A/N: Hey there.
Once upon a time, I wrote a story called 'It All Comes Down to the Choices We Make'. Then I wrote this as a response to a challenge issued by an author under the moniker 'freak with a pen' which concerned SarahxEddy while simultaneously writing it to take place during 'Choices'. Both are two sides to the same coin.
The story currently ends, without plans for an update, after chapter 8 but the placeholder for chapter 9 is actually a rewrite of this first chapter which was thought to be the beginning of a revised 'Detest'. This and that were written five years apart so there is a stark difference in many things; read and compare if you want to. Oh, and 'Choices' if you want. It's not a necessity but it does offer an altering view of some events.
Peace.
Chapter 1 – The Detest of Growing Up
Disclaimer: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good and own everything in this story except for anything associated with the Ed, Edd n Eddy franchise, 'Say Goodbye Hollywood' or the city of San Francisco.
Bury my face in comic books, cause I don't want to look
At nothin', this world's too much
I've swallowed all I could
If I could swallow a bottle of Tylenol I would, and end it for good
Just say goodbye to Hollywood
I probably should, these problems are piling all at once
Cause everything that bothers me, I got it bottled up
I think I'm bottomin' out
But I'm not about to give up, I gotta get up
Thank God, I got a little girl
And I'm a responsible father
So not a lot of good, I'd be to my daughter layin' in the bottom of the mud
Must be in my blood cause I don't know how I do it
All I know is I don't want to follow in the footsteps of my dad
Cause I hate him so bad
The worst fear that I had was growin' up to be like his fuckin' ass, man
If you could understand why I am the way that I am
What do I say to my fans, when I tell 'em I'm...
Who am I to have decided this? What have I done? Where the hell am I going? When, if, is this gonna be over? Why did this have to happen? How could this have happened?
Sorry fellers, this isn't your fight or your problem; it's mine. But of course, to get my thoughts' on something else, let me tell you this story, a story that changed all of our lives forever.
Oh yeah, you probably don't even know who I am. The name's Eddy, Eddy McGee-Driftwood. And this little kid in my arms... Is Max McGee-Firefly. My daughter.
Sorry I can't say where we are or where we're heading, I can only say that we're on a train right now. To be honest, I don't even know where we're heading. I've set out on a hunt for Spencer Flywheel to get some answers, the problem is... I haven't got a flying fuck where she is; I don't even know if she's still in the States. Even worse, I have no idea what the questions are. So many clues but none of them makes sense...
Double-D... Double-D's probably hunting after me. Ed's with him, hopefully he'll be able to convince Double-D that I didn't betray him and tell him the same story I'm telling you right now, straightening shit out.
Man, seventeen days ago, my life was somewhat normal but now… I've messed up, real bad. It's all my fault.
Pfft, who am I kidding? The only thing I messed up is my friendship with Double-D and only half of that is my fault! Nothing else is my fault! It ain't my fault Kevin hates us more than ever! It ain't my fault the Cul-de-Sac guys are probably after us! Again! It ain't my fault that they're- That they're dead...
I can't blame myself for it. It wasn't my fault.
Fellers, this is a story with a lot of views since there are so many people involved. Now I ain't so involved in Double-D's side of the story, which probably involves a little more information than mine since… It's his sister and all but… I'm still too involved in this shit.
Max just fell asleep again so I guess we better get started. The real story, the one where I got involved in Double-D's sister's affairs, started seventeen days ago but my story starts way back, like seven and a half months ago. Here's the story of brothers, sisters, newfound love, life, death and a pregnancy test.
Bear in mind, this was like seven and a half months ago. My memory of it is a little fuzzy.
"Can you believe it Sockhead? We're invited to a party!" I jumped up and down in excitement, grasping the invitation in my hand. Well, somewhat fuzzy.
"Please calm down Eddy, don't forget what the nurse said about your blood pressure." Double-D put his hand on my forehead; he had always been worried about me and my health. Okay, not that fuzzy.
"But Double-D, it's a party that everybody has been invited to!" I looked at the invitation that Nazz had handed out to us just a few minutes earlier. Who would've thought I'd remember it this well?
"Yes I know Eddy." Double-D sighed, I wasn't gonna like this. "Unfortunately, I will only be able to be there for a limited amount of time."
"OH NO! DON'T COME AND TELL ME YOU'RE LEAVING HALFWAY THROUGH LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!" I pressed my index finger against his ribs which made him flinch.
"Eddy, will you please remove your finger, I feel that my aorta is experiencing some unidentified pain." He squirmed and I moved my finger to under his chin instead.
"What is it this time? You have to go to bed extra early because you and your parents have to go grocery shopping tomorrow?" I said with a mock voice.
"Yes, I agree, last time's excuse was in the tamer category..." He moved my finger with his own. "But no, my family and I are leaving first thing tomorrow for a well earned vacation in Paris." He grinned innocently and I was stunned.
"Showoff…" I crossed my arms and continued to walk down the street. I heard Double-D hurry after me along with Ed.
"Well, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the party! You will have Ed as company!" Double-D pointed to Lumpy who was cleaning his ears with what looked like a toothbrush.
"Hey Lumpy, you wanna go to Nazz's party in royal company?" I grinned at him and he pulled the toothbrush out of his ear.
