Ukyou Kuonji: I wrote this story as I reminisced about a friend
of mine who had died thirteen years before, as a sort of homage.
The bulk of it was written down in the course of a single day.
My online mentor claimed that I had "bitten off more okonomi-yaki
than [I] could chew," but I submitted it to the FFML regardless.
The response was tremendous for one of my first pieces, and I still
regard it highly to this day.
It has now been fourteen years since I lost my friend, and a full
year has passed since I first submitted this story. Since there
have been a few rewrites and repostings to hit the list lately,
I thought I'd revive this one, and see if it still has the power
it had when I first made...
MY DYING WISH
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ukyou Kuonji
all characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan &c
No infringement is intended
This story is for somewhat mature audiences. There is some sex and
yes, someone dies in this story. So you've been warned.
Everyone has left the hospice room where I have been lying for the
past two weeks. They've said their final goodbyes, and departed.
Everyone, that is, except my husband, Ranma.
"Ucchan.. can you feel anything?" I nod, and smile weakly. I wish
I could respond more to him, instead of simply lying here, feeling
him thrust into me one last time. Still, I consider myself fortunate
at this point to be able to merely feel him. Hell, I consider myself
fortunate to even *have* him here. I may be dying, but I am a lucky
woman nonetheless.
***
I don't think I had been to see a doctor since I was born. My
family was too poor when I was a child, even before my dowry was
stolen. Good doctors were few and far between in rural Kansai,
anyway. But business was good at the Ucchan those days, and I
figured I could afford to get myself checked out. Besides, I
hadn't been feeling my best, lately. Sure, I could sling my
spatula with the best of 'em; why, I could still beat Shampoo
in a fair fight (emphasis on 'fair' -- the little hussy doesn't
know the meaning of the word. Or a lot of others, for that matter).
But something told me I ought to get myself looked at. Maybe it
was women's intuition.
Maybe I'd gone too long denying that intuition.
***
I thought it might take a couple of hours, and I'd be back at the
restaurant by early afternoon. Konatsu was getting to be a pretty
good cook, but he still needed help as far as the business side of
the operation was concerned.
But they kept me there nearly all day, and I started to get concerned.
Finally, one of the doctors came out.
"Well, Miss Kuonji... we have some of the results of your lab work.
We'd like you to come back in a couple of days. We're going to have
to do a biopsy."
"A biopsy? What's the matter?"
"Well..." I didn't like the sound of that pause. "Your mammogram
showed several abnormalities in both of your breasts. We're not sure
if there's a tumor in either, and if so, whether it's malignant or
benign..."
***
Malignancy.
Cancer.
For ten years I had denied the fact that I was even a woman, and
now here I had breast cancer.
I couldn't believe it. Just when things started to look as if they
would turn around, this had to happen.
My life had been misery all the time I was seeking after Ranma and
Genma Saotome. My heart could hold nothing but hatred. Hatred for
the two men who had stolen my dowry and abandoned me by the side of
the road. Hatred for my gullible father, who gave the yatai away
*before* Ran-chan and I were married, and yet threw me out of the
house when I tried to return home -- as if it had been *my* fault.
Hatred for my female form, which left me too weak to fight or chase
the Saotomes, and left me a third-class citizen: a dowerless female
is among the lowest of the low. I channelled this energy into my
craft, my okonomi-yaki, and eventually was able to surpass my father
in skill. Not that he would ever be aware of it.
Then, after ten years, I caught up with the Saotomes. And I
discovered Ran-chan was unaware of the bargain his father had
reneged on. He even liked me! Thought I was pretty (well, "cute,"
anyway)! How could I possibly hate him? I even had a pretty good
chance at snaring him, now. His then-fiancee, Akane Tendo was a
nice enough girl by herself, but with Ranma around, the two of them
were like oil and water. So I set up shop in the Nerima district
where they lived, and decided to bide my time until he was ready to
commit to me instead of her.
And now, Fate had decided to play its cruelest joke of all on me.
I would never have the chance to make him mine.
***
The walk back home from my second doctor's appointment was the
longest trip I had ever taken in my life. I could hear children
laughing as I went; but to me it only seemed as if it were directed
at me, mocking me for all the hopes and dreams I'd had that were
now all for nothing. The afternoon rains came, and while others
quickly brought out umbrellas or scurried for cover, I just stood
there, in the middle of the street, letting myself get drenched.
Maybe I was hoping to drown myself then and there, but I just lifted
my face to the sky and opened my mouth in a soundless scream at the
heavens as they continued to add insult to injury after injury.
A policeman's whistle brought me back to my senses, and I resumed
my trudge back to the Ucchan. I could feel the weight of the world
itself bearing down upon my shoulders as I unbolted the door (Konatsu
had left a note on the door stating that he had gone out to buy
groceries).
On the other hand, maybe it was just my spatula.
Once inside, I unsheathed it and set the blade down on the floor,
and I rested heavily on the handle. Nope, the weight on my shoulders
was still there. All at once, I realized I was using my spatula as
I might a crutch or a cane. Had I aged fifty years in the span of
a one-mile walk?
I let go of my makeshift crutch, and it fell to the floor with a
loud clang. I found a chair, and dropped myself into it.
At which point the chair itself dropped with a pained grunt.
I found myself sprawled on the floor next to what might appear to
be a young schoolgirl dressed as one of my chairs. I didn't feel up
to responding the way I usually do, though, so I decided to talk
my way out of the situation.
"Tsubasa... why don't you just go home? I really don't feel up to
this, okay?"
He blinked. "Ukyou-sama... you're not gonna clobber me with that
thing? What's the matter? Please, tell me... maybe I can help you."
Him? Help me? What a laugh. But what else was there?
So I told him...
"...and you know something, Tsu-chan? It's not like I haven't had
to deal with bad news before. I could've even dealt with Ran-chan
getting married to Akane-chan. I could always have some hope that
he and I might both outlive her, so we could at least spend our
twilight years together. Old friends, now lovers, walking hand
in hand off into the sunset of our lives.
"It's not gonna happen that way, Tsu-chan... Nothing's gonna
happen to me, except..." and I just choked off. I didn't want
to cry, especially not in front of Tsubasa. But I couldn't help
it. It just wasn't fair! And here I am, pouring my heart out
to a creepy transvestite with a crush on me.
He patted my hand, gently. "I know how you feel, Ukyou-sama."
What?!
I stood up, furious at this impertinence. "No, you *don't*, you
little crossdressing BAKA! Don't you get it?! I'm DYING. This is
it, the end of the road, time's up! I'm not gonna get the chances
I deserve..."
He held up his hands, trying to shield himself. "I know that,
Ukyou-sama! Please, hear me out!" All right. Fine. Two minutes.
I sat down again. "I realize I can't know what you're going
through as far as actually dying, okay? But I'm losing my chance
here, too. I know it sounds selfish, Ukyou-sama, but now I won't
be able to convince you of my feelings for you, any more than
you'll have your chance at Ranma.
