Bernie awoke on Valentine 's Day acutely aware that she should be waking up next to the woman she loves, but because she loved Serena so much she had respected Serena's decision to want space. Space that now was growing. But Bernie knew this was temporary, hoped it was temporary. Knowing full well that Serena only had to ask and she would be there.
Their day at work had not been without challenges. Bernie did not want to say that Serena had come back too soon but she clearly was not coping. It really wrangled her heart that she had to take control of the situation and pull Serena up on the strange and frankly worrying behaviour.
As she drove home her mind wandered to Jasmine, how she had walked in on Bernie finding all those bottles in their office. How quick she had been to defend Serena. She was still figuring that one out. Not to dwell on for now. The thing to dwell on was that despite the emotions of the day Serena wanted her to go over tonight, she was letting her walls down. The embrace in their office was the most contact they had, had both physically and mentally.
"I don't want us to fall apart" She thought about those words she spoke as they held each other. She had never meant anything more seriously. Being with Serena was not about anything but pure love and being there for one another. Even with everything going on Bernie did not feel the need to run. Quite the opposite, Serena was a magnet. Her magnet.
She arrived home, and sorted herself out, wanting to be with Serena as soon as possible. Not wanting to miss out on a minute, wanting to show Serena that if she called, Bernie would be there.
She hesitated as she left the flat picking up the small box from the side containing the valentine's gift she had for Serena. She was still in two minds about it and decided that she would gauge the situation to see if this was something that Serena wanted to do. The romance side of things had died along with Elinor and Bernie cringed at this direct comparison in her mind. Berating herself for even making that comparison. Fact was this was something unavoidable and despite the ups and downs of it all she knew whole heartedly that she was in this for the long run with Serena. No question in her mind. What they had was not based on a foundation of lust and sex. It was something more solid.
She headed over to Serena's and knocked at the door, hoping not to find Serena in a drunken stupor. The door opened fairly swiftly, this reassured Bernie. Serena appeared, she had changed into comfortable clothes. Bernie thought she looked beautiful in her oversized woollen jumper.
Bernie smiled widely as Serena opened the door further to let her in. "Hope you're hungry?"
"You know me." Bernie confirmed tipping her head to one side in acknowledgement as she took of her coat.
Bernie noticed that quiet music was playing and the place was fairly dark, "Jason?" She queried.
Serena smiled, "At Celia's. Forget that it's valentine's day, its Tuesday. Lord knows the struggle should Valentine 's Day fall on a day outside of 'the routine'. "She made quotation marks with her fingers. Bernie laughed heartily, which in turn made Serena laugh. A rare thing these days.
As they entered the kitchen Bernie smiled as she knew Serena had made one of her favourites. Home made chicken kiev's, wedges and salad. Serena busied herself at the worktop cutting salad, she had timed it to perfection. "Would you like a drink?" She asked as she finished off the salad bowl.
"I'll have what you're having." Bernie replied.
Serena walked over to Bernie and stroked her cheek, "we can share a bottle?" It was more a question, less statement.
"Yes darling. I would like that."
Bernie was tasked with sorting drinks as Serena plated up the food. The sat adjacently as they ate and exchanged small talk. It was easy, the easiest they had been for a while. As they finished up and Serena took away their dishes she reappeared with an envelope for Bernie. Not a valentine's card envelope but a manila envelope. Bernie looked suspiciously at it as Serena slid it in front of her willing her to open it. "Sorry I didn't get you a card, I just couldn't find one for…"
Bernie laughed, "Yeah, um, same."
She handled the envelope and pulled the contents out as she read the printed email. "A race day at Oulton Park?"
Serena nodded.
"You, you got me, this?"
Serena nodded again, "Yes."
"But how did you, um"
Serena held her hand "I can't take the credit. I told Jason I needed to get you something special…"
Bernie placed her other hand over theirs. "It's perfect."
She wanted to kiss Serena, she was so thankful. But they had not been intimate in weeks and she certainly did not want to break that duck. She knew it would have to be Serena to make such moves. Serena brushed Bernie's cheek with a tear in her eye and placed her forehead against Bernie's. "Really, you like it."
"I love it, I love you."
Serena leaned forward and kissed Bernie tenderly, "I love you too."
"Good to know Ms Campbell, wait here, I have something for you." Bernie got up and went to her bag for the box. A feeling of trepidation cascaded over her as she reflected that her shitty gift to Serena was nowhere near a match to her day at Oulton Park. Better than nothing though she thought.