She was a monster.
She had always hidden her true form, had always been ashamed of her grotesque white appearance. The looks of disgust, the shying away from her own people, her planet. Even when she came to this planet, she was a freak, something to be feared.
But she wasn't, she was Megan and she had a good heart, she was cheerful, kind, sweet.
Or she was, but then the world grew even bigger than Mars and Earth. She realized there were good people. And there were very, very bad people. Monsters. And after seeing the havoc they caused, M'gann knew how to handle them. She remembered Conner shutting her out after he found out about what she did. "I know, I know, you don't approve of me hurting them. Conner, they're the bad guys!"
The bad guys, like Kaldur. Oh god, Kaldur-
"No, not Kaldur." Megan laughed off Artemis's suggestion. "He's like a big brother to me!"
She was a monster.
She couldn't get the feeling of his mind out of her head. She felt it, everything he had ever thought about her. His care for her and guiding her when she didn't understand earthling culture. His kindness when she had revealed her insecurities to the team. How he had missed her, and Superboy, and Garfield, and Nightwing and everyone when he had- when he had left.
How shocked he was to see her and then the hurt and betrayal when she had entered his mind.
When she destroyed his mind.
She was a monster.
But nothing had changed- it was just like before. Everyone saw the pretty Martian girl- saw M'gann, the sister, the girlfriend, the hero. Artemis knew the truth. Artemis, who was alive, had been alive and who looked so, so upset by her actions, as if she was the one who betrayed everyone.
"M'gann, what have you done?"
"-well, acutally, it didn't look like much. But I'm sure it was very cool inside their heads!" Garfield kept going on, naively singing the praises of his older sister. The sister who rescued him, who always did what she thought was best. Was this best? "You did good! You took Aqualad out!" If Kaldur was- had been good, was her brother ever in true danger? What would he think of her if he found out? If her little brother knew the truth…
"I thought he killed you. That he deserved…"
'She' thought. She, she, she. When had she stopped looking to others for guidance to do what's right and start to decide it for herself? When had being the hero become being the monster?
Conner was looking at her, she could feel his gaze. If he ever found out- but how could he not? How could she keep this to herself? He would never forgive her. After all of his efforts to steer her away from this- from not abusing her powers- and now she was feeling the full brunt of the consequences. He'd hate her- more than he ever could now. All she wanted to do was shy from that knowledge. Shy from him, from L'gann, from Gar, everyone. How… how could she explain this? She couldn't. Because Artemis was still in there- now stranded and alone without someone to watch her back. M'gann's action could now get her killed- and there would be no fake deaths this time.
Nightwing- the boy who had once welcomed her into their fold so willingly, was focusing on navigating the bioship back to safety. He was ignoring her, seemingly not on purpose, but M'gann could feel it; his inner recoil after Garfield's telling words. His hurt felt just like Artemis', his frustration and anger were better concealed, but she knew they were there.
She had been confronted by the traitor to their team, who lied to all of them, and killed someone they cared about.
"Murderer!"
Only, he had not truly been those things. But in taking down Aqualad, she had become all of them.
Aqualad had done everything he could under cover to keep his friends- his family safe. In the end, he was the hero.
And she was the monster.
This thought bubble appeared a long time ago, and I just never finished it till today. I the episode "Before the Dawn" had been our last bit of YJ, I feel like this would have been the big thought process. :D But hey worked out in the end for all of them- well, not really but… okay you know what I mean.
I am struggling so hard to write anything longer than the length you see here, but I feel obligated to give stuff out and prove I'm not dead. Sorry. Not sorry? Sorta sorry.