"In fact, you've got a better shot at Ranma than I do at you. If
it's gonna be this clear that Ranma and Akane are gonna outlive you,
you could at least try to take Akane's place in your little dream.
Maybe it'll even work."
His gaze fell to the floor. "I know I'll never be able to change
your opinion of me..."
I looked at him in wonder. What a brilliant idea. "Tsubasa...
I think you just did."
***
So there I was, setting at the Tendo's table, trying to explain
Tsubasa's little plan in my own words.
"You want to WHAT?!" Akane was indignant at the suggestion, as I
expected.
"I want to marry Ran-chan. I'd just be borrowing him, Akane-chan.."
She had her hands on her hips, with a 'this-better-be-good'
expression on her face. "'Borrowing' him," she stated, archly.
"Look, Akane-chan. You're not ready to marry Ran-chan.."
"READY TO... Are you kidding? I'm NEVER marrying that pervert!"
"My point exactly. But I imagine that someday you'll change that
tune of yours. For myself, I certainly want to marry him. Right
away. I don't have any time to waste. Please, Akane-chan, can I
have your permission? It won't be for more than a year..."
"What makes me think I'll get him back from you?" she demanded.
Poor girl, she never understood how much she loved him. Jealousy
wasn't the best expression of love I could think of, but it certainly
made lie of all her protestations that she hated him. "How do I
know you won't just spirit him away from here the moment you get
the chance?!"
"Have I ever tried that? I'm sure if I wanted to, I could. And
would have, already. He's still here, right? So, you know I'm not
about to take him away from you for good. Besides I need to stay
here in Nerima now."
"Yeah? Well, what's marriage, if not taking him away for good?
And why do you *have* to stay, anyway?"
"Akane-chan, does the word 'widower' mean anything to you?"
Now she quit yelling. "Hunh?"
"Akane-chan, I'm dying." That stopped her cold.
"Ukyou... I- I'm sorry."
I nodded. "Yeah, they're giving me six months, a year at best.
So, you'll have him back soon, I can assure you. And hey -- this
way, old man Saotome can fulfill *both* engagements. Isn't that
cool?" I flashed what I hoped would be a winning smile at her.
She looked at me, quizzically. "How can you be so cheerful about
this, Ukyou?"
I stared down at the table and tried to think of an answer to that.
"I don't know. I guess I've jumped to the acceptance stage faster
than most people do. The thought of making Ran-chan my husband
helps sweeten it, too."
She shuddered at my calling Ran-chan 'husband.' She wasn't quite
ready to accept that. "Well, what makes you think he'll say 'yes',
Ukyou?"
"Well... I'm his friend."
"Yeah -- but that's hardly enough."
"No? Don't you think a husband and wife should really be the best
of friends? I would think that's an excellent formula for a happy
marriage. What do you remember about your parents, Akane-chan?"
"Well, yeah... but I mean, he only sees you as a friend. Not a
marriage partner."
I smiled gently. "Akane-chan, of the four of us chasing him..."
she held up her hand, "...or otherwise engaged to him, do you think
he sees a marriage partner in any of us? Would he want to marry you,
at this time? You've already said *you* don't want to marry him --
yet."
"Whaddya mean, 'yet'?" I just smiled.
***
"Ran-chan?"
He was sitting across the grill from me, as I turned over another
special okonomi-yaki for him to replace the one he was downing like
a man possessed. He looked up, mouth full.
"Mmphg?" Oh, Ranma honey...
"Don't talk with your mouth full, sugar. Swallow, and I'll ask
you..." An audible gulp.
"Okay, what is it, Ucchan?"
"Ran-chan... what do you think of me?"
"What kinda question is that? You're my best friend, you're a
great cook, you're always there to listen to me when I needja..."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh. But would you be willing to marry me?"
"Erk?!" The poor boy practically choked. Nice going, girl.
*Reeeeal* subtle.
"I mean... for a little while?"
"A... little while? Whaddya mean, Ucchan?"
"Ranma, hear me out, okay? This may be difficult..."
It *was* difficult for Ran-chan to grasp. It seemed that it
hadn't occurred to him that there might come a time when I wouldn't
be there anymore for him. I knew how he felt, but pressed on.
"...so, I thought maybe we can get married. So we can take
advantage of the time we have together. How about it, Ran-chan?
Whaddya say?"
He just stared at me, slack-jawed. I waved my hand in front of
him. "Ran-chan?"
"I- you- you mean, you're..."
"Terminal. Uh-huh. It's gone too far to operate; the docs said
I should just try and get the most out of the time I had left."
"Which is...?
"Six months, a year, tops. I've told Akane, and she's giving me
her blessing, believe it or not. I told her I'd give you back at the
end. Assuming..." I winked, "you'll *take* her after you've had me."
"Uh, well... this is kinda sudden..."
"Tell me about it. And I still gotta teach Konatsu the ropes
before I hand the place over to him."
"Can I get back to you on this?"
"Take your time, sugar, but give me an answer by tomorrow."
***
It was a simple affair, and quick. As understanding as the Tendos
and the Saotomes were about this, they weren't going to take their
chances on the Kunos or Shampoo and her great-grandmother finding
out. A Western ceremony, in the dojo (Thanks again, Mr. Tendo),
with Akane at my side as maid of honor.
As Ranma walked in, she elbowed me in the ribs. "I hope you know
what you're doing to me, leaving me with used goods," she teased.
I think she was starting to be envious of me rather than jealous
of him. A good sign for the future I wouldn't be around to see.
I figured I might as well play it straight. "Not at all. One
sign of a good marriage; the one left behind wants to get married
all over again. You better hope Ran-chan enjoys being married to
me, so that he'll be rarin' to go for you once I'm gone."
Her eyes were welling up. Could it be that she was gonna miss
me? "Oh, Ucchan!" What's a bride to do when her maid of honor
is crying on her sleeve?
"Hey, Akane-chan. Take it easy. You're supposed to be *my* moral
support here."
The rest of the ceremony was a bit of a blur, although I remember
Mr. Tendo crying at the minister's line about "as long as you both
shall live." It's amazing; once everyone knows you're terminal, so
much is forgiven, even the fact that I'm stealing his daughters'
promised fiance.
***
Of course, the word I had used before was 'borrowing', not
'stealing', and it was starting to hit home. The first few weeks
were absolutely wonderful, as we moved his stuff from the dojo to
my apartment over the Ucchan. As a lover, he was pretty tentative
(but hey, aren't we all at first?) -- I had to bop him with my
spatula once or twice to get him to stop treating me like I was
some kinda china doll -- but he soon warmed up to the task. Akane,
I thought, you're gonna be in for a real treat someday.
The community began to accept me as Ran-chan's wife, too -- many of
them had expected Akane-chan to win him, so it wasn't as easy as all
that. I still had to contend with Shampoo sticking her face in the
Ucchan and trading insults with her, and Kodachi would occasionally
throw her two yen in as well, but by and large, sympathies were on
my side. Not that I always appreciated it; bad enough that I had to
teach Ran-chan not to treat me as if I were falling apart. Trying
to do the same for all of Nerima was a little more than I could
manage. But I tried to just take it in stride and enjoy the
attention.
