Title: Love Bound All Things
Summary: He wanted to learn how it was to love. She was afraid of getting hurt again. Time was all they needed.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Tezu/OC
Disclaimer: Konomi-sensei's, not mine. Don't sue.
Note/s: Machine-edited. Blame Microsoft Word Office. Heh.
There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-6 TMSG
Blame Fuji and his back-stabbingly malicious schemes for putting him in a situation. It was not a surprise Tezuka held a look that spelled trouble any time soon. He had a sudden urge to hit something. Hard. Brown blonde, blue eyes and heart-shaped face sounded good enough. He swore under his breath the tensai would not get away with this unscathed.
What started with a lame dare once upon a time spiraled down to something Tezuka couldn't possible get out of. Yes, he had consented to the idea, but Tezuka was not in the right state of mind to make any sane decisions at that time. Lame as his excuse was, the fact that he could not think straight after two downs of vodka, counted as valid. He had tried to argue, but Fuji wasn't listening. He had wanted to jump at the tensai's throat right then and there.
Nonetheless, Tezuka couldn't back down from his word because he had a reputation to protect. Thus, here he was—here they were, the whole team in general—jumping from one table to another on a speed-dating event Fuji and his sister had organized. Tezuka saw a devilish glint on his eyes for a split-second as he held his camera snapping photos of them here and there. He had finished seven rolls of film already and who knew how many more were there. It was all Tezuka could do not to bang his head on the table repeatedly.
The bell buzzed, signaling them to move to another table and with a groan, Tezuka wobbled slightly toward a table with a girl with heavy make-up waiting for him. Wait for this to end, Fuji would kiss the grave soon.
Meanwhile, the tensai was enjoying himself while flitting hither and yon, trying not to miss any spontaneous moments his friends were having among these girls his sister had picked for the event. He was armed with a camera, and it was his most powerful weapon at the moment (and possibly in the near future as well); they were practically defenseless. A cunning smile cracked his face to half. The kind that would make anyone within a ten-feet distance start backing away.
"Are you having fun?" a girl asked and Fuji recognized the voice from anywhere. He moved his head at an angle and she stood behind him with a radiant smile on her face.
"Kana," he regarded her quietly while turning to face her. "What are you doing here? When did you come?"
"Your sister asked me to supervise in her place," she explained. "So, how is it going?"
"Fun."
"Thought so."
"Do you want to have a go?" he asked, fingers fiddling on the shutter of his SLR.
Kana shrugged but Fuji was persistent. This might actually turn out interesting. "These are my friends. I guarantee, they're good people."
"What did you feed them to come here?" she asked, amused.
"My charm." The answer was instantaneous.
"Are you trying to feed me with it too?" she asked, smiling.
"Is it working?"
"Kind of," she said and then, "All right. Just one round."
Fuji gladly scrawled her name on a piece of paper and taped it near her chest. She took an empty post near Tezuka. Not a minute later, the buzzer rang and lazily, Tezuka heaved himself to where Kana waited. Fuji's camera was at the ready.
The moment Tezuka saw Fuji hover near their table, he knew something unpleasant was about to hit him.
"Hi," he drawled. Five ladies down, none caught his attention. Tezuka was on his edge. This better be good.
"Hi," Kana replied softly while offering a hand. He shook it briefly, all the while keeping his eyes on the table. "I'm Fuji Kana. I'm Syuuske's cousin."
'I knew it.' His eyes shot up and saw Fuji... No. He shook himself inwardly. It wasn't Fuji Fuji but one way or another, she did resemble Fuji. Sans the eyes, which apart from being grey, hers looked softer. The smile was way more gentle than the tensai's, who had a smile that always told him he was up to something evil. She smelled really nice too.
Wait. Shudder at the thought. For a minute there, Tezuka felt like a pervert.
"Kana," he spoke her name while straightening his shoulders. "You do resemble Fuji a lot."
"We're first cousins," she said with a smile. Tezuka, strange as it was, felt a light tug on his chest, which he quickly dismissed as nothing important. "You smell really nice," she complimented aloud and before he realized it, he was blushing. Fuji, of course had his camera loaded with good film. The sound of the shutter wouldn't stop.
