A/N: So, I mentioned I might write a Klaine fic in my other story "Don't Come Back for Me", and here it is. Chapter one anyway. I don't know how long this story is going to be, hopefully reasonably lengthy. A scene from this story is straight out of a dream I had (I know, very lame.) and it was beautiful, so I couldn't ignore it. This is what came of it (: When the chapter with the scene from my dream is published, I'll reveal what scene it is. ;) I don't know what to say to explain the story, really. It's angsty and fluffy I suppose. Blaine and Kurt met as shown in Glee, but this starts a few weeks later. AU where Kurt hasn't transferred to Dalton.
Also, I haven't given up on Don't Come Back for Me, I'm just having serious writer's block with it. I'm also about to start exams (English GCSE equivalent and American SAT equivalent, I believe. Basically my college career is riding on them.) that are very important, so I don't have an amazing amount of time to update. I have chapter two of this written though, so if the response is good, I'll publish it soon enough (:
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the song "Not Alone". They belong to RIB and Darren Criss, respectively.
So, enjoy!
Kurt Hummel lay on his bed, thinking. Things in school were escalating past simple locker slams and dumpster tosses. David Karofsky was getting significantly creepier. The creepy stares, the ghost of his hand along Kurt's back or ass in the crowded hallways, the way he slid his hand up Kurt's arm before shoving him into lockers by the shoulder. He had even been daring enough to press his entire body flush against Kurt's back whilst he pinned him against the wall in the bathroom, spitting venom in his ears disguised as words. The press of his hips was just a little too hard for Kurt's liking - not that he liked it at all - and they were the last area of Karofsky's body to leave his own. Things were becoming sexual.
Kurt scrunched his eyes shut harder, making more tears fall, and curled in on himself tightly. What was he going to do? He couldn't tell his dad. God, that would just kill him. He had enough problems with money and his heart condition. The wonderful Board of Education of beautiful Ohio would do nothing to help him. They sat high on their pedestals and went to church on Sundays, listening to priests preaching about Hell and how gay people were wrong and against everything God had taught them. It made it easy for them to ignore Kurt Hummel's complaint of sexual harassment against one of the most involved jocks in the small public school if their Lord deemed Kurt disgusting and they didn't have to see it happening. Holed up in their corner of ignorance they were blind to the struggles of Kurt, who was only a blip on their radar, an infinitesimal problem in the bigger picture. One tiny part of one tiny school in the considerably large area of Ohio that they governed. Thousands of students, and he was just one.
He pulled himself out of his thoughts and off his bed, making a beeline for his bathroom and going straight to his medicine cabinet. In it he had many boxes of painkillers, all differently coloured, some in different pill boxes so it didn't look like he had a drug store's worth of pain medication. He pulled out the nearest box and swallowed a few in a row. They eased his headaches, muscle aches, tummy aches - everything. They made everything go away, just for a little while.
He dragged himself back to his bed, ready for a small nap, when his phone buzzed from his bedside table. He picked it up and hit the "View" button on the new message.
How was your day? - Blaine
Kurt smiled as his mind flew back to the beautiful boy he'd met on the staircase of Dalton Academy a few weeks ago. Ever since Blaine sent him that first text - "Courage" it had read; simple but meaningful - they texted daily. Blaine tried to help him with Karofsky, but after the kiss and Blaine's failed attempt at reaching out to him, they had both given up. They searched for alternative solutions, and couldn't find one. Kurt's dad had offered to transfer him to Dalton after the wedding but he refused, knowing that money was tight. He often regretted refusing the offer but, when he thought of the financial troubles it would cause, he could never muster the guts to take his parents up on the offer.
Awful. Bit better now. Yours? - Kurt
Kurt sent the text quickly, burying his head in his pillow and awaiting a response. It came in the form of his phone blaring Teenage Dream around his room, Blaine's personal ring tone.
"Hello?" His voice sounded rough, like sandpaper. He should get some water before Blaine noticed, but he was too exhausted to move, so he just cleared his throat.
"Are you okay, Kurt?"
"Fine, why? I just had a rough day."
"You don't sound fine. Have you… have you been crying?"
Kurt realized a few tears were still slowly leaking out of his eyes and he hastily wiped them away. Blaine's ability to read his new friend like a book was scary sometimes. "No, no. I was just sleeping." He lied, "What's up?"
"Oh, ok. Sorry if I woke you. I just wanted to talk to you, see how you were holding up?"
"It's fine, I should be getting up anyway." He lied again, "And I'm fine, just exhausted lately. Karofsky is some kind of weird predator, he always finds me in school and it's wreaking havoc on my nerves, you know?"
"Kurt, babe, you should really go to the administration about this. Your grades are going to fall, not to mention I'm really worried about your mental state and physical safety."
