So this is my first Glee fic. I watched Special Education and I wanted to cry. As you can tell I ship Finchel. I just needed there to be some kind of thing that outlined what Rachel was thinking when she did what she did. I really hope you enjoy it. And feedback would be very much appreciated. I mean seriously it will MAKE my day. By the way, this is a one-shot but there might be a second chapter that will be a one-shot from Finn's point of view.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters, I'm just using the characters and putting my own spin on things.
One Can Only Hope
I never thought you could be this mean.
Finn's words continue to ring through her ears even after the both of them have parted ways.
She never really thought of herself as mean. Driven, Abrasive, Conceited at times, maybe even a little selfish, but never mean. She saved that label for the likes of Santana and other people who deserved it, but she never thought she'd be categorized as someone who fit that genre.
Okay so she'd done some pretty harsh things before. Like telling Finn about Puck and Quinn. When it wasnt any of her buisness in the first place. She could say it was being a good friend and that would work if she didnt have alterior motives for doing it. Sending Sunshine Corazon to that crack house. Definitely not her best moment. And yes she'll admit it wasn't completely about keeping the club a family even though that was at least an itty bit of the truth. Or quitting the club because of a solo Mr. Schue gave Tina. All self centered things that she can honestly say she regrets. But in the end she always made up for it somehow. Or atleast she tried to, anyway.
Ever since Finn and her became a real couple she had tried so hard to be a better person, to be more like him. Because he was just so full of goodness, almost everyone was a better person when they were around him. (Hence his nickname: Finnocence) But apparently it didn't get her anywhere. She was still the same old Rachel Berry.
When she and Finn started dating she'd had this secret fear that any day he might break up with her for someone else. Someone who wasn't considered a geek or lame, she even had Quinn make an offer, but he stayed with her despite her social status. Thats what insecurity does to you.
When she found out that Finn had lied to her about being a virgin, sure, the fact it wasn't his first time bugged her, but for some reason Santana was what really got under her skin.
All she could find herself asking was why her? Why out of all the people in the school did it have to be Santana Lopez? She knew that it shouldn't matter. But it did.
Finn lied, but they could have easily gotten over that and been stronger for it. That's how they worked. How they were supposed to work.
He hadn't even been with her at the time. She'd been with Jesse. She'd lied to him then too. So she should have been reasonable about it, but it's Santana. The girl who ridiculed and humiliated her on a daily basis. The girl Finn said was 'super hot'. And for some reason she can't make herself forget that.
The thing is Santana is the complete opposite of her. Their looks are most definitely not paralleled. While Rachel has long brown locks, Santana has medium length shiny, jet black hair. Rachel's eyes are a soft brown while Santana's are a mysterious dark mocha. Let's not forget their clashing personalities. They aren't even remotely the same. Which makes her wonder, what's Finn's appeal to her if he slept with Santana? They couldn't be more different and that worries her.
And when she saw Santana and Finn exchanging smirks in the hallway that day she couldn't help but feel panicky. Usually she'd just ignore Santana's comments but the one she recited that day really penetrated her armor of self confidence.
She was hurt, and angry, and vulnerable. So when Puck mysteriously appeared it seemed like the perfect opportunity to strike back. She didn't plan on sleeping with him, just kissing, trying to get her mind off the image of Santana on top of Finn.
It turned out that not even the sweet lips of Noah Puckerman could take her mind off Finn Hudson. He'd left her room, proposing he had no intention of hurting Finn again. He'd left before she got the chance to talk to him about what had happened and assure him that wasn't her intention, but he was gone before she could even open her mouth to speak.
Sectionals came around and she had no solos. A new initiative proposed by Mr. Shue. She protested all the while thinking of forgiving Finn and getting on with their relationship. She ignored her teammates annoyed glares as she continued to complain about her lack of solos.
But when they got there Kurt and her were talking and she found out that everyone knew about Santana and Finn. The entire club knew and they had let her sit in the dark. She put on a happy face for Kurt as he sang and tried to flush out the anger toward her fellow Glee members. People who were supposed to be her friends, people who were supposed to be her 'family'.
Before they went on, it was a mess. Everyone was angry or pissed with someone else and it took a pep talk from Mr. Shue to get everyone back on track.
She admits that Quinn and Sam did an amazing job and she's smiling when its confirmed they'll be going to regionals albeit with a tie but nonetheless moving forward. She almost feels like there's hope again.
Finn and her eventually talk, and try to reconcile about the latest transpiring events. He apologizes and promises to be honest with her from then on. That's when she hears her conscious calling. So she does the right thing and tells him about Puck. Her moment of weakness and vulnerability.
Finn doesn't take it well. Hell, she wouldn't either if she was him. She wants to work this out but even before he says it she knows what's coming and she knows she deserves it.
He breaks up with her, just like she suspects. And they walk away from each other with heavy hearts and glistening, tear filled eyes.
She knows she was wrong. That what she did to Finn was so much worse then the lie he told her. She wants to say that Finn and her will end up together because they're meant to be, but she's not sure if he'll ever forgive her. She loves him and maybe he loves her just enough to take her back. One can only hope.