"We got us a paparazzi," she told him, pointing to Fuji who didn't bother to keep quiet. He was too close for Tezuka's liking.
"Fuji," Tezuka regarded him with a calm, reprimanding voice. In Tezuka-Fuji speak, it said, "One inch closer and your films are pulled out of their cartridges." Fuji, of course, fully understood the clues Tezuka was giving but ignored it nonetheless. Instead, he shot back a well-aimed, "You're attracted to her," before snapping yet another photograph of the young man. Who, of course, had an obvious blush on his cheeks the moment the words sank in. Too late, his face was already caught on film before he could retaliate.
Kana, meanwhile was snickering in front of him, much to his displeasure. As if the awkwardness was not enough to make him crawl back his sinkhole. Before he could apologize and explain his side of the story (and to reclaim his ego, that is), the buzzer burred and Kana was out of his sight.
\o/o\o/
"Would you care to explain what that was all about?" After party. Drunk regulars. Fuji was still alive. Tezuka was fuming. He would not dare touch anything Fuji would offer in case the tensai would set him up again. The last thing he wanted to happen, of course.
"I was just stating a fact," Fuji was calm while downing a bottle of beer. "Your body language was literally shouting your attraction to her."
Eep—! But he was just—oh, come on. Kana was, well... you know. "Fine," Tezuka huffed while collapsing on the divan across Fuji.
"Fine, you're attracted to her or fine, she's really pretty?" he replied suggestively. Tezuka suppressed running his fingers to the bridge of his nose.
Whether or not Fuji found the situation funny, he didn't care. The urge to beat the tensai senseless (who was slapping his lap in laughter, mind you) deserved more concern than that.
"Somehow, I find you cute, Tezuka." Major taboo number one: the use of 'cute' and 'Tezuka' in the same sentence. Fuji was the first to dare. "I've never seen you attracted to anyone in middle school, much less in high school. It's about time you date someone."
Tezuka, for the most part, had no such plans. "I do not—"
"Should I call her?" the phone was on his ear at an instant.
"No!" Tezuka hissed, his hands clutching the sleeve of the tensai's jacket, lowering it. That, people, is what you call adrenaline rush. The amount of time that took him to launch himself up, reach the tensai who was on the other side of the room and hold down his arm was incredible.
"When are you going to ask her out then? I think you should give her a follow-up now."
"I'm not going to," Tezuka spoke through gritted teeth.
"You didn't get her number?" Fuji actually sounded amused. "So typical of you."
He reached over to tap Tezuka's shoulder almost sympathetically and the young man blinked in surprise. "Here." Out of nowhere, the tensai produced a small book and put it on his lap. "Consider it as extra credit for doing a good job today."
Fuji drank the rest of his beer and stood up. Tezuka took the book from his lap and examined the cover. It read: The Rules of a Gentleman. He had a sudden urge to hit something.
\o/o\o/
No. 1 - Never be late for a date.
No. 2 - Never talk about other girls in front of her.
No. 7 - Accept her for who she is.
No. 19 - Ask her out first.
Lame.
It was lame.
Regardless, he was reading it. Tezuka rubbed his temples. He was actually reading it. And complying to the tensai's remarks about him asking her out. Fuji must have asked Inui to tweak the coffee he had drunk this morning when he gave her a call, inviting her for a snack out or something. She said yes, and agreed to meet him at the university cafe near the Social Science building, where she attended most of her classes. Prof for afternoon period cancelled class because of a faculty meeting and he was an hour early. He frowned to himself, pried open his bag and procured a book. Correction, a book that made more sense than that which Fuji gave him. Thank goodness for bound pages at times like these.
An hour later, she arrived at the cafe, a few minutes late and apologizing for the delay. She was carrying a half-size envelope and put it on the table.
"Sorry," she said while taking the seat beside him. She pushed the envelope to his direction. "Syuuske asked me to hand this over to you."
"Hm?" he put his book down and examined the parcel. Fuji could have just given it to him personally, though. They shared a room with Inui anyway so he saw no point on asking someone else to give it to him. Unless, of course, the tensai had an ulterior motive, which Tezuka suspected.
"I think they're photographs though."
