Acrophobia

"I think we should go cliff diving."

Lisanna blinked though she didn't move from her spot on her boyfriend's living room floor. They were both down there, though she was resting the opposite way as him, so that her head could lay against his stomach. "Why?"

"I dunno," Bickslow said. "It just sounds like somethin' fun to do that I ain't ever done before, yeah?"

"Mmmm, I think I'm out."

"What? No. We're in this to the end, kid!"

"Stop yelling," she complained as his dolls, who had been chasing one another around the tiny apartment, came to investigate his tone. "And it just doesn't sound like something I'm into. And besides, don't you jump off the babies at high distances all the time?"

"That's different."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"So what, Lissy?" he asked after taking a puff from his cigarette. "You're not gonna go do it with me?"

"No."

"Fine. Fun ruiner."

"Not a word."

"You're not a word."

"You're is a word."

"No, I meant-"

"And besides," she sighed, turning her head slightly to stare at up at his face. His abdomen was always a little uncomfortable to rest against, but she rarely complained. "I don't think I should really be jumping off any cliffs. Like, ever."

"How come?"

"I'm not sure, but I think that's how Edolas Lisanna died," she told him. "Or at least she fell from somewhere high or something. I-"

"What?"

"Bickslow," she complained when he sat up hurriedly, which of course disturbed her. "Would you stop-"

"So what then? You could, like, die at any moment, yeah?"

"What sense would that make? No. Err, well, we all could die at any-"

"I almost killed Mama," he told the dolls as they went to comfort the man. She only shifted away from him slightly before sitting up as well, a frown etched into her face.

"Would you knock it off?" she asked as the dolls took to whining, chanting about how much they missed her, as if she already was dead. "Seriously, I was just saying-"

"Yeah, that if I had taken you cliff diving, you would have died and it would have been all my fault."

"Bickslow-"

"I mean, what about when we went hiking last month? Huh? You didn't think to mention to me that one slip and you would be dead?"

"I think that rings true for everyone. And besides, it's not like I am Edolas Lisanna."

"No, but she died from falling, right?"

"W-Well-"

"Then I can't ever let you fall again!"

"Bickslow-"

"You might die." He was jumping up then before putting his smoke out in the ash tray. Then he was moving to pick up all the discarded soda and beer cans on the floor.

"What are you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doin', kid?" He didn't even glance at her. "I'm cleaning."

"But why?" He never really showed an interest in cleanliness. In fact, he usually displayed an acute hatred of it. "I mean-"

"Why, babies? The woman asks me why I'm cleaning. After telling me she might die in a fall, she asks me why."

"Bad, Mama," they said. "Bad."

"But-"

"What if you tripped, kid?" He glanced over at her and, since he wasn't wearing his visor, they were able to stare at one another. "And hit your head? And died? Because I didn't feel like throwing a beer can in the trash? Huh? You have to think, Lisanna."

"Think, Mama," the babies chided. "Think."

"You're taking this way to seriously," Lisanna told him as she got to her feet too. Then, on second thought, she sat back down. "But if you want to clean, go ahead."

"Thank you. You sit there, huh? Real close to the ground while I think up other ways to keep you safe."

She figured then that she might as well let him go out on his crazed idea. As, for the first time since she'd met him, he was finally getting his apartment looking at least somewhat better. Why mess with that?

He spent a good thirty minutes getting the place cleaned up too as she just sat there with the babies, watching. Once he was done, he came to fall back on the floor with her.

"I hope you know," he complained as he pulled his pack of cigs out of his pocket to light another, "the lengths I go for you and your safety."

"Poor Bicks."

It took him awhile to recuperate. Cleaning was the pits. Afterwards though, they needed to get down to the guildhall, as she was supposed to be taking over the evening shift from Mirajane.

"What are you doing?" she asked as Bickslow came into the bathroom with her as she went to get ready. "Bicks?"

"I have to be with you at all times," he said as he just went to sit on the side of the tub, watching as she stood at the sink, staring into the mirror as she did her makeup. "In case you start to fall. So I can catch."

"Uh, no," she said, frowning over at him. "You don't. I'd kinda like some privacy, Bickslow."

"No way. Na-ah! You could slip. The floor in here is tile, you know."

"Bickslow, I said that she fell from somewhere up high. She didn't…trip."

"Yeah, but still. I ain't riskin' it." He rubbed his hands together. "I catch ya, Lissy. Me and the babies. We ain't ever gonna let our woman get hurt!"

"Never!" The babies came floating in as well, much to Lisanna's annoyance. "Mama!"

