Memories and Mortality
Beth set the cordless phone she had been holding back down onto the receiver. She took a deep breath and tried to digest what her Aunt Elizabeth had just said.
"Bethy, it's your mom. It's not good. " Her aunt told her.
Beth stifled the sob that threatened to break from her chest. She knew this was coming. It had been all down hill ever since her mother had been diagnosed with terminal Pancreatic Cancer six months ago and her sister Elizabeth (Beth's aunt) had become her caregiver.
Death is not something anyone is ever prepared for. Especially the death of a loved one. Yet ironically Beth Turner found herself doing just that, again as she shuffled around her apartment tossing things about. She had barely heard a thing her aunt had said after 'It's not good.' All she knew was that she needed to start packing and began rummaging through her closet for funeral attire.
She stepped inside her small walk-in closet and began flinging things left and right. She pulled arms full of black clothing from hangers and flung them on her bed, the outfit she wore to Josh's funeral catching her eye.
Accepting Josh's death had not been easy, but she was finally beginning to put it behind her. Although she had stopped blaming Mick for refusing to save Josh, he was still keeping his distance, calling only to check on her a few times a week.
She hid the ring that Josh was going to propose to her with. Instead of wearing it like she had the day of his funeral, she tucked it away in the back of her jewelry box hoping to tuck away the memories of that awful day Josh was shot with it. It was naive of her to think that putting a piece of jewelry out of sight could erase the memory of Joshua Lindsey's death. Beth knew better than anyone that memories had a way of living on whether she wanted them to, or not.
Memories were the very reason that Beth and her family spent the holidays in a cabin in Big Bear skiing in the mountains, instead of enjoying a warm California Christmas like most other Los Angeles area natives. Memories were a major part of what made Beth Turner's life difficult, having been kidnapped at the age of four from the bedroom of her childhood home. And it was those very memories that kept Beth from returning to her hometown of Riverside, California until now.
until Beth graduated from high school, she and her mother lived together in a modest little home in the quiet suburban town of Riverside. At her mother's urging, Beth left Riverside to attend UCLA and pursue her dreams of becoming a journalist.
Now Beth was going home for the first time in almost ten years. It was time to face the memories and death, once again.
Mentally she made a list of things that she needed to do as she selected what she was going to wear to her mother's funeral. Selecting an outfit to wear to her mother's funeral was proving to be a difficult task. It was on her list of things to do before leaving. There was no way around it. Leaving meant going home to Riverside. It meant saying goodbye to her mother, something she wasn't quite sure she was ready to do no matter how much or how little time she had had to prepare herself for it.
After much deliberation, Beth selected a black mid rise pencil skirt, black boat-neck camisole style top and a black fitted jacket. It was a sensible, not too casual, not too formal outfit she told herself as she ticked 'funeral attire' off her mental to do list. Next on the list was calling her office and cashing in on all that vacation and sick pay that had been accruing. In her wildest dreams, Beth would use that time for a fabulous getaway somewhere beautiful and exotic with one tall dark and handsome vampire. Her aunt's phone call had served as a sobering reality check. There'd be no fabulous getaway. Not now. Not ever.
Beth retrieved her cell phone from her purse on the kitchen counter and pressed various buttons on the screen before lifting it to her ear. She listened intently as the main voicemail message for Buzzwire greeted her. She pressed three which transferred her directly to Mo's desk and waited for her boss to answer. Maureen's line went straight to her voicemail, allowing Beth to quickly leave a detailed message asking her boss to call her back right away. She informed Maureen that she would be leaving LA as soon as possible and would check in when she could. She apologized to Mo's voice mail for any inconvenience that her absence might cause and then hung up her phone.
"Call work. Check." Beth mumbled to herself as she started to drop the phone back into her purse. The phone began to ring just as she set it back in her bag. She quickly lifted it from her purse hit answer without checking to see who was calling and brought the phone to her ear. "Beth Turner." she said professionally trying hard to hide the pain in her voice.
Across town Mick St John sat at his desk cell phone in hand. His list of contacts lit up the flat screen of his i-phone. He stared at the list his thumb hovering above one entry in particular. He knew he shouldn't call her. She needed her space. He respected that. But the events of the past few days meant his time of being mortal was quickly coming to an end.
