as leader of the Institute. I don't think anyone was really happy about that. But I took the job. How could I not? I've toured the Institute, I know what they have, what they're capable of. Under a different leader they could be a formidable enemy. Under my reign they could unite with the Minutemen and together we could forge a new future for the people of the Commonwealth. Even as Shaun looks into my eyes and tells me he knows I'll do the right thing I can read between the lines. All my time above ground has been worth it. He knows what kind of leader I am now, he knows about the people I've protected and fed, the people I've united. He knows that the Institute could become corrupted, and that I would prevent that. In that moment something passes between us. A bond forged, or reforged I suppose. My son. I will not fail you. I will not fail the people of the Commonwealth, be they aboveground or below.

I sit here in the lobby of Mass Fusion and look around me. At the bodies strewn about. Brotherhood of Steel bodies. The synth bodies I care nothing for, they are robots. But the others... they were my brothers once too. The Brotherhood may be extreme, but I still felt sick at the thought of betraying them. But I suppose deep down I knew it was going to happen. I am friends with ghouls, I even know a super mutant or two. They do not need to die simply because they are not human. heh, the Railroad is on one end of the extreme, the Brotherhood on the other. And here I am in the middle.

Shaun has asked me to kill Desdemona. As I walk into the Railroad headquarters I feel guilt wash over me. Maybe I could talk to Desdemona, see if she'd back down. I try to talk to her without revealing anything important, anything about my Institute affiliation. She tells me that she wants me to abandon the Minutemen and join the Railroad full time so that when the final battle comes we can save as many synth "lives" as possible. Because if I'm leading the Minutemen instead we probably won't care how many synths we kill. My resolve steels. This. This is what will give me the strength to do what needs to be done. How dare she ask me to abandon the Minutemen. We're making a difference. We're saving lives. Real, human lives. If she places the lives of robots above those of real, living, breathing, humans, then there is something seriously wrong with her. Before I can make a move she starts hinting that she'd go to drastic measures to ensure I joined the Railroad. I stalked away, towards the exit, as though I were leaving. From behind the doorway, I use a stealthboy, and get out my sniper rifle. I aim, and gently let a breath out as I squeeze the trigger. Headshot, she never sees it coming and dies instantly. I can't say the same for the rest of the Railroad. It turns into a slaughter, a total massacre. I kill them all, one after another. Afterwards I sag with exhaustion. At least Deacon wasn't here. He seems to be just going along for the ride where the Railroad is concerned. I haven't spoken to him but, maybe, he'd listen to reason.

Before I head back to talk to Shaun I decide to swing by and check on Deacon. Even as I approach him I could tell he'd heard what happened. As he raises his gun I duck behind cover, knowing I have no choice. Poor Deacon, I never meant for you to die. But it has to be done. And so I do it.

Now I stand before Shaun, the blood of people I once called friends on my hands. People who so trustingly admitted me to their midst. I the only one knowing what I was there to do. I hope you know what you're doing, Shaun. I hope I know what I'm doing. But, however sympathetic I might have been to their cause the Railroad was turning the Commonwealth against the Institute. Sending rogue synths out into their midst. And now Shaun asks me to help him take down the Brotherhood of Steel. I can understand why. But surely the entire Brotherhood isn't all bad? Yes, this branch seems to be xenophobic, but they're just misguided. They're strong, too. I've been inside their base, I've seen their army. I'm just one person. And, unlike the Railroad, the Brotherhood doesn't trust me anymore. I can't just walk in and kill Elder Maxson. I'd have to fight my way through hordes of power armor and vertibirds. I ask him if it was necessary.

"Yes," he says.

He then starts telling me off, talking not as a son to a mother but as an old man to a young person. I feel strange, alienated. There is my son, my grown up son, talking down to me. Ranting and raving. Please, son, don't act like this, don't talk like that. My shaky trust in you was solidifying, don't yank it out from under me.

I relay into a barn near the Brotherhood's base. As I peer out of the doorway I sigh a little. I could have relayed elsewhere and had an easier time of it. Instead now I have to sneak around the entire back of the building. They dropped me in literally one of the most inconvenient spots. Oh, well. A vertibird is circling overhead. That will make things difficult. I wait for it to pass overhead and then duck out, keeping low, staying behind cars, trucks, and other wreckage. There's the parking garage. I wait under the stairs as the vertibird circles by again. Then I run for it, up so many flights of stairs. It's coming around again, my heart races as I run across the roof of the garage and slide down the ramp at the center. I huddle against the caved in area and wait. As the vertibird comes into sight I take aim. I am ready. With this blast I will announce my presence, but I will also eliminate one of the biggest threats I'll have today. I shoot. Of course they react, they turn and try to find me, I shoot again. And again. Finally they crash. I am victorious in this at least. I take off, eager to move on before anyone on the ground can locate me. I go back down the stairs, circle around behind the buildings over to where I know there's a back door. It's locked, of course. That's no problem for me, though. I deftly pick the lock and enter the airport. I look around and, ah-hah, there's the generator. They're shooting at me now, these people I once called my own. That's ok, makes it easier. Unlike the Railroad. But they don't matter, I ignore them as best I can and concentrate on the generator. I have to get it down. I have to get reinforcements here. I will never survive without them. As the generator goes up in a ball of fire and synths start appearing I am relieved. Relieved that I don't have to do this alone, that I have backup. I don't know what I thought when Shaun first told me to take out the Brotherhood. I'm so used to doing things alone. But of course he'd give me an army. I've been in the Robotics Division. I've seen how fast they can build synths, cranking them out one after the other. There must be whole storage rooms full of the things. I duck and weave, grateful to have a single goal. Take out the generators. The synths can do the rest. Finally all three are out and it is time. Time to reprogram Liberty Prime. A grim sense of justice fills me as I watch the synth go to work on the giant robot. This monstrosity that the Brotherhood would have used to pacify the commonwealth will now be used to pacify their bloodlust. Ghouls may not be human anymore but they don't deserve to die simply because they no longer look like us. The horde of Brotherhood seem to never stop. I pick them off right and left as the synth diligently works on reprogramming Liberty Prime. I'm not sure what I was expecting but I stand in awe as the giant robot fires on the Prydwen. It starts to explode, fireballs rolling along it's length as it gently crashes into the airport. At what seems like the last second my vision blurs. Next thing I know I'm standing across the bay watching the resulting explosion of the Prydwen's collapse. The shockwave seems to be reaching out for me, as though the friends I once had are calling to me, begging me to join them in their fiery death. I shiver and involuntarily duck back. But I'm far enough away, I needn't have been worried. It's over. It's all over. The Railroad, the Brotherhood. We've won. It is time. Time to go back and see Shaun, to tell him of our victory. Course he already knows but I want to talk to him anyway. Now maybe we can settle down and be a family for a time before he goes. A sick, hollow feeling envelops me as I relay back into the Institute.