"You opened it?" Kana shook her head while reaching over the table for the menu.
"He asked me not to open it. He left a note inside. I suggest you read it first."
Tezuka tore the paper and reached inside. Quietly, he read the note that said: "Tezuka, don't let her see this, unless of course you want her to. I had these developed this morning and I'm sending you hard copies. I'll keep the negatives to myself. Fuji." The young man suppressed a groan and tearing the package to pieces in front of her.
"So?" she asked expectantly.
"They're photographs," he spoke quietly and when she bent over to reach for them, Tezuka quickly pulled it out of grasp. There was a slight pout but he shrugged it off. He wasn't just about to give into that.
"What is it about?" she pried. "Speed Dating?"
Not wanting to lie, Tezuka bent his head down and cleared his throat.
"Aish, you look exceptionally suspicious doing that, you know," she said while blowing away a stray lock of her brown curls from her face. Tezuka stashed the envelope in his bag for safe-keeping.
"So," she began after their orders of cliffhanger sandwiches and iced coffee arrived. "What did you want to talk about?"
"Hm?"
"Isn't that why you invited me out?"
Tezuka cleared his throat distractingly. She was smiling, tight-lipped. Her dimples were showing. "Is this a date?"
Somehow, coffee found its way out of his nose. She was laughing, and the situation became all the more humiliating. Kana leaned close and helped him wipe his face. "I was just kidding. You didn't have to take it so seriously."
Later, when the hype quieted down, they talked about their lives and got to know each other. For instance, Kana learned Tezuka was majoring in Industrial Engineering. Fuji, him and Inui shared a room in one of the dorms within the university and he worked sporadically at a coffee shop near the campus whenever the cafe needed an extra hand. Conversely, Tezuka learned Kana spent most of her middle school and high school years in China, where they temporarily settled because of her parent's job. She was close to Syuuske because they basically grew up together. She was majoring in Psychology, after which she had plans to pursue law.
And then, quickly after that, Kana broached a topic that Tezuka felt uncalled-for: love. It was all he could do not to let the coffee reach his nose again. "Ah, you must have been popular with girls, then? How many have you dated before? Five? Ten? Ah? Ah?"
Not that he ever dated. Ahem. Somewhere nearby, thunder rumbled. To clarify things though, he was not an emotional cripple. He just... couldn't afford getting sidetracked in the middle of his busy schedules: studies, tennis, extracurricular activities. He simply had no time for such things. Hence, resulting to a non-existent love life for as long as he could remember.
On the other hand, Tezuka set apart college as a tidbit more different than the past years. He no longer played tennis (he could play a game or two once in a while) so, technically he had plenty of time to play with other—agh! Focus, Tezuka. Focus.
Kana was waiting for his reply. "Well?"
"Erm, well... not that many," he said. Nothing at all, more like.
She was laughing again. "You're bad at lying, you know. Syuuske told me you were never the sort of person to date back in high school."
Tezuka lowered his head. "Is that bad?"
"Of course not!" she brushed him off. "It's just quite... unusual."
Tezuka cleared his throat anxiously and straightened his shoulders. He reached over for a glass of water and downed it at once. He cleared his throat before assaulting back. "How about you?"
"Ah? Of course I've dated before," Kana said while propping her elbows on the table. Their conversation has somehow turned quite... interesting. Seeing Tezuka flustered by the issues of his love life was what she somehow found amusing. "I'm pretty much popular with guys, you know. Ah, since you never dated, er, does that mean you haven't kissed—yet?"
Tezuka was about to protest when the small tinkle of the shop's door interrupted him. As if on cue, Fuji was coming their way. And just at the right moment too, before they could even move into a more... arduous topic. Tezuka was not prepared for that.
"What are you doing here?" Tezuka shot at the tensai when he reached their table.
"What were you talking about?" Fuji asked, smiling at both of them.
"Ki—"
"Nothing."
"Ah," Fuji spoke, as if coming to a realization. "Kana, were you actually inquiring Tezuka about intimacy?"
"Yes."
"Would you like to know more about his experience?"
Tezuka was forced to take back his compliments on his first impression to the girl. This time, the smirk on her face looked particularly more fearsome than Fuji's. And this time, Tezuka's face landed squarely on his palms. This is so, so not happening.
