Witchy Woman

Miss Almira Gulch awoke and opened her eyes. She was lying on her back with her head on a fluffy pillow in a comfortable bed located near an open window in a small bedroom. A large mahogany dresser stood in the corner of the room with several knick-knacks placed neatly on the top; faded photographs dotted the off-white walls in an assortment of frames; the sun shone brightly through the open window and a soft breeze gently moved the lace curtains. So, after taking some time to observe her surroundings, she asked the obvious question: "Where am I?"

"You're in your room." said a voice near her ear.

"Bah!" Almira protested. "I've never been here before."

"You most certainly have."

"Have not!"

"Whatever, I'm not going to argue."

Almira turned her head and looked hard at the homely spinster sitting primly in the chair next to her bed. "And just who are you?" she demanded.

"Why, Almira," said the surprised woman, "you know who I am."

"No I don't! I've never seen you before."

"I'm Iris, your sister."

"Bah! You're not my sister. My sister is dead."

"Dead? Really?"

"That's what I said."

"I don't remember dying."

"Who was talking about you?"

"Almira, what is this nonsense?"

"Wait a minute. I just remembered. I'm dead too. You could be my sister… I suppose."

"I am your sister."

"Is this the afterlife? Can't say I like it much."

"Almira, I think that fall you took must have addled your brain."

"Fall? What fall?"

"Well, it seems you were riding home on your bicycle when a twister caught you up into the sky and dropped you like a sack of potatoes."

"I don't know what you're talking about; that never happened."

"It most certainly did happen. I found you in the field unconscious. Your bicycle was lying on the ground all mangled up a few feet away. I've been very worried."

"I think I would have remembered something like that; and since I don't, it didn't happen."

"Oh dear," said Iris, with a sigh, "I'm afraid you must have amnesia."

"Bah!" said Almira, indignantly. "I don't have amnesia. I remember exactly where I was before I opened my eyes in this room."

"Okay, so where were you?"

"I was in Oz, chasing some brat and her henchmen through my castle and trying to get those ruby slippers she stole from you."

"Oz? Castle?"

"And I had them cornered too when that little brat threw a pail of water on me and killed me."

"Killed you with a pail of water?"

"Melted right into the floor I did."

"I think you just had a strange dream."

"Bah! It wasn't a dream."

"Never mind." said Iris, rising from her chair. "I'm glad you're finally awake. I'll go make something to eat."

"It wasn't a dream." muttered Almira, as she listened to her sister's footsteps echo on the hardwood floor.

Miss Almira Gulch climbed out of the bed and walked over to the window. Flat farmland stretched out as far as the eye could see. Though she was not known for being sentimental, she did feel a touch of melancholy at that moment. She was missing her dank dingy castle, her dark spooky forest and her faithful minions (she didn't know they had celebrated her passing). When she turned to have another look at the quaintly decorated bedroom she wondered: "Who in Oz would want to live in a place like this?"

In the kitchen, a kitchen one might expect to find in a house inhabited by two old maids; with sturdy furniture and appliances, lace on the windows and tablecloth and flower print walls decorated with needlework, chinaware and old photographs, Iris picked up the listening end of a box-type telephone on the wall and turned the crank. "Mabel," she said, into the talking end, "please connect me with Dr. Johnson."

"Aha!" yelled Almira, suddenly appearing in the doorway.

Iris just about jumped out of her shoes.

"I knew I couldn't trust you."

"Sit down, Almira," said Iris, "I'm just calling the doctor."

"Why?"

"To tell him about your amnesia of course."

"I told you I don't have amnesia. Where's that food you promised?"

"Just a second. I'll make something after I talk to the doctor."

"Don't take all day." Almira grumbled, plopping down in a chair by the kitchen table. "What does someone have to do to get some service around here?"

"Dr. Johnson?" said Iris. "Is that you? I can hardly hear you. Mabel? Are you eavesdropping?"

Iris heard a click on the line and then Dr. Johnson's voice came on loud and clear. "Oh," she said, "there you are doctor. This is Iris, Iris Gulch. It's about Almira. It seems she has amnesia."

"I don't have amnesia." said Almira, angrily. "Weren't you listening? I remember exactly where I was before I woke up in this strange place. I was in Oz, in my castle, ruling over my minions. Everything was perfect… until that brat showed up."

"Yes doctor." said Iris. "What's that? Wait to see if it clears up? I see… So there isn't any kind of medicine you can give her? I see… Thank you doctor. Goodbye."

Iris sighed as she hung up the phone and walked over to the stove.

"Hey you!" said Almira. "I have a question."

"Yes, Almira," said Iris, with another sigh, "what is it?"

"What in Oz am I wearing?"

"What do you think you're wearing? You're wearing your pajamas."

"These aren't my pajamas."

"They most certainly are."

"They're powder blue. I wouldn't be caught dead in powder blue; it clashes with my skin."

Iris didn't know what she meant by that so she just let it go.

Almira stewed and grumbled in the chair with her arms crossed. Two eggs sizzled in a frying pan on the stove. A bird sang cheerfully in the tree outside the kitchen window which annoyed Almira to know end.

"Hey you!" she barked. "I need to get back to Oz. How do I get there from here?"

"Almira," said Iris, while spreading some freshly churned butter onto a slice of toasted bread, "there is no such place."

"There is too! I lived there all my life. And you did too, if you really are my sister like you say."

"Almira, listen to me, we've lived here in this house all of our lives."

"Here? In this house? With everything so doggone light and airy? I couldn't possibly live in a place like this."

"Well, believe me, you do and you have. Here's your breakfast."

Almira looked at the plate Iris had just set down in front of her on the table. "What's this?" she asked, contemptuously.

