Disclaimer: If I said I owned CATS I'd be lying, plus I don't wanna get sued.

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Matters Of The Heart

"Are Tugger and Bomba an item now, or what?" Jemima ponders. The two biggest flirts in the junkyard have been spending an awful lot of time alone together; I hope it doesn't mean anything. Everyone knows about my infatuation with the Rum Tum Tugger, but they don't think anything'll ever happen.

"Or what. Definitely. There's no way they- I mean, I know they flirt with each other, but it's not- you know- it's nothing."

"Etcy. . ." Electra has always been a little concerned, which I think is pointless, I mean it wasn't long ago that ALL of us had been fawning over Tugger and all that stuff. But lately the other three -Leccy, Jemi, and Vicki- have been holding back. Well, whatever.

As the four of us lounge on the tire, there's lots of other stuff happening around us. Misto is over near the old, burnt-out oven showing some new tricks to Pounce and Tumble, who are throughly amused as Misto turns them bright shades of various colors. They are purple and green, respectively, one moment; the next moment they've switched. This sets off our giggles as we turn our attention to Munkustrap and Demeter, who look incredibly cute as they groom each other. We try to ignore Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer sitting nearby mocking the couple.

"I wish I had what they have. . ." Vicki sighs.

"You have Plato- and I've seen you two together. You have something pretty great." Electra casts a longing glance in Misto's direction. She's had a crush on him for weeks. "I just wish I had something- anything."

"Me too." They see me looking at Tugger, who is sitting happily on the pipe chatting with Bombalurina, his arm around her waist.

"Get over him. You know he's with Bomba- they may not admit to anything, but it's true." Vicki puts her paw on my shoulder; Electra's head is against mine, Jemima leans against Vicki.

"You know you know it, you just don't want it to be true so you don't admit you know it."

I giggle. "What? Jem, you freak."

The three of them smack me with their tails. "You know what she means!"

I stop giggling as another emotion washes over me- sadness, or wistfulness maybe. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just- I dunno, I just keep clinging to this hope that maybe he'll forget about her and come for me- but I KNOW he won't, 'cause there's nothing there, maybe friendship; but even that is kinda not really for sure. . ." I stop talking as a single tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away quickly, hoping the others didn't see, but I know they have because they imediately begin comforting me.

"Oh, Etcy, I know you're confused, but it'll be alright eventually."

"He IS your friend; I know he considers all of us friends-"

"That doesn't seem like much to you now, but whatever pain you're feeling will go away, and everything'll be good again. . ."

It's nice knowing how much they care, but their words don't help me much. I decide that I need some time alone; so I smile weakly, hug them all, and climb down from the tire. Not sure really where to go, I wander up onto Pouncival's rocking chair -his favorite perch- knowing that's it's as good as anywhere else when you want to be alone. I lay down, resting my head on my paws, and watch what's going on with everyone else.

Tugger and Bomba are still on the pipe, looking very content. Misto, Pouncival, and Tumblebrutus are still by the oven; Tumble is back to his normal splotchy coloring while Pounce seems to be enjoying the fact that he is electric blue. Misto is holding a mirror, apparently contemplating what he should do to himself.

Munkus and Demi have retreated to the inside of the old car, so Mungo and Rumpel have turned to Jenny and Jelly for entertainment. The older queens are trying to pick out rugs for Vicki and Plato's home -and old chest with all of the drawers missing- but they are being continuously tormented by a curtain rod, controlled by the calico pair.

Electra, Victoria, and Jemima are still on the tire, and Plato has joined them. They aren't talking, but they look very worried; about me, I realize. My thoughts are interrupted when a blue face suddenly pops up in front of me. Gasping, I'm scared and am about to scream, but I remember that Pounce has been turned blue.

"Hey, you're in my chair."

"Yeah."

He must notice the look on my face, because his smile falls and his attitude changes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

He glances at the tire. "It's not nothing. . .are you and the other queen kits fighting?"

"No."

"Well, what's up, then?" He gets on the chair next to me. "You can go ahead and use my chair for as long as you need to, but I WOULD like to know why."

I sigh again. I might as well tell him; it's not as if he hasn't had similar problems with Bomba. "Tugger."

"Ah. Say no more. I've been there." He puts his paw on my back, and I remember exactly what he's referring to. Awhile back, he had it BAD for Bombalurina- he might have even loved her. She kinda led him on and he was eccstatic; until, well, it all sort of ended. Rather abruptly. Like with Tugger. So he knows exactly what I'm going through.

"What did you do about it?"

"Actually, nothing. It really sucked for awhile, but the feelings went away. I think I realized eventually that Bomba's just not the queen for me."