But this couldn't last forever, and it didn't. After only a couple
of months, it got to be very difficult (and very painful) to even get
up in the mornings. And usually, by the time I was up and about,
Ranma had left for school. I knew he was probably spending more
time with Akane than me on some days, but I couldn't resent it.
After all, I had taken him from her.
***
Besides, I was preoccupied with trying to make sure that the
Ucchan would survive me, if only for my customers' and Konatsu's
sakes. During afternoon lulls, while most people were in school
or at their own jobs, I would scribble down my okonomi-yaki receipes
as best as I could. I knew that I would have to drill Konatsu
rigourously to get these right, and found myself staring off into
space, wondering if I was up to the task.
It was during these lulls, during one of these daydreams, that he
appeared. I never heard a thing, not even a rustling of the shop
curtain as he entered... of course, that could have been due to my
usual reverie. He practically had to rap on the grill to get my
attention, but once he did, he had my fullest attention.
My eyes went wide. "Sir!" I snapped to attention, wincing inwardly
as I did so. This was my mentor, the old monk who had brought me back
from my only culinary defeat to thrash my opponent in a rematch. Of
all the people to be inattentive to...!
The old man's face broke into a grin. "At ease, my child. I do
believe you've earned your rest. I've just come to check up on your
progress.
"Ne? Progress? Oh! Well..." I was thoroughly flustered, but set
to mixing up some batter from scratch. Eggs... flour... vegetables...
spices... meat... The ingredients flew about me, as I worked in a haze.
But at last, I presented him with the best I could do, and bowed humbly
to him.
"I'm so sorry, sensei... I'm afraid my technique has suffered these
past few months."
His gaze was sympathetic, reassuring. "As have you, from what I can
tell. But technique is only part of the puzzle, Ukyou-chan... it is
the tasting that is the true test."
He cut a bite off, and popped it in his mouth. His eyes lit up with
childlike wonder.
"This is... different. It's mild, sweet..." A smile curled across
his wrinkled face. "It tastes like angels... dancing on my tongue."
I brought my hands to my face in a poor attempt to conceal my blush.
"Angels... dancing?"
He flashed me a sly smile. "Well... more than dancing, actually.
I take it you're enjoying married life." Now I was *really* blushing,
and my hands dropped to my sides. There was no covering *this* up.
"I see you are. It shows in your work." He took another bite, and
chewed it slowly, reverently. "It seems a shame to lose this..."
I dropped my gaze. "So you've heard, then."
"Why else do you think I would come all the way from Yamanashi
Prefecture? Just to eat good food? I could do as well for myself
back at the monestary..." His voice trailed off as he took another
bite. "Well... almost.
"There is a peace in your soul that only a few have ever acheived.
Even I could not match this."
"Sensei! You can't be serious."
"I am. You have no regrets in you, nothing you need to accomplish.
You have this place," he waved his arm around to indicate the Ucchan,
"and you have -- Ranma, is that his name?"
I merely nodded.
"When I was your age, my child, I knew a girl. I thought I might be
happy with her for the rest of my days. But I never could find the
courage to actually say so to her... and I lost her. Never mind how...
it's not that important. It was shortly thereafter that I joined the
monestary.
"To this day, I think of her and wonder... what if I had said something?
Would our lives have been better off?
"I have these regrets, Ukyou-chan... so I can never quite attain the
perfection you have with these...
"Uh... could you make a few more, so that I might be able to share
these with my fellow monks, my dear?"
***
I was on such a high that day, I sent my mentor home with ten dozen of
my best okonomi-yaki. But as the time wore on, most days it became all
I could do to simply drag myself downstairs and help Konatsu with the
cooking:
"Just try following the recipe, Konatsu-chan, and everything
will turn out fine."
"But Ukyou-sama, you always improvise, and your okonomi-yaki
always comes out so much better."
"It's cough not improvisation, Konatsu-chan. I've got a lot
of experience under my belt. I know which spices go better with
pork, and which with beef. Fifteen years of koff-koff trial and
error will get you to that point. We don't have that kind of time.
Now, here's a list of what works with what..."
As for the business end, Nabiki was helping out there. Even
helping to teach Konatsu the value of a yen. Of course, that meant
he eventually started demanding higher wages.
"Geez, thanks a lot, Nabiki. Even if it is more expensive to run
the place now, it's nice to know it'll still be running. What do
I owe ya?"
"No charge," she'd told me. "Just remember me in your will."
"All right, how's this: 'To Nabiki Tendo, who was always hinting
about being remembered in my will: Hi there.'"
"Very funny."
"Hey, cough *I* thought it was."
***
Eventually, Konatsu began to take over completely at the Ucchan,
leaving me with a lot more time to be alone with Ran-chan, enjoying
each other as best we could. I had the strength to stay behind the
counter for only short periods of time while my kunoichi was out
running errands.
It was during once of his errands that I had one last visitor.
I poured batter for his okonomi-yaki before I even realized who he was.
He was much older than I remembered him, but it had been some ten-plus
years since I'd last seen him. His beard had turned a light grey, and
his gruff expression had softened a bit; he almost looked worried.
But he still wore his okonomi-yaki seller's outfit, much like mine.
My father.
I set my jaw, and glowered at him. "What are you doing here?"
He gave me a helpless shrug. There was a small scroll in his hand.
"Your girlfriend found me and told me about your condition. I had to
come and see you." Girlfriend? Oh good grief... he was talking about
Tsubasa. That kid had tracked me down every time I moved; I guess it
shouldn't surprise me that he could've gone backward and tracked down
my father. Maybe he thought he was going to be doing me a favor.
I could've told him otherwise. "Whatever for? I still distinctly
recall hearing you say 'Tatsuhiro Kuonji *has* no daughter.' I'm just
some stranger you don't even know, and I *know* you don't care about.
Why else would you have thrown me out like so much garbage?"
"Ukyou, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find you..."
"I've been here for several years; it wouldn't have been that hard.
What do you want from me now, anyway? I don't want you here any more
than you wanted me then. Get out."
"But Ukyou..."
"I said GET OUT!"
He sighed heavily. "I was afraid it would come to this." He set the
scroll on the table, and walked to the door. "I was hoping you could
forgive your foolish old man for what he'd done to you. I'm sorry."
When he had left, I walked over to the table. I picked up the scroll
gingerly, with two fingers like pincers, and went to throw it out.
A small slip of paper slipped out and fell to the floor.
I dropped the scroll immediately, and scooped up the paper. It was
a haiku in his crabbed handwriting; I hadn't known he did such things:
My dearest daughter
The Kuonji family honor
has now been restored.
"My dearest daughter"...?
I unrolled the scroll. It was a formal reinstatement, as an honoured
daughter of the Kuonji clan.
