A/N: I know very well that I am having fic I need hate you but I feel love to write but I must wrote it. When I saw one more time agoin Weeping Willows I made a decision that I will write alternative end. So there is it. Please read it and write me your reviews. I would like to know what do you think about it.

Human touch

Author: Michelcz

Disclaimer: CSI doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Anthony E. Zuicker.

Spoiler: Weeping Willows

Characters: Catherine/Grissom

Response to Graveshiftcsi´s October challenge

She saw him through the window of her office. She is standing in front of his desk. She stayed there for a while after Ecklie´s departure. He came to tell her that anything what has something common with case and Adam Novak wasn't her mistake and that she have right for life after the work. That the all situation was only oneness happen-so. Everything was managed with professionally, which is her standard.

Even Jim came see her. It was same as with Ecklie. He also sees her as human. As person who has its faults and its perfection. He was so support to her. He didn't make any comment about the situation. He didn't judge her but they both knew that there is one person who will be her judge. It was so painful cause they both loved him as dearest friend. This was the worst thing of the situation.

So she observed him how he walked as little duck. She loves how he walks. She loves his beard. She loves his dry wit. She loves him all but she also knew that she wasn't worth him so she picked up men in the bar or else where. It was reason why they drifted so much apart during last year. It all started with revelation that Sam Braun is her 'father'. Catherine must make a decision. Decision, which will bring success or it, will end with absolute dead failure. She knows how she had been uncareful. She knew it so much well. It was the first and last step, which she must make. It was everything or nothing.

She went quickly from her office and called to him.

"Gil!"

"Gil, I'd ask you out for a drink, but under the circumstances, it's..." Cath told him and saw that she isn't worth not one word from him.

"Okay, how long is this going to go on?" asked him

"I don't know, Catherine."

"Gil, it was an act of omission."

"How many times have we heard a public defender say that?" he asked her coldly.

"I went out after work. Is it a crime to want a little human contact?" Cath answered him.

They both came to reception when he stopped and gave Cath one of his best moralizing glares. He looked at her for few seconds and than he venomously said.

"I guess that's why I don't go out." With this statement, he walked away from her.

She saw how he went from her how she was like as some plague. She heard his words in her minds. She was paralyzed from his hate to her. She saw how much they would more and more apart from each other. It was the worst thing in her life. Man, who she always loved and will love, hated her. Man who will never know about her feelings to him.

She was also angry cause he could judge her but everyone around him hasn't this power. Why it was every time about her and her life? Why he could do it to her anytime? How is possible that she couldn't say him one word? How is it possible?

When he went away from her, he knew that he hurt her in the worst moment he could do it. He knew her very well and so also knew where her most vulnerable place is. So he targeted it. He was pretty sure of her actions in this moment. She was driving to home where she can go to her daughter and hug her. It was her island of peace. He knew that she would be full of anger and hate to him. But what he could do? He was also hurt. Yeah, he wasn't any right to do it. It was only reaction on powerless situation when he was witness how woman, he loves, made another mistake in her life. How she went out without him again? He was so fool. He had known that he wasn´t worth her. He wasn't worth happiness in his life. He was and will be alone.

He was so scared from hurtful situation that he lived in his safe shell. He lived with his bugs, which was his satisfaction.

He was man who liked challenges and Catherine Willows was one of these challenges. She was his back up when he must go to outside of his world. She was his strength. Yeah, she was and she isn't anymore.

He was hidden in the office and did work which he hate the most, paperwork. He needed sometime for himself. He needed clear head from minds, which was hunting him. From thoughts about Cath. He had been so selfish, almost selfish like as used to be Eddie.

When he sat behind his desk, he was so sure with Cath´s actions. He was so jerk that he couldn't be prepare for situation which happened in so short time. He was bending over files when he heard how someone was storming the way to his office. He thought that it would be Ecklie. He couldn't have worse intuition today. He couldn't be prepare for Cath´s arrival. He only heard how the door of the office slammed.

When he looks up, he was surprised with sight before him. He could see before him woman, especially one who he wanted stay against her just now. He saw furious face of Catherine Willows.

"Gilbert Grissom…"

"Gilbert Grissom, what do you think about yourself? How dare you judge me? Oh, I know it you are the man who doesn't make any errors. Who has his life

clear as lily and without sins for hell. Who lives in isolation outside the real world. The world where you can see peoples who have errors and problems. Who deal with their life for all time. Whom aren't scared of hurtful situation cause they know it's part of life which is important," Cath triggered her fit on Grissom´s head.

He was a lot of surprised cause he thought that he know her as nobody else and that she's so predictable for him. He couldn't know that she'd waited for this moment for long time. She was desperate from the situation between them. She loved how they have used to communicate. It was so nature and now it was out of their lives.