"Oh boy, oh boy, THE QUEEN IS BACK?" Double-D snickered beside me.
"No... No, ME! You going or what?"
"Yes sir-ee, yes sir-ee, the hi-de-ho-man, that's me!" The lump grinned and put the toothbrush in his pocket.
"See, you can go with Ed! You will have fun!" Double-D put his hand on my shoulder as a friendly gesture.
"As fun as you can have with a brain dead moron…" Double-D rolled his eyes and we continued home. I waved goodbye to Double-D and dragged Lumpy home with me. I made him comment my dressing as I changed from outfit to outfit. After two changes, I realized that I had picked the wrong person for the job.
"Supercalifragilistic!"
"Ups and downs!"
"Viva Las Vegas!"
"Expialidocious!"
"Fly with me, let's fly away!"
"Prodigious!" Even though Lumpy is Lumpy, I somehow managed to get out of the house before the party started so we headed to Ed's place to look out a great outfit for him. To make a long story short, I ended up shoving a bowtie down his throat. And on our way we went!
"Feel good Lumpy?" Ed coughed as a response. "Atta boy." I walked out the door to Ed's room and up the stairs to Ed's hallway. When I opened the front door, I flew forward when a bowtie and a kitchen sink hit me in the back at the sound of a cough.
"What are you doing up this late young miss?" Ed asked, obviously not to me. I pealed my face off of the concrete, groaning in pain.
"Man, we gotta make some changes in Ed's diet..." I turned to the most gruesome, painful, god-forsaken scene I could've imagined that night.
"Mom said I could go to Nazz's party AND I'M GOING!" Ed's little sister Sarah screamed in her brother's face.
"But Sarah, it's for freshmen!" Ed pleaded, not wanting his sister to get into trouble. Heavens' know she did anyway.
"Then why did I get an invite from Nazz personally?" Sarah smirked and something burst inside me.
"WHAT? You got an invite to the party?" I ran up to Sarah to snatch the invitation out of her hands. Examining it, I gasped and stared at Sarah. "You got invited?"
"SO DID JIMMY!" With that, Sarah punched me in the face with such great force, I flew through the hallway wall, into the kitchen and went through the Firefly's fridge. "Out of my way space-waster!" I heard Sarah shove Ed out of the way and I assume that he hit the wall with just an inch of less force than me because he didn't go through. The door slammed shut and Ed groaned from the hallway.
"Eddy! Are you okay?" Ed limped into the kitchen and grinned, he looked in pain just doing that, several teeth missing.
"Get the number of that lawn that mowed me…" I swear, birds were circling my head.
"Eddy! We must get Double-D and going!" Ed picked me up by the collar of my shirt and pulled me out of a pile of pure destruction in the form of glass, metal and a hell of a lot of unknown food. I winced as Ed broke through his front door as I found that I had some glass pieces from a broken pickle jar lodged in my back.
"Double-D! Party is good for you!" Ed shouted as he ran into Double-D's house wall with me under his arm.
"Ed, please be a little more careful when you're excited, I'm worried you might hurt yourself." Double-D walked up to us, obviously he had heard Ed's shout of joy.
"Hey Sock head, when will yah learn that Monobrow here is invincible?" I looked up at Double-D, still a little groggy from my meeting with Ed's fridge.
"Eddy, you don't look to well." Double-D looked at me worried.
"Nah, I'm fine Sock head." I pushed myself up and brushed some eggplant from my shirt.
"Gentlemen, let's get down to business. I may attend the party until eleven p.m. After that, I hope that you can take care of yourselves?" Double-D raised an eyebrow and looked at us.
"Take care? Of course! It's my middle name!" I said and grinned. We started to walk towards Nazz's house.
"Take it easy there Skipper!" Ed reached out and slapped my back friendly.
"Ed, what have I said about slapping Eddy's back when you're excited?" I heard Double-D's voice somewhere behind me as I was thrown into the air of the cheer force of Ed's slap.
"I'm sorry Double-D, I can't help myself!" Ed jumped up and down, excited over the party.
"Then help me instead Peanut-brain!" Monobrow ran after me and found me. I swear, you haven't lived until you've been catapulted into the air and landing in a mailbox.
"I really need a reminder why I'm friends with them again." Double-D murmured as he walked up to Nazz's front door and knocked. Then again. Then again. And once more before Ed came flying past him, taking the door with him.
"I believe I can touch the sky!" Ed laughed as he collided with Nazz's staircase to the second floor, some people jumping out of the way.
"Now that's a unique entrance Eddy. Completely rude but nonetheless unique." Double-D complimented me as I joined him at the door.
"I try my best Double-D, I try my best."
"I thought I heard something!" Nazz came out from the living room, sliding open the living room door that had been shut the entire time. The music wasn't even music anymore, it was just plain noise. Loud noise. I looked to my left to scream something to Double-D but I didn't see him.
'My, that is loud.' I turned to see him lying on the ground two feet behind me. Of course, I couldn't hear what in the hell he was saying but not to brag, I'm sort of a lip reader. 'You have to be kidding me; Deus Ex Machina...'
'What?'
'The band playing; they're called Deus Ex Machina!'
'Oh yeah, I've heard of them! They're supposed to be good!'
'Well, at a normal sound level, I find their writing too lazy.'
'Come on; it's not that loud. I mean, it'll probably be better once we get inside.'