I ran out of the restaurant, and was winded by the time I reached
the door. "Daddy?" I called out.
But there was no one there. He had long since gone.
And the okonomi-yaki burning on the grill for him was the last one
I would ever make.
***
Ten months had passed since my death warrant had been signed.
Nine since the wedding. And now, it had come to this. Lying in
a hospice bed, just waiting for it all to be over...
I must look like a skeleton. I hadn't even been able to eat
an okonomi-yaki for three weeks. They taste okay -- Konatsu's
learned his lessons well -- I just can't keep anything down.
I'd decided that enough was enough. If one could will oneself
to stay alive for a few more days until some special event, I
figured I could also will myself to shut down. And today was
the day. Everyone was there, friend and enemy alike. So this
is what it's like to attend your own funeral, I was thinking.
Personally, I'd take the wedding bed over the funeral bier anytime.
But I had to wait for everyone to say their goodbyes. At least I
could give myself time for that.
Kuno Tatewaki steps forward first. He kisses my hand. A gallant
to the end, even if he *is* full of himself. "My lady, we have
known thee so long, and yet not nearly long enough. Nay, an
eternity is what you deserve..."
I cut him off. "Eternity is where I'm already going, Kuno."
"And like the stars of heaven, whose light illumines us long after
they have ceased to be, so shall you be in our hearts.
"Thank you, Kuno-chan. Give my best to your sister." He steps
back and nods.
A high-pitched voice pipes up. "Even not-nice spatula girl
deserve better."
"That's gotta be Shampoo. Don't worry about me, girl. I've had
the best year of my life with Ran-chan..." I can practically hear
steam rising from the Chinese girl's head. "Mousse!" I call out.
"Take care of her, willya? I don't want her corrupting Ran-chan or
nothin'! cough-cough"
I can't see him, but I hear him: "Don't worry, Ukyou. I'll take
good care of Shampoo."
There is the 'whack' of a staff, and a crotchety old voice snaps
"I am *not* Ukyou, and you are *not* taking care of Shampoo. Ranma
will be free to marry Shampoo by tomorrow." General mayhem breaks
out, as everyone starts clamoring for their piece of Ran-chan.
"Hey, hey cough Hey! Will you all just SHUT UP! I'm not dead
*yet*." I gasp out. Oh man, that was too much effort. "Somebody
get those three out of here! I won't let them ruin my last moments
on earth, all right?" Mr. Tendo, Mr. Saotome and Kuno bundle them
off.
"Hey, girls...?" The Tendo sisters approach. "I don't know how to
thank you all for your support these past few months. Especially
you, Akane-chan. You'll do all right for him, you know."
"I- I- "
"Oh, Akane-chan. Just open your heart for him. He's a fine
husband, and I think he'll do pretty well to have you, too."
Mother-in-law steps forward. "I think that's enough, girls.
Ukyou needs her rest."
"Thank you Nodoka. Goodbye."
"We'll have a shrine built for you in the morning, Ukyou-chan.
You've been wonderful to Ranma."
"And he's been wonderful right back." I can practically hear him
blush. "A shrine's not necessary, though..."
"Well, who else would build one for you?"
I hadn't thought of that. I knew Father wouldn't. Konatsu, maybe?
Tsubasa?
A few tears, and a number of hugs, and the Saotome and Tendo clans
finally rise to leave. Including Ran-chan.
"Ran-chan... don't go." He looks over his shoulder at me, then
calls out the door at the others.
"Uh... Pop? Mom? Mr. Tendo? Yeah, I'm gonna be a while yet.
Okay, sure. I'll catch you all later." He walks back over to my
bedside, and takes my hand.
"Y'know, Kuno's right. We all knew this was coming, and I'm still
not ready for it."
I try to smile. "So you were just gonna walk away, because you
didn't know what else to do?"
"Hey!" Defensively, then softer: "Am I really that insensitive?"
I cock my head, "If the shoe fits, Ran-chan..." He growls slightly.
"Oh, Ranma honey. I just don't wanna go alone."
"Alright, Ucchan. I'm here. And I'll stay here until then... if
that's what you want."
"More than anything, honey."
In the silence that follows, one last request comes to mind. One
last thing to take with me into the next world.
"Ran-chan... could you do me a favor?"
"Uh.. sure. Anything you want, Ucchan."
"Ran-chan... Could you.. make love to me? One last time?" He
drops my hand, abruptly.
"I.. I couldn't do that, Ucchan."
"And why not? cough, cough"
"Well.." he fidgets nervously, "you're dying."
"I'm dying... ha. Ran-chan, that's why we got married in the first
place. I don't know if you said 'yes' out of pity or real love, but
I took what I could get. And I wanna thank you for it. But don't
leave me here. I don't wanna die alone.
"I don't know who said it, but I once heard that making love was
'like kicking death in the ass while singing.' And after having you,
I believe it. And I love it. So if I'm going to die, I don't want
to go gently. I want to go kicking and singing. And I want to do
it with you. Please. I know the exertion'll probably kill me, but
it's the only way I could imagine going."
He blinks a couple of times. "Is this what you really want, Ucchan?"
I nod. "You are."
This is it. My final impression of my husband, and his of me. I'm
sure I have the better view. Naked came I into the world, and naked
shall I leave it. I just wish I could leave a better-looking corpse.
If only for his sake. He looks like a god, standing there.
And now... he enters.
I brace myself. Even with the painkillers, it hurts, and I can't
keep myself from crying. Ran-chan, the darling, can't help but
notice. He pauses.
"Are you okay, Ucchan?"
What a question. I laugh, even through the pain, even through
the shortness of breath. "No, of course I'm not, Ran-chan. But
I love you, and I love it. Please, don't stop now."
"All right. Hold on, Ucchan! Ungh!"
I want desperately to hold him, to pull his face down to mine
and kiss him until he's as short of breath as I am. But I can
hardly move. All I can do is lie here and let him lead. A drop
of moisture lands on my lip. It's salty... is it sweat? Or a
teardrop? I look up at my dear Ranma's face, and I cannot tell.
There is light behind him, and it makes it difficult to make out
his expression.
He can't hold on much longer -- I can feel it. His thrusts are
getting faster, more urgent. I am dangling on the precipice.
Both my strength and resistance are ebbing away. Please, let me
hold on long enough for him to --
"Come on - ugh! - Ran-chan. Let - oh! - let it go. Let muh-muh-
meee gooooo!!" Oh, Lord. Here it comes. The light is getting
brighter; it's like a halo around him. With a convulsive effort,
I force my arms up, and wrap them around him. The feel of my hands
on his back spurs him on.
"UCCHAN!!" he cries out, and I know he's gone over the edge.
His warm life force pours into me, even as mine is draining away.
I can barely see him now for the light shining from behind him.
"Thank you Ran-chan," I sigh. This is it. I'm on my way, now.
Good-bye, my darling. Take care of Akane-chan for me. "Thank you
for ev --"
***
Dedicated to Petra Weiss (in pace requiescat)
of mine who had died thirteen years before, as a sort of homage.