At first it started with, insomnia. Mick was finding it difficult to keep human hours. He chucked it up to the fact that for so long he had been nocturnal. Maybe it was like jet lag. All humans suffered insomnia. Dr. Phil wrote books about it.
Then came the increasing sensitivity to the sun. Mick had become fond of spending a few hours a day at Griffith Park people-watching and enjoying the warmth of the sun. But lately after an hour or so of sitting on a park bench watching people walking their dogs and children playing, Mick would return home feeling drained, tired and nauseas. Mick did not enjoy being nauseas. But then again what human did?
Food was beginning to taste different to him. From the moment he had become human again, Mick had enjoyed the tastes of different foods evading his senses. Now, he couldn't tell the difference between a roast beef sandwich and fries and a bowl of cereal, except that the roast beef sandwich was juicy very juicy and tasted more familiar to him then he would have liked.
His body had started to regenerate itself again as well. He could cut himself shaving in the morning and by the time he headed for bed that night, the cut would become nothing more than a light pink mark on his skin.
Most mortals who knew they were going to die planned for their demise. They made wills, lived out their wildest dreams and spent time with the ones they loved. With the death of Mick's mortality fast approaching, Mick felt compelled to do those same things.
Being mortal was the last chance that Mick had to be with Beth in the way they both desperately longed for. He could feel the threads of his humanity quickly unraveling and although he was thankful for the chance he had had to experience so many things as a human this time. Something was missing. As much as he tried to tell himself that was all he needed, was to feel and to breathe and to experience life again, what he really wanted and needed was to be with Beth.
It was selfish. It was wrong. He knew very well what Beth had been through the past few months, yet he couldn't deny himself the chance to at least try to fulfill the one thing that he most desired as a human man.
Mick leaned back in his chair, pressed his thumb against the screen and lifted the phone to his ear. Decision made.
"Beth Turner." she answered struggling to maintain composure.
As soon as she spoke Mick knew something was wrong. His wants and needs were forgotten as he turned his full attention to Beth.
"Beth. What's wrong?" Mick asked bluntly not trying to hide the concern in his voice.
Beth closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip when she heard Mick's strong voice on the other line. How was it possible that he always knew just when she needed him the most? She tried to convince herself that it was losing Josh that had caused her so much pain these last few weeks, but now hearing Mick's voice she knew without a doubt that it was the time she and Mick were spending apart that weighed heavily on her.
Three months. Three months without seeing him. Three months with nothing more than a few sporadic phone calls. Beth not only had to mourn Josh someone she had dated for over a year, someone she thought she might possibly have a future with, but she found herself mourning Mick as well. How could she have allowed herself to almost lose him too? He had just proved to her the power of their connection, a connection that they both spent far too much time and energy denying.
"C-can you...?" Beth spoke trying to keep her voice from betraying her.
It was no good. Mick could tell she had been crying. He rose from his chair. "Come over?" he finished for her.
"Yeah." she replied her voice unsteady. I'm at my place. A-are you busy?" she asked slumping down into a chair in her living room. The shuffling she heard over the line comforted her. Mick was probably leaving wherever he was at that very moment, just to come and see her.
"I'll be right there." he told her without hesitation. He didn't even think twice as he walked out of his apartment.
"I'll see you when you get here." Beth sighed and hung up the phone. She wrapped her arms around herself and let go of the tears she had been holding in. Mick would be there soon and everything would be okay.
Mick waited until she had ended the call to hang up his phone and tuck it safely into the pocket of his long black coat. They didn't need to waste time or unnecessary breath on goodbyes. Time was short and Mick was unsure of just how much breath he had left.
He rode the elevator down to street level his mind on only one thing, Beth. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Mick stepped out into the main lobby and walked towards the doors just as his cell phone rang. He quickly removed the phone from his pocket, concerned that it may be Beth on the line.
Mick sighed and rolled his eyes when he saw who it was that was calling. He brought the phone to his ear answering his phone. "St. John." Mick stated coolly.
"Are you still mortal? " Josef Kostan asked his friend his voice dripping with disdain.
Mick sighed heavily. "Still breathing Josef. Sorry to disappoint you."
"I wanted to talk to you about something. It's not ithat /iimportant."
Mick sighed again. "What do you want Josef?"
"Nothing. It can wait. Just gimme a call when you're back at the top of the food chain." Josef replied grumpily. "Don't take it personal Mick, it's just I have a rep to protect, ya know how it is."
