"John – John, don't let this …"
Her voice faded with the life in her eyes. They closed as her last breath passed between her lips, and her body relaxed as he held her tightly in his arms.
Then, she watched as he kissed her forehead and tried to fight back his tears to no avail. John's grief was too strong. She had only just realized how much he valued her, how much she meant to him, and what he was to her as well.
She looked on with deep sadness in her dark eyes as John grieved the loss of what was so much more than a friend.
Harold stood nearby, his eyes wide, his mouth open in shock as if he still couldn't absorb what happened in front of him.
Joss looked at him and felt the painful grief of the two men, her friends, whom she would miss more than she would have believed when she was alive. She had always believed that she'd end up taking a bullet. Being a cop with a moral center in New York City was something of a rarity and a nuisance to those who'd rather turn a blind eye.
But there in that dark street, Detective Joss Carter never could have predicted the pain such a death would have caused.
"Hello Jocelyn." A man spoke very nearby with a voice that she had to consider before she remembered its source. It was low and rough, but also reassuring somehow.
"Castiel," she said without looking at the angel who stood by her side, unseen by John and Harold. "I wasn't expecting you."
Castiel nodded. "It's true, angels don't usually handle human deaths. But in this case, I wanted to be certain that you were all right."
Joss looked down at her shirt and jacket. They were clean. The dark red stain that spread across the front of her chest as John held her body was nowhere to be found.
"So what am I now? A ghost?"
"I wouldn't recommend it," Castiel said. "Some choose to remain as ghosts, but it tends to go bad in the end. And you would soon see the Winchester's again, but it wouldn't be a happy reunion."
"Where am I supposed to go?"
"Heaven," Castiel said with a smile.
Her brown eyes met the blue of the angel's and she returned his smile only slightly.
"You are a good person, Jocelyn, better than most. You deserve some rest, I think."
Joss nodded in agreement yet her gaze remained fixed on John, who still held her body in his arms, cradling her as he wept. "I – I don't want to leave them."
Castiel looked at John and Harold as if he just noticed their presence there on the street. He took a few steps toward John and Joss' body.
"You could heal me. I saw you do it before, for – "
"Healing wounds is one thing. Bringing a person back from the grip of Death is quite another."
"But you could do it," Joss pressed as she walked up to him.
"Yes, but – "
Castiel cut himself off, his eyes focused on something over her shoulder. She turned to look and saw a lone figure dressed in black. It was a woman with dark hair and a kind face. She stood at the corner across the street, waiting patiently.
Joss looked back at the angel. "Who is that?"
"That is your Reaper. She will show you the way."
Joss looked back at the woman, who gave a hint of a smile when Joss noticed her. "The way?"
"Beyond, Jocelyn," Castiel said. "Your body is temporary, but you, your soul, your essence is forever. I believe your grandmother taught you the basics."
"You know I never – "
"I know," Castiel said calmly.
Joss looked back at Castiel for the last time. "Will you look after them for me? They'll end up blowing themselves up if they don't have someone with a level head to keep an eye on them."
Castiel nodded once. "I will."
"And Taylor, Castiel. Please, just – "
"I will." Castiel promised.
Being a spirit, or a ghost or whatever she was Joss didn't know what would happen when she reached out to him. She moved without thinking, and her hand rested on his arm, feeling the stiff fabric of the khaki trench coat he always wore. Realizing that he she was indeed solid, at least to the angel, she closed in and put her arms around him.
Castiel stiffened for a moment, but relaxed and patted her gently on the back.
"Thank you," she said.
He was the first to pull away. "Go with her now, Jocelyn. I will take care of them."
Joss nodded, but remained where she was as Castiel stepped away and approached Harold, who still did not see him. He placed a hand gently on Harold's shoulder and Joss watched as the shock left his bespectacled face.
Harold blinked and rushed forward.
"John, listen to me," he touched John's back, his other hand on Carter's body. "We have to get you to the hospital. Come on, come with me, please. They will have heard the gunshots in the precinct, we cannot stay."
Joss watched as John's shaking trembling frame allowed him to nod. Castiel's back was to her now, watching the two men gently rest her body on the pavement. John pressed his lips to hers before he allowed Harold to help him up and take him to their car.
"Goodbye," she said softly as she turned and approached the Reaper, waiting patiently for her on the other side of the street.
Last night's episode slayed me, as I'm sure it did everyone else. I wrote this to make me feel a little better, but I'm not sure if it worked.
I'm more comfy with the idea that John is being looked after. Seeing John grieve and lose it all over again would almost be worse than the death itself.