1. Flightless Bird (no beta yet!)

BPOV

Spring break was ending soon. Today was the day I had been waiting for, I could finally take a flying leap off a cliff! My true objective, of course, was to "hear" Edward's voice. My truck couldn't get me to La Push fast enough. I'm sure my antiquated speed made it easier, for whichever pack member guarding me today, to keep pace. I didn't have to work at Newton's today, so Jacob expected me early. If he was in wolf form, he would certainly know my exact current location and arrival time.

Yup, he was already standing in my usual parking spot and, didn't look too enthused. I guessed our plans for today had changed. Or at least, his plans had- I was still pretty hell bent on my "swan" dive and hallucination fix. Jacob was wearing his pack "uniform", which consisted of cut off sweatpants, a leather cord around his ankle and nothing else. If I was a normal girl, the sight of Jacob in his "uniform" would give me butterflies in my stomach. As it was, I could only register the frown on his face and the wrinkles on his forehead telling me he was deep in thought. I waited for him to spit it out.

"Sam wants everyone running the perimeter today. Seems Jared caught a fresh whiff of the red headed leech this morning, pretty far north, but Sam's not taking any chances. "Jacob's frown deepened. "I asked Emily if you can hang out with her today. I know you're not real comfortable around her, but it's better than being alone all day."

"Jake, I don't mind being alone. I could just crash on your couch and watch some reruns of Buffy or something." I smiled at my own joke. If only vampires were so predictable and easy to, well, hate-except Angel, the one vampire with a soul. I couldn't let mind wander down that road, no sir-especially if my hallucination was on hold.

"OK, here's the deal. I know you. You'll get bored, walk the beach, see the cliff, and the next thing I know I'll be driving you to the emergency room, AGAIN. Really, Bella, I've already got a bag packed with band-aids and gauze. I figured you'd either jump too close, or hit a stray gull flying by on the way down and not only knock yourself out, but also take out an innocent animal." Hmm, Jacob actually had a point, much to my chagrin. My name might be Swan, but I'm definitely a flightless bird. But that didn't mean I needed to spend the day with Emily, the den mother supreme.

Jacob knew he'd gotten through to me. He walked over and gently touched the scar from my first motor cycle lesson to really press his point. The stitches had been removed during the time Jacob had "mono", and the scar was small and close enough to my hairline that I had pretty much forgotten about it. "Emily is expecting you; I think she wants to have a "girl" day with you. I promise she won't make you do anything you don't want to do." I knew this was about my safety and the safety of his family and friends. Having Emily and me together certainly would make Sam and Jacob feel better when they were patrolling. I wondered how many wolves would be guarding us- at least I'd be able to contact Jacob quickly if I did decide to leave.

"OK, I'll go to Emily's; I'll try not to be too depressing too." I was already feeling dejected. This would only drag me deeper into a relationship with the pack and make it look more like I was Jacob's girlfriend. Not what I needed. Being around a woman ecstatically in love, also not on my list of things I wanted to do today. But I would be safe and I'd have some time to think about how to deal with Jacob and his obviously growing feelings for me.

It only took four minutes to drive to Emily's place. Her home was small but tidy with colorful native artwork and cheerful flowering potted plants. It kind of reminded me of my mom's attempt, years ago, to make Charlie's house cheery despite all the cloud cover and rain in Forks. Emily was in the yard to the left side of the front porch, apparently planting a garden. OK, I could help with this. I might actually be able to do one useful thing at La Push this week. That would make me feel a little better. All week I'd felt like a spectral lurker haunting Billy's house and First Beach. Emily stood up to greet me.

"Hi Bella, I asked Jacob if I could have you over today. I'm getting my garden ready- It's mainly an herb garden, but I'll plant a few vegetables, I love fresh tomatoes in the summer. Right now it just needs some major weeding." Emily seemed like she really didn't mind me being here. She handed me some gardening gloves and a small spade and I got started making myself useful.

A few hours later, her handkerchief sized garden looked ready for planting. "Thanks so much Bella, that saved me a lot of time and back pain! I'm sure you'll be feeling it tomorrow though, you might want to take a Tylenol when you get home." Emily's facial scar only gave her half a smile, but I was glad I earned it. Normally I didn't know how she could tolerate, let alone like me, since she knew I was Victoria's target, I was the reason for all the danger around her and I was the reason her fiancé couldn't spend much time with her right now.

We went inside for lunch. Emily had some butternut squash soup she warmed up for us. Wow, it tasted wonderful. I wondered if I could persuade Charlie to eat it. I guessed if I served it with a turkey sandwich he might. Emily gave me the recipe when I asked. We heard a car pull up, a car door open and close, then the car pulled away. A moment later, Kim-another pack girlfriend, was at the front door. She had a school satchel with her. Kim was trying to both catch up on her school work she had been neglecting since Jared became such a big part of her life, and trying to keep Jared caught up as well. School wasn't priority number one with the new pack members. Jared might be the only one of them who actually finished school on time this year, thanks to Kim. Emily quietly started listing items for her next grocery trip. She tended to feed massive amounts of food to the pack and was always looking for recipes with inexpensive ingredients that could be made in bulk. I enjoyed a comfortable silence while Kim booted up Emily's computer (Kim didn't have internet at home) and Emily paged through some borrowed cook books.