The bulk of it was written down in the course of a single day.
My online mentor claimed that I had "bitten off more okonomi-yaki
than [I] could chew," but I submitted it to the FFML regardless.
The response was tremendous for one of my first pieces, and I still
regard it highly to this day.
It has now been fourteen years since I lost my friend, and a full
year has passed since I first submitted this story. Since there
have been a few rewrites and repostings to hit the list lately,
I thought I'd revive this one, and see if it still has the power
it had when I first made...
MY DYING WISH
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Ukyou Kuonji
all characters are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan &c
No infringement is intended
This story is for somewhat mature audiences. There is some sex and
yes, someone dies in this story. So you've been warned.
Everyone has left the hospice room where I have been lying for the
past two weeks. They've said their final goodbyes, and departed.
Everyone, that is, except my husband, Ranma.
"Ucchan.. can you feel anything?" I nod, and smile weakly. I wish
I could respond more to him, instead of simply lying here, feeling
him thrust into me one last time. Still, I consider myself fortunate
at this point to be able to merely feel him. Hell, I consider myself
fortunate to even *have* him here. I may be dying, but I am a lucky
woman nonetheless.
***
I don't think I had been to see a doctor since I was born. My
family was too poor when I was a child, even before my dowry was
stolen. Good doctors were few and far between in rural Kansai,
anyway. But business was good at the Ucchan those days, and I
figured I could afford to get myself checked out. Besides, I
hadn't been feeling my best, lately. Sure, I could sling my
spatula with the best of 'em; why, I could still beat Shampoo
in a fair fight (emphasis on 'fair' -- the little hussy doesn't
know the meaning of the word. Or a lot of others, for that matter).
But something told me I ought to get myself looked at. Maybe it
was women's intuition.
Maybe I'd gone too long denying that intuition.
***
I thought it might take a couple of hours, and I'd be back at the
restaurant by early afternoon. Konatsu was getting to be a pretty
good cook, but he still needed help as far as the business side of
the operation was concerned.
But they kept me there nearly all day, and I started to get concerned.
Finally, one of the doctors came out.
"Well, Miss Kuonji... we have some of the results of your lab work.
We'd like you to come back in a couple of days. We're going to have
to do a biopsy."
"A biopsy? What's the matter?"
"Well..." I didn't like the sound of that pause. "Your mammogram
showed several abnormalities in both of your breasts. We're not sure
if there's a tumor in either, and if so, whether it's malignant or
benign..."
***
Malignancy.
Cancer.
For ten years I had denied the fact that I was even a woman, and
now here I had breast cancer.
I couldn't believe it. Just when things started to look as if they
would turn around, this had to happen.
My life had been misery all the time I was seeking after Ranma and
Genma Saotome. My heart could hold nothing but hatred. Hatred for
the two men who had stolen my dowry and abandoned me by the side of
the road. Hatred for my gullible father, who gave the yatai away
*before* Ran-chan and I were married, and yet threw me out of the
house when I tried to return home -- as if it had been *my* fault.
Hatred for my female form, which left me too weak to fight or chase
the Saotomes, and left me a third-class citizen: a dowerless female
is among the lowest of the low. I channelled this energy into my
craft, my okonomi-yaki, and eventually was able to surpass my father
in skill. Not that he would ever be aware of it.
Then, after ten years, I caught up with the Saotomes. And I
discovered Ran-chan was unaware of the bargain his father had
reneged on. He even liked me! Thought I was pretty (well, "cute,"
anyway)! How could I possibly hate him? I even had a pretty good
chance at snaring him, now. His then-fiancee, Akane Tendo was a
nice enough girl by herself, but with Ranma around, the two of them
were like oil and water. So I set up shop in the Nerima district
where they lived, and decided to bide my time until he was ready to
commit to me instead of her.
And now, Fate had decided to play its cruelest joke of all on me.
I would never have the chance to make him mine.
***
The walk back home from my second doctor's appointment was the
longest trip I had ever taken in my life. I could hear children
laughing as I went; but to me it only seemed as if it were directed
at me, mocking me for all the hopes and dreams I'd had that were
now all for nothing. The afternoon rains came, and while others
quickly brought out umbrellas or scurried for cover, I just stood
there, in the middle of the street, letting myself get drenched.
Maybe I was hoping to drown myself then and there, but I just lifted
my face to the sky and opened my mouth in a soundless scream at the
heavens as they continued to add insult to injury after injury.
A policeman's whistle brought me back to my senses, and I resumed
my trudge back to the Ucchan. I could feel the weight of the world
itself bearing down upon my shoulders as I unbolted the door (Konatsu
had left a note on the door stating that he had gone out to buy
groceries).
On the other hand, maybe it was just my spatula.
Once inside, I unsheathed it and set the blade down on the floor,
and I rested heavily on the handle. Nope, the weight on my shoulders
was still there. All at once, I realized I was using my spatula as
I might a crutch or a cane. Had I aged fifty years in the span of
a one-mile walk?
I let go of my makeshift crutch, and it fell to the floor with a
loud clang. I found a chair, and dropped myself into it.
At which point the chair itself dropped with a pained grunt.
I found myself sprawled on the floor next to what might appear to
be a young schoolgirl dressed as one of my chairs. I didn't feel up
to responding the way I usually do, though, so I decided to talk
my way out of the situation.
"Tsubasa... why don't you just go home? I really don't feel up to
this, okay?"
He blinked. "Ukyou-sama... you're not gonna clobber me with that
thing? What's the matter? Please, tell me... maybe I can help you."
Him? Help me? What a laugh. But what else was there?
So I told him...
"...and you know something, Tsu-chan? It's not like I haven't had
to deal with bad news before. I could've even dealt with Ran-chan
getting married to Akane-chan. I could always have some hope that
he and I might both outlive her, so we could at least spend our
twilight years together. Old friends, now lovers, walking hand
in hand off into the sunset of our lives.
"It's not gonna happen that way, Tsu-chan... Nothing's gonna
happen to me, except..." and I just choked off. I didn't want
to cry, especially not in front of Tsubasa. But I couldn't help
it. It just wasn't fair! And here I am, pouring my heart out
to a creepy transvestite with a crush on me.
He patted my hand, gently. "I know how you feel, Ukyou-sama."
What?!
I stood up, furious at this impertinence. "No, you *don't*, you
little crossdressing BAKA! Don't you get it?! I'm DYING. This is
it, the end of the road, time's up! I'm not gonna get the chances
I deserve..."
He held up his hands, trying to shield himself. "I know that,
Ukyou-sama! Please, hear me out!" All right. Fine. Two minutes.
I sat down again. "I realize I can't know what you're going
through as far as actually dying, okay? But I'm losing my chance
here, too. I know it sounds selfish, Ukyou-sama, but now I won't
be able to convince you of my feelings for you, any more than
you'll have your chance at Ranma.
