He remembered her eyes. The way she laughed. That look she'd give him, the way she made him feel, and he knew he'd never feel that way again. That wasn't all Severus remembered. He also could recall the gentle sound of the falling rain.

Severus had done oh so many things in his life. He'd brewed potions, cast spells, written letters, but his hands still remembered the gun he used to take James life.

That night Severus kept it under his robes, just to make sure. He borrowed a time turner, just to make sure. The eerie glow of the streetlights played tricks on his mind. He thought that he saw two flashes of green light come from their home. Was he too late?

Severus ran up the steps to find Lily dead, James dead and harry potter safe and sound. That's the story he'd tell Dumbledore. That's not what happened. Voldermort wasn't so merciful. He played with them for a while. Taking his sweet time torturing those who dared oppose him.

Snape found Lily alive, just as the dark lord had promised. She was on the floor foaming at the mouth. Then he found James who was almost dead as well. His body strewn across the body of his child, no that's no true, Lily's child.

Snape saw the look in Lily's eyes. He lowered the gun towards James and pulled the trigger. The dead wizards brains painted the floor. Then Severus aimed the gun at Lily.

"I love you"

He pulled the trigger. The shadow a smile came to Snape. Did he really love her? This wasn't what love was like. Tears roared down his face. He took a step back, then another, then another. He put the gun to his own forehead and screamed. He pulled the trigger. It didn't go off. Severus dropped the gun and put his wand to his throat. He knew the word, it almost felt noble to take his own life, he was the monster.

Out of sick sense of vindication Severus turned over James body to see Lily's child. He deserved to see the life he'd indirectly taken. The child, he had his mother's eyes.

Snape fell to his knees. He picked up the child and held it in his arms.

"What is your name? Do you know- Do you know –do you?"

He'd brought the gun and the time turner with him tonight. There was a dead child on the ground. Snape couldn't remember how he'd got here. He didn't want to remember. Snape took out the time turner and spun it a little. Then a little more, and then a little more, but he couldn't forget what he had done.

Severus Snape apparated to his own bedroom. Where he was sleeping on the bed. He aimed his wand at his own unconscious body.

"Imprerio"

The Sleeping version of him from the past stirred but did not wake. Snape poured more and more of what he felt into the spell. He was fighting against himself. He had nothing to lose any more. He loved Lily, and that's why he had to do this.

"When you wake you are going to tell the dark lord to kill Lily Evans. After which time you will place a memory charm on yourself. Make yourself believe that you asked him take the child's life and spare hers. Don't fight me, don't struggle, this is for her sake"

Then he left. Snape didn't know where he was going. He really didn't care. Eventually the wizard came to a willow tree and sat down under its branches. A stranger came to him there. She had the most beautiful voice.

"You do realize what happens to those who mess with time. Bad things happen to them Severus. Things you can't even begin to imagine.

Snape stared into the darkness.

"It's a price I've already paid in full".

Snape aimed his wand towards himself.

"Obliviate"

His body hit the floor and every thing faded into the black.

Snapes eyes adjusted to the darkness. He was back in his own bed. He'd forgotten so much. Yet no matter how he might try, or what he did, his hands still remembered the gun. The Shadow off a smile forced itself onto Severus. He really did love her.

That was one thing all of him would never forget.