Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments universe or any other elements that could be recognized from the books. That right lies solely to the original author of the series, Cassandra Clare. I do own any OOCs that will make an appearance and all the original elements. Now that I've stated that, enjoy your reading.
Prologue
She stood in the cemetery unmoving…she was alone. Completely alone now. It only took a moment's notice and the inattentiveness of a driver and everything was taken from her. Everything she had lived for. Her family…even her dog. They were all gone. Buried six feet under now.
She felt cold, even if it was the middle of summer. She was shivering. The other friends had already left the cemetery, only she had remained. Unable to take her eyes off the square of land that now housed everything her life had stood for. She couldn't cry…her eyes were painfully dry. And oh, how she wished she could have cried.
A shiver made its way through her body, but she paid it no mind. It didn't matter now…nothing mattered anymore. She had given everything up for her family – her future, her chance of building a family of her own. She had invested everything. And now she lost everything.
Of course, she had lost some things before that. Hearing that she could never have children of her own, being torn apart inside by the man that she once loved with everything she had.
She smiled realizing that it had all been a gradual process…first the love of her life turned sour, that her father had died, finding out that she could never have children of her own and now this. She had nothing left and a bitter smile worked its way up to her face. It was over…her life was over. She was dead…she just wasn't in the ground yet. She would be…there was no doubt.
She briefly toyed with the idea of slitting her wrists right then and there with the scalpel she always wore in her bag. A remnant of past habits and her job. Just like all the scars her body wore beneath the clothes. But the idea was squashed ruthlessly. She didn't deserve the peace, the silence her soul cried out for. Everything she touched, she sundered. She would take her place in the ground…once God granted her wish. Once she deserved the oblivion. Not a moment sooner.
Drawing a shivering breath she opened her eyes, taking in the freshly turned earth on the two graves.
"I have to pay for being what I am." The whisper was low, almost a whisper, but the wind stole her words and carried them away. The cemetery was always windy. It felt fitting, almost as if the dead were walking among the graves and their insubstantial forms were contained in the air.
A thunder rolled in the distance bringing her somewhat closer to reality. It was a bright morning when the funerals had taken place, now, in the low light, it seemed like hours had sped by, like it was late in the evening. Throwing a look at her wristwatch, she realized it was already 9 pm.
"I should be going home…" she whispered, but made no move as to turn and go for the car parked close by. Where was home? Every being she had ever cared for was here…in the ground. This was home now. But she knew she could not stay, no matter how much she wanted. Already, the cemetery guards were coming towards her with flashlights in their hands, no doubt to send her on her way before the cemetery gates were closed for the night.
For a moment, she entertained the idea of running for the woods – it wasn't a long distance, hide there and spend her night on the fresh graves, but her body was screaming with exhaustion. She couldn't move even if she wanted. She felt hands touching her shoulders and she shied back. She was tainted. Everything she touched, everything that touched her, fell apart.
"Ma'am, it's time for you to go. I'm sorry for your loss, but the cemetery gates will be closing in 5 minutes. You can't stay here." The guard's voice was low and she drew a shivering breath.
"Of course, thank you. I'm sorry for staying so late." Her voice was hoarse, almost as if she had screamed too much. "I'll be on my way now. Good night, sir."
Her hands felt numb as she pushed the car keys into ignition…she felt numb all over, even as her soul was screaming. It was screaming so loud that she was partly surprised that the man had not heard it. But it was ok, she was used to not being heard. She was alone. Just as she sould.