Everyone seems somber and no one is meeting my eye. It is as though we hadn't just won a major victory. Oh, no. I race into Shaun's room, and find him laying in his bed. He looks so weak. So old. I should never have had to see him like this. We have enough times for our final goodbyes. As he closes his eyes, mumbling something about wanting to go to sleep, my heart breaks. How many nights did I stand by him as he fell asleep? How many nights have I wept wishing I could be there for my boy as he fell asleep each night. His clear exhaustion makes me want to hold him. But he's already gone. I've lost him. I've lost Shaun all over again. This time for good. Numbly I wander out onto the balcony. What now? Where do I go from here? I'm now the director of the Institute. A job I never wanted, never asked for. Here I stand. A bittersweet victory. Having my son ripped away from me so soon after having found him. I turn when I hear Dr. Volkert coming in. Our eyes meet.

"You should go see Allie Filmore. I'll handle things from here."

Handle things. As though my son were just an old pair of clothes that needed to be disposed of. I want to throw myself on him and refuse to let the doctor take him away from me. But I know better. I walk up to Shaun one last time before the doctor takes him.

"You'll always be my baby," I say as I reach out and touch his cheek.

Without looking to see Dr. Volkert's reaction to that, I leave. As if in a dream, or a nightmare, I walk down and find Allie. We talk for a little bit. She seems to be one of the only real friends I have here. It does comfort me a little to have her near me. But soon enough it's time for her to get back to work and I move on. I am like a phantom wandering from division to division. I need a distraction, I need someone to give me something to do! But all everyone wants to do is give me sorries and I'll have work for you laters. Finally I find myself in the Advanced Systems Division. Just as I'm leaving something catches the corner of my eye and I stop, my heart lurching. It's Shaun. Not the real Shaun, the child synth Shaun. I'm not even sure what motivates me but somehow I drag myself over to him.

"Hi, mom!"

I die inside and it's all I can do to stay standing upright from this blow. I can hear my voice cracking as I respond. As I talk to this child who seems to think I'm his mother. He gives me a tape to listen to. It's Shaun, it's the real Shaun. A recording he'd apparently made for me. Giving me this child synth. He says it's been reprogrammed to think he's the real Shaun. Oh, no. I'm not strong enough for this. I can't pretend this child is my son after having lost my son. But then again it might help me come through this, to latch onto him and love him like he was really my boy. My heart breaks for what Shaun, the real Shaun, must have gone through. Knowing that I was going to be alone, that I'd missed out on seeing him grow up. Do synths grow up? Will he be ten forever? It is something I will have to find out. I head back over to Synth-Shaun. He acts like any normal little boy. He wants a camera. Something to tinker with. Of course, son, of course I'll get you anything, whatever you want. I wonder how long it will be before I can face him without wanting to cry.

I relay onto the top of the CIT building. Where Shaun and I once stood and talked. I look down on the broken wreckage of what was once my home. A broken world that Shaun should have never had to belong to. What twist of fate was it that Shaun wound up in my husband's arms that day? That fateful day 200 years ago. At the time I was rattled, but in the back of my mind I felt guilty that I wasn't holding my baby boy. If I had been I would be the one lying dead in the depths of Vault 111. Both my men are now gone. And with this thought I collapse. All the held back tears break forth and I am a sobbing, trembling wreck. How fitting that I am falling to pieces amidst a world that has long shattered. As though I were the last whole thing in this city, and now the wasteland has truly reclaimed all. It's not fair. None of this is fair. That is something, at least, that hasn't changed in the last 200 years. Life will never be fair. I lift my head and look through tear-filled eyes at the wasteland. My home. Regardless what shape it takes this is my home. Shaun was wrong, the future is not entirely underground. The future is above-ground too. And we need to fight for it. I am a leader, whether I wanted to be one or not. It is up to me to tame this wild land. But right now there is a little boy down inside the Institute who believes himself to be my son. A little boy eagerly waiting for his mother to bring him a piece of junk to tinker with. A little boy who can not fathom my pain. I wipe my eyes and stand. I have work to do.