\o/o\o/
Their snack out together or something that afternoon followed with his dropping by the Social Science building to wait for her after class, lunches at the dining hall during Wednesdays and Fridays or whenever their schedules would clash, small moments at the library together. Fuji was observing them from afar and he liked what he saw.
"So," Fuji began while shifting channels on television. Tezuka was sitting beside him, reading a magazine. "Are you together now?"
"Not now, Fuji," he said coolly without looking up.
Tezuka knew his best friend would pry but he wasn't in the mood to talk to him about the status of his and Kana's relationship. He was not even sure what existed between them.
So when he kissed her on their way home after dinner and movies the next day, he felt something he never did before. He was sweating, his hands were shaking, his heart was beating double time and his mind was blanking out. It was his first. Kana had kissed him back that night and when they pulled away, there was silence.
"We need to talk," he said and Kana nodded. He held her hand and led her to a park. Then they balanced their weights on the opposite sides of the seesaw as she waited for him to start the conversation.
"Kana," he began while swallowing the lump on his throat. He decided it was time. He was ready. And for the first time in his life, Tezuka felt so unsure of himself, yet confident at the same time. Although the feelings were foreign to him, he was determined to learn them one by one, even if it took time. He was patient. "I want to take this relationship more seriously."
Kana heard it, tried to process the words that came out of his mouth. She turned to look at him; his eyes were fixed on the laces of his shoes. She understood that these kinds of feelings were equally new to Tezuka and he was learning, one step at a time. She would like to help him familiarize himself with such emotions and a part of her wanted to be the subject of such things. Kana was still hesitant.
For the past years, she had had enough share of heartbreaks. Relationships founded on the wrong foot, immature and petty quarrels that resulted to pain. There was something holding her back from pursuing a relationship with Tezuka and she knew it was fear: of loss, of trust, of friendship. She didn't want history repeating. Kana wanted something new to start, not something recurring to happen again.
"Tezuka, I—" her voice was unsure. She wanted to keep him, but Kana didn't want to start a relationship just because they both wanted to be together. She wanted situations to want them to be together. Timing was seemingly protesting. "I'm sorry."
There was a sting Tezuka felt that was unfamiliar and it was uncomfortable. He didn't like the feeling. He didn't like what he heard. He classified such feelings as hurt and rejection. "I—I see."
Awkward silence followed.
"I'm not ready yet," Kana said, her voice... hurt. Tezuka noticed the sudden change of her tone. She continued, "Tezuka, I know these things are new to you. And I don't want to hurt you. Without a doubt I like you, that's why I don't want to jump into a relationship when I'm too... unsure of myself."
He was looking at her with confused, trying-to-understand albeit hurt eyes. Kana sighed dejectedly. "I don't want to lose you and Tezuka, I don't trust myself enough to keep you if we enter into a relationship this early. Let's give it time to blossom and see what happens from here."
Tezuka was silent for a moment, then, "I respect that. It's just... I didn't expect that from you." And I'm hurt.
Kana slowly stood up and walked to Tezuka, who was on the floor. She bent down to her knees and covered his ears with her hands, forcing him to look at her. "I like you. More than you know and I don't want to lose this. We're young and we have plenty of time. Let's not rush things."
But I've spent enough time waiting. No words came out.
\o/o\o/o\o/
The library was half-empty when Tezuka came in. He stepped in over the Languages section where a particular brown-haired girl was snoozing on a table by the window—a tall stack of books on her right, her portable computer flashing a Doraemon screensaver. With a smile, he sat down across her and watched her sleep.
Kana was working on her thesis for the longest time; she was practically ignoring him and kept him out most of the time. Fuji was teasing, like usual. She was finishing her degree and it was a part of her final requirements before graduation; Tezuka was patient. Three years had passed; he had learned to be patient.
Sadly though, he was staying behind for a year to finish his professional degree; Kana was graduating this year and he would miss her. (Even as when he said that, Fuji was practically slapping his lap while hooting at his cheesiness—Kana was on the phone and he was talking to her on the kitchen—Fuji was eavesdropping.)
