University of Toronto, Biological Sciences Department
5pm
"Now listen, don't panic, alright? There's no need to panic, everything's going to be fine. Probably."
"Okay, now I am panicking," Delphine frowns. Absentmindedly she glances across her office to the clock hanging above the doorway. Two and a half hours, she calculates; she should really think about getting home soon. Lord knows it takes her forever to get ready for formal occasions at the best of times.
"No, no, no, no, no; no reason to panic, remember?" her girlfriend reminds her, though her own voice is far from calm. She's doing her best to sound calm, Delphine can tell that much, but beneath her façade there's a clear element of panic. "It's fine, I've totally got this. Well, Alison's totally got this, actually… kinda… I think. But I'll have it under control soon. So there's really no need to panic, you just focus on your big moment and I'll handle this."
"Chérie, just tell me what's…"
"Cherry's dislocated her knee," Cosima explains matter-of-factly. "Well, probs- Alison says the ER room's carnage right now and it might be a while before she gets seen by a doctor, so…"
"Merde… what… what the hell happened?!"
"The barrier thing- you know the barrier thing, right? The thing they use to split the rink in half? Big carbon fibre thing? Anyway, the senior hockey coach didn't set up the barrier thing properly, Alison reckons he didn't lock it down, or whatever it is you're meant to do to it. Alison insists she told him she'd do it but he wouldn't let her touch it… but anyway, so the barrier thing wasn't set up right and Cherry was skating right next to it and then one of the beginner hockey kids on the other side of the barrier thing got totally hyped going for a goal, couldn't stop, slammed into it and brought it down on top of her…"
"Oh my god…"
"I know, right? Alison's furious, she's pushing for a rink-wide hockey practice ban on figure skating nights, she's dubbed hockey 'glorified assault on skates.' Or something like that, I was kind of trying not to, you know, have a total heart attack at that point. Anyway, so Alison's gone with Cherry in the ambulance…"
"Ambulance?!" Delphine panics. "It was bad enough that they had to call an ambulance? Shit, is she…"
"Babe, relax. Alison's demanding a rink-wide hockey ban on her figure skating nights, remember? She's been banging on about how much she hates giving up half the rink to the hockey players on Fridays all year, I bet she only called an ambulance for the dramatic factor. Well, and apparently blood and ice rinks is a totally gross combination, it probably looked way worse than it was. It'll all be part of her evil plan to reclaim Fridays for Team elaborate spin things and ballet on ice, bet you anything. I think. But Cherry sounded fine on the phone, anyway, so..."
Delphine allows herself to relax at that, just a little. "You've spoken to her?"
"Uh huh, like, right before I called you. Well, only for like a minute, one of the paramedics had a go at Alison for using her phone in the ER room. But I think Cherry's fine; she sounded a bit shocked, but hey, you would be shocked if a great heavy plastic barrier and an out-of-control high school kid on skates fell on top of you, right? Alison was saying it's a high school beginner class; I mean, seriously, the kid must have been twice Cherry's size…"
Delphine shudders. "Cosima?" she interrupts anxiously. "Cosima, not helping."
"Sorry. Look, she'll be fine. Honestly. Alison would have said if it was serious, right? I'm on the way over to the hospital now, Alison had to leave Oscar and Gemma with the other kids at the rink, I need to take Cherry off her hands ASAP so she can go back and get them. I'll call you when I'm there, yeah? Don't worry. It'll be totally fine."
"I'll come over with you," Delphine decides. "I'm almost finished anyway; I'll head over as soon as I can, meet you at the hospital."
"No, Delphine seriously, there's no need," Cosima insists, gentle but firm. "You're not missing tonight. You're practically guaranteed that award, remember, you totally can't bail on your moment of glory. Seriously, I'll handle this, I bet you it's not even that bad. There's no point both of us losing our Friday night in the ER if they're just going to reset her knee and send her home."
She has a point, and as much as Delphine doesn't want to admit it, she does know it, deep down. "Okay," she sighs reluctantly. "Okay, just… give Cherry a big hug from me?"
"You know I will. I'll put her on the phone when I get to her, yeah? I promise."
"Cosima? Maybe I shouldn't go tonight after all. I mean, it just doesn't feel right, you know? Not that Helena isn't a good babysitter- you know, in her own way- but it seems a bit mean to dump Cherry with a babysitter at all when she's been in the ER, especially when it's Helena and she's going to have to…"
"Oh shit, parent-teacher night!" Cosima groans. "Shit, I completely forgot! And I… oh crap… I knew I'd forgotten something… that's where I was going when Alison called, I was going to pick up Violette…"
"You forgot about Violette?"
"Oh come on, only for like two minutes. Okay, maybe ten, but still. You'd momentarily forget to pick up our other daughter too if you had to listen to Alison's hysterical rant about the logistical impossibility of under elevens sharing an ice rink with hulking great high school hockey players while Cherry quizzed the paramedics about what you can and can't do on a dislocated knee in the background…"
"That bad?"