"Yeah I know. You can' t be seen or heard hanging with someone with a pulse unless something's in it for you. I'll remember that should the roles ever become reversed. " Mick answered as he retrieved his car keys and his sunglasses from the pocket of his duster.
Mick's sarcastic reply was met with silence. Josef hung up. Mick shook his head. 'Good ol' Josef', he thought to himself as he walked the few steps it took to get to his car. He unlocked his vehicle; his 1965 Mercedes 250SE Convertible, opened the drivers side door and slid behind the wheel. He didn't even try to think about his brief discussion with Josef. The only thing on his mind as he drove away from his building was Beth.
After getting off the phone with Mick, Beth rose from the chair she had been sitting in and moved back into her bedroom. She pulled a brown leather satchel bag from under her bed and placed it on her mattress amidst the contents of her closet which she had thrown there earlier. She carefully selected a few days worth of clothes and undergarments, including the outfit she had chosen for her mother's impending funeral and stuffed them down into the bottom of the bag. She retrieved her toiletries from the bathroom and the charger for her cell phone and laptop adding them to the bag. She rushed to her kitchen counter where her purse and laptop computer sat and grabbed those as well placing them on her bed, beside her overnight bag.
With everything on her to-do list completed Beth moved around her apartment desperately seeking something to keep herself occupied. She found herself in the kitchen once again where a sink full of dirty dishes that needed to be cleaned, a stovetop that needed to be scrubbed from her last attempt at cooking and a dishwasher full of clean dishes that needed to be put away begged for her attention. What would her mother think if she saw her kitchen the way it was? What would any grown responsible adult think? She couldn't even blame work for the disaster her house had turned into. It needed to be cleaned. A dirty kitchen was the last thing Beth wanted to be worrying about on the almost two hour drive to Riverside. She took a deep breath and began working on the mess in front of her
Beth made quick work of the dishes in the sink washing and rinsing each one carefully, thinking about times she had spent washing and drying dishes with her mother all the while. She was just about finished drying the last dish when a knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Knowing it was Mick, Beth quickly threw the towel she had been using to dry the dishes over her shoulder and haphazardly set the dish on the edge of the counter, rushing to answer the door. Beth opened her front door just as the dish slid off the counter and landed on the floor with a crash.
Mick stood in Beth's doorway watching with interest as she flew through her apartment with impressive grace, towards the kitchen where something had fallen and was now likely to be lying broken on the floor. He followed her inside and found her in a heap on the floor crying hysterically, hunched over the pieces of a broken plate.
Beth picked up a few shards of glass from the floor and rose to her feet. Mick moved to Beth's side and reached for her hands. Beth dropped what pieces of the plate she had been holding and allowed Mick to take her hands in his. She looked down at the mess on the floor unable to meet his gaze. Mick carefully dropped one of her hands and lifted his free hand to Beth's face. Gently, he tilted her chin up towards him forcing her to look at him.
Mick saw the sadness in her eyes. Was she really this upset over a broken dish? He had seen a cupboards full of them on the few occasions he had been to her apartment. No. This was more than just about a broken dish.
"I'm sorry." Beth said softly taking a deep breath. "It's just a stupid dish." A tear escaped from her eye wetting Mick's palm. "A stupid stupid dish." she repeated.
"The set of china is nice Beth,but somehow I don't think that's what's upsetting you." Mick commented motioning down to the shattered glass on the floor.
Beth sighed and looked straight into Mick's eyes. Mick wrapped his arms around her cradling her to him. Beth tensed in his arms at first but then allowed herself to melt into his embrace.
"Are you gonna tell me what's wrong, Beth?" he asked her softly.
Beth responded by moving from Mick's arms and walking to the small closet off the kitchen to retrieve the dustpan and broom.
Mick, always the gentleman, stopped her. "I'll get this. You. Go sit down." He took the broom and dust pan from her hands and gestured to a chair less than a few steps away.
"I can't sit down." Beth protested. "I have too much to do. I have to finish cleaning my apartment. I don't know if you noticed but it's bordering on unlivable conditions. Even the mice are complaining." she told him gesturing towards the dust covered coffee table and entertainment center in the living room.
Mick quirked a brow at her. He set the broom and dust pan down against the counter and walked her over to one of the couches in the living room. He sat down beside her taking her hands in his once again.
