Half-Awake, Fully in Love

Jihyun placed the last of the cutlery on the table. Sighing he straightened, happy and proud of what he created… but there was one thing missing. He glanced at the clock and found that it was nine in the morning. Frowning, he looked to the hallway leading to the bedroom. Even on her days off, Lux was an early riser. Was she okay? He didn't think twice and walked straight into the hallway. The bedroom door was ajar, exactly the way he left it an hour or so ago. Jihyun's worries grew. Gently, he pushed the door open and peeked inside. "Lux?"

The room was quiet. Still. If it weren't for the door and the noticeable bundle underneath the sheets, Jihyun would have thought that she left. He relaxed. Approaching the bed, he saw that she was nearly covered by the blankets. He sat on the edge of the mattress and pressed his hand on her forehead. "Lux?"

Her temperature was normal, thankfully. Jihyun withdrew as Lux groaned, eyes fluttering open. He smiled at her as she stared at him, whispering his name against the sheets. Before he could say or do anything else, however, her eyes slid shut again. Smile widening ever so slightly, he combed through her hair. "Breakfast is ready."

She took his hand and kissed the palm. "You are so good."

Jihyun blushed at her compliment. "Come on… the food will get cold."

She nodded, but said nothing more. Jihyun watched her fall into slumber again, breaths evening as a gentle snore escaped her. He continued to stroke her hair, gazing at her features. Now that he had a proper look, he noticed dark circles under her eyes. Her skin seemed to be a shade or two paler. His brows furrowed. She must have been working hard during her concert tour—enough to not sleep or eat properly. Guilt constricted his chest. In the beginning he accompanied her, ensuring she slept and ate as her focus pushed priorities over her health away. His own work and projects made it impossible to stay until the end. However, whenever they talked she assured him that she took care of herself. He didn't want to push her… but perhaps he should have.

"Your thoughts are as loud as a marching band," Lux mumbled. Jihyun blinked. "I'm okay, V."

He chuckled under his breath. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise," she said, burying deeper under the blankets.

Jihyun brushed strands of hair away from her face before tracing the shape of her jaw with the tips of his fingers. As he watched over her a curious feeling of fascination washed over him, mixing with the concern. This could be the first time he'd ever seen her this vulnerable. In their short time together, he had learned that Lux was the kind of person who favoured being active over resting. She was the same three years ago, during those five fateful days. He never once saw her still. Always, she was on her feet—caring for him, caring for the RFA, caring for everything except herself.

He adjusted the blankets so it didn't smother her. To say that she had nerves of steel would be an understatement. It was as if nothing could touch her—not Rika's manipulations, the threat on her life, and even the weight of all the secrets she had willingly shared with him. She had endured too much; yet, she didn't bat an eye as she rescued him from drowning in an ocean of his making. Then she kept moving. No rest. In the aftermath she healed the RFA, ensured that each of the members were happy and secure. Even now, she continued to do that—all without asking for anything in return or even showing signs of discomfort.

She was a miracle. Selfless. Full of love.

And for her to love someone like him… lucky wasn't enough to describe his fortune.

"Jihyun…"

"Yes?" Jihyun whispered as she squeezed his hand.

"You're still thinking."

He smiled sheepishly. "Are you awake?"

"Mmm…" she shook her head. "Sleepy…"

"All right."

Lux opened her eyes and stared at him again. Then she moved, releasing his hand and scooting to the far side of the bed. She patted the free space. Jihyun was happy to oblige and lied next to her. As she moved closer to him, he wrapped one arm around her and used the other to pillow her head as she tucked it underneath his chin.

"Let's stay like this for a while," she said, looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. "Please?"

"Of course," he replied, running his hand along her back.

She closed her eyes and nodded. "I'll eat when I wake up."

"You have to eat a lot."

"Yes, sir."

He kissed her forehead. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Lux slept again. Jihyun watched over her, drinking in the sight of her and committing her peaceful image to memory. In times of doubt he wanted to remember her like this, to remind himself that he could be loved—to remind himself that he was strong enough to protect someone precious to him. Every single day he was grateful for Lux and her trust. She had no reason to give it to him. She had no reason to love him either, but she did; she loved all of him and showed him that he was enough when he believed that he ought to be perfect.

Haunted by the life and death of his mother, he had acted upon a desperate and selfish need. He was empty and he tried to fill his void through others. The years he spent with Rika… hurt many people: her, the RFA, Lux, and himself. Though he now understood Rika's part, it couldn't be denied that he had a hand in breaking them. He tried to fix everything, in the best way he knew how. Even when it wasn't right he tried to be god and martyr because what perfect way to save those he loved, to atone for his sins? The sacrifice would have been honourable, the best currency to pay for his unworthy existence. That was the only option. There was no other way.

Then… Lux happened. Though it wasn't in the best circumstances, her arrival was like a sigh of relief. With her encouraging words and kind personality, she showed him a different path. Imperfection was normal—natural. His gaps and weaknesses were not something he should apologise for, but accept and understand. Only he could fill the emptiness within him, not anybody else. The weight of the world was not for him to carry. He was not alone. Not ever. He had her and a family within the RFA. She taught him that. She taught him love. She… saved his life. She saved all of them.

Jihyun kissed Lux's forehead again and she snuggled closer to him. His lids became heavy. After all that had happened, after his part in the chaos… he probably did not deserve to make such selfish wishes. But all the same he made one now. Closing his eyes, he wished… for more days like this. He wanted days of peace, days of love… days of being with her and his family. Once, the thought of disappearing made him feel satisfied. Now, however, he found himself asking for more time, for more days… so he could experience more of the beautiful things he had not allowed himself to appreciate in the past.

Like how wonderful it was to simply sleep next to the person he loved most.

Notes:

1. My first ever non-Harry Potter fanfiction in and it was born out of desperation. I am currently playing Ray's route in the Another Story dlc. Yesterday was day 10 of the good end path... and those who love V and have played Ray's route on the good end path would know which part of day 10 would be particularly distressing/frustrating. So it was born out of that. I basically just wanted to reject that reality and substitute it with my own (thank you, Mythbusters).

2. I didn't name MC after me in the game because that's too weird. What I did do was name her after Lucifer Morningstar's (from the Fox show "Lucifer") nightclub because I was watching an episode as I was playing the game and it stuck. Also, by some weird quirk of fate "Lux" actually made sense in some of the routes so... it had more reason to be stuck.

That's it! I appreciate you for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Leave a feedback if you like-be gentle, be harsh, I am open to anything. Thank you!