"In fact, you've got a better shot at Ranma than I do at you. If
it's gonna be this clear that Ranma and Akane are gonna outlive you,
you could at least try to take Akane's place in your little dream.
Maybe it'll even work."
His gaze fell to the floor. "I know I'll never be able to change
your opinion of me..."
I looked at him in wonder. What a brilliant idea. "Tsubasa...
I think you just did."
***
So there I was, setting at the Tendo's table, trying to explain
Tsubasa's little plan in my own words.
"You want to WHAT?!" Akane was indignant at the suggestion, as I
expected.
"I want to marry Ran-chan. I'd just be borrowing him, Akane-chan.."
She had her hands on her hips, with a 'this-better-be-good'
expression on her face. "'Borrowing' him," she stated, archly.
"Look, Akane-chan. You're not ready to marry Ran-chan.."
"READY TO... Are you kidding? I'm NEVER marrying that pervert!"
"My point exactly. But I imagine that someday you'll change that
tune of yours. For myself, I certainly want to marry him. Right
away. I don't have any time to waste. Please, Akane-chan, can I
have your permission? It won't be for more than a year..."
"What makes me think I'll get him back from you?" she demanded.
Poor girl, she never understood how much she loved him. Jealousy
wasn't the best expression of love I could think of, but it certainly
made lie of all her protestations that she hated him. "How do I
know you won't just spirit him away from here the moment you get
the chance?!"
"Have I ever tried that? I'm sure if I wanted to, I could. And
would have, already. He's still here, right? So, you know I'm not
about to take him away from you for good. Besides I need to stay
here in Nerima now."
"Yeah? Well, what's marriage, if not taking him away for good?
And why do you *have* to stay, anyway?"
"Akane-chan, does the word 'widower' mean anything to you?"
Now she quit yelling. "Hunh?"
"Akane-chan, I'm dying." That stopped her cold.
"Ukyou... I- I'm sorry."
I nodded. "Yeah, they're giving me six months, a year at best.
So, you'll have him back soon, I can assure you. And hey -- this
way, old man Saotome can fulfill *both* engagements. Isn't that
cool?" I flashed what I hoped would be a winning smile at her.
She looked at me, quizzically. "How can you be so cheerful about
this, Ukyou?"
I stared down at the table and tried to think of an answer to that.
"I don't know. I guess I've jumped to the acceptance stage faster
than most people do. The thought of making Ran-chan my husband
helps sweeten it, too."
She shuddered at my calling Ran-chan 'husband.' She wasn't quite
ready to accept that. "Well, what makes you think he'll say 'yes',
Ukyou?"
"Well... I'm his friend."
"Yeah -- but that's hardly enough."
"No? Don't you think a husband and wife should really be the best
of friends? I would think that's an excellent formula for a happy
marriage. What do you remember about your parents, Akane-chan?"
"Well, yeah... but I mean, he only sees you as a friend. Not a
marriage partner."
I smiled gently. "Akane-chan, of the four of us chasing him..."
she held up her hand, "...or otherwise engaged to him, do you think
he sees a marriage partner in any of us? Would he want to marry you,
at this time? You've already said *you* don't want to marry him --
yet."
"Whaddya mean, 'yet'?" I just smiled.
***
"Ran-chan?"
He was sitting across the grill from me, as I turned over another
special okonomi-yaki for him to replace the one he was downing like
a man possessed. He looked up, mouth full.
"Mmphg?" Oh, Ranma honey...
"Don't talk with your mouth full, sugar. Swallow, and I'll ask
you..." An audible gulp.
"Okay, what is it, Ucchan?"
"Ran-chan... what do you think of me?"
"What kinda question is that? You're my best friend, you're a
great cook, you're always there to listen to me when I needja..."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh. But would you be willing to marry me?"
"Erk?!" The poor boy practically choked. Nice going, girl.
*Reeeeal* subtle.
"I mean... for a little while?"
"A... little while? Whaddya mean, Ucchan?"
"Ranma, hear me out, okay? This may be difficult..."
It *was* difficult for Ran-chan to grasp. It seemed that it
hadn't occurred to him that there might come a time when I wouldn't
be there anymore for him. I knew how he felt, but pressed on.
"...so, I thought maybe we can get married. So we can take
advantage of the time we have together. How about it, Ran-chan?
Whaddya say?"
He just stared at me, slack-jawed. I waved my hand in front of
him. "Ran-chan?"
"I- you- you mean, you're..."
"Terminal. Uh-huh. It's gone too far to operate; the docs said
I should just try and get the most out of the time I had left."
"Which is...?
"Six months, a year, tops. I've told Akane, and she's giving me
her blessing, believe it or not. I told her I'd give you back at the
end. Assuming..." I winked, "you'll *take* her after you've had me."
"Uh, well... this is kinda sudden..."
"Tell me about it. And I still gotta teach Konatsu the ropes
before I hand the place over to him."
"Can I get back to you on this?"
"Take your time, sugar, but give me an answer by tomorrow."
***
It was a simple affair, and quick. As understanding as the Tendos
and the Saotomes were about this, they weren't going to take their
chances on the Kunos or Shampoo and her great-grandmother finding
out. A Western ceremony, in the dojo (Thanks again, Mr. Tendo),
with Akane at my side as maid of honor.
As Ranma walked in, she elbowed me in the ribs. "I hope you know
what you're doing to me, leaving me with used goods," she teased.
I think she was starting to be envious of me rather than jealous
of him. A good sign for the future I wouldn't be around to see.
I figured I might as well play it straight. "Not at all. One
sign of a good marriage; the one left behind wants to get married
all over again. You better hope Ran-chan enjoys being married to
me, so that he'll be rarin' to go for you once I'm gone."
Her eyes were welling up. Could it be that she was gonna miss
me? "Oh, Ucchan!" What's a bride to do when her maid of honor
is crying on her sleeve?
"Hey, Akane-chan. Take it easy. You're supposed to be *my* moral
support here."
The rest of the ceremony was a bit of a blur, although I remember
Mr. Tendo crying at the minister's line about "as long as you both
shall live." It's amazing; once everyone knows you're terminal, so
much is forgiven, even the fact that I'm stealing his daughters'
promised fiance.
***
Of course, the word I had used before was 'borrowing', not
'stealing', and it was starting to hit home. The first few weeks
were absolutely wonderful, as we moved his stuff from the dojo to
my apartment over the Ucchan. As a lover, he was pretty tentative
(but hey, aren't we all at first?) -- I had to bop him with my
spatula once or twice to get him to stop treating me like I was
some kinda china doll -- but he soon warmed up to the task. Akane,
I thought, you're gonna be in for a real treat someday.
The community began to accept me as Ran-chan's wife, too -- many of
them had expected Akane-chan to win him, so it wasn't as easy as all
that. I still had to contend with Shampoo sticking her face in the
Ucchan and trading insults with her, and Kodachi would occasionally
throw her two yen in as well, but by and large, sympathies were on
my side. Not that I always appreciated it; bad enough that I had to
teach Ran-chan not to treat me as if I were falling apart. Trying
to do the same for all of Nerima was a little more than I could
manage. But I tried to just take it in stride and enjoy the
attention.
