No Joke
Helga Shortman sat on top of the bathroom counter giving the plastic stick sitting to her left the side eye. The door to the ensuite open just a crack so she could her husband in their bed, still sleeping and snoring softly every couple minutes. Her monthly had only been three days late, which had many times before without resulting in a pregnancy, but she and Arnold hadn't actually been trying then. They had been having unprotected sex for a while now, so it had been a real possibility that she was pregnant. Normally she'd wait until she was a week late before she'd take a pregnancy test, but she broke down and bought a test on her way home from work the night before. She just couldn't wait the week this time.
She hadn't told Arnold that she thought she might be pregnant. She didn't want to get his hopes up. Why cause him unnecessary disappointment?
Her phone vibrated loudly on the bathroom counter, snapping Helga out of her thoughts. She quickly snatched it up and turned off the timer. She took a peak out the door to see Arnold stirring slightly, but remaining asleep.
Her heart was racing and she had to tell herself it was okay if it was negative. Maybe it was too early to detect a pregnancy and if she wasn't pregnant there was always next month. Helga took a deep breath, preparing herself before she looked at the outcome of the pregnancy test.
There was a little blue plus sign! She's pregnant! Holy shit, she was having a baby…
She had to tell Arnold! This was worth waking him up for.
She hopped off the bathroom counter and made her way to Arnold's side of the bed, the positive pregnancy test in hand. She sat down on the bed next to Arnold. "Arnold…" She whispered quietly. Her free hand caressing his back and she gave him a peck on the cheek to wake up. "Babe. Wake up." Another kiss.
"Mmm…" Arnold yawned as he rubbed the sleep out of eyes, "I could get used to you waking me up like that." He grinned lazily as he pulled her into a quick kiss. "Good morning."
She smiled back at him, "Good morning." Her heart fluttered, "I'm pregnant."
"What?"
"I'm pregnant." Her smile widened as she presented him the positive test. "We're going to have a baby!"
Arnold took the test from her, blinking several times, an unrecognizable look on his face. "You're really losing your touch, you know that right?" He commented as he tossed the blankets to side as he slid out of bed.
Helga, still sitting in bed, was baffled. That was not the reaction she was expecting. She sat in silence for a moment and watched her husband disappear into the bathroom to relieve himself. Shaking her head, she walked into the bathroom. "What the heck are you talking about?"
Arnold flushed the toilet before washing his hands. "I have to admit, the positive test was a good touch. Did you get it off Craigslist? But a fake pregnancy? Helga, you can do better."
"What in the hell are you talking about Football Head? I think this is the last reaction I thought you'd have when I told you this." Helga was completely confused. "Why the heck would I buy a pregnancy test from Craigslist?"
"Your prank from two years ago was way better. You had me completely convinced that Gerald wanted to, you know, be with us."
"Oh! It's April 1st!" Helga finally got it. She had completely forgotten that it was April fool's day. Now Arnold's reaction made sense. "I promise. This is not an April fool's joke. Actually I didn't have anything planned for today. I didn't even remember that was my year to get you." A few years after they started dating the decided to take turns with their April fool's jokes. It got pretty messy when they both tried to prank. It was the reason why Arnold couldn't get his deposit back from his first apartment.
"Riiiight. After what I did to you last year, you forgot." He tsked, "You really are losing your touch." He felt her forehead, "Are you feeling okay?"
He had gotten her pretty good last year. He told her that he told Bob and Miriam that they could stay at their house why Helga's childhood home was being remodeled. She was livid and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day. He barely got her to talk to him to tell her it was all a joke.
"Seriously, Arnold. I wouldn't lie about this. We've both had our fair share of April fool's lies, but I wouldn't go this far!"
"Helga, when we were thirteen you told me you died and I was the only one who could see your spirit."
"Hahaha." Helga laughed, "I still can't believe you fell for that one."
"You got my grandparents to go in on it! I thought you were dead for like six hours!"
Helga laughed even harder, "That's what makes it so funny. But I promise. This is real. I'm pregnant. You are going to be a daddy." She groaned, "You still don't believe me!"
"Over the years you've pretended that you were blind, dead, tricked me into thinking you dyed your hair red, that my best friend wanted to have a threesome with us, and that you had a sex dream about my cousin Arnie. I'm no chump. You can't get me the way you used to. I have to say though, telling me you're pregnant when we are trying to have a baby is a little cruel."
"Six years ago you wanted call off the wedding and break up. You started moving boxes out of our apartment! I was in tears all day. You don't get to call me cruel! Besides, I repeat, this is not a joke!"
"Okay, I believe you. You are totally pregnant." Arnold was clearly being sarcastic.
"Ugh!" Helga groaned, "I'm not pranking you!"
Later that day when Helga and Arnold went shopping at Target, she forced him to walk through the baby department even though he was still completely unconvinced that she was actually pregnant, "Ooh! Arnold look at this one!" It was a sleeper with little sheep printed all over it with a bib that said 'I love my Daddy'. "It's gender neutral, I'm going to buy it." She got a little teary eyed as she paced the sleeper in their cart, "I can't believe we're buying our baby its first outfit."
"I would tell you not waste money on a failing joke, but when you are actually pregnant that will be pretty darn cute."
At dinner Arnold simply rolled his eyes when Helga ordered a lemonade instead of a beer or some other alcoholic beverage.
By the time they were getting ready for bed Arnold still refused to believe that Helga was pregnant. He knew how his wife operated. The second he'd get excited she'd say, 'Ha! April fools!' and make him feel like an idiot. He wasn't going to fall for it this time!
Helga looked over at Arnold, who was sound asleep. It was 11:58. She just needed to wait three more minutes. She played a level a candy crush as she waited. At precisely 12:01, April 2nd Helga shook Arnold, "Arnold! Wake up!"
"What? What's wrong?! Is someone in the house?" Arnold sat up, ready to fight off any intruder.
"No one's in the house." Helga assured him.
"Why'd you wake me up?" He grumbled, "It's after midnight."
"I'm pregnant."
"Helga it's not April fools anymore. You can drop it the act."
"Arnold, you are going to be a father."
"Wait. You're for real. You're not kidding?"
"We're having a baby." Helga confirmed, nodded, "I'm pregnant."
Arnold broke out into a toothy grin, "We're having a baby!" He hugged her before placing his hands on her stomach. Tears were forming in his eyes, "I love you so much."
Helga smiled and she snuggled up against him. "See, that's the reaction I was expecting."