"You guess that you have right to judge people around you, aren't you? You are the center of the universe and the world around is there only for you. You are so egocentric, Gil. Where did have this characteristic? How is it possible that I never didn't see it?"

"You are worse than Eddie was, yeah, it's true. Eddie was abusive to me, he spoke to me harsh but he was man he could find a little place in his sin´s soul where he could give people another chance, however, they made errors in their´s lives. Eddie was bastard but he had one good thing in his character. He was good father although he was miserable husband." Catherine said him with cold face.

The both of them was surprised by her statement and they found their self in stunned silence. Gil was prepared answered her when Catherine suddenly added something to her previous speech.

"You can´t say anything like this. You never were husband or parent, Gil. So where you found right to judge someone?"

Grissom was so surprised that he wasn´t able speak. He lost the words for a while. He could only look on Cath´s angry face which was so full of life in others whiles. He pushed aside the files on which he was working and was preparing to face Catherine.

"So, Miss Willows, you think that you are better than me and my life. Hell, you know very well that you life was a big crap for a long time and I was the one who was all time by your side. I was there when your best friend was murdered," he said and could saw how Catherine waas prepared something add. "You had your monolog, it´s time of speech of mine. I admit that I was there as CSI investigater in the first time but secondly I was by your side and was helping you with your fear. I didn´t know you in that moment but I knew you´re someone special who had hard life and you need love and support."

He saw her wild looks.

"Yes, Catherine, you heard me well. I, Gil Grissom, know what´s love. I am not without feelings and I am not cold. I can live in my special world but I saw world around me and people in it. I am making this confession in your presence. So I think that you will remember it."

"No way. Great Gil Grissom admit that he has life. But what life is it? That you live in sterile condone with collections of bugs and butterflies on your walls?" Cath went with arguments against him.

"You don´t know how you should show your love to some person. Maybe you only know how you live your sexual life but only in case when you would be dominant in this. It was reason why you were involved with Lady Heather during the investigation, wasn´t it? Oh, sorry, I totally forgot that it´s secret. One of your the most top secrets in your poor life, Gil." She was slowly raising her voice so she yelled more and more on him.

"You could do it but I haven´t right for life except work and raising my daughter. We had a relationship where we could said anything to each other and we never judge each other but you suddenly changed, Gil. You went to your hearing surgery and came back. Came back and closed me off your life. Even then I´d still stood by your side although it was hard and it hurt me so much. But I was there."

"Catherine, don´t speak anymore if you aren´t prepared for consequences…." Grissom tried tell her.

"Shut up, Gil, just shut up. You had your room for your "amazingly" correct speech before. So I will speak now. You made same mistake as I, nor it was worse thing cause you had sexual relationship with suspect. I had only one glass in bar with man who has happened one of ours suspects. So don´t judge my actions when your were worse and you were still our little angel. An angel who will be forever admired by his student. No, it isn´t admiration, it´s crush on you, hun."

She was so full of everything what was between them. She didn´t see Grissom how he slowly was standing up from his seat behind his desk. When she saw him before her it was late. He stand there and was so much angry that she could see it in every muscle of his body. He was in tense and he was looking to her as a god of revenge. When he spoke for first time and that he breaks her, he stayed only few feet from her.

"Catherine, as I said a few moments ago. If you aren´t prepared for consequences of this conversation, shut up and get out from my office. If you are you will be surprised what will happen. You have a while for your decision. I think about ten seconds. So I am starting countdown now. You can walk away from me and we will forget than this conversation was started, or you should stayed and see what will happen," said her firmly.

Catherine was stunned by his words. She thought that Gil Grissom is man who will never show his emotions this way. But she just now know she was wrong. She was determined stay and went against consequences whose will developed from this angry conversation. She knew that time of revelations their feelings and minds was there. In this moment and this place. It will be end of their almost twenty years old relationship or maybe it will be start of …" she was afraid admit something more to herself. She was standing before him and heard how he was countdown the time.

"Ten, nine, eight, seven. You got still time to run, Catherine. Six, five, four. Catherine, run when you can. You can´t be prepared for actions which came after this. Three, two one."

"Ok, Catherine, you need to remember that this was your and only your decision. You will need to keep it on your mind for the rest of life," during his speech he went straight to her from point of her view but she wasn´t prepare for the possibility that he will go to the door of his office and he will lock it. She turned around to face him when she heard the sound of the locking door.

She could see how he locked the door and closed the blinds of his office windows. She was angry a few moments ago but now she didn´t know what to think about this situation. Grissom was suddenly mystery for her. Enigma.

As sometime ago Grissom thought he knows her good, she was in his boots now. She was a little afraid cause suddenly she could see through his words which admitted that he has feelings. She watched his back which was turned to her and watched him how he stayed there for a while. When she waited at least he turned to face her. Look in his face was mysterious and she was more and more terrified what will happen in near future.