But this couldn't last forever, and it didn't. After only a couple
of months, it got to be very difficult (and very painful) to even get
up in the mornings. And usually, by the time I was up and about,
Ranma had left for school. I knew he was probably spending more
time with Akane than me on some days, but I couldn't resent it.
After all, I had taken him from her.
***
Besides, I was preoccupied with trying to make sure that the
Ucchan would survive me, if only for my customers' and Konatsu's
sakes. During afternoon lulls, while most people were in school
or at their own jobs, I would scribble down my okonomi-yaki receipes
as best as I could. I knew that I would have to drill Konatsu
rigourously to get these right, and found myself staring off into
space, wondering if I was up to the task.
It was during these lulls, during one of these daydreams, that he
appeared. I never heard a thing, not even a rustling of the shop
curtain as he entered... of course, that could have been due to my
usual reverie. He practically had to rap on the grill to get my
attention, but once he did, he had my fullest attention.
My eyes went wide. "Sir!" I snapped to attention, wincing inwardly
as I did so. This was my mentor, the old monk who had brought me back
from my only culinary defeat to thrash my opponent in a rematch. Of
all the people to be inattentive to...!
The old man's face broke into a grin. "At ease, my child. I do
believe you've earned your rest. I've just come to check up on your
progress.
"Ne? Progress? Oh! Well..." I was thoroughly flustered, but set
to mixing up some batter from scratch. Eggs... flour... vegetables...
spices... meat... The ingredients flew about me, as I worked in a haze.
But at last, I presented him with the best I could do, and bowed humbly
to him.
"I'm so sorry, sensei... I'm afraid my technique has suffered these
past few months."
His gaze was sympathetic, reassuring. "As have you, from what I can
tell. But technique is only part of the puzzle, Ukyou-chan... it is
the tasting that is the true test."
He cut a bite off, and popped it in his mouth. His eyes lit up with
childlike wonder.
"This is... different. It's mild, sweet..." A smile curled across
his wrinkled face. "It tastes like angels... dancing on my tongue."
I brought my hands to my face in a poor attempt to conceal my blush.
"Angels... dancing?"
He flashed me a sly smile. "Well... more than dancing, actually.
I take it you're enjoying married life." Now I was *really* blushing,
and my hands dropped to my sides. There was no covering *this* up.
"I see you are. It shows in your work." He took another bite, and
chewed it slowly, reverently. "It seems a shame to lose this..."
I dropped my gaze. "So you've heard, then."
"Why else do you think I would come all the way from Yamanashi
Prefecture? Just to eat good food? I could do as well for myself
back at the monestary..." His voice trailed off as he took another
bite. "Well... almost.
"There is a peace in your soul that only a few have ever acheived.
Even I could not match this."
"Sensei! You can't be serious."
"I am. You have no regrets in you, nothing you need to accomplish.
You have this place," he waved his arm around to indicate the Ucchan,
"and you have -- Ranma, is that his name?"
I merely nodded.
"When I was your age, my child, I knew a girl. I thought I might be
happy with her for the rest of my days. But I never could find the
courage to actually say so to her... and I lost her. Never mind how...
it's not that important. It was shortly thereafter that I joined the
monestary.
"To this day, I think of her and wonder... what if I had said something?
Would our lives have been better off?
"I have these regrets, Ukyou-chan... so I can never quite attain the
perfection you have with these...
"Uh... could you make a few more, so that I might be able to share
these with my fellow monks, my dear?"
***
I was on such a high that day, I sent my mentor home with ten dozen of
my best okonomi-yaki. But as the time wore on, most days it became all
I could do to simply drag myself downstairs and help Konatsu with the
cooking:
"Just try following the recipe, Konatsu-chan, and everything
will turn out fine."
"But Ukyou-sama, you always improvise, and your okonomi-yaki
always comes out so much better."
"It's cough not improvisation, Konatsu-chan. I've got a lot
of experience under my belt. I know which spices go better with
pork, and which with beef. Fifteen years of koff-koff trial and
error will get you to that point. We don't have that kind of time.
Now, here's a list of what works with what..."
As for the business end, Nabiki was helping out there. Even
helping to teach Konatsu the value of a yen. Of course, that meant
he eventually started demanding higher wages.
"Geez, thanks a lot, Nabiki. Even if it is more expensive to run
the place now, it's nice to know it'll still be running. What do
I owe ya?"
"No charge," she'd told me. "Just remember me in your will."
"All right, how's this: 'To Nabiki Tendo, who was always hinting
about being remembered in my will: Hi there.'"
"Very funny."
"Hey, cough *I* thought it was."
***
Eventually, Konatsu began to take over completely at the Ucchan,
leaving me with a lot more time to be alone with Ran-chan, enjoying
each other as best we could. I had the strength to stay behind the
counter for only short periods of time while my kunoichi was out
running errands.
It was during once of his errands that I had one last visitor.
I poured batter for his okonomi-yaki before I even realized who he was.
He was much older than I remembered him, but it had been some ten-plus
years since I'd last seen him. His beard had turned a light grey, and
his gruff expression had softened a bit; he almost looked worried.
But he still wore his okonomi-yaki seller's outfit, much like mine.
My father.
I set my jaw, and glowered at him. "What are you doing here?"
He gave me a helpless shrug. There was a small scroll in his hand.
"Your girlfriend found me and told me about your condition. I had to
come and see you." Girlfriend? Oh good grief... he was talking about
Tsubasa. That kid had tracked me down every time I moved; I guess it
shouldn't surprise me that he could've gone backward and tracked down
my father. Maybe he thought he was going to be doing me a favor.
I could've told him otherwise. "Whatever for? I still distinctly
recall hearing you say 'Tatsuhiro Kuonji *has* no daughter.' I'm just
some stranger you don't even know, and I *know* you don't care about.
Why else would you have thrown me out like so much garbage?"
"Ukyou, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't find you..."
"I've been here for several years; it wouldn't have been that hard.
What do you want from me now, anyway? I don't want you here any more
than you wanted me then. Get out."
"But Ukyou..."
"I said GET OUT!"
He sighed heavily. "I was afraid it would come to this." He set the
scroll on the table, and walked to the door. "I was hoping you could
forgive your foolish old man for what he'd done to you. I'm sorry."
When he had left, I walked over to the table. I picked up the scroll
gingerly, with two fingers like pincers, and went to throw it out.
A small slip of paper slipped out and fell to the floor.
I dropped the scroll immediately, and scooped up the paper. It was
a haiku in his crabbed handwriting; I hadn't known he did such things:
My dearest daughter
The Kuonji family honor
has now been restored.
"My dearest daughter"...?
I unrolled the scroll. It was a formal reinstatement, as an honoured
daughter of the Kuonji clan.
