I'm back! It's a brand New Year and I'm so excited to be back with you guys, well this idea has been running around my head for a while now but I'm not really sure what I want to do with it lol I would like you to read it and tell me your thoughts.

Huge, huge thanks to Amy (XXXMrsSalvatorexxx) for being my beta for this

Thanks a lot for reading me.

Love,

Sam

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear

You almost feel ashamed

That someone could be that important

That without them, you feel like nothing

No one will ever understand how much it hurts

You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you

And when it's over, and it's gone

You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back

So that you could have the good

We found love –Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris-

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Elena Gilbert opened the door of the apartment and felt the cold air hit her face, it was thick and heavy and even though Caroline had made sure that it was ready for her comeback, the place still held the memory of being forgotten for too long.

She walked inside with her purple suitcase rolling behind her, all of her other things were supposed to arrive tomorrow, so right now it was just her and that suitcase. She closed the door and leaned herself against it for a little while.

After four years she was back in New York, this time for good, or at least that was what she wanted. She felt cold despite being on the inside so she hugged herself, trying to keep her body warm but deep down inside she knew the cold had nothing to do with the weather, and she hated him for it.

She walked towards the big glass window which had an amazing view of the city under her, the lights shining before her, a beautiful sight but she found herself unable to enjoy it. She'd lived in Paris for the last four years, visited wonderful places, tasted the most delicious food and lived the most amazing experiences a human being could live but she was never able to really enjoy it. Could someone be so broken that they can't enjoy the simplest of things? Could someone be broken forever?

When she was fifteen she believed in love, love at first sight, fairytale love, all kinds of love. She believed that the world could keep spinning because of that, because of the love that people shared. But now? Now she didn't believe in any of that stuff anymore. Now she knew what real life was.

Somehow she always felt like she didn't belong, like she was born in the wrong time and in the wrong place, like something was missing. She always wondered if everyone felt that way at some point of their lives or if it was just her. But when she was with him that feeling faded away, he was the piece that was missing, he was where she belonged. So how can you move on without being complete? How can you keep living without that other half of you?

Elena was a strong woman, she knew that. She had lost her parents when she was sixteen and yet she managed to take care of her little brother, she had helped Jenna with raising them, had finished a career and was a successful woman. Then how come a single man destroyed her whole world?

People often said that it was stupid to let your world crumble down because of a man, but she couldn't help it. He'd broken her beyond repair, and it wasn't really stupid, how can you keep being the same person when your heart isn't with you anymore?

She pressed her forehead against the cold glass of the window, the worst part was that she didn't really hate him; she still loved him like she did the first day she met him. She still remembered it as if it was yesterday, an eight year old girl crying because she scraped her knee in the backyard, her parents were too far to hear her but he wasn't. He didn't even know her but he placed his arms around her and held her tight while she sobbed, telling her everything would be okay and that his mom was a doctor, she would fix her.

That was the moment she loved him, the first boy she noticed as something more than a friend, her first kiss, her first everything. Sometimes she wished he was still that twelve-year-old boy she'd met back then, that his heart hadn't been so ruined with life's cruelty, that he could still be the man she once loved.

She knew that she couldn't keep thinking like that, Damon was her past, he was never going to be that guy again and she had to learn to accept that. Four years ago she ran away from all of this but now she would have to face it all again, and she wasn't running anymore.

The ring of her phone echoed in the entire apartment and brought her out of her trance, she walked to the table and picked it up before dropping herself on the couch to answer it.

"Hello!" Caroline and Bonnie both yelled on the other side of the phone. The excitement in their voices was palpable and Elena couldn't help but smile at this.

"It seems someone is happy I'm back."

"Of course we are Lena, we missed you so much." Bonnie said with emotion in her voice. Even though the girls had visited her several times over the last four years, it still wasn't like them all being together in the same city again.

"I missed you too girls, but now I'm back. For good." Both girls could hear the conviction in their friend's voice.

"Well, we need to celebrate." Caroline chirped excitedly. "So get ready we're picking you up in an hour!"

"No, Caroline, I'm really ti-"

"Don't! Don't fight me Lena, I know you're tired and all that but we are young only once!" Elena knew that Caroline wouldn't take a no for an answer but she couldn't help but try, after all she really wasn't in the mood to go out.

"I don't even have anything to wear Caroline, all my stuff arrives tomorrow." She whined.

"Well my dear friend, I already arranged that." Elena could picture Caroline smirking on the other side of the phone. "There's a brand new outfit hanging in your closet that's perfect for tonight."

"Caroline, you did not-"

"Yes, I did."

"So, we're picking you up!" Bonnie said with equal enthusiasm as Caroline. "Jeremy, Tyler, Matt, Rebekah and Stefan will be there."

"Stefan is going to be there?" Elena said with anxiety in her voice.

"Yes." Caroline said, letting out a sigh.

"Guys, how's- how's he?" both girls knew that she wasn't referring to Stefan.

