Me: Okay, I seriously cannot look at Kageroza without thinking about Bananas. How can someone take a villain seriously if he dresses...like that? But I am very disappointed that Kageroza isn't even an character option on the site...I'll just list it as Kenpachi and Yachiru, since they're the next two characters.
Legolas: You wanted to use a stronger word.
Me: Yes, yes I did, but I do enough swearing in this fic that I should avoid doing so here.
Legolas: That's lovely. Can I go home now?
Me: No.
Legolas: Can I least have my bow?
Me: So you can shoot me? Hell no.
Legolas: I thought you said you weren't going to swear.
Me: Whoops~ Anyway, enjoy the fic! Like "Orihime in Hueco Mundia", this is a bunch of random words that wouldn't leave me alone until I posted them. Legolas...?
Legolas: *sighs* Embee does not own anything here. Bleach belongs to Tite Kubo, Harry Potter Belongs to J. K. Rowling, and Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to...who, again?
Me: Dunno. I'm too lazy to look it up. But I think you guys know anyway that I don't own anything.
Kageroza: Hello, worthless readers. I am Kageroza the Banana…no, wait…not a banana…why'd I say that…? I am Kageroza…not a banana…a f*cked-up version of Aizen.
Ichigo: OH GOD NO AM I GOING TO HAVE TO PULL OUT SOME AWESOME-ASS SECRET TECHNIQUE TO DEFEAT YOU THAT WILL LEAD TO MY ULTIMATE DEMISE BUT SOMEHOW ALSO RESULT IN ME NEVER ACTUALLY LOSING ANYTHING?
Kageroza: …that was oddly…specific.
Naruto: *appears* Believe it! *disappears*
Ichigo/Kageroza: …
Kageroza: …anyway, I am here to dispel a certain myth that claims I am a banana. Other than my cool-ass looks and fashion sense, I am smarter than your average ape, as seen by my awesome-ass plan to take over the Soul Society…AND THEN THE WORLD!
Embee: Like that isn't totally cliché. At least Aizen (all-knowing bastard that he was) had a special twist by deciding to take out the Spirit King…who's actual importance I'm still pondering…considering most the freaking world both living and dead don't even know about his existence.
Ichigo: *is ignoring strange voice from the sky* Dude…how is that even possible? I mean…really? You take a tiny piece of reiatsu from numerous taicho and fukutaicho…and somehow manage to make a total copy of the original, complete with all their memories, and with even more of their already stupidly high level of reiatsu? That's not even freaking possible!
Edward Elric: *appears* According to the rules of Alchemy, Physics, and Whataburger, you can only –blah-blah-INSERT FAMOUS PERSON'S NAME HERE-blah-SOMETHING ABOUT EQUAL EXCHANGESblah-blah-something scientificity-…
Kageroza: GTFO. Since when has Bleach ever followed the rules for anything?
Edward Elric: True… *disappears*
Ichigo: Like that wasn't random. And besides, if Kurotsuchi's even half the lame-ass scientist he claims to be…wouldn't he have noticed someone was messing around with the Precipice World?
Kurotsuchi Mayuri: *appears* TAKE THIS BIATCH! *slaps Ichigo and randomly disappears*
Ichigo: WTF? What the hell's wrong with this fic? Why do random people keep popping up?
Kageroza: It's a common thing with Embee. Ignore it. ANYWAY…
Ichigo: Oh, and another thing…WHY THE HELL DOES NO ONE NOTICED THE TOTALLY WEIRD, NEVER-SEEN-ON-ANY-CHARACTER'S-PERSON-BEFORE BRACELET THINGS THAT SEEM TO APPEAR ONLY WHEN THE SCRIPT-WRITER-PEOPLE-THINGS-DUDES REMEMBERED THEM?
Random-Script-Writer: *appears* I'd like to see you try to keep all this stuff straight in your head! It's not like I'm paid to do that already anyway!
Ichigo: GTFO.
RSW: *sobs and disappears*
Kageroza: OI! I'M THE ONE RUNNING THIS SHOW HERE!
Embee: *appears* No, I am….banana.
Kageroza: STFU! I AM NOT A BANANA!
Ichigo: Then what's with the green-and-yellow colour scheme? Is that seriously all the producers could think of?
Embee: I know, even red-and-green would have been better…although I'd end up thinking he was Santa's evil twin or something…
Ichigo: And what's with the outdated, totally stalker-worthy banana-coloured outfit? Even Aizen, with his Shinigami-rip-off-Espada-uniform wouldn't wear that. And a cane? Really? Who are you, Yama-jii?
Embee: Even bananas have dreams…
Kageroza: *is sobbing* It's not my fault I had an abusive childhood! I was forced to live in a cupboard under the stairs, and my only living family comprised of my aunt, uncle, and fat cousin who tried to squelch my destiny out of me, only to be forced to send me to the school for freaks like me, where I was the object of total worship, but soon became the image of insanity, until I defeated the prime evil of the world once and for all and then finally lived happily ever after until I died…where I became…A BANANA!
Ichigo: He finally admits it.
Embee: …you totally just ripped that story off from Harry Potter.
Harry Potter: *appears* DON'T STEAL MY AWESOMENESS YOU BIATCH! *slaps Ichigo and disappears*
Ichigo: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE AND SLAPPING ME!
Kageroza/Embee: *slaps Ichigo*
Ichigo: WTF?
Kageroza: …anyway…PSYCH! THAT WASN'T MY LIFE STORY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET YOU TO PITY ME! WAHAHAHA! I WILL NEVER ADMIT I WAS A BANANA!
Ichigo: …we never believed you in the first place… *is ignored by Banana*
Embee: ADMIT IT OR I WILL DISGUISE YOU AS HIDAN AND THROW YOU TO ASUMA'S FANGIRLS!
Asuma's Fangirls: *is frothing at the mouth* GIVE. US. HIDAN!111!1!11ONE#$#$1!1!
Ichigo: *turns pale* That's…that's…I wouldn't wish that on Aizen.
Embee: Too late! Aizen's already been through that…but being the cockroach-bastard he is…
Aizen: *appears* I SURVIVED! NOW RUN, MY SAD, SAD RIP-OFF VILLAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, RUN LIKE HELL IS AFTER YOU! BECAUSE WHAT SHE WILL DO TO YOU IS A HELL OF A LOT WORSE! *disappears*
Ichigo/Embee: WTF?
Banana: ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT! I…I…I AM A BANANA! *dies*
Embee: Finally. You may go now, blood-thirsty horde of fangirls. Hidan ran that way.
Blood-Thirsty-Horde-of-Asuma-Fangirls: *is still frothing at the mouth and runs to chase Hidan*
Ichigo: o.0
Me: And up next are three one-shot things that are equally random but still are vaguely related to this! I won't hold it against you if you think this is totally stupid and decided to not even bother to read the next three.
Legolas: ...then why are you tearing up?
Me: *sobs* I'm not!