"Uh huh, Alison's talking about suing if Cherry can't compete in January and Cherry's convinced she's still going to Savannah's birthday party at that climbing wall place tomorrow, so we're going to break that one to her later… no pun intended. Oh my god I'm so good, that wasn't even planned… never mind. Seriously though, I'd like, totally forgotten parent-teacher night," Cosima sighs. "Alison said ER's total carnage, how long do you think it's going to take to get through total carnage?"
"Honest answer?" Delphine asks, sighing to herself as she realises where this is inevitably leading. "Hours. At best."
"Cherry's parent-teacher appointment's at seven. Shit, how am I meant to be in three- no, four, can't forget Violette again or we'll give her some sort of complex… how the hell am I meant to be in four places at once?"
She almost laughs at that, in spite of everything. "Chérie, of all people…"
"No that's just it, tonight is the one night I really can't be in four places at once. It's Alison's mom's sixtieth, she and Donnie and the kids are taking her out to dinner or something, that's why I seriously need to get there for Cherry ASAP. Then it's grade 5's parent-teacher night tonight too, Sarah will be at Kira's, and leaving Helena with just Vi is a disaster waiting to happen. I mean, remember last time, how long it took to get all the food colouring out of the..."
"Okay, forget being in four places at once," Delphine backtracks. She remembers only too well the aftermath of Helena's last solo babysitting attempt minus Cherry, and most certainly is not about to risk a repeat of that any time soon. "Look, I'll leave work now and go get Violette, you deal with Cherry, I'll find someone to supervise Helena's babysitting and whoever finishes first does parent-teacher hell. Deal?"
"No, but that's not fair on you," Cosima sighs. "We both know I'm going to be stuck in the ER with Cherry for hours; you're going to miss accepting your department award…"
"Not necessarily, there's no guarantee it's mine, remember? It's fine, I'll do parent-teacher night. If we make that decision now we don't even need a babysitter, Helena and Violette can't cause too much havoc in half an hour…" She does know for definite she's getting the University of Toronto award for Biological Research, was told as much by her and Cosima's head of department that morning, but thankfully Cosima doesn't know that.
"No, that's not fair," Cosima insists. "That's totally not on, you're sacrificing your evening for the sake of our kids."
"Isn't that the whole point of parenting?"
"Fair point, they should put that in the small-print on the adoption papers. And the donor leaflets, we can't really pin all this on Cherry when it's Violette who's Helena's partner in crime. But look, that doesn't matter right now, I'm on parent patrol tonight, remember? We agreed. You get Violette and persuade Felix to take her with him to his art class thing, then go celebrate your awesomeness and I'll sort something for parent-teacher night, yeah? Worst case scenario we skip, what can they do?"
"Oh, I don't know; send a threatening letter home like the school did to Sarah last year when she missed Kira's?"
"True. Oh shit... Look, I'm on it, okay? I promise. You're not missing your moment of glory for the sake of being told by Miss Richardson that Cherry's too quiet in class and needs to put her hand up more, we get told the same goddamn thing every year. You'd think they'd like, cut her some slack really."
"We don't know I've…"
"Oh we do know you've won, don't give me that. You're going, I promise. If I can get rid of Cherry and deal with parent-teacher night in time I'll even rush over there and video your acceptance speech like a really embarrassing girlfriend, yeah?"
She laughs at that. "Oh god, please don't."
"I can't make any promises," Cosima teases her. "Sure, I can promise I'll do everything I can to sort out the kids so you can go, but I totally can't guarantee I won't turn up and do the embarrassing girlfriend thing. So we have a plan, right? You're doing Violette, I'm doing Cherry, first one to deal with their assigned daughter wins fifteen minutes of hell on earth with Cherry's teacher. Je t'aime."
"Je t'aime, aussi." Delphine waits until Cosima hangs up before she leans back in her office chair and sighs.
Life, she concludes, was far, far easier to coordinate before children.
"So let me get this straight. You and dreadlocks were so bloody desperate for a babysitter you resorted to Helena, which let's face it, we all know is just Chez supervising Vi with an adult present to clear out your fridge and make the whole thing legal, and now Cherry's incapacitated you're begging Uncle Felix to drop everything for a night of bribing Violette to do her math homework and keeping Helena away from the food colouring?"
She shudders. "Don't even mention the food colouring incident, I'm still having nightmares. Just until Cosima gets back from the hospital with Cherry, please? It's Friday night, so no homework, and she's been at gymnastics so she'll be tired, you can put her to bed early and…"
Even over the weak cell connection she can hear Felix smirk. "Have you met Violette? You think two hours of throwing herself into a foam pit is going to tire her out enough that she'll agree to an early bedtime? But it's irrelevant, Delphine, because Uncle Felix has a prior commitment on Friday nights, you know this. I already lost last week's class to babysitting Kira, I'm starting to think I'm the default emergency childcare in this family."
"You could take them with you to your art class?" Delphine suggests hopefully. "Or Violette- just Violette, if that's easier. I'll bring her something to do, she can sit and wait. I can tell Helena her services aren't required?"
"You're prepared to break it to Helena you don't trust her with your seven year old without your nine year old there to supervise? My god, you must be desperate. Look, if you and Cos are really sure you want Violette corrupted at my art class, drop her round by six, yeah? But no Helena. I'm not having her damaging my creative energies."