"I really want to be alone," she told them. "Just wait outside."

"Never!"

"Never!"

"Babies, go," she said, pointing. "You too, Bicks. Just for a minute or two, alright?"

"No."

"Bickslow-"

"You're lucky I'm even giving you as much space as I am," he told her. "I should be right up on you, yeah? Not letting you out of my reach. This is life and death here."

"No," she told him. "It's not."

"Is too. What if you, like, hit your head and then you get a concussion? Or bust open your head and die? What would I do without you?"

"Gee, I don't know. Live like you were a year ago before we started dating?'

"I can't! That's like living in the slums your whole life, then getting to live in a ritzy mansion, but after a year, it's gone. Can I live like I used to? No."

"Yes," she said. "Would you want to? No. But you can."

"No, I can't."

"Bickslow, you're being unreasonable."

"Me? I'm being unreasonable? You're the one that's trying to convince me that I'll be okay if you suddenly died!"

"Died?" The babies were back. "Mama?"

"Thanks a lot, Bickslow," she complained as the dolls came to land on her head and shoulders, one, Pappa, even floating in her face so that they could watch one another. "Now you have them upset."

"They should be upset! Mama's in danger!"

"Danger!" Pappa turned then and, to Lisanna's shock, lit up green before zapping the mirror with a beam. "Danger!"

"Danger!" The other babies started shooting off beams too, attempting to find exactly what it was that was hurting their master's girlfriend. "Danger!"

"Bickslow!"

"Babies, knock it off!" He shot up quickly, waving his arms in the arm. "I didn't mean she was in immediate danger!"

So Lisanna missed out on her chance to spend any extra time getting ready, as instead they had to clean that mess up, as well as give the babies a stern scolding. Or Bickslow did. As retaliation. Because he got an equally as harsh one from Lisanna.

He didn't hold it against her though. Nope. Not at all. He had more important things to worry about than being angry.

"What are you-"

"I have to carry you," he explained as they left the apartment, him immediately moving to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder. "So that you don't get hurt."

"Bickslow, put me down!"

"Na-ah. Come on, babies. We gotta get Mama down to the guildhall. She has to work!"

"Bickslow." She beat her fists against his back as he just carried her along. "Put me down!"

"No!"

"I'll just change into a bird and fly away," she threatened.

"And I'll have the babies shoot you right out of the sky so I can catch you and carry you."

She scoffed. "They wouldn't shoot me."

"I didn't think they'd shoot up the apartment, but here we are."

She gave up on hitting him with one last, powerful strike. It had no effect. "Bickslow!"

"No. You're not getting down, so just get over it."

Slumping down then, against his shoulder, she said, "I hate you."

"And I love you so much that it cancels it out."

"Mama," the babies moaned mournfully as they trailed along behind. "Don't die, Mama."

"I'm not, babies," she groaned. "Papa's just being stupid."

"No way. Not this time," he said. "I will admit, I do act stupidly on occasion."

"On occasion?" Lisanna remarked.

"But, this is not one of those times. I won't let you fall. I won't let you die!"

"Die! Mama!"

"Bickslow, cut it out. We look silly enough walking down the road," she complained.

"What do you mean?"

"You're wearing a damn visor and the babies are…them."

"Babies, I think Mama's saying she's embarrassed by us. That hurts, Lisanna."

"That hurts, Mama."

"That's not what I said," she complained. "Or at least not what I meant. This is just weird. I get it, alright? We're not the most conventional couple. But do we always have to be the weirdest in the guild?"

He grunted. "Keep fightin' it, kid, and I'll fart. See how you like that."

"Your head's closer to my butt than mine is to yours, so watch your threats."

"Touché."

"And hey, Bicks, isn't the point for me not to fall?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Then wouldn't it be smarter for you to not carry me?" she asked. "I mean, what if you drop me? Wouldn't that be a fall?"

"Mmmm…it would be," he said slowly. "But there's no way that I would ever drop you anyhow. So it don't matter."

"Don't drop Mama," the babies told him. "Papa."

"Never."

"Well, I would just much rather walk," she complained. "Or at least carry me in a more comfortable way."

"Comfortable? I'm comfortable. Aren't you comfortable?"

"No!"

"Fine," he groaned, moving to place her gently back on her feet. "Come here. I'll carry ya in my arms. Or do you wanna piggyback? I- Hey! You get back here! Lisanna!"

"Mama," the babies shrieked as Lisanna only turned and took off running down the road, away from them.