'Yeah, come on in!' Nazz stepped forward and pulled Double-D up. He blushed and brushed the dust off his shirt.
'Well then, let us join the festivities.' With that, Double-D entered Nazz's house and looked at the living room door frightened.
"Hey Ed? Can you like, put the front door back? It's getting chilly." Nazz closed the living room door temporarily so she could make herself heard. Ed popped up from the stairs and walked down them, carrying the door under his arm.
"Sure thing ma'am!" Ed pulled me inside and put the door back in its hinges.
"Well boys, this is where the fun begins." I slid the living room door open and I'm not making this up, I felt the shockwaves from the music. You know when it's like hella hot in the summer and the roads get all wavy and funk? It felt like that. Double-D looked nauseas.
We followed Nazz over to a table with several bottles and pitchers. She turned around and motioned to the table.
'What will it be dudes?' Double-D looked hand fallen, we were after all still underage
'Beer!' I articulated like a fool. Nazz gave me thumbs up and opened a cooler next to the table. She threw me a beer which I grabbed with my right hand.
'Double-D?' Nazz looked at him from under those eyelashes that had driven us mad with hornyness ages ago. He just stood there like a fish on land so I nudged his side and he woke up from his trance and shook his head.
'Water!' He looked in the kitchen's direction and Nazz started to move towards the kitchen when I grabbed her.
'NO! YOU ARE AT LEAST DRINKING COKE!' I saw a pitcher labeled 'COKE', grabbed it and a glass and shoved them into Double-D's hands.
'FINE!' He poured himself a glass and downed it. 'Hmm, I was apparently more partial than I thought.'
'Uhm, dude?' Nazz looked rather worried at Double-D who downed another glass.
'If you don't mind, I will hang onto this! Pardon me!' He reached past Nazz to grab a straw before he walked off into the giant crowd that had formed in front of the speakers. Nazz looked shocked.
'That was an entire pitcher!'
'Relax, I can run down to the store and get you some more coke.'
'It's not that, that was coke AND rum!' We stared at each other for a couple of seconds before I shrugged and grinned.
'Nah, what's the worst that can happen?'
'Yeah, you're right.' She shrugged before turning to Ed with a smile. 'You're banned from drinking, Ed.'
'WHAT?'
'BANNED FROM DRINKING LUMPY!'
'WHAT?'
'Oh for fuck's sake.' I grabbed a Fanta bottle and held it up for Nazz to see. 'Regular?' She nodded and I poured a glass and handed to Ed.
'Why thank you!' He grinned goofily and made off into the crowd.
'We both remember the seniors' graduation party last spring!' We both shuddered at the very thought of it; to make a long story short, it started with Ed tackling the mascot and ended in bailing Double-D out of jail. I'll tell you about it some other time.
'Well, I gotta go greet some people!' She grabbed a beer from the cooler and we fistbumped before she went over to the door to greet some guy with his hood up. I dove into the crowd when I realized that the noise was slower now resulting in people moving a lot slower. I must've looked like a lost kid in a sea of slow dancing couple. I realized that I had no idea what I was doing there or what I was looking for; Double-D was off doing who knows what and Ed was off doing who would want to know? I was pulled out of these deep thoughts when somebody tapped my shoulder.
'Can I have this dance?' I turned around to see the mysterious dude with the hood up, covering half his face.
'Who the hell are you?' My adrenaline levels shot through the roof; if this guy wanted a fight, he was gonna get it.
'Now, now Mr. McGee, you know I'm not a big fan of violence.' My muscles flexed when he raised his hands but was surprised when he used them to lower his hood and even more surprised when I saw who it was. 'I was actually hoping we could settle our differences in a drinking contest.'
'Kitchen!' I mouthed to him and pointed to the kitchen. He nodded and led the way through the sea of people.
"I can hear the silence. It's... Fantastic." I closed the kitchen door after me and the silence around us was deafening.
"Holy shit man, is it really you?"
"Last time I checked the mirror Mr. McGee." We grinned and hugged each other like only bros do, ending with a secret handshake we had made up all those years ago.
"So how've you been man? It's been, like, forever!" I jumped up on the kitchen counter while he casually leaned against the kitchen island thingy. Whatever you call it.
"I'm good, I'm good. You?" He took a drink from the beer in his hand.
"It's cool, life flows on." I followed his motion and downed the rest of my beer, grabbing an unopened one just standing on the counter. "Last time you left us, you said you were heading down to Rio again!"
"You ready for an unbelievable story?"
"Always!"
Max Flywheel used to live here in Peach Creek with his mom, dad and his siblings; they're like... There's a word they used... Quintuplets? Yeah, that's it. Like twins but five of them. Out of the five, Max was the one who hung out with us Eds' the most, leading to him becoming an 'honorary' Ed. The entire family moved away two-three years ago to God knows where but Max still visited on a regular basis; sometimes with his sister Spencer and sometimes with his brother Linus but he usually came alone.
What they did after they moved out of Peach Creek, no one knows. They travelled a lot, mostly here in the States but we sometimes got postcards from places like London, Cairo and Singapore. Rio was like a favorite of Spencer's; she apparently had close friends down there. Where they got the cash for all their travels, that was just another one of life's mystery.
"Well, I was here... In April last time, right?"
"Think so."
