Hello! Oooh, my first story on this account. X3 Be warned: this has had very little editing from the first time I scribbled it down during Spanish class.

Enjoy!

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"Have the courage to live. Anyone can die." –Robert Cody

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"You stupid Jew!"

Kyle cracked into laughter as Cartman stared venomously at the radio. A few seconds before, the electronic device had been in the process of cranking out the first few notes of "Come Sail Away", causing the roundest member of our group to grimace in anticipation. The redhead in back with me (Cartman had called shotgun, and Stan was the only one we really trusted enough to drive) had grinned slyly and leaned forward into the front end of the car, shutting off the radio and covering the on/off switch with his hand. Cartman was trying desperately in vain to turn the thing back on, grumbling the lyrics he was missing under his breath. Not much had changed in all these years.

Yup, it was still fucking hilarious to watch...until I noticed something even better to focus my attention on. I struggled not to drool as my eyes fixated on Kyle's rear end, moving around every time the car went over a bump. Stan caught my lecherous gaze in the rear-view mirror and met it with a disapproving stare.

I merely leered back apologetically. Really, how could I not stare at it, especially when it was right in my face? Everyone knew that Kyle had a nice ass, no matter how much the easily embarrassed Jew denied it. Being the pervert I was, it was a fight to not just reach out and...

Oh, shit.

Kyle froze in surprise, giving Cartman his much needed opening; music wafted through the small space once more. His brunet adversary, not spotting the cause for Kyle's sudden silence, leaned back in a contented manner, closing his eyes.

Caught red-handed, I slowly withdrew my palm, scrunching my fingers into a fist in an attempt to demonstrate that I wouldn't try that again. Kyle didn't seem to notice.

"K-Kenny, did you just...did you just..."

Ohhh, he should have been punished for looking that cute and flustered. Flushed cheeks, averted gaze...simply adorable. I couldn't keep the pleased grin off of my face as he sank back down into his seat with a scandalized expression.

Stan, determined to ignore everything that had just happened, spoke abruptly: "We're here."

Where was here? The middle of nowhere.

I'm not exaggerating- one of Kyle's many uncles owned a small farm about an hour away from South Park, complete with a red barn and everything. Normally the redhead went there every year by himself, but this time, he'd brought us all along with him. Fun, fun. Well, if it was for Kyle, I could stand a few days. And I'd probably get better fed here than I ever did at home.

The long, dirt pathway up to the house seemed like miles, so I entertained myself by staring through the cornstalks, examining the ground where the plants grew from. I could hear the whir of machines somewhere close by.

Suddenly, something caught my eye: a twenty dollar bill, just lying there in on the ground. My eyes widened. I dove out into the stalks, my hand flying out to grab the money on impulse, and then the last thing I heard before dying was Kyle shrieking my name in fear.

Apparently, one is not supposed to run out in front of farming machines with sharp, moving blades just to grab twenty bucks. Hmm.

Who knew?

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Death by Machinery;

Fatalities per year: 350