"Lissy, be careful! You could trip and fall and die and…and…I can't be a single father again! I just can't!"

"Mama!"

They raced all the way back to the guildhall, Lisanna just barely beating Bickslow out. When she made it into the building, she came to a stop with him nearly bumping into her from behind.

"You cheat," he accused.

"Cheat how? I never wanted you to carry me to begin with!"

"Oh, dear," Mirajane giggled as she walked passed with an empty tray that had previously held a few beer mugs. "What is wrong with you two?"

"Noth-"

"I gotta save Lissy." Bickslow moved, once more, to sweep her off her feet. Literally. She apparently didn't appreciate being carried bridal style either. "From certain death."

"That's sweet," Mirajane giggled as Bickslow only grinned. "But what's killing her?"

"He's being stupid, Mirajane. Don't encourage-"

"She's gonna fall and die and leave me and it's going to be horrible," he said. "Right, babies?"

"Right!"

"Wrong." Lisanna, not even fighting his hold, only took to crossing her arms. "I'm fine. I just told him that I don't wanna go cliff diving and he starts freaking out."

"I did not freak out."

"You're still freaking out now!"

Holding a hand over her mouth, Mirajane said, "This is so cute! I wish Elf were here. Or that I had someone to carry me around forever."

"This isn't happening forever," Lisanna complained.

"Hell yeah it is," Bickslow told her. "So long as your life is in danger."

"Danger!" the babies called. "Dan-"

"No." With a frown, Bickslow glanced around at them. "Not again."

They'd flashed green, if only for a moment, but then their eyes went back to normal. They'd protect Mama with their lives if they had to. Err, their past lives.

"I should go find Laxus," Mirajane said, glancing around. "I want him to carry me around too. Laxus! You think he's downstairs? He's been quite into playing billiards recently."

"Laxus is here?" Bickslow didn't even think about it. Just, out of instinct, dropped Lisanna and moved to head dodwn to the basement to find his idol. "Why didn't you say so? I-"

"Ow, Bickslow!"

He grimaced heavily then, stopping in his tracks as Mirajane glanced back at her too.

Trying to laugh nervously, he slowly turned to face her again. "That was…bad, huh?"

"Are you okay?" Mira asked. After her sister nodded slightly, though she was still rubbing at her head, the woman just headed off once more to go find her own boyfriend. "Well, I hope Laxus doesn't drop me."

"Poor Mama." The babies were floating around her in concern. "Okay, Mama?"

"I'm fine," she told them.

"Really? You're okay?" Bickslow came closer. "I-"

"No."

"Lisanna-"

"You did the one thing that you were trying to keep from happening."

"I'll do better this time. I-"

"No way." Slowly, she moved to stand. "You're not carrying me again."

"But-"

"Bickslow, look at me." She pushed up his visor so that they could stare into one another's eyes. She was probably the only person that would do that with him without having any fear. "I'm fine. I'm here. I'm not dying. Okay?"

"But…you almost did," he said, defeated slightly. "And you will again."

"Everyone will."

"Yeah, but everyone's not you." He pushed her hand away so that his sallet could fall once more. Then, reaching out, he patted her gently on the head. "What if you had died, Lisanna? And I never got this? I wouldn't have even known what I was missing out on. Now? Now I can't live without you. I love you, kid. And I love being with you. And if you died…I don't know what I would do."

For the first time, she smiled slightly. "I know. But you can't stop me from living just to keep me alive."

"But…Can't I carry you around some though? I kinda liked it."

"Well, I didn't." She rubbed at her head again. "I mean, seriously? You see Laxus all the time. But you dropped me to go find him?"

"I get excited sometimes," he sighed as the babies, thinking the worst was over, came to drop down on Lisanna's shoulders and her head. Pappa though came to rest in her hands. "Me and the babies both do, I guess. You get us so worked up, kid, we don't know what to do."

"Destroy the bathroom mirror, for one. And then drop me on my head, for two."

"Poor Mama," the babies sighed. "Poor Mama."

"You're okay though now, right, kid?" He cupped her cheek as she stared up at him. When she nodded, he said, "Then can I go downstairs and find Laxus? Or-"

"Go," she groaned, him already turning to before she spoke. "I have to get to work anyways."

"Bye, Papa," the dolls called, sticking close to Lisanna. They had to stick around. Protect her from danger! "Bye."

But he didn't have far to go as Laxus was already coming up the stairs and back into the bar area, Mirajane following.

"Please, Laxus?"

"No."

"Carry me!"

"Mirajane, I said no."