"Yeah, yeah I was, stayed for a week. We pulled that prank on Mrs. Goldberg!" I laughed at the memory though I now have no clue what the prank was.
"Oh yeah, her face when she opened the bag!" We shared a laugh before he continued.
"Anyway, after that, I travelled down to L.A. and met Spence at LAX where we flew down to Rio."
"What'd you do there?"
"Spencer has... Friends, really close friends there. So, we stayed there for a month, doing the touristy stuff, went boating on the Amazon River."
"Sounds cool."
"It was." He took a swig of his beer. "It really was. After that month in Rio, we headed back up to the family in New York and spent the rest of May and the first month of summer there before heading out to see some states."
"All of them?"
"Well, that was the plan when we set out. But apparently, a cousin of ours thought it'd be funny to pull a prank on us so he put a little something in the glove compartment of our rental. So surprise, surprise when we're pulled over by the cops in the middle of Michigan and Spence opens the compartment for the papers on the car and a Ziploc bag with white powder falls out."
"Coke?" I half screamed, half laughed.
"You want, dude?" Some random guy with a chick on his arm walked by and reacted to the word.
"Nah, I'm good." I said, Max shook his head.
"Here's my card in case you change your minds, dudes." He handed Max a business card and stumbled into the living room with the chick clinging onto him, temporarily making us deaf in the process.
"Was it just me or did that chick look coked out of her mind?"
"With just a hint of... Ecstasy?" We gave each other a look and broke out into laughter. "As I was saying, this bag falls out and that cop throws us in his car and has his partner follow us in the rental."
"Hang on, ain't possession something like-"
"It differs but this trooper went on about two to eight years. That is until we were released three hours later by the same guy who was fuming."
"Why?"
"A guy in Evidence had apparently snorted some of the powder and had apparently started vomiting. Turns out it wasn't coke at all; it was chalk." I choked on my beer.
"Chalk?" He nodded and I cracked up.
"So, after that holdup, and a pissed off phone call to our cousin, we changed directions and drove down to visit Simon in Florida."
"Cool, how is he?" Simon is one of the quintuplets. He spent half of his time here alone or with Double-D, doing science stuff, and the other half with us Eds' and Max.
"He's... Simon. That's about it." We shrugged; it's not that Simon was uninteresting, it's just that no one ever understood Simon's behavior fully, not even Max. I would later find out that on that very night, Simon was actually having tea with a very charming older couple near the Montana border. Life is full of coincidences, huh? Anyway, we downed the rest of our beers and grabbed another one; I could feel that those two were starting to make progress in the back of my head.
"So, what happened after-"I stopped midsentence; he heard it too. Nothing. The music had stopped. We swung open the door, fearing cops was cuffing teens this early into the night but imagine our surprise when we only saw a drunk off his ass Double-D standing by the stereo, getting yelled at by half the room. Max kept it together for a second before breaking into a fit of insane laughter.
"NOW HOLD ON!" Double-D screamed, silencing the whole room instantly. "HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HAD A BAD WEEK?" The room murmured in response, a few raising their hands insecurely.
"This oughta be good." Max wheezed between breaths.
"Now there's an old expression where I come from that apply to tonight! Live by it, party by it, scream it from the hills!"
"What is it?" A random jock in the back asked.
"Good question! Now listen carefully! You listening carefully? Good! Here it comes! 'Alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen pechen pepekachen'! Live by it, party by it, make love by it folks!" He looked very pleased by himself; the crowd looked hella confused though.
"What the hell does that mean?" I heard Kevin somewhere in the crowd.
"When you're down and out and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout; WHO DO YOU HAVE TO FUCK TO GET A BREAK IN THIS TOWN?"
"YEAAAAA-"The rest of the shout was cut off when Double-D pressed play again just before getting hauled up in the air and crowdsurfed right across the room. The soundwaves literally pushed me and Max up against the wall. Not that he seemed to mind.
'OH-MY-GOD-DID-YOU-SEEAAAAAAHAAHAHAAAAAA' That's what I gathered from the short period of time Max wasn't standing hunched over in laughter.
'Dude!' I elbowed him in the ribs. 'Double-D's pretty drunk; maybe we should get him out of here!'
'No! He's having fun! More importantly, I'm having a blast watching him! Just look at-'He pointed his empty beer bottle to a sight that made our jaws drop. On the middle of the dance floor, Double-D was engaged in something that surpassed a make out session ages back. His hands were snaking their ways over every surface of Nazz's delicate body; hers doing very much the same, all while they tried to choke the other using their tongues. 'Aight, I'll get him out, this could get ugly fast.' He motioned the bottle to our left just before heading over to the happy couple; Kevin was standing there, furious to see 'a dork like Double-Dweeb' run around the bases with his ex. He grabbed the very first chick he could find and kissed her hard; it was the coke chick Max and I saw in the kitchen earlier. Ignoring what was not going to be something pretty, I saw Ed walking by, having the time of his life.
'ED MY BOY!' I hauled him in by the jacket, the grin on his face growing when he saw it was me.
'EDDY! GREAT PARTY THIS IS!' I smiled and nodded. Ed opened his mouth to say more but he was interrupted by a knock on his shoulder.