Nonetheless, it was time to cut the hide and seek and here he was, waiting for time to pass. He had wanted to wake her up but she looked awfully cute with a stray lock of hair on her nose; Tezuka didn't want to break the spell. He was willing to wait anyway. So when the intercom announced the end of library hours, he gathered her stuff, and carried her on his back.
The last rays of orange were visible on the horizon when Tezuka put her down on the grass. Kana was napping, her head pressed against the trunk of a tree beside the freedom park and Tezuka sat beside her. Her head fell on his shoulder. He waited.
Soon, Kana woke up and found Tezuka sleeping beside her, his head slipping to his side. She reached over to stroke his cheek affectionately before standing up and stretching her arms over her head. She blinked, trying to process how she came out of the library with her stuff, and with Tezuka, no less. It was probably Tezuka's fault. Fuji had been warning her about Tezuka's ambush in the past week, this must be it.
The clock read a little after seven. Stars dotted the dark canopy above and Kana stretched out her fingers and mapped the twinkling dots overhead. Before long, she head a deep yawn and turned her head to her side. Tezuka was standing up beside her.
"I fell asleep," he murmured while brushing unseen dirt from his pants. He stood up next to her. "What are you doing?"
"Stretch out your fingers," Kana told him without looking at him. Tezuka returned a puzzled look but stretched out his palm nonetheless. Kana positioned hers below his.
"Yours are larger," she noted while inching closer to reach up and touch the back of his hand. Tezuka leaned in to smell her perfume without her noticing. She smelled nice, of exotic flowers and dew.
"Of course," he said while putting his other hand on her shoulder. His chest was almost pressed against her back. "I'm a guy."
Years of tennis had made his hands knobby and rough but not uncomfortably unpleasant.
"We never held hands before," she told him. "Can you play the piano, Tezuka?"
He shook his head. Kana looked at him. "Do you want to hear me play? I learned to play a few song when I was younger."
"Sure," Tezuka said with a smile. Then, she grabbed his wrist, gathered her stuff and led him to the general direction of the music room.
The music she played was soft and nice. Tezuka closed his eyes as he listened to it. Her hands danced on the ivory keys and the former tennis captain followed the rhythm of the melody. They sat beside each other on the stool and Tezuka drifted away with the sweet sound.
"Kunimitsu," her voice was gentle. Tezuka snapped his eyes open. She never called him Kunimitsu. Kana was still playing. "You have a beautiful name."
There was something he found strange at the way she was acting. He couldn't spell the difference but he could tell there was something bizarre about her today. "Kana, what's wrong?" He put his hand softly on top of her right so she stopped playing.
"How would you handle long distance relationships?" Kana's voice was a tone lower. That very moment, Tezuka understood why. He closed his eyes momentarily and when he opened them, Kana was looking at him.
"I couldn't," he said while letting go of her hand. "How would I know?"
"I'm going away for a while," she said. "They offered me a case study to participate on and it requires me to leave for Africa after graduation. I'll be away for a few months, maybe... years. I already accepted."
"And you didn't ask me?"
"We don't have that kind of relationship yet," she said. Her eyes were fixed on the black keys.
"Kana, I've been waiting," he responded through gritted teeth. He fisted his knuckles to restrain himself. He's been waiting for her for three years, waiting for her to tell him she's ready, waiting for her to accept him, to move further than where they were. Was it wrong to desire for such a thing? Was it a mistake to hope?
"I know," she said. She wasn't looking at him. "That's why I don't want you to wait anymore."
"What do you mean?" But the next words cut through him.
"There's nothing to wait for anymore." She stood up when tears clouded her eyes. Soon, she would give away. She didn't want that, particularly in front of him. "I'm sorry."
When she left, Tezuka's first tears fell.
Two days later, he appeared on her doorstep, waiting for her to open the door. Brushing away all thoughts of giving up on her. The ring was safe on his palm. He was determined to keep her. It doesn't matter how long he would wait as long as she would meet him in the end. That's what mattered anyway.
So when she opened the door, he said, "Let's get married," while disregarding the startled look on her face. He reached for her hand and stretched out her fists. He put the ring on her palm. "I could wait for much longer," Tezuka said. "It doesn't matter if it's three years of five or seven. As long as we're going to be together in the end, that's what matters to me. I love you, Kana."