"He's doing good for all we know." Caroline answered softly. "Apparently Giuseppe is planning his retirement and the company is going to stay in his charge. That's all we know."

"And what about Stefan, he doesn't know more?" Elena knew she shouldn't be asking those things. Just a few minutes ago her resolution had been to forget about him, but she just couldn't help herself.

"Well Elena, Damon and Stefan kind of lost contact." Bonnie answered quietly; Elena could hear the seriousness in her voice. She couldn't understand, Stefan and Damon were best friends, they always shared everything, their relationship was annoyingly codependent sometimes, then how come Damon lost contact with his own brother?

"Why?" she asked softly.

"Lena, Damon is not the same man he was when you dated him." Bonnie said in a soft tone, she knew the elder Salvatore brother was a sore subject with her friend.

"Well that's very clear Bonnie." She answered sarcastically.

"But he's not the same man he was when you left either." Caroline answered this time. "He's changed, he's detached and cold, he's even… cruel."

Elena couldn't believe what she was hearing, that couldn't be the same Damon she knew, after everything he put her trough she had no doubt that deep down he was a good man, she saw glimpses of the evil Damon the night of their breakup but she refused to believe that his good self was overshadowed by the other part, the part that destroyed her.

"Okay, enough about him." Elena said wiping away the few tears that had left her eyes. "I'll go get ready, pick me up in an hour."

"Yes!" both girls shrieked from the other side of the phone.

"We're going to have a blast ladies." She said happily before hanging up the phone and getting up off the couch.

The old Elena was coming back tonight. No more crying over Damon Salvatore, he certainly didn't deserve it.

And for the first time she saw her sun shining a little brighter.

The night was flowing marvelously; she had missed these people for so long. They were the ones she grew up with and being away from them for so long definitely had been hard on her. She hadn't realized how much she missed them until she felt Jeremy's arms around her.

They were currently in some of the most popular bars in the city according to Caroline, the six of them sitting on a little corner of the place and nothing felt more right to Elena, they had been laughing and remembering and for the first time in a while, she felt at home.

"So what are you planning to do now that you're here?" Stefan asked Elena softly.

"Well in Paris I was working for Elle magazine and they said they could transfer me but…"

"But what?" Caroline said urgently. Elena had grown up with a deep love for writing and fashion so working for a fashion magazine was her dream job, and Caroline couldn't think of anything better than to work at Elle.

"I want to give Vogue a try." Elena said with a smile.

"Are you serious?!" Caroline said excitedly.

"Yeah, now I just need to get an interview." Elena said with a pout

"Oh don't worry about that." Bonnie spoke softly with a smile on her face. "There's no one more persevering than you."

"That's true." Stefan said smiling. "You'll get it without any trouble."

"Let's change the subject, why isn't Matt here? I thought he was coming?" Elena said before sipping the last drops of her drink. "It hurts my pride, really." She said jokingly.

"Well he's probably with his new girlfriend April." Caroline said rolling her eyes. "But she doesn't like to mix, so don't expect to see him around so often." The annoyance in her voice was palpable and everyone on the table tried their best not to laugh at Caroline's attitude.

The blonde girl had dated Matt for three years, they had ended things two years ago, none of the gang knew the reason, that was something the couple wanted to keep private. They stayed as good friends but Elena always knew that her friend never got over it, Caroline still loved Matt and the brunette girl was pretty sure that Matt also loved her friend.

"And what about Bex?" Elena changed the subject quickly, not wanting the atmosphere to get any thicker which it would do if they kept talking about Matt and his girlfriend.

"Yeah Stefan, we thought she was coming with you." Bonnie commented while looking at the younger Salvatore.

"Well I didn't ask her to come." He answered simply.

"Err-why?" Jeremy asked confused.

"Because I need your help with something very important and she cannot know." Stefan's voice grew serious gaining the attention of everyone on the table.

"You cheated on her right?" Tyler said while drinking his vodka.

"No!" Stefan answered immediately and the whole group let out a sigh. "Did you guys actually think-" He shook his head lightly.

"Then what is it?" Jeremy asked impatiently.

"I'm going to propose."

"No way!" Tyler said slamming his glass down on the wooden table. "Dude, you're planning your funeral." That earned him a jab on the side by Caroline.

"You're so letting me plan your wedding!" the blonde girl chirped happily while clapping her hands. Caroline was one of the most talented event planners in NYC and Stefan had no doubt that she would turn his wedding into a fairytale.

"That is amazing Stefan." Elena and Bonnie both said in unison before starting to laugh at their incredible timing.

"We're happy for you." Elena said with a big smile on her lips.

"Thank you." He smiled back and stared deeply into her eyes. He knew how hard it was for Elena to be around him, because of the memories he evoked, they had been best friends since childhood and despite how much it hurt to be around him because of the memory of his brother she didn't allow that to change their friendship and he loved her deeply because of that.

"And what's the help for?" Jeremy asked still being a little confused.

"You boys are so plain." Bonnie muttered under her breath.

"You could write it in little post-its and put them all around her car and her house!" Caroline said excitedly while Stefan looked at her horrified.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He whispered.