'I do believe this is yours Mr. Firefly!' Double-D was clinging to Max's neck while trying to kiss him. I was trying not to laugh my ass off and Max was trying not to drop Double-D when Ed came rushing forth and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Max and I failed in our attempts.
"MAX!" Ed screamed in such joy, I heard it. Faintly, but I heard it and that's saying something.
'Hey, you've been working out!' Max spluttered before falling straight to the ground, Double-D landing on top of him.
"ED!" I grabbed Ed's ear and practically shoved my mouth into it. "YOU HAVE TO TAKE DOUBLE-D HOME!"
'Aaaaw! But this party is so much fun!'
"IF DOUBLE-D'S PARENTS FIND OUT HE'S BEEN DRINKING, THEY'RE PROBABLY GONNA TELL ALL OF OUR PARENTS! THEN WE'RE ALL IN DEEP SHIT!" He gasped.
"NOT DEEP SHIT EDDY, DEEP SHIT'S NOT GOOD FOR ED!" No shit Sherlock.
"SINCE YOU'RE THE ONLY SOBER ONE OUT OF THE FOUR Of US-"I pointed to myself, swaying a little on my feet, Ed himself, who was of course the only one sober from alcohol, Max, who was writhing all over the floor, and Double-D, who was trying to writhe into Max's pants. "-YOU HAVE TO TAKE HIM HOME!" I paused for a moment and hatched the greatest plan since sliced bread. "IT'S A SUPER SECRET MISSION CALLED... UHM..." I looked around the room in panic. "OPERATION LAMPSHADE!"
'Operation Lampshade?' Max's head shot up with an arched eyebrow.
"IT'S YOUR JOB, AGENT GRAVY, TO TAKE THE PROFESSOR-"I pointed to Double-D. "-BACK TO HIS LAB WITHOUT HIS SUPERIORS FINDING OUT!" You could see the cogs in his brain turning; this would take a few moments. I glanced at the lovers on the floor.
'... Your hair smells nice Max.'
'... Thank... You...'
'What is that; strawberry?'
'Yes indeed, complementary of a Las Vegas hotel.' Las Vegas?
'Las Vegas?' I mouthed.
'Later, later mon!' He mouthed in panic; Double-D had buried his face in Max's hair and inhaled/exhaled with the force of ten non-smokers.
"OKEY-DOKEY EDDY, I'LL COMPLETE THE MISSION!" This time, Ed was the one who shoved his mouth into my ear. Even I had been prepared, I still wouldn't have been ready to the pain Ed's voice caused me. He dropped me to the ground and flung Double-D over his shoulder. 'Let's have lunch Max!' Ed or Double-D said, I don't remember. All I know is that at one moment, I could see the lump with the giggling Double-D on his back, the next I couldn't.
'I've been violated.' Max crawled over to me and moved into a fetal position.
'I- My ears are ringing!' I swear, it was like Big Ben up in there.
"KEEP THEIR HEADS RINGIN'!" Ironically, somebody decided to throw that song on at that very moment.
'So, Vegas?'
'Yeah, you know, family vacation, friends in the right circles, getting kicked out of five hotels and just barely escaping the Nevada Gaming Commission each time-'
'You're messing with me, aren't you?'
'No, no! We were down there for two weeks after Spence decided she wanted to "chase the American dream", apparently recreating the love child of "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "21".'
'Ain't that the one where they count cards?'
'Linus!'
'Hang on, Linus can count cards? Why haven't you told me? We're gonna get-'He held up a hand.
'There was a reason we gave up after the fifth casino; we saw a guy in the gutter they had dragged into one of the back rooms, poor bastard was between life and death. So we packed up and got the hell out of there and here I am!' He grinned, there was the old confident bastard I had grown to know and love.
'Let's drink for tonight!'
'Drink for tonight!' We had probably been on the floor for a good five minutes or so, people had been stepping over us the entire time probably thinking we were passed out from drinking. But how wrong they were. We hadn't even begun.
You see, back in those days, Max and I were wild. I don't just mean stay out drinking and smoking weed 'til the wee hours of the morning, God knows we did that too, but I mean really fucked up shit. We went to parties' downtown and ended up in Mexico. We went to parties' uptown and ended up in Canada. One time, we were having a movie night at Ed's place, Max and I go to the store to get some snacks. The next thing I remember is waking up because my phone's ringing, I answer and it's Double-D wondering where the hell we are. I open my eyes and we're on the island Tom Hanks made Cast Away on. No boats, no alcohol, no drugs, no nothing. No sign of us getting there or partying there. Just me, Max and a football he's spooning. Another one of life's great mysteries concerning me and Max Flywheel.
After our toast to drinking, I didn't remember shit. It's just pitch black. But what I did remember is waking up with a splittin' headache the next morning, one that could cut down an entire forest.
"Let's see where we are now…" My throat was feeling sore and my voice was hoarse as hell. I opened an eye but closed it immediately after experiencing God's wrath that falls upon the hungover. 'God damn, how much did we drink?' I felt the minutes ticking by and after fifteen minutes, I managed to open one eye with a pain level of 5 out of 10. I realized that I was lying in bed and judging by the breathing on my arm, I wasn't alone.
"No officer, I'm not high on crystal meth..." With a vision as blurry as a windshield in rain, I turned my head, as slowly as I could without frying all my brain cells at once, to see a blond head of hair snuggled up on my stretched out arm. I grinned, Max was gonna love to hear about this.