We had an arguments in ours past but this will be the worst in ours long relationship. This will end all or change all between us as friends, Catherine thought

She couldn´t known how near she is to the true. She could only see with wide eyes Grissom who wasn´t suddenly tense but he was so content. It looked how he fit into his skin. How he found his stable line in the life. She watched him how he´s going back to her. He was going slowly foot by foot and inch by inch nearer to her. When he was quite near to her she could see his eyes. These were eyes which were full of anger, madness, sadness, loneness and to her surprise she could see also a hint of love. He was so strong and firm in his actions that she had feeling she should run away when she had time. She used to run in her past why she didn´t do it now. She was turned to him and watched him how he walks inch by inch to her. She was starting to walk aback. She wished she can walk through the walls when she was stopped by the end of his office.

Grissom saw her reaction and was very delight it. He wasn´t man who likes scared woman but he knew that it´s necessary in this case, with this specific woman. He could keep neutral face but under it we could see his smile under beard. This smile was larger and larger with each step which went nearer to Catherine. He could see her shocked face but silently he was preparing for more. He decided stop his moves when he looked up and saw Catherine near the back wall of the office. She looked as an animal in the corner which was prepared for its fight. He was beaming with pride cause he was reason of her fear.

"So, Miss Willows, why are you in so distance from me? You are scared of me, aren´t you?" Gil asked silent voice.

"No, I am and I will not never be scared of you, Gil. I know you and I know what I can wait from you," she answered with the firmest voice as she can.

"Oh, Catherine, please, you can´t be so much sure with me. You can think you know me but I can say you. It isn´t true. You can´t know my greatest secret of life of mine."

"Really, Gil? And what´s your greatest secret? How can you quickly find some new bugs or butterflies? Oh, it is, isn´t it?"

"No, don´t speak now. I figured it. It´s how you can live with crush of Sara Sidle and how you can use for you. Yeah, this is it. It´s only one thing which can be your secret, or it´s that Ms.Sidle is your new lover or it´s Ecklie´s dog Sofia Curtis?" said coldly Cath.

"Catherine," said Gil with dangerous voice, "don´t speak too much or you will regret it soon."

"He he he," nervously laughed Catherine, "you think that you can scare me, don´t you? No way, Gilbert Grissom. I must stand against worse men in my life and you aren´t man who is dangerous. You are scared yourself from life around you, so you can scare anyone."

"Catherine, please, don´t be sure so much with your judge of me. You can know one side of me but you didn´t and don´t know my dark side yet." he told her when he came closer with each feet to her.

She could see that he was boiling with anger and he was pretty much decide that this confrontation of theirs will cut everything between them. That it will be the end or …. She knew that she was in worse position than he was. She was standing back to the wall and all exit ways was blocked. He has all access to the end of the situation. He was going so much closer to her. Second by second he was closer. He was suddenly one of the strongest men. He didn´t look as Gil she knows almost twenty years.

"Don´t try tell me that you are OK. I can see that you are worry from me. You forget Catherine that I know you. You could think that I didn´t watch world around me but you were wrong. I watched everything, especially if it had something common with you." Grissom barked at her.

"I know how you´re looking when something wrong happened in your life, or when you are hurt by someone. You have that look just now. You think that I would hurt you. That I will come to you and I will slapped you. No, I will not do that but you must be prepare for something worse. Worse? I used to think that it will be different from angle of your side of view."

When he was standing only few inches by her. She came back to her sense and started yell at him.

"Hell, what do you think about yourself, Grissom? That you can tell me there this shit, can´t you? Bloody hell words whose mean nothing, you son of bitch."

"You can´t go to the point of the thing. You need say too much words in your shit world. World where you are closed from the rest of people and you don´t know how exactly said what you want. You are only son of bitch. I said before that you´re worse than was Eddie. No, you aren´t. You two were the same. He used to hurt me by his hands and words however you can hurt me not only with words but also with your small actions to me. When do you think that I am wrong you are doing that the worst way. You ignored me. Eddie was bastard but he talked with me. You not. You deserved only one thing and you will receive it now, Gil Grissom. I could give it you sooner but I think that now it´s great time too." Catherine yelled with strong voice on him.

Gil was waiting what will happen in next few moments. He thought about everything what could happen. He wasn´t prepare for this. Catherine came a few inches near to him and slapped him. It was strong hit. His face was in pain and he could also see that Cath winced with pain too. Fortunately he was quickly so he could catch her second slap before it had happen. He caught her right hand and after while also her left hand. She was caught as prey in the trap.

He threw her against the wall and pined her hands up.

"Catherine, I think that I told you. Don´t speak too much or you will regret it soon. You could shut your lovely mouth, couldn´t you, darlin'?"