"You could tattoo it on your butt." Tyler said with a smile.

"What a poor girl who'll marry you." Elena told Tyler with a grin.

"Oh I know!" Caroline said with a smile. "You could write it with candles like Chad Michael Murray did to Sophia Bush!"

"And then he cheated on her." Bonnie muttered. "So I think that's not such a good idea." Caroline thought about it for a second and then nodded to her friend.

"What about sand writing?" Elena spoke softly. "It's not very original, but it's really nice."

"You could take her on a trip to the beach or something and then at night you could show it to her." Caroline said with a small smile and dreamy eyes while the other girls on the table nodded at the idea.

"I think we have a winner!" Stefan said excitedly.

"And where's the ring?" Jeremy asked.

"I didn't bring it with me dumbass." Stefan said rolling his eyes. "But you're all gonna get the chance to see it."

While the gang kept joking around about Stefan's proposal she couldn't help but wish Damon was here. This was the kind of moments that they used to enjoy together… all of them. He had been an important part of their group and it was really sad that she was the only one who remembered that.

She lifted her eyes to watch Stefan and shared a quick look with him that let her know he was thinking the same. Bonnie said that they weren't close anymore and Elena knew he wanted to share this moment with his brother.

How was it that things had changed so much? Right now she couldn't even remember the moment when everything started to fall apart. She started to feel the overwhelming sadness that accompanied every thought of him and knew she needed a little time out.

"I'm going to the bathroom." She spoke softly and the people around her nodded, oblivious to everything she was feeling right now.

She splashed some water on her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror, her attempt to pass a night without his memory had started pretty well but now it was just trashy. If she had learned something over the last four years it was that no matter how far she was, she couldn't escape him.

Sometimes she wondered if he thought about her? Or if he had completely forgot about her?

She exited the bathroom and stopped at the bar to order herself another drink, she wanted to be alone for a little while before returning to the table. Once the bartender spotted her she asked for a strawberry Daiquiri.

"I see you still like the girly drinks." She heard the voice behind her and for a minute she thought she was dreaming. Her stomach started to get knots and her legs were about to give up underneath her. Seriously, what were the odds of meeting him here tonight? Destiny was just plain cruel.

She took a deep breath before turning around and staring at the pair of baby blues that keep appearing in her dreams. He was still dazzlingly beautiful, but he looked more mature now. Harder.

"My memory didn't serve you well." He spoke softly, slowly invading her personal space. "You look even more gorgeous than what I remember." He said playing with a strand of her hair.

Her hair was different, now it fell in curls instead of having the straightened look she always had and her face looked a bit different, it didn't hold the same innocence as before, now it was tamed with a deep sadness that he knew was because of him. But that didn't make her less beautiful, no, she was as equally stunning as she was four years ago.

"What do you want Damon?" her voice was a shaky whisper. She wanted to be strong, wanted to show him that he didn't affect her as before but she couldn't. Not when all she wanted was to throw herself in his arms and beg him to take her back.

"I was just saying hi, it's been a long time." The smirk she loved so much appeared on his face, but it was different this time, there was a coldness in his eyes that didn't let her enjoy it like before. "I missed you." He leaned closer and placed a soft kiss onto her lips.

Elena knew he was playing her, like he did so many times in the past. But she couldn't help but explode with joy at the feel of his lips against hers. She had missed him so much, why was he hurting her like this? Had he not done enough?

"You still taste as amazing as before." He murmured next to her lips. His right hand started to trace small circles on her hip and Elena almost closed her eyes at the feeling.

"What do you want Damon?" the voice of Caroline brought Elena back to the present and she lifted her eyes to find her best friend behind the man in front of her.

"Missed you too Blondie." Damon said sarcastically. "I was just saying hi to Lena." The name was a caress against his tongue.

"Well you said it already, now get lost." Caroline fixed a bright, annoyed smile on her face and stared intently into his eyes.

"What if I don't want to?" he provoked her. "I know Lena doesn't want me to leave." He turned his eyes to look at Elena who couldn't do anything else but stare back at him. She hated herself in that moment, it didn't matter how strong she was, or successful, when she was with him she still felt like that fifteen year old she once was.

"Damon please, just leave." Stefan said appearing next to Caroline.

"Oh it's been a while brother." Damon said sardonically while looking at Stefan. Thousand of emotions going in his blue eyes.

"I know." Stefan answered while looking deeply at his brother.

"Fine, I'll leave. But only because you asked for it." He said to Stefan before turning around and placing a rebellious curl behind Elena's ear. "It's been a pleasure Lena." He whispered before leaning in and placing a kiss on her cheek.

Elena watched him disappear in the crowd and felt the enormous need to start crying, but she didn't. She couldn't let him take anything else out of her.

She was aware of Caroline's arms around her and the soothing words she kept repeating, but it was like everything else had just vanished, she felt numb, the memory of his lips still burning on her skin and her drink long forgotten.

So? Do you guys think it's worth it?