'Well hello there…' I snuggled closer and kissed the person's head, my hands stroking their way down past the shoulders. 'Mmm, strawberry…'
"I'm not that easy you know, you're gonna have to buy me breakfast first before you can have your way with me." I froze; there was only one person in the world that voice could belong to.
"Max? What the hell are we doing in bed together? WHY THE HELL-" I shot back from him, the sheet slipping off my body to reveal it to the world. "I'M NAKED!" I pulled the sheet back over me, panicked.
"Would you kindly shut up? It's way too early and way too much alcohol making its way out of my system for panic…" He held his head while he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stood up, leaving the sheet behind.
"Why- Why do I wake up naked in a bed?‽ With you just as naked? And why... The hell does my ass hurt?" You're just gonna love this one! Okay, so, two guys wake up naked in a bed and one guy's ass is hurting-
"You fell down the stairs last night." Max groaned as he stretched his arms. "Now I know how Zeus felt when he gave birth to Athena..."
"But why are we-"I looked around the room to find something that could help me figure this out when my eyes landed on the nightstand to see something that scared me shitless."Is- Is that a used-"
"I won't lie to you. You did lose your virginity last night." I stared at him, his face of course, in great shock
"So... So- So, you and I-?"
"Of course not, get your head in the game McGee! As far as I remember, you fell down the stairs somehow, then you disappeared for a while which made me look you up after... What the hell did I do? Not important at the moment! As I said, I was trying to look you up, opening door after door; you wouldn't believe how many people got off on having sex in this house last night. But when I opened the door to Nazz's room, the one we're in now, it was real dark and then I heard somebody gather their clothes and then she ran past me. Without caring more, I passed out next, on or near the bed, I don't know. Now, if I had clothes on before I came up here, I have no idea." He shrugged and turned to face me.
"Well- Damn it!" I made the mistake of looking at his… If yah don't know what I'm referring to, you really shouldn't continue with this story. "Well that's a load off my mind. Now who the hell could I have slept with…?"
"I have absolutely no clue, you really don't remember something?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Not a shit." I buried my face in my hands; all this thinking was worsening my headache.
"Dude." I looked up and he threw me a box. "The Day After-kit." I opened it and saw a pack of cigarettes, some aspirin and a box of condoms.
"This is sweet!" I grinned at him and he gave me thumbs up.
"Saves lives you now." He winked. "I'll tell you though, it sounded like you had a pretty good run last night."
"What?"
"Oh, she was loud. And it sounded like she was having the time of her life." I grinned proudly.
"Really?"
"I'm not kidding, when I went upstairs to look for you, there were guys outside this room having a betting pool on orgasms, duration, there was even one about the decibel level!"
"You gotta be shitting me."
"Not about this my friend! Whatever you did last night, it was sex, lovemaking, fucking, the whole ten yards!"
"Ain't it just usually nine?"
"Not if you had heard yourself last night!" He noticed a hat on the dresser, checked the size and put it on. "What you think?"
"Like a million bucks."
"That's what I was going for." He grinned but then his face fell when he looked at the nightstand. "Shit, I gotta get going; Spence, Linus and I have a train to catch in the city in 20 minutes." Max winked and threw the door open.
"Where you headin'?"
"Dunno, Spence really wanna head down to Rio again but Linus and I think we should chill in New York for a while, the road is really taking its toll out on me." He sighed. "But, I'll try to swing by after New Years! All my love to Firefly and Double-D!" He started to close the door.
"Later Flywheel!"
"See yah Eddy!" And with that, he was gone. I looked down at the box in my hands and laughed to myself, one of those crazy things Max had invented. Grabbing three aspirin, I threw them into my mouth then I looked around for something to drink. I grabbed the first best thing, a bottle of vodka next to the bed, took a big swig and swallowed. All of the sudden, Double-D's voice rang in my head.
"Never mix alcohol with narcotics…" I panicked for a second but then I calmed. Aspirin... Doesn't count as narcotics, does it? Nah, it's only Valium and shit like that. I was still feeling like shit but better than when I woke up. I decided I didn't wanna stay here longer than necessary so I got up and found my underwear in the big mess. I put them on and was startled when I heard a scream just outside the window. Then I heard how the front door opened, steps in the stairs and then the door flung open revealing a mentally confused figure with his hair on end.
"I seem to have forgotten something." Max winked at me, grabbed his clothes and rushed down the stairs again, throwing on his T-shirt.
'I'm sure gonna miss that guy."
After that, time went on. That party that Nazz had thrown was nothing but an aftermathic disaster. First of all, half of her living room had been torn away from the house and nobody had any idea how or why it happened. She wasn't just grounded, she was sent to live with family in Arkansas for six months, she returned just last. Kevin ended up banging that coked up chick as revenge on Nazz for locking lips with Double-D. She got the last laugh however, the coke chick was basically a walking STD. Guess who laughed his ass off when he found out old Shovelchin caught HIV and then ran for his life for a good two miles? Rolf, who didn't attend the party, had a lovely surprise when he woke up the morning after it to find that he had half a living room sticking out of his roof. Again, nobody knows how or why.
