A/n- Everything you recognize is from Harry Potter. I own nothing, except for the plot.
My breathing increases as I'm surrounded by family members and friends. Disappearing within this crowd is nearly impractical. I was just tired of all the sympathetic glances from people closest to me. Being alone in this house wasn't an option either because everywhere I went, people gathered.
Pulling at my shaggy brown hair, I wanted to scream out in frustration. Being free of the guilt was impossible when reminders of Colin were everywhere within the house. I couldn't handle the looks of blame in my parents' eyes when I was brave enough to look at them. They were right though; it was my fault. I could've tried just a little harder to stop him from leaving. Maybe if I could've stopped him, this guilt wouldn't be eating me up on the inside.
"Where are you going?" I demanded, leaning against the doorframe of the room he was supposed to be sleeping in. As I waited for his reply, I watched him gather his jacket and shoes. "Well, aren't you going to tell me?"
"I'm going for a walk, Dennis. Calm down. I'll be back in a while," he lied calmly. He slipped his black jacket over his head. He met my curious glance. I heard an audible sigh and he looked down at his feet as if they were more interesting than our conversation.
"I know where you're going. You're forgetting that I have a coin too," I reminded him. He glanced up to see the Galleon-like coin I was twisting in my hand. It had been glowing red for hours now as older D.A. students had been rallying former members. The Galleons had been in use for ages now, especially since most of the former members had been in trouble and disappeared within Hogwarts after getting in trouble for supporting Harry Potter. "You can't go; you're not of age."
"They won't notice me. Besides, I have to help protect my home, our home. I just can't stand by idly while others are fighting to protect the only place where we fit in," Colin said passionately. I'd never heard him sound so passionate about anything in my whole life. "I couldn't stand it if something happened to my home."
"And what if you die?" I asked softly.
He pondered his answer for a few minutes before replying, "It will be worth it. It'll always be worth it in the end." He finished tying his sneakers Mum had gotten him for his birthday and stood. I moved to the center of the doorway, blocking his only exit. "Dennis, move," he stated softly.
"I'm not letting you leave without a fight," I replied, my voice shaking with anger. How dare he think of just himself? "There is a chance that you might die. You're not as good as you think you are, Colin."
"What are you now? My conscience? Thanks, but I have one and it's telling me to fight," he replied sarcastically. He tried to push pass me, but I shoved him back in the room. "Dennis," he growled in a low voice, "move out of my way."
"No, if you want by me, you have to fight your way out of this room," I stated calmly. I knew I wasn't as good as Colin was in Defense, but I was sure as hell going to give it my all.
As predicted, Colin raised his wand into the fighting stance. "I really don't want to fight you, Dennis. So I'm going to ask you once more. Move out of my way, please," he practically begged. But I held my ground.
I defended myself the best I could. It didn't surprise me when he overpowered me easily. Defense wasn't my best subject to begin with. "I'm sorry, Dennis. I'll see you in a while. Tell Mum and Dad that I'll be home for dinner tomorrow," he whispered into my paralyzed ear. He didn't waste another moment. I watched him walk out of the room without another glance back. Secretly, I cursed his Gryffindor courage.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets. I just wanted to escape this reality. Was it so much to ask?
A thud woke me early the next morning. I groaned, rubbing sleep out of my tired eyes. I woke up a little before realizing that an owl had woken me up from my sleep. Excitedly, I rolled out of my bed. I was eager to hear about the Battle of Hogwarts, since I didn't hear a word of it the previous day.
Giving the owl a mouse, I took the letter from its claws. Hoping it was from Colin, informing me of the outcome of the battle, I torn into the letter quickly. My heart dropped as I read through it. Tears streamed down my face as I read the last line. Colin wasn't coming back.
Shoving the letter into my pocket, I dressed quickly. Making sure that my parents were still asleep, I crept down to the living room. I took a handful of Floo powder and shouted the address of the Ministry. Just walking through the Ministry gave me chills. My tears had long stopped and I put on a brave face.
Dozens of people were lined up, waiting to retrieve the bodies of their loved ones, just as I was. The line moved rather quickly and soon I found myself next in line. Being brave soon was overrated and tears rolled down my face.
"Who are you here for, sir?" a steady voice asked. I glanced up to see a guy barely twenty looking down at me.
"My brother, Colin Creevey," I whispered. Just saying his name made reality crash down around me. Before this moment, I could've just played it up to being a horrible nightmare. But now, it was as real as the air I was breathing.