There was a minute of silence. Then, Kana picked the ring from her palm and returned it to him. "Take it."
"What?"
"I'm sorry." Tezuka took the ring back and Kana shut the door.
\o/o\o/o\o/
Years passed. Four years later, Kana came back from Africa and was staying here for good. Tezuka knew this but ignored the news (knowing he had nothing to do with it anymore) when Fuji barged in his apartment and announced her arrival. It's been a while. Tezuka assured himself he had moved on. It has been four years.
But when she appeared on his doorway a day later, he already knew he was defeated.
"Hi," she chirped. She had changed a lot. Her brown hair appeared darker now, and it was relatively shorter. Years under the sun had seemingly painted her skin with a permanent tan that suited her. She looked not like the gentle and soft-spoken Kana four years ago. She looked tougher, stronger, older. "Did you miss me?"
Tezuka sighed and aimed her a stern look, as if reprimanding. He stepped aside and let her in. Kana sat on the divan as Tezuka returned to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Kana watched his every move.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asked while wiping his hands dry with a towel. He tossed it on the counter and turned to look at her with a serious expression on his face.
"I'm hurt you know," she said jokingly. "We haven't spoken in four years and you didn't even miss me?"
"You told me not to wait anymore," he said, his voice blunt. "I didn't."
Kana's eyes trailed on her lap. "I'm sorry."
"I hate hearing your apology," he said, not bothering to reassess his words before they came out of his lips. Why was he acting like this? Tezuka didn't know. "I hate your compromising with an apology to get away with your selfishness. I'm tired of it."
"You think so?" she asked while fisting the fabric of her skirt. She was well aware of the pains she had caused the man and she wasn't blaming him for acting indifferent now. It was her fault. Keep it coming; she deserved it anyway. "Are you telling me this because you're still mad at me?"
"You rejected me thrice!" It was all Tezuka could do not to punch the nearest object in sight, which happened to be the granite counter where he leaning for support. Kana jumped at the volume of his voice. "You made me wait for three years! You rejected my proposal."
"I didn't see it coming, Tezuka," Kana was trying to keep her voice controlled. "You proposed to me out of the blue, I didn't have time to sort out my feelings."
"You had three years to think about what we had, for goodness' sake! I told you I would wait no matter how long it took!"
"You never asked my feelings about the situation!" She was shouting. "You're the one who's selfish!"
Silence followed as they waited for each other to catch their breath and let the tension pass.
"I was never mad at you," Tezuka finally said. "I was just... hurt. I want to know why."
Kana took a deep breath and sighed wearily. "I was scared. I was afraid to lose you, afraid how long it would last if we ever got together, afraid that it would end. I was scared that I'd hurt you."
"I was more hurt when you pushed me away," he said. Tezuka closed his eyes.
"But," Kana began while standing up. She was having trouble keeping her legs steady. "I'm not scared anymore. I'm not afraid of getting hurt anymore."
"What if I told you I'm tired of you keeping me away?"
Tezuka saw the hurt in her eyes. He felt it too, that unpleasant feeling on his chest. They had something in them that kept them together but they knew it had fallen to their feet and cracked into pieces. If any of them tried to pick it up, with the slightest pressure, it would break apart completely. They were the cracked pieces that threatened to shatter.
"I haven't figured as much," Kana kept her eyes fixed on her shoes when her vision began to cloud. His next words made her look at him with expectant eyes.
"But I don't want to."
The cracks were there, but they wouldn't break apart just yet. Maybe someday, maybe never. In the meantime, it was best to dwell in hoping and praying that it would last, that it wouldn't shatter. There was something they had in them that would keep the pieces glued together. It was trust to depend on each other if they needed to learn, little by little, they will learn; courage to face head on the possibilities of getting hurt, the pains of the past and the future; willingness to fall, helplessly, wordlessly; and most importantly, love. It bound all other things.
A/N: There 'ya go. Start with humor and nice fluff, end with sappy drama. Crappy long one-shot calls for reviews. If you're weirded out completely, feel free to tell.