"Sit." he insisted.
"I can't just sit Mick I have to get this place clean before I leave." Beth informed him.
"Beth the dust will still be here when you get home from work." he kindly informed her with a smile.
"I have to go out of town for a few days. And this place needs to be cleaned before I can do that." she began to pull away from him but he his gentle grip on her hands held her in place.
"Is Mo sending you out of town for a story?" he questioned.
"No, I'm just going out of town for a few days." she replied.
"Okay so you're going out of town but it's not for work. And it's got you so upset that you feel the need to clean. I know you Beth. You don't just clean spontaneously without good reason."
"I have to go to a funeral." Beth answered swallowing past the lump in her throat.
"A funeral? What happened? Who..? Died." Mick asked her carefully.
"No one. Yet." she told him tearfully. "It's my mom. She's sick and I have to be there. I haven't been home since I graduated from high school."
"Si-ck how?" he wondered aloud.
"Pancreatic Cancer." Beth sobbed. "I got a call from my aunt earlier."
"And there's nothing that anyone can do?" Mick began. Medical advances were being made everyday. That was one of the good things about living in the technological age.
"It's terminal. She was diagnosed a few months ago and it's the end." Beth's voice shook as she spoke.
Mick looked at her. Her mother was dying. He knew exactly what her mother must be feeling, because he was feeling it too. He had forgotten what mortality meant for other humans.
Beth's mother's death would be final. She was losing her mother and in some ways she would be losing him too. The only difference was, once her mother was gone she'd never see her again.
Mick made up his mind. He couldn't tell her that the cure was beginning to wear off. He couldn''t do that to her especially since he knew what him being mortal could have meant for them.
Beth looked at Mick searching his face for a clue as to what he might have been thinking of. Sometimes she wished she was a mind reader. No. Maybe she didn't have to be a mind reader she just needed the ability to read one person's mind, one, Mick St. John.
There were so many things that she didn't understand about him. Since Josh's funeral and since he had become human he had been acting more and more peculiar, more distant. Even now, as he sat in her apartment, she still wasn't sure where they stood. He was there in her home for the first time in months. She only wished it wasn't the sorrow in her voice on the phone that had brought him there.
Beth needed him so badly that it hurt to breathe. Her heart was desperately seeking some kind of comfort the comfort that only he could provide. Could she ask him what she had been dying to ask him since he called her? Would he understand that she needed someone to be there to hold her and keep her sane through what she was about to face? How could she ask him to drop everything he was doing and go home to Riverside with her? What were the right words?
"I'm sorry Beth." Mick spoke after a long moment of silence. He squeezed her hand gently. "If there's anything I can do..." he trailed off.
Beth blinked back the tears and cleared her throat. It was now or never. "Mick, I know that we haven't talked much since.. Josh and the whole cure thing. And I know you're probably busy with cases..."
Mick rose from the couch and walked back into the kitchen where the dustpan and broom sat contemplating what she was trying to ask him. He picked up the broom and began sweeping up the broken glass. Was she asking him to go home to Riverside with her? Could he even do that? What if her mother remembered him from all those years ago? What if he turned while he was there?
"Beth." Mick replied as he absentmindedly swept the glass into a neat pile on the hardwood floor.
"If You're worried about my mother recognizing you, remembering you Mick, you won't have to see her. And since the only close family I have besides my mother is my aunt, there'll be no one else there but me who even knows who you are. " she rose from the couch and began walking towards him. "If you're busy Mick, I understand." she knelt down on the floor grabbing the dustpan and situating herself in front of him.
Mick looked down at her sweeping the shattered plate into the dustpan. How could he say no to her? Yes there were reasons not to go. But he could clearly see that Beth needed him. Maybe he could plan ahead in case he did turn.
Mick sunk down to the floor kneeling at her level. He placed his hand over hers. "The PI business has been slow lately. I don't have any cases as of now and I don't expect to get any until early next week."
Beth nodded. "I know it's wrong of me to ask. You probably have a million other things to do. But..I just really need someone right now. I just really need.." Beth's voice caught in her throat. "you."
Mick wrapped his arms around her holding her carefully. "I'm never too busy for you Beth. Never."
Beth smiled a little and relaxed in his arms. "Are you sure Mick?"
He nodded and smiled back at her. "When do we leave?"