" It´s every time about your wrong choices and errors. These weren't fatal but I am afraid that you just made one or more than one. First, you could run when you had your choice. Second, you can´t shut up your mouth when you need it. And the last, you made a fool from herself with your feelings that you´d known me better than myself. Time of my payback is here."

He could see how she was vulnerable in that moment. She was lost in herself. Her body was suddenly smaller than normal. He was Goliath against her form. He knew very well she is afraid of him but he started this game and he was going to play it to the end. T was necessary. It was time to relieve things which he threw from himself for long time. It was time for expression of his emotions.

Catherine was trying to speak at him but she was shut up Gil´s fingers on her mouths. She couldn´t believe his actions. He was suddenly so different in his behavior to her.

"Don´t speak, dammit, Cath. You said all what you could, however just now it´s my time. I am one who will speak and you will pretty good listen what I will say."

"You always thought that you know me. You haven´t any doubts about it. you were so arrogant in it. Yeah, Catherine you are arrogant person. I guess that you have it after your father. I think the man who you hate so much. But not so much as I. I hate him for not only his actions and his criminal past but also for all he did you and Linds. I hate him from bottom of my heart cause I could so many times see you hurt. It was the horrible picture which you could see. I watched you hurt in psychical or psychical ways in times that I can´t count it in fingers of my both hands. I went with you last twenty years during so much troubles with men. Every time when I saw how another man hurt you I was more furious than before cause I couldn´t protect you."

Catherine only can watched him with more and more wide eyes. She lost a lot of her tense. She tried so hard be more relaxed.

" Would you like to know why I was so furious? Would you like to know all reasons why I am reacting that way today? Do you want it, Catherine?" asked Grissom with husky voice.

He barely allowed her nod by her head.

"I said early that this night will be about all my secrets. So the time of their relevation is coming. First, I can´t have Sara Sidle or Sofia Curtis as my lover cause they aren´t woman who I love. Yes, Catherine, you can think you can read me but that´s not true. Second, I have feelings and I am able to express love to somebody. I can see how you are going through all ideas who is the mystery woman . The woman who I love. You can be great CSI but you haven´t any idea cause you´r putting your ideas on wrong way. Be patient cause you will find it soon." he was telling her while he closed the distance between them and his body was pressed into Catherine´s.

She felt how all her body shivered with the delights feelings. She was so surprised by Grissom´s actions. She never thought what she could find in this man. She was feeling so right when he was locked her with his strong body by the wall. She could see that he felt it same way as she. She saw how he enjoyed the feeling of his dominance.

She watched him how he was preparing for the most important moment of his speech. He suddenly held her hands more tightly. She look up into his blue eyes and was lost in their shining.

"Third, you can´t figured out who is the woman cause you will think that she isn´t worth it. The mystery woman is you, Catherine. Yeah, you. I love you from the moment when I laid my eyes on you but I think that I didn´t realize it at that moment. When I was sure about my feelings you was married to Eddie. When this marriage end I was hoping that we will find common way. We´re on the right way but during the time we drew apart and lost to each other. I confessed my feeling for you now and I will add actions to it also", he said.

With this words he kissed Catherine hard on hers mouth. She didn't expected the cause she was in shock after his confession.

"I love you, Catherine. Do you think that one day you could love me back?" he asked her gently voice.

"No, Gil, I don´t think it," she started her answer to his question and watched his reaction to her word, "no, I couldn´t cause I love you already, Gil. I love you for long time and will love you forever. You had true in one thing that I would think that I am not worth your love. I thought it all time and it was also reason why I always ended with wrong guys."

He listened her words and when she finished the words of hers he captured hungry her lips. After several minutes they breathlessly pulled apart and he said her. Big grin was appearing on his face.

"So, the hell must freeze over. Because I am in hell with you now, in very nice hell."

"No, Gil, you… we´re in the heaven together. In the heaven of our love for each other," she told him with the widest smile of her on her face.

He was faded away his grip on hers hands and he was taking them down from the previous position. He had hold them in his hands. Suddenly he brought one of her hands to his lips and started to gently kiss her fingertips. She reveled in the feel of his mouth gently kissing then nibbling on her fingers. He teased her with his actions and was prepared on her attack after he will end this small show. He quickly finished it and had smile in his face cause the response of Cath. She groaned frustrated.

"Shh…. Love," he whispered, "it´s time to change place."

"Why, Gil? I always dreamed about your office´c couch and us," she suggested and she raised her eyebrows in the question.

"I was thinking about something more fancy but I like your idea," he said her and slowly went away from her. She was confused where he was going.

"Believe me, Cath, just believe me. I will not hurt you," he told Catherine cause he could feel her confusion.

He went to his desk where the lamp was shining around the room. He turned it off and went back to her.

"So I heard something about my couch. How was precise idea?" he asked her and he didn´t wait for answer. He swept her of her feet and carried her to the place of her dreams. Who went around Grissom´s office in the moment, can heard female giggle.