AN: Wrote this in the last couple of hours, so I am sorry if it sucks. It just needed to be written, and fast! Hope you all enjoy!
AN: This is my 40TH story here! Yay!
Hephaestion lay on his bed curled into a ball. It was Alexander's wedding night, and Hephaestion lay in the dark alone and muffled the sound of his tears in his pillow. He knew, rationally, that Alexander needed Roxana to provide heirs for him, and even though Hephaestion was excited by the prospect of his lover having several children, he felt grieved by the thought of the loss of time with his lover, as well as the loss of his love.
He even understood Alexander's infatuation with Bagoas, the eunuch and former lover of Darius III. He knew Alexander was utilizing the boy's Persian background to learn everything he could about the much older culture.
But that did not make it hurt any less.
Hephaestion moaned audibly into the dark, having no other words or sounds to voice his broken heart.
"Love," as the room answered him in a quiet voice, Hephaestion spun around and sat up, the dagger from underneath his pillow already in his hand, "Just me, Love. It's just me," Hephaestion visibly relaxed as Alexander moved toward him and put his hands on his lover's knees as he crouched low to the ground in front of him. Even in the dark, Hephaestion could see Alexander cock his head to the side in confusion, "Have you been crying, my Love?"
Swearing to himself, Hephaestion hastily wiped his eyes, but it was too late. Alexander had seen his tears. Even so, Hephaestion tried to lie, "No."
"Yes, you have. Your voice is tight and high, and your cheeks are glistening with tears. Why have you been crying, Love?"
Not one to go down without a fight, Hephaestion tried to lie one more time, "I haven't." He cursed to himself as his voice shook on the last word.
"Hephaestion Amyntoros, you have never been a good liar. Besides, I have known you for too long to believe you. Come Love, what is causing you such despair that you weep so?"
"All right, fine! Gods, your persistance will kill me one of these days!"
Alexander gave a small smile, "If it meant that you were happy and healthy, I would gladly give you to the gods, Phai."
The king of the known world and a newly married man watched in surprise as tears started once more in Hephaestion's eyes and the tall man's shoulders slumped in his sorrow.
"So I am disposable then..." the realization was so quiet that Alexander, even at the short distance he was from his lover, had to lean forward on his toes to hear.
"Disposable?! Where on Earth did you hear such a thing?"
Hephaestion looked up sharply to catch the eyes of the man he had thought was his soulmate, "So you don't deny it!"
Alexander was flabbergasted, "Wha-? Of course I do! I couldn't do anything less! I love you, Phai!"
Hephaestion waved toward the closed door, more angry now than upset, "But you had to fuck both her and him in order to be able to tell me that?!"
Understanding came over Alexander's features as he froze for a moment, and when he spoke again, it was in a much gentler tone, "You feel as if you're being replaced..."
Hephaestion's anger, however, was not yet spent, but had mixed with sadness, as tears once more stood in his blue eyes, "Well, haven't I?!" and with that, he buried his head in his hands and sobbed.
Now that Alexander understood the cause of Hephaestion's anguish, he was quick to try and sooth it. He got up and sat on the bed beside his lover, taking him into his arms and holding him close.
"Oh no, no, no, Love. You are not being replaced. My Patroclus. My poor, confused Patroclus," Alexander smiled lightly as he chuckled silently, "You could never be replaced in my heart. You are my first love, and I will always love you. You must realize that Roxana is simply a duty, and that I am only using Bagoas for my own personal gain."
"I do, Xander, but that does not make my grief any less real. I feel I am losing you."
"You could never lose me. Not even if you tried," Alexander lay Hephaestion back on his pillows, situated over him, and somewhere in Hephaestion's mind came the realization of what was about to happen. His thoughts were only confirmed when Alexander knelt above him to rid himself of his chiton, barring a scarred, lean chest to Hephaestion. Finally, Alexander came down to meet him again, and whispered in his ear even as he undid Hephaestion's own chiton, which in his grief he had neglected to change out of, "If it makes you feel better, I didn't fuck her..."
At that, Hephaestion pushed himself out from under Alexander, wide-eyed in his horror, "But you must, Alexander! She is your bride, and you must have heirs!"
"I don't have to do anything... Besides, I can wait a few years before I have any children. She is just a pawn anyway, a token to ease my mother's fears and unite the Persians and the Greeks. She is a pawn, Phai, just like Bagoas. I love only you, now and forever. In fact, I see only you-"
"-when you make love to him?" Hephaestion asked, his newest fear not quite fully soothed.
"-when I fuck him, Phai. There is no love in me except for you. Now, put your mind at ease and relax..." Hephaestion threw his head back even as it lay on the pillow, the skin of his throat going taunt as Alexander put his lips there.
After several minutes, Alexander released him and looked down at him with both love and lust clear in his eyes.
"Now, Phai, will you allow me to put any and all of your fears regarding my love for you to rest once and for all?"
Hephaestion looked up at him and felt that he finally understood that he was first and foremost in Alexander's world, just like Alexander was to him. He knew he only needed to say two words for his world to be right again. So he did.
"Yes, Alexander."