After thirty minutes another car pulled up and this one turned off. Leah Clearwater arrived at the front door. She was a very pretty girl. Jacob had told me about how she used to be Sam's girlfriend, before he became a werewolf, and that he had to break up with her when he imprinted on Emily-who also happened to be Leah's cousin. Ouch. Jacob also said Leah had agreed to be a bridesmaid in Emily's wedding, so I guessed they made up. And oh yeah, Leah knew nothing about the supernatural world in which we lived. Leah looked surprised and a little pissed when she noticed Kim and me. Emily seemed equally surprised by her visit too. "Hi Em, I didn't know you were having a party," Leah said sarcastically. "I would've called first."

"No, its fine, come in." I could tell Emily was struggling to come up with an explanation as to why the two of us would be at her house. Kim and I didn't know each other, and we were both several years younger than Emily. An awkward silence began. Kim broke it. "Emily is helping me catch up on some homework. I don't have internet at home and Jared asked Emily if I could borrow hers sometimes." Plausible, OK, now, why would I be here? I guess it didn't matter because Leah unloaded on us anyway.

"I want to know what's going on. Nobody tells me anything. I'm going crazy. I really don't understand how my dad can treat Sam like he's just been signed by the Seahawks. Especially after the way he dumped me! How can you even like him? It's all so much bull shit! Something really weird is going on. PLEASE, I need answers," Leah begged.

"Leah, we've been through this. Sam and I never wanted to hurt you. I told him off and told him to stay away from me. But, he was there for me after the…attack. And I fell in love with him." Emily looked both sad and irritated.

"Yeah, we've been through this, but it's not just that, why is he now BFFs with Jared and Paul? Why are Jacob Black and Embry hanging out with him? Why do they look like some kind of gang? And why don't the elders care? Hell, why don't they wear shirts? My dad acts like they all walk on water! My mom just looks at me with big sad eyes and won't tell me anything either." Leah turned her heated gaze on Kim. "Do you know what's going on? You and Jared didn't even hang out and now he follows you around like a dog with his nose stuck up your-"

"LEAH!" Aghast, Emily put her hand on Leah's arm as if to stop her from physically attacking Kim as well. Kim gave her a "deer in the headlights" look and turned pale. "I ..I.. I'm sorry, I really can't help you Leah. It's private." Those words didn't go over well AT ALL with Leah. Her head whipped around to me. "And you! Bella Swan. You're not even a member of the tribe. Do YOU know what's going on?" I guessed she could tell by the red embarrassment creeping up my face that, yes, I did in fact, know something. She was really pissed now. And ironically I knew exactly how she felt.

I had been left behind too. A mere mortal left behind while my supernatural boyfriend moved on. Was it better that I didn't know how he distracted himself? Or would it be better if I knew he had found an "Emily" who loved him? One thing I knew. I had to get out of here. My ears were starting to ring. Thinking about HIM, Edward, with someone else was making the hole in my heart even bigger, my vision started to swim. Leah was one step ahead of me. She bolted out the door, slammed it shut, her wheels squealed as she took off.

I stood; ready to make my escape as well. Emily met me at the door and suggested we go for a walk. Kim told Emily she was almost finished, her mother was supposed to be back in 30 minutes to get her, so she would be gone before we returned. I reluctantly walked out the door with Emily.

Emily linked her arm in mine, probably so I wouldn't take off on her. My nervous energy led the way. "Jacob loves you, you know," she started. "He's driving the whole pack crazy with his worry about you." What could I say?

"I never meant for any of this to happen. I hate having people put at risk because of me. I hate being scared all the time. I HATE hurting Jacob." Then, the biggie. "He's my best friend, but I don't love Jacob, not in the right way, I can't." I looked down at my shoes, unwilling to see the censure on her face.

"Bella, none of this is your fault. No one thinks it's your fault. I mean, they are vampires! Real, blood sucking, monstrous VAMPIRES!" I'd never heard Emily yell before today, let alone explode like this. "How could you love one of them? How can you still love one of them? He left you all alone. Sam told me how he found you. How can you push Jacob away and still love one of them?"

"How can you love Sam, after what he did to you?" I asked. "How can you love someone who explodes into a giant wolf, he maimed you and broke your cousin's heart."

"Yeah, he did all of that, all of it. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't go." Emily's face contorted and her scar puckered into a deeper frown. "I accused him of being a cheater, like his father-that's what angered him so much he phased too close and hurt me. It was my fault. He asked me …to tell him to… kill himself. His imprinting, it won't even allow him to hurt himself unless I will it."