"I've figured that out already- that Tugger's not the tom for me." I sit up and look at Pounce. "Now I just want it to stop hurting!"

"That'll go away. I know what you're thinking- there's nothing that'll help, nothing you can do, nothing to take your mind off the pain, and it'll never go away. But it WILL. Find a way to spend your time. Do stuff that'll take your mind off Tugger."

"What?"

"You'll have to figure that out for yourself. I hung out with Tumble and Misto and you four, and we played, and Misto showed us magic, and we hunted mice. . .I just went out and had fun."

"Yeah, I guess. . .maybe I could do that too." Pouce is really helping me out. I know that whenever we would all play, I didn't think about Tugger. . .so maybe it will be the same now. "You wanna play Tag?"

He smiled. "Yeah- hey, how 'bout we get a big game going? I'll get Misto and Tumble, and Mungo and Rumpel. You ask the four on the tire."

We stand and climb down; Pounce shakes his blue rump in my direction. I go to the tire as Pounce goes toward the oven. "Hey, you guys wanna play Tag?"

"Are you okay? We saw you talking to Pounce-"

"Yeah, well, he has this idea that if I do something that takes my mind off Tugger. . .and playing usually does that." I grin widely, and they smile back. "We're gonna get a big game goin'. C'mon." I turn to where Pounce is with Misto and Tumble- they're talking to Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer, who are standing with the curtain rod between them, inches away from Jenny and Jelly's heads.

"Oi think a big ol' game'd be fun. Whatdya say, Teaza?"

"Oi think Oi'm gettin' tired o' this. Let's play Tag!"

They nearly drop the long pole, but catch it just in time. Jenny and Jelly don't even notice. Turning, I suddenly spot a little something different about Misto. He has 'Eat at Joe's' scrawled across his belly, and it's glowing neon red. Everyone else sees it not long after I have, and we all burst into hysterical laughter. Vicki and Plato are clinging to each other, tears soaking their faces. Electra is rolling on the ground and Jemima's head is buried in her arm. Pounce and I topple over on top of her -how had he not noticed yet?- Tumble and Misto smile, acting as though they don't understand what's so funny.

"Hey you guys, are we gonna play or what?" Mistoffelees asks innocently.

"What are you laughing at?"

Jemima manages to point in Misto's general direction. "Hi-hi-hi-him! E-Eat at Joe's!"

"What? Me? You wanna eat at Joe's? With me?"

"I thought we were gonna play Tag. But, I mean if you wanna eat, we could do that, too-"

"Tumble! Shuddup!" Victoria and Plato manage to regain control of themselves, and we all do withing a few minutes.

"Let's go play, you guys. . .and ignore the freakishness of these two." Plato leads us to a clearing not far from the main gathering area.

Pouncival is 'It' first. This is not a good thing since he's really good at being 'It.' Whoever came up with the concept of 'It' must not have been very creative, having only been able to come up with 'It.'

Anyway, we all begin running around frantically, and soon the only thing I have on my mind is keeping away from Pounce. Not far into the game, everyone has been tagged except for me- probably because I cheat and jump over them before they can get me. Eventually everyone gets tired of my craftiness and they all gang up on me.

"You guys! This isn't fair! Only one person can be 'It'!" They all line up next to each other and start coming at me, backing me into a large pile of rubbish.

"And we all have been-"

"Except for you, that is."

They jump. Next thing I know, I'm on the bottom of a large tickling pile, and I'm the victim. I feel fourteen paws all over me; someone's got ahold of my tail, someone else is jabbing me in the ribs. Squirming and shrieking, I somehow manage to get free. One of the advantages of being so limber, I'm sure. Once I'm away, the chaos subsides and we flop on the ground, panting. I'm happy. That is, I'm happy until Plato cuddles up to Vicki- then Tugger returns to my thoughts and everything comes rushing back to me.

Electra is the first to notice the sudden change in my mood. She gives me a questioning look, one that says "Is everything alright?" I shake my head; but before she can do anything I get up and head back to the main part of the 'yard alone. Once again, I seek refuge on Pounce's chair. It's dark by now and almost everyone has gone to bed. I notice Mungo and Rumpel coming back from where we were playing. I hope they don't come to me, and they don't. They head out; probably off on another job. Even though they don't work for Macavity anymore, they still like to go out many nights and snag things that they'll usually share with the rest of us kittens.

I lay down; I don't plan on going anywhere for awhile. The others are coming back, but none of them come to me. I assume Electra told them I wanted to be alone. They all go to their respective homes- Vicki and Plato to the chest, Electra and Tumble to the car, Misto to the pipe, and Jemima to the stove. I usually sleep there with her but. . . tonight I just want to be alone.