"Eggs and toast." Iris replied.

"I can't eat that." Almira pushed the plate away. "Make something else."

"You eat this every morning."

"I do not!"

Iris just shook her head, turned around and headed toward the living room.

"Hey you!" demanded Almira. "I said I want something else!"

"No." said Iris.

Almira jumped to her feet and screamed: "You dare to defy me? I'll turn you into a toad."

"Go ahead."

"I will! Just see if I don't!"

"Just eat your breakfast." said Iris, with a sigh and a shake of her head. "I've got to see who's at the door."

"I will turn you into a toad." said Almira, then she sat down and muttered, "Just as soon as I remember the spell."

Iris walked through the living room and into the foyer then opened the front door. "Why, hello, Dorothy. Hello Zeke, Hickory, Hunk," she said, "what brings you here?"

"Hello, Miss Gulch." said Dorothy, with a curtsy. "I came to apologize to Miss Gulch and ask her to please give Toto another chance." She was holding Toto in her arms and he yipped when he heard his name.

"Why, how thoughtful."

"You!" screamed Almira Gulch, with narrowed eyes and pointed finger. "You murderer! You cold-blooded murderer!" She had followed Iris into the foyer.

"What?" said Dorothy, startled and confused. "But I…"

Almira moved quickly and aggressively toward Dorothy but Zeke, Hickory and Hunk were quicker and stepped in front of her.

"N-now hold on a minute." said Zeke.

"So you've found some courage, have you?" said Almira, poking him in the chest. "Bah! A lot of good it'll do you."

"Huh?"

"You're just as guilty as she is, you are you know. I'll make the whole lot of you pay for what you did, you just wait and see."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Don't play innocent with me. You know what you did."

"Um…" said Hunk, raising his hand, "could you give us a clue?"

"Murder, you idiot, cold-blooded murder."

"And…" said Hickory, "just who was murdered?"

"Me, you idiot. Me! Who do you think was murdered? The four of you crept into my castle just for that purpose; lured me into a trap and threw water on me you did. You did; don't deny it. Now I'll make you pay. Maybe not right this minute, but I'll make you pay. You just wait and see."

Dorothy, Zeke, Hickory and Hunk, being utterly confused, looked at Iris, but she just shrugged her shoulders and grinned feebly.

Almira turned around and stomped angrily away.

"You'll have to excuse Almira." said Iris. "She's not herself today."

"I heard that!" yelled Almira, from another room.

"Why don't the four of you run along now? I'm sure she'll be fine when she's cooled off a bit."

The four friends left the house completely bewildered.

"It's a good thing we decided to come with you, Dorothy." said Hickory, with a hand over his heart. "No telling what she would have done if you were alone."

"Yeah," said Zeke, pulling a handkerchief out of his back pocket and mopping his brow, "scary."

"Dorothy," said Hunk, as they strolled down the path, "wasn't there something like that in your dream?"

"Yes," said Dorothy, "I threw water on the wicked witch and she melted."

"But how would Miss Gulch know about that? And how…?"

"You won't get away that easily!" shrieked Miss Almira Gulch.

The four friends stopped in their tracks and looked all around but couldn't figure out where the voice was coming from. Then Hickory patted Zeke on the shoulder and pointed at the roof of the Gulch's two-story farmhouse. Almira Gulch was standing on the roof holding a broom in her hand.

"I'll make your lives miserable." Almira screamed, then laughed fiendishly and went on: "I'll burn down your houses. I'll lay waste to your fields. I'll put you to sleep for a hundred years. I'll lock you in a tower. I'll turn you into toads. I'll throw you into an oven and make gingerbread out of you. I'll make your lives so unbearable you'll wish you were dead. I'll…"

Dorothy and her friends looked on in astonishment as Almira raged. Then they watched in horror as she straddled the broom, leaped off of the roof and, as you might well imagine, dropped like a sack of potatoes into a heap on the ground.

Springing into action, after overcoming their initial shock, Zeke, Hickory and Hunk ran toward Miss Gulch while Dorothy ran toward the house.

"Miss Gulch," she yelled, "Miss Gulch, Miss Gulch jumped off of the roof. Come quick. Oh, do come quick."

Hearing the commotion, Iris opened the door and asked Dorothy to repeat herself. When she finally understood what Dorothy was trying to say, she ran to where her sister was lying on the ground. The three men were standing nearby unsure of what to do.

"Almira," said Iris, "can you hear me?"

Miss Almira Gulch sat up, shook the cobwebs out of her head and looked around. When she saw Dorothy holding Toto she became very angry. "You!" she said, fiercely. "Give me that dog!"

"No," said Dorothy, defiantly, "you can't have him."

"Give me that dog!" screamed Almira, jumping to her feet and shaking her fist.

Zeke, Hickory and Hunk stepped in front of Dorothy.

"N-now hold on a minute." said Zeke.

"Get out of my way!" demanded Almira Gulch, angrily trying to push the men aside.

"No, Miss Gulch." said the men, standing firm. "You can't have the dog."

"I will have that dog!" Almira screeched, then she turned and stalked toward the house while ranting and raving: "You just wait and see. I'll call the sheriff I will. I will have that dog. You'll see. Get in my way, will you? You won't get away with it. You…" The front door slammed and they heard her no more.

"Well," said Iris, bending over to pick up the broom, "she's back... I think." Then she straightened up and noticed the anxious look on Dorothy's face. "Don't worry, Dorothy. I'll speak with Almira and the Sheriff for you. I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement."

"Oh, thank you, Miss Gulch!" said Dorothy, enthusiastically. Toto barked his approval and the men smiled and nodded their heads.

"But do me a favor, will you?" said Iris, with a sigh. "Forget everything you saw today.

THE END