Emily's story hit too close to home. Something about this story was making my brain itch; there was something in my sub conscience that wanted to be remembered. Emily stopped. I looked around, realizing we had made it to the cliff after all. Had my sub conscience led us here? Even with all the cloud cover and wind, the view was breath-taking. I exhaled all the air from my lungs and crumpled to the ground pulling Emily with me. "Bella, did I upset you? Did my story upset you? I know Jacob has worried about you, that you might hurt yourself. Oh, I'm so sorry –I… please don't hurt yourself! Of course I couldn't tell Sam to…. I realized then, that I had fallen in love with him. It was a painful lesson for both of us. Sometimes love is messy and hard, but it's worth it in the end."

Abruptly I stood up. I stretched on my tippy toes and hopped around a little to try and get this "love" crap out of my brain. Oh Man, how I wanted the release, I wanted to plunge into the churning water below. But Emily had just worried about my mental state, so I knew that would be a very stupid thing to do.

Then we heard a howling in the distance. More followed from different directions. I looked all around and out to sea where I noticed something strange, an orange burning flame distantly in the water. I didn't have much time to contemplate this phenomenon. I heard running footsteps approaching us from the forest. Jake and Sam appeared behind us.

Sam went to Emily and started whispering in her ear just as Jacob started speaking to me.

"We followed your scent. We were chasing the red head to the water and lost her. I worried you would decide to come up here today- I'm glad Emily stopped you." I was about to correct his assumption when he continued. "If you had jumped, and she got to you, I might have been too late." Jacob looked at me with a fiercely protective scowl, then grabbed me and kissed me. It was a frantic kiss, an "I'm so glad you're alive" kind of kiss. I took a step back and pushed gently out of his hold.

"We've got to get Emily and Bella back Jacob, then we have to go to the hospital," Sam ordered. I looked at Emily who was freely crying. "Harry Clearwater had a heart attack," she quietly sobbed, her voice hitching.

Harry Clearwater, one of my dad's oldest friends, Emily's uncle, Leah-who was so angry today-Leah's father, was dying. I glanced back to the water and the mystery flame had disappeared. My brain was working enough for me to realize Victoria had been very close indeed. I wanted to be as far from this cliff as possible. We hurried back to Emily's house. Sam took Emily with him, to the hospital. I needed to find my dad, to console him. Jacob drove me home in my truck.

The ride home was uncomfortable. My brain was overloaded. "I know what you're thinking about," Jacob announced. "I'm not sorry I kissed you, I just wish I had done it sooner, you know, more romantically. " UGG. I had actually not been thinking about that at all. THAT, I had pushed to the very back of my mind to deal with later, but I guessed Jacob was obsessing about it. "Jacob, you know what they say about people who assume." I tugged my lips into a small smile. "I'm actually thinking about Charlie right now, and Harry." That stalled him. Sometimes I thought Jacob knew me better than I knew myself, but today I realized he was still a teenage boy. A teenage boy with loads of responsibilities and supernatural crap to deal with, but a teenager all the same.

When we got to my house, Jacob phased and did a brief perimeter search. He decided to stay in wolf form since Sam and a few other pack members were at the hospital. I called FPD first and was told Charlie went to the hospital. I called the hospital and got Charlie on the phone. Harry was not likely to survive. My Dad was planning to stay as long as he was needed. I decided to make him some supper to take to the hospital. I had enough ingredients for a double batch of Grandma Swan's Stroganoff. One batch I put in the freezer to take to the Clearwater's later. I wrapped up two servings of stroganoff and two bottles of water and went out the back door. I called for Jake and he appeared within 2 minutes. I explained that I was taking Charlie dinner and would be back soon. He nodded and ran back into the forest.

The lobby at the hospital was packed. Charlie was as happy to see me as he could be, under the circumstances. We took the food to a picnic table in the outside smoking area. Charlie ate half heartedly, though I know this recipe was a favorite of his. We didn't speak. He reached out his hand to me, squeezed my hand, and told me to go home and get some rest. He'd call me with any news.

A short while after I finished cleaning up my baking dishes, I got the phone call. Harry had died. Charlie was going to head home and tomorrow would go with Sue to the funeral home to make arrangements for a funeral.

For the first time in a week I was alone in my house. I e-mailed my mom to tell her about Harry, I figured she'd want to know. I looked through Charlie's closet and found a suit that might still fit and wasn't too dated. I also ironed a shirt and chose one of his four ties to go along with the outfit. I also made sure I had appropriate funeral attire cleaned and pressed. I wasn't sure if Charlie would want me to go, or if Leah would be upset to see me again, but I wanted to be prepared just in case.

I was both mentally and physically exhausted. I took a Tylenol PM, since Emily had recommended it, and to help me sleep. My dreams were new. My first dream was of the pack. Sam and Jared were standing next to Emily and Kim, but they seemed older, Embry and Quil with women I had never seen, and Jacob with a beautiful woman who seemed very familiar, but I didn't know her. They all seemed happy, complete. Next I dreamed of Leah Clearwater. She was a wild terrifying mess with a huge wolf cowering at her feet. I dreamed of Sam, kneeling beside a bandaged and bruised Emily asking her to let him die. This changed into Edward on my couch on my birthday. He was telling me of his "contingency plan". Well, I wasn't going to live without you. Then I dreamed of orange flames on the water. Then I awoke screaming.