"Please? Don't you love me?"

"I told you to stop saying that out loud."

"That I love you? Or that you love me? Because it's kinda late, on both accounts."

"Mirajane-"

"Carry me!" She jumped on his back then, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Please, dragon?"

"Like this?"

"It's not too comfortable, but I will take what I can get."

Groaning, he said, "Come here."

Mirajane let go before moving around so he could grab her. "Carry me like you would across the threshold."

"A threshold, huh? Like for pain or-"

"You're so silly. It's when you carry a woman into the house."

"Because she's drunk? Are you drunk?"

"After you get married, silly," she giggled. "Now pick me up."

"If this is some sorta trick into getting me to marry you-"

"You have five seconds, Lax."

"I-"

"One, two-"

"Okay, okay." With a groan, he moved to lift her into his arms, Mirajane giggling loudly at it. "Now what?"

"Carry me home. And don't drop me."

"Oy, boss." Bickslow came over to him with a grin. "Protecting your lady, I see."

'Protecting her from what?"

"Uh, gee, dying? Sound familiar?"

Laxus grunted as Mirajane giggled and cuddled up to him. Her boyfriend only said simply, "Buzz off, Bickslow."

Mira only waved at him. "Take good care of Lisanna, okay? And don't drop her again."

"Drop her?" Laxus frowned. "It was you then, that were carrying her and made Mira want this? Thanks a lot, Bickslow."

"You're welcome, boss. Also, side note, I'mma need a loan ranging in prices from just a mirror to whatever redoing a whole bathroom would cost."

"What?"

"Either you help me out or give me a place to stay when the landlord kicks me out. The choice is yours."

"I'm growing annoyed." Laxus kept walking then, Mira giggling from his arms. "So I'm ditching out. Stop giving the demon ideas."

"This is great," Mira said. "You should carry me more often."

"Yeah, yeah."

With him gone and Freed and Ever nowhere to be found, Bickslow had to go back to his girlfriend, who'd taken to standing behind the bar, the babies floating around.

"Hey, kid," he greeted, tongue falling out of his mouth.

"Hey."

"So…when you get off? 'cause I'mma need something to do soon. I'm so bored already."

"Aw. You're such a dork you can't even do anything without me?"

"The only one that's a dork is you for using the word dork."

"You jut used it too. Dork."

"So did you. Twice now! Dork."

"So did you."

"I-" Then he stopped, frowning. With no other course of action in his arsenal, he just reached out to flick her in the head. "Ha!"

"That's not nice for someone that just spent all this time, trying to keep me from getting hurt. Now you're the one flicking me? That-"

Hearing the word hurt, the babies that were still sticking close to her, flashed green.

"Danger!" Then they did it. They shot Bickslow. "Danger!"

"Hey," he grumbled, five green shots hitting him in the chest. "Don't bite the hand that puts your damn souls in your stylish little bodies, you idiots!"

"Don't call our babies idiots." Lisanna gave him a look. "They're just trying to look out for me."

"By attacking me? Their father?"

"You thumped me."

"I'm about to do a lot more, you keep trying to turn my babies against me!"

"I didn't do anything. They were presented with their options and, in my view, chose the right one."

"Lisanna."

With a sigh, she said, "Tell Papa sorry, babies. And then let me get to work. We need tips if we're going to buy you a new mirror. And some paint. And a new shower curtain."

"I dunno," he said as the babies, remorseful that in their oversight they'd attacked their most valued person, came to circle around him apologetically. They'd just gotten so worked up. And it was his fault. They'd been told to protect Lisanna and they had. That was all. "I kinda like the holes they put in that. Looks cool."

"Water will get everywhere," she told him. "That's how come you have a shower curtain."

"Is that why? I thought it was so people couldn't peek at you in there."

"That's what the bathroom door for is, genius."

"Stop calling me a genius."

"Right. Because you're not one."

"Because you're saying it sarcastically! I am a real genius!"

"Don't make me make your babies shoot you again."

He glared behind his visor. "You can't."

"Bet me."

For a second, they had a glaring match. Then, he grinned, tongue falling out of his mouth. And she returned it, her own tongue not looking nearly as cool as his without a marking there. In his opinion at least.

"I'll be by to get you at close. Me and the babies got some new bathroom mirrors to look at."

"Bye."

He gave her a kiss too before turning to walk away. "And Lissy?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"Don't fall or anything. Or die. Or get hurt. Or anything of the like."

"What can I do then?"

"Work. And miss us."