I ran out of the restaurant, and was winded by the time I reached
the door. "Daddy?" I called out.
But there was no one there. He had long since gone.
And the okonomi-yaki burning on the grill for him was the last one
I would ever make.
***
Ten months had passed since my death warrant had been signed.
Nine since the wedding. And now, it had come to this. Lying in
a hospice bed, just waiting for it all to be over...
I must look like a skeleton. I hadn't even been able to eat
an okonomi-yaki for three weeks. They taste okay -- Konatsu's
learned his lessons well -- I just can't keep anything down.
I'd decided that enough was enough. If one could will oneself
to stay alive for a few more days until some special event, I
figured I could also will myself to shut down. And today was
the day. Everyone was there, friend and enemy alike. So this
is what it's like to attend your own funeral, I was thinking.
Personally, I'd take the wedding bed over the funeral bier anytime.
But I had to wait for everyone to say their goodbyes. At least I
could give myself time for that.
Kuno Tatewaki steps forward first. He kisses my hand. A gallant
to the end, even if he *is* full of himself. "My lady, we have
known thee so long, and yet not nearly long enough. Nay, an
eternity is what you deserve..."
I cut him off. "Eternity is where I'm already going, Kuno."
"And like the stars of heaven, whose light illumines us long after
they have ceased to be, so shall you be in our hearts.
"Thank you, Kuno-chan. Give my best to your sister." He steps
back and nods.
A high-pitched voice pipes up. "Even not-nice spatula girl
deserve better."
"That's gotta be Shampoo. Don't worry about me, girl. I've had
the best year of my life with Ran-chan..." I can practically hear
steam rising from the Chinese girl's head. "Mousse!" I call out.
"Take care of her, willya? I don't want her corrupting Ran-chan or
nothin'! cough-cough"
I can't see him, but I hear him: "Don't worry, Ukyou. I'll take
good care of Shampoo."
There is the 'whack' of a staff, and a crotchety old voice snaps
"I am *not* Ukyou, and you are *not* taking care of Shampoo. Ranma
will be free to marry Shampoo by tomorrow." General mayhem breaks
out, as everyone starts clamoring for their piece of Ran-chan.
"Hey, hey cough Hey! Will you all just SHUT UP! I'm not dead
*yet*." I gasp out. Oh man, that was too much effort. "Somebody
get those three out of here! I won't let them ruin my last moments
on earth, all right?" Mr. Tendo, Mr. Saotome and Kuno bundle them
off.
"Hey, girls...?" The Tendo sisters approach. "I don't know how to
thank you all for your support these past few months. Especially
you, Akane-chan. You'll do all right for him, you know."
"I- I- "
"Oh, Akane-chan. Just open your heart for him. He's a fine
husband, and I think he'll do pretty well to have you, too."
Mother-in-law steps forward. "I think that's enough, girls.
Ukyou needs her rest."
"Thank you Nodoka. Goodbye."
"We'll have a shrine built for you in the morning, Ukyou-chan.
You've been wonderful to Ranma."
"And he's been wonderful right back." I can practically hear him
blush. "A shrine's not necessary, though..."
"Well, who else would build one for you?"
I hadn't thought of that. I knew Father wouldn't. Konatsu, maybe?
Tsubasa?
A few tears, and a number of hugs, and the Saotome and Tendo clans
finally rise to leave. Including Ran-chan.
"Ran-chan... don't go." He looks over his shoulder at me, then
calls out the door at the others.
"Uh... Pop? Mom? Mr. Tendo? Yeah, I'm gonna be a while yet.
Okay, sure. I'll catch you all later." He walks back over to my
bedside, and takes my hand.
"Y'know, Kuno's right. We all knew this was coming, and I'm still
not ready for it."
I try to smile. "So you were just gonna walk away, because you
didn't know what else to do?"
"Hey!" Defensively, then softer: "Am I really that insensitive?"
I cock my head, "If the shoe fits, Ran-chan..." He growls slightly.
"Oh, Ranma honey. I just don't wanna go alone."
"Alright, Ucchan. I'm here. And I'll stay here until then... if
that's what you want."
"More than anything, honey."
In the silence that follows, one last request comes to mind. One
last thing to take with me into the next world.
"Ran-chan... could you do me a favor?"
"Uh.. sure. Anything you want, Ucchan."
"Ran-chan... Could you.. make love to me? One last time?" He
drops my hand, abruptly.
"I.. I couldn't do that, Ucchan."
"And why not? cough, cough"
"Well.." he fidgets nervously, "you're dying."
"I'm dying... ha. Ran-chan, that's why we got married in the first
place. I don't know if you said 'yes' out of pity or real love, but
I took what I could get. And I wanna thank you for it. But don't
leave me here. I don't wanna die alone.
"I don't know who said it, but I once heard that making love was
'like kicking death in the ass while singing.' And after having you,
I believe it. And I love it. So if I'm going to die, I don't want
to go gently. I want to go kicking and singing. And I want to do
it with you. Please. I know the exertion'll probably kill me, but
it's the only way I could imagine going."
He blinks a couple of times. "Is this what you really want, Ucchan?"
I nod. "You are."
This is it. My final impression of my husband, and his of me. I'm
sure I have the better view. Naked came I into the world, and naked
shall I leave it. I just wish I could leave a better-looking corpse.
If only for his sake. He looks like a god, standing there.
And now... he enters.
I brace myself. Even with the painkillers, it hurts, and I can't
keep myself from crying. Ran-chan, the darling, can't help but
notice. He pauses.
"Are you okay, Ucchan?"
What a question. I laugh, even through the pain, even through
the shortness of breath. "No, of course I'm not, Ran-chan. But
I love you, and I love it. Please, don't stop now."
"All right. Hold on, Ucchan! Ungh!"
I want desperately to hold him, to pull his face down to mine
and kiss him until he's as short of breath as I am. But I can
hardly move. All I can do is lie here and let him lead. A drop
of moisture lands on my lip. It's salty... is it sweat? Or a
teardrop? I look up at my dear Ranma's face, and I cannot tell.
There is light behind him, and it makes it difficult to make out
his expression.
He can't hold on much longer -- I can feel it. His thrusts are
getting faster, more urgent. I am dangling on the precipice.
Both my strength and resistance are ebbing away. Please, let me
hold on long enough for him to --
"Come on - ugh! - Ran-chan. Let - oh! - let it go. Let muh-muh-
meee gooooo!!" Oh, Lord. Here it comes. The light is getting
brighter; it's like a halo around him. With a convulsive effort,
I force my arms up, and wrap them around him. The feel of my hands
on his back spurs him on.
"UCCHAN!!" he cries out, and I know he's gone over the edge.
His warm life force pours into me, even as mine is draining away.
I can barely see him now for the light shining from behind him.
"Thank you Ran-chan," I sigh. This is it. I'm on my way, now.
Good-bye, my darling. Take care of Akane-chan for me. "Thank you
for ev --"
***
Dedicated to Petra Weiss (in pace requiescat)