Who am I forgetting...? Oh yeah, Woodhead! Jonny went to the party but mysteriously vanished in the middle of the night according to a text I got from Max. Double-D got a postcard from Melonhead; apparently he was stuck in Singapore and had been ever since the party. Don't ask, don't want to know.
If we move onto us Eds', I got lucky after the party. I went through a few relationships, most of them just involved sex, but that suited me just fine. Felt like I was too young for settling down with just one woman anyway. Double-D got grounded for three months after his parents overheard him mumbling to himself to never drink again on the plane. I laughed my ass off when he told me that flying hung-over to France was worse than three months behind bars. He must've been a real lightweight; says he doesn't even remember meeting me and Ed before the party. And Ed... Well, Lumpy's Lumpy, why change the classics?
Now, there are three people missing here and I'm not talking about the Kankers'. Nobody saw or heard anything about Jimmy since the night of the party, even Sarah didn't know anything. I tried to ask Max about it but he went off the radar as well, emails, texts, phone calls, nothing. None of the Flywheels' were responding to any of us; of course it wasn't strange, they were the Flywheels but when Max said he'd come by at a time, he came by.
The biggest change was Sarah though. She was nastier than ever, louder than ever and being more of a pain in the ass than ever. We would've guessed she just got her period if it wasn't for the fact that it wasn't once a month and it wasn't towards everybody; it was just towards me. She'd scream in my face for walking behind her, punch me for hanging out with Ed at wrong times and throw me through the wall whenever I went to get a glass of water from their kitchen. Then it happened.
Around three months ago, Sarah went away to God knows where and life as we knew it changed. Ed was freer, the Cul-de-Sac was quieter and everything was just in harmony. It was too good to be true. I probably should've seen it coming then when seventeen days ago, all of hell broke loose and I got the whereabouts of Jimmy, Sarah and the Flywheels explained to me.
Day one: April 17, 4:12 p.m.
"Eddy, I believe it would be quite impossible to sell our services as wedding planners." We were walking down the sidewalk outside of school and after a hell of a long day; I was throwing out ideas for scams. Double-D shot down all of them. "All of the Cul-de-Sac kids' parents' are happily married and I seriously doubt that anybody in San Francisco would hire three adolescents' to plan their wedding."
"But what about-"
"Hello boys." I was interrupted by two demonic voices from hell that came from behind us. We turned to stare our lifelong enemies in the eyes; the Kanker sisters.
"Don't you want to walk us home boys?" Lee, who had a crush on me (come on, who can blame her?) since God knows when, lead the gang and was now trying to stare me down. Or at least I thought so; all that hair was just a ridiculous look.
"Yeah, we can share some milk!" May, the stupidest of them, stared dreamingly at Ed.
"Hiya Double-D." Marie, the middle sister who was crushing on Double-D, just waved at her crush. I didn't notice it then but Marie had been acting really strange up to that point.
"Heck no!" I yelled and started to back away from them, sweating. I don't know if you know it but they were really strong, creepy as hell and they very often tried to do stuff I'm never telling my daughter about.
"Every Ed for themselves!" Ed came up with the brilliant idea to run for our damn lives instead of just standing there. I wasn't late to follow him and unfortunately, Double-D was so he was trampled down when May and Lee weren't.
"Come back here Love boat!"
"Get in my arms' Lamb chop!" Ed and I shivered at the very thought of the two of them touching us so we automatically ran faster. All of the sudden, the road split so we glanced at each other, nodded and I took off to the left as Ed ran to the right. After about four feet, I was tripped and pulled into a bush by someone.
"Eddy McGee. That wasn't yesterday." That voice stopped my struggling. They were so very alike, down to the voice.
"What took you Spencer?" Spencer Flywheel had the same blond hair, same naturally confident smile and the same blue eyes sparkling with energy as her brother Max. It was almost frightening how alike they were.
"Took a left turn at Albuquerque. Now hush for a moment." We heard the Kankers' running by, continuing down the street.
"You think it's safe?" I whispered when we couldn't hear them anymore.
"I think so, but just for safety measures." She took off her jacket and baseball cap and handed to me. She stepped out of the bush and I followed, throwing on both jacket and cap.
"So anyway, thanks for saving my ass."
"Always gonna have your ass Skipper." She grinned and slapped me on my ass. Spencer was like the best chick friend a guy could have; she was like a sister you could sleep with and it wouldn't screw things up. Not that we ever did, it was all just teasing. Max would've torn my head off if I had.
"What about Lumpy?" I saw that Ed had run down the street leading to the Cul-de-Sac.
"Don't worry, Max's got his ass." We started to walk down the street, looking over my shoulder every other minute for safety reasons.
"So where've you been? I guess you heard about the party."
"Skippy. I don't think anybody hasn't heard about that party. That party is the very reason we're here."
"You wanna throw another party?"
"Are you kidding me? That party was the worst idea since re-electing Bush!" I was really confused by now.
"So, if you aren't here to party, what about the party?"
"Well overall, we're obviously here to visit you guys of course. And about the party..." She sighed. "Have you read the newspaper lately Skipper?"
"Not really, that's something Double-D does."
"Yeah, and I woul've gone straight to him if you and Ed weren't such chick magnets."
"Thanks again for that by the way."
"Anytime." She sighed again. "As I said, to visit you but one of the main reasons we're back here in Peach Creek is because according to some newspapers', a young boy was raped at the party Nazz threw." Hold up, what?