"Miss us, Mama." The babies, scared they'd hurt their Papa before, followed behind him as he walked off. All except Pappa. He usually stuck around with Lisanna during the day and just took to landing on her shoulder. "Miss us."

"Of course."

She put it out of her mind too, the whole thing, as work picked up. It wasn't until she had to go upstairs to refill a few beers that she ran into a problem. Just glancing down at the first floor over the railing made her nauseous.

What was wrong with her?

"I've never noticed before," she remarked to Lucy once she finally got back downstairs. "But the second floor is real high up. Don't you think?"

"What? Nah," Natsu said before his girlfriend could answer. "It's jump down from-able."

"You can't just add –able to the end of words," Lucy sighed.

"Can too."

"No, you can't."

Lisanna just glanced back up there once more. "Just seemed really high to me."

"What?" Happy snickered. "You weren't scared, were you?"

"Of course not," she told the cat with a frown. "I mean, I'm not, like, afraid of heights or anything. I fly all the time when I turn into a bird. Remember?"

"Mmmm," Lucy sighed. "Sometimes when Happy's carrying me, I get a bit nervous."

"Yeah, well, if I drop you, that's your fault. You should lose some weight."

"Hey! You stupid cat!"

Natsu only grinned at Lisanna as he leaned against the bar. "If you're afraid of heights, then we gotta cure it!"

"I'm not afraid. I just told you-"

"Happy, you know what to do," he said then.

"Aye, sir!"

"Hey," she complained as the Exceed, who'd been resting on Natsu's head, jumped up before taking to the air. Moving to grab Lisanna, he started to lift her in the air, no doubt planning on taking her pretty high up in the air. "Happy-"

"Danger!"

"Ow! Natsu, that doll hurt me," Happy complained as he dropped Lisanna when a green beam struck him in the side. Pappa, who'd taken to flying around, had heard his mother in distress and just reacted.

"Danger!"

"Pappa," Lisanna complained as Lucy snickered.

"That's what you get," she said. "She told you not to pick her up."

"I was just playing," Happy said as he went back over to Natsu. "Get him, Natsu."

"You will not…get him," Lisanna complained as the baby came to land in her hand. "He just made a mistake."

"He hurt me," the cat complained. "You shouldn't protect him, Lisanna."

"He's just a baby."

"I've always wondered about that," Lucy said. "If they're souls, are they souls of actual babies or-"

"You're missing the point, Luce," Natsu snickered. "Happy just got attacked by a doll and lost."

"I didn't lose!"

'You lost."

"No way! Come here, Peepee! I'll show you. I-"

"That is not his name," Lisanna complained as Lucy giggled. "And he's sorry. Pappa, say sorry."

"Not sorry. Danger."

"Pappa."

"Not sorry."

"Say it. I mean it."

"Sorry," the doll finally got out. "Sorry."

But Happy wasn't so easily bought. In fact, Lucy had to offer to go buy him and Natsu some ice cream before he finally stopped acting so offended.

"You're such a baby," she chided though as they left.

"I am not."

"Are too."

"No."

It was after they were gone though, when she was left only with Pappa, that Lisanna remembered the original problem.

"Maybe I am afraid of heights now," she whispered as he only repeated the word danger.

If heights were what was bothering Lisanna, he'd destroy them! All of them! Anything for Mama.

"Thanks a lot, Bickslow," she complained when he finally showed up to walk her home from work. "Now I'm afraid of heights, I think."

"Clamber on up on here," he said, standing in front of her. "And I'll give you a piggyback ride to the apartment, yeah? You can see the new mirror I bought. And hopefully help me figure out how to install it."

With a groan, she did as he asked. "Don't drop me again though."

"Never."

"And you need to talk to your babies a little," she told him. "About what it means when I'm in danger and need them and when I'm not. Pappa attacked Happy."

"Well, that cat is annoying."

"And I'm sure Natsu thinks the same thing about the babies."

He grunted. "Yeah, well- Ooh, a dog!"

"Bickslow," she complained as he let go of her legs and tried to shake her off. "Hey-"

"Lissy, when I see a dog, I just gotta go chase him down and pet him and talk to him. So get off! I'll carry you later."

After she unwrapped her arms from around her neck and let him run off. "Don't get bit! Animals might have rabies. I swear, I'm, like, dating a five year old."

"At least I'm not afraid of heights."

"I'm not!"

"Yeah, yeah."

I was writing this and had to cut part of the Happy stuff out because I decided to use it as it's own one-shot. So that'll probably be what I post next. No new chapters tonight.