They pulled the covers back to show his face. I could see his mousy brown hair messed up and a small smile on his lips. "Is this your brother?" the man asked gently. Unable to speak, I nodded and he gave them the signal.
He was dead, gone, never coming back. I made the arrangements for an Auror to accompany me to my house with my brother's dead body. And all too soon, I returned to my house to break the horrible news to my parents.
I was trembling as I stepped through the fireplace. Just seeing my parents sitting there, in those armchairs that reminded me so much of the Gryffindor common room, it broke me into even more pieces. When they saw me, I could see the concern in their eyes. I didn't want to break the news to them, but they deserved to know what had happened to Colin.
Gently and calmly as possible, I told them exactly what happened. I didn't think I could break any more than I did at the moment that I saw them clinging to each other, tears streaming down their faces. But I was wrong. The look in Mum's eyes shattered me when she finally looked at me. The blame lay with me and it was rightfully placed. I should've tried harder to stop him, but I didn't.
I left them alone in the living room, crying their eyes out. Alone in my bedroom, I realized that nothing would be the same again. I never wanted to return to Hogwarts. I couldn't face the place where my brother was murdered at. I wasn't brave or courageous enough. Magic no longer held that fascination that it once did. Maybe if we weren't wizards then Colin would still be alive.
I just wanted to forget that I buried my brother yesterday. I wanted to forget that the war even happened. I wanted to forget that I lost my brother because I was weak. I wanted to forget everything. But being in this house wasn't helping me.
I had to be strong. My parents weren't stepping up and someone had to. The world was resting on my shoulders and it was getting heavier by the minute. As I got Colin's final arrangements in order, I felt a lot older than I should. Honestly, I don't blame my parents. I should be doing this since it was my fault he was dead.
On the bright and shining May day, my family and a few close Muggle and Wizarding friends had joined me in burying my older brother. A Muggle preacher spoke of life after death and I silently wondered if Colin would choose to be a ghost or to move on. After he got finished speaking, I stood up.
"Colin was the only one I truly looked up to," I started, my voice strong. "He was my role model and I wanted to do everything he did. When he went off to boarding school, I wanted to go. He was everything to me; a best friend, a brother, a mentor. I wouldn't change the time I had with him if I could. I only wish that I could've done something more to prevent this tragedy from happening."
By the end of my speech, my brothers' coffin was lowered into the ground. I threw the white rose I had in my hand on top of the casket and whispered softly, "Wherever you are, just choose what will make you happier in the end. I'll see you soon, Colin."
Others followed my lead and dropped their flowers into the ground. My parents were the last to drop their flowers. They turned their backs to me and walked out of the graveyard, holding each other close. I felt alienated from them. Didn't they realize I was hurting too?
I finally saw my opportunity to leave and I didn't hesitate. I slipped out the back door and disappeared from my street. A few blocks to the east was a small park that barely anyone went to anymore. That was my destination.
The sun was low in the sky as I reached the park. Sitting down on the park bench, I watched the small children running around, laughing loudly. They were carefree and naïve at such a young age. Any other day, I would be thinking of how their lives could be in danger by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but he was dead and the children had nothing to worry about.
Before Colin got his Hogwarts letter, Mum used to take us to this park every other day to play on the swings for a few hours. Those memories flooded back into my head and I smiled fondly. It was the first time I'd smiled in over two weeks.
I could spend forever here, free of any worries. It reminded me of the easier days; the days before Colin went to Hogwarts; the days before we were worried about the safety of our family; the days before Colin was murdered. This park was the only reminder I had of the happier times.
It felt like the weight of the world was no longer resting solely on my shoulders when I was here. My guilt faded away as I heard the carefree laughter of the children. It reminded me that there was still good left in this world when I saw the children smiling.
My brain could reason properly when I was here. Returning to Hogwarts would be the correct thing to do. It would ensure that I could help protect the good that was still left in this world, no matter how little that was. I wanted to help protect these children from any evil coming to them.
Colin's words filled my mind once more. It will be worth it. It'll always be worth it in the end. How right he was. Being a wizard, no matter how bad it sucked right now, would be worth it in the end. I no longer blamed Colin for fighting for something he believed in. I just should've believed in him like he believed in fighting for something that he loved.
A/n- A big thanks goes out to my very lovely beta, Heart of Spellz. So any thought? Please review. :)