"Raped?"
"Raped indeed. The act involved a couple of jocks from the local high school, which we're of course is gonna assume is Peach Creek High, and took place during several hours during which the young local drifted in and out of unconsciousness and in the end, he vomited blood several time until he was rushed to a hospital acute when the owner of the house found him." She looked so focused, like she was reciting an article. "That was the only reason Mr. von Bartonshmeer sent Nazz away; it was the only thing about the party he couldn't overlook as teens being teens." She looked suspiciously at a woman who stepped out of a black Mercedes.
"How did you know Nazz's dad sent-"
"Skippy, have you seen that woman around here before?" She nodded in the direction of the Mercedes.
"Ehm, I don't think so…" I scratched the back of my head so the baseball cap slid down. "But who was the boy?"
"Who?" She seemed to snap out of some deep thoughts. "Oh... Yeah, the paper never stated his name, it was always one of those small things that nobody ever really reads. And even though we read every paper, called every contact we have, we knew his name already. We just didn't wanna face the fact that he was a friend."
"Who?"
"Jimmy."
"Jimmy?" My blood froze. Jimmy had been raped?
"Yeah, and when you told Max that Jimmy and Sarah had disappeared from Peach Creek, our worries were confirmed. So, we returned here and tracked down Sarah. You'd find Sarah, you'd find Jimmy right? Wrong. You see… We really didn't know how to tell you this so we just decided to show you instead because-" She looked over her shoulder and stopped. "Why is that woman speaking to Double-D and Marie?"
"I really have no idea…" I looked too and it was the woman who had stepped out of the Mercedes. There was something familiar about her that I just couldn't place...
"Hey sis, Ed should be out for a good seven hours or so." I spun around to see Max Flywheel and a hooded figure standing there.
"Hey Max! Long time no see!" I stepped forward and we fist bumped but he didn't smile upon seeing me.
"You haven't told him yet?" Max looked over my head and gave his sister a look of disappointment.
"Oh no, don't you dare give me that look Maximillian! There is nothing we can say about this because it's none of our business and you know it!" She glared back at Max.
"This was your idea for heaven's sake!"
"Excuse me, but what the hell are you two talking about?" I looked from Max to Spencer who both seemed reluctant to say something.
"Eddy, she'll have to tell you herself…" With that, Max stepped to the side and let the hooded figure take a step forward. As the figure removed the hood, I was shocked to hear a voice I hadn't heard for a hell of a long time.
"Finally, do you have any idea how hot it is with this stupid thing on?" A blonde Sarah Firefly glared at Max who laughed nervously.
"Well, it was nece-"Max winced, Sarah had kicked his leg. "Can't believe he didn't fall for you; you're quite the charmer…" She growled at him and punched him in the face.
"That's for necessary Flywheel!"
"What- The- Hell does Sarah have to do with this? What do I have to do with this?" I faced Spencer who was trying hard not to laugh at her brother's pain.
"Well…" She walked around me and looked at Sarah. "Can I remov-"
"YES! It's hotter than hell in this!" Spencer smiled apologetically and unzipped Sarah's hoodie. My eyes grew big at the sight.
"Oh my god! How much weight have you put on?" Sarah growled and made an attempt to jump me but Spencer held her back.
"Let me." Spencer leaned forward and smacked me over the head.
"OW! Why the hell did you do that?"
"You NEVER comment on a woman's weight!"
"I have the schcarsch to proove that'sch true..." Max mumbled, just enough for me to hear. Sarah's punch had turned his nose into a leaking faucet.
"But it's true! Just look at her, she's like a whale!" Spencer leaned over and smacked me again. "OW! Stop doing that
"Truth hurts, doesn't it?" Max sighed at the both of us before blurting out the sentance that started a journey that would change my life forever.
"She'sch pregdnadnt McGee, you really schould've paid more attedntiond in Schex Ed!"
"You're… You're pregnant?" Shocked, I looked from a bleeding Max to an uncomfortable Spencer to a glaring Sarah.
"Finally you realize! God, you're slower than Ed!" Sarah started tapping her foot in annoyance.
"Well then, who's the lucky guy?" Max and Spencer exchanged a look while Sarah scoffed.
"Well…" Spencer started.
"You schee..."
"Do I know him?" Spencer focused her eyes at her hand, fidgeting with her fingers.
"Sort of…"
"Someone at school?"
"Guess you could say so…"
"Well, how far along is she?" I looked at Sarah's stomach which was really big.
"About 28 weeks…" Spencer was now looking in every direction possible except for mine.
"And that's…" I started counting in my head and Max groaned.
"It'sch scheven montsch, I schay you schould schtop schleeping in math asch well!" Sarah extended her arm and punched Max in the stomach. His legs gave in and he fell to the ground with a pained groan, blood shooting everywhere.
"That's about the time of the party…" I tried thinking straight but I couldn't. There was a voice in the back of my head that tried to tell me something but I couldn't figure out what…
"Well, duh!" Sarah crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
"Eddy... Sarah... Well, she lost her virginity to a guy who lost his the same night." With those words, I looked from Spencer to Max to Sarah to Sarah's stomach. It all fit. It all made sense. But... No, it- It just couldn't be.
"I forgot to tell you Eddy, I realished who you schlept with at the party!"