But that won't be happening, I realize as Pounce comes toward me. I remember that he usually sleeps here. It's strange he sleeps alone- I don't have time to think about this as he reached me. He's back to his original color, a concerned look simalar to Electra's plastered on his normally jovial face.

"You wanna stay here tonight?"

"If you wouldn't mind. You can stay- I- it's your chair. I guess I could go- "

"N-no. You can stay; if you don't mind me being here too, that is." I move over and he settles down beside me.

"Why, though, don't you go to your oven? With Jemima?"

"She. . .well you know her. She gets worked up over the littlest things. My being there would- she worries."

"For good reason."

"Yeah, but- oh, I don't know how to say it."

"I got ya. So, Tag took your mind off Tugger until- what happned?"

"Can we just not talk about this?" I would rather not fall asleep quite so upset.

"Right, sure- so. . .you know Tumble likes Jemima?"

The new subject startles me and I lift my head. "What? He does?"

"Yeah, for like two weeks now. You haven't noticed?"

I think back over the past couple weeks and remember. He has been paying quite a lot more attention to her. And today during Tag-

"He kissed her. . ." I whisper to myself.

"Mmmhmmm. And she-"

"Kissed him back. . ."

"Yep."

Woah. How had I put that off so easily? I saw it- witnessed it with my very eyes- and had pretty much blown it off. I should talk to Jemi-

"I gotta talk to Jemi-" I stand.

"Will ya be back? I kinda like talking. . ."

I look at him. "Yeah, sure. I'll be back later. Don't fall asleep." I smile weakly and run off toward the oven. Jemima is still awake as I stick my head inside. "You and Tumblebrutus?" I gasp.

She faces me, smiling. "Yeah. Us. Who'da thunk it, huh?" She pauses. "It's weird. I's like, all of a sudden he's there, and I'm there, and it's US- you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I know." Except I don't know. I never have, not really; just thought I did. "I'm gonna go back with Pounce. He asked me to, so. . .goodnight." Wow, that was brief. I turn to leave.

"Etcy."

"Huh?"

"It'll be okay."

How many times have I heard that today? "Yeah."

When I get back to the chair -and Pouncival- I'm crying. Again. I used to be stonger than this! Why all of a sudden am I so weepy and pathetic? I didn't know a tom could do this to anyone- especially when there was never anything going on. I'm embarassed; but who cares? Let him see me. Let everyone see. Let them know how pathetic Etcetera really is beyond the cheerful, hyper facade.

I've never been this negative, either.

Still, I climb up next to my friend. Seeing my tears, he tries to comfort me. I've been comforted a lot today, too.

"C'mon, Cetty. This isn't you. All this crying and moping, just because of Tugger?"

I don't know if it's just about Tugger anymore. everyone's pairing off, it seems. Vicki and Plato, Jemi and Tumble. . .and Electra likes Misto-

"You know El likes Misto?" He probably doesn't want to change the subject, but I certainly do.

"El and Misto? It'll happen. I think he's interested. But what about you? What do you need to help you through this?" Leave it to Pounce to be responsible when needed.

"Nothing. You said yourself it just goes away, right?"

"Yeah. . ."

Ah, but does it really? Sometimes I wonder if Pounce is really truly over Bomba. I see him looking at her, and I can see that there are still feelings of some kind. I don't know what exactly; he probably wishes the same thing I do when I look at Tugger- that he felt the same way about me as I do about him. It's weird though. When I was really little I just liked him, like I thought he was cute and nice and smart and whatever. But that turned into some freakish lust or something, like 'Hey big boy, wanna go find an empty corner and get to know each other better?' Okay, not quite that extreme, but still. . .

Pounce interrupts my train of thought. "You okay over there?"

Maybe I should just ask him. "Are you- do you still- is it really-" Ugh. I think I'm gonna regret asking this. "Are you really over Bomba? Completely?"

The way he looks at me I know he wants to say he his. But he knows I can read him like a book. "No. No, I guess I'm not really. Maybe I never will be; but I have moved on."

"Right." Why does this all suddenly seem hopeless?

"Ya know, Cetty, It's late. Maybe in the morning things'll be better. If not, I'm here for ya whenever. Okay? Just get some sleep, or try."

"Yeah. try." We lay down and he falls asleep pretty quick. I sigh. I think my life has just took an interesting turn. Whatever happens, at least I have Pounce, who gets it. I start to drift off into restless sleep, visions of all the new couples drifting through my sad little mind.

(a/n: I ended this first chapter weird. Ah, well, at least this is a chapter fic that might hold my own interests)