Blaine used the term of endearment to soothe Kurt, but every time he said something along those lines, Kurt felt his heart flutter. Kurt snorted in response, "Our 'administration' is a balding Indian man who is scarily devoted to religion and hides behind his desk. He'd probably just suggest speaking calming to Karofsky or something equally as idiotic. Primitive species don't really respond to calm speaking." Kurt's snarky tone of voice crept into his words, and he surprised himself. He hadn't heard any emotion or inflection in his voice in quite some time. "I'm terrified. He's been getting worse. Almost sexual, and he keeps threatening to kill me. What am I meant to do?"
"Kurt, this is getting even more serious. You should go to the police if it's getting sexual."
"Not an option. They'd call me a fag and kick me out."
"No, they wouldn't."
"Yes, Blaine, they would. I live in Lima, for Christ's sake."
"Kurt, if you won't do something about this, I will."
Kurt felt the tears pick up speed and he choked out a strangled cry, "Please, Blaine, don't tell anyone. He'll kill me if he finds out I told anyone. Please?"
"Fine, Kurt. But I'm not happy about this."
The line was silent for a few minutes save for Kurt's almost silent crying. Finally, Blaine broke the silence. "Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?"
Kurt sniffled, "No, no I'm fine. Could you… could you sing to me? I think that'd help."
"What would you like to hear?"
"Anything."
Blaine smiled on the other end of the line, collapsing on his bed while he thought about what to sing. "I have a song I wrote recently, if you'd like to hear it?" He asked tentatively.
"Of course."
"Okay. One second, I'll put you on speaker and play it too."
Kurt sniffled and Blaine hastily moved across his room to the small keyboard currently sitting on his desk. He rested the phone far enough away that the notes on the piano wouldn't drown out his voice or deafen Kurt, but close enough that he could hear Kurt sniffling.
He pressed his fingers to the keys delicately, and began to sing.
"I've been alone
Surrounded by darkness
I've seen how heartless
The world can be.
I've seen you cryin'
You felt like it's hopeless
I'll always do my best
To make you see
Baby you're not alone
'Cause you're here with me
And nothin's ever gonna bring us down
'Cause nothing can keep me from lovin' you,
And you know it's true.
It don't matter what'll come to be,
Our love is all we need
To make it through.
Kurt was quiet on the other end of the phone, taking in Blaine's voice. The beauty and the truth behind it. He had an amazing voice, and Kurt would never tire of hearing it.
"Now I know it ain't easy,
But it ain't hard tryin'
Everytime I see you smilin'
And I feel you so close to me
And you tell me
Baby you're not alone
'Cause you're here with me
And nothin's ever gonna bring us down
'Cause nothin' can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need
To make it through
Kurt listened, enraptured but extremely tired. He'd have to ask Blaine to play this again for him, because it was lullling him into a peaceful sleep now.
I'm still in trouble
I trip and stumble
Tryna make sense of things sometimes.
I look for reasons
But I don't need 'em
All I need is
To look in your eyes
And I realize
Baby I'm not alone
'Cause you're here with me
And nothin's ever gonna take us down
'Cause nothing' can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
It don't matter what'll come to be
Our love is all we need
To make it through
Ooh 'cause you're here with me
And nothin's ever gonna bring us down
'Cause nothin', nothin', nothin' can keep me from lovin' you
And you know it's true
Ooh it don't matter what'll come to be
You know our love is all we need
Our love is all we need
To make it through."
Blaine's voice soared through the high notes, and he sang and played with such emotion that Kurt felt his heart flutter again.
There was a slight rustle on the line, and then Blaine's voice was in his ears again.
"Did you like it?"
"I loved it. It was beautiful Blaine." Kurt punctuated his statement with a jaw-cracking yawn. "You're very talented."
"Are you tired again? I'll stay on the line until you fall asleep if you like.""That'd be nice. Thanks, Blaine."
Blaine stayed silent as he listened to Kurt's now calm breathing even out over the crackly connection. When he was certain Kurt had fallen asleep, he murmured a goodbye into the phone and hung up. He dropped his face into his hands and sighed. He really wanted to help Kurt. He had so many problems, and no one to really listen to him. Burt was forever in the garage or at games with Finn, and Blaine knew it hurt Kurt's feelings and that he felt left out but he was just too proud to show it. Instead, he bottled it up and let it out in tiny doses of sarcasm. Blaine was the only person who wanted to listen to Kurt, but he found it difficult to get him to open up. If he was lucky and he called him at the right time - those odd times where Kurt seemed a lot more relaxed - he could get pretty much anything out of the boy. Except why he was so relaxed.
Blaine flopped back onto his bed and kicked his shoes off, deciding to take a quick nap before finishing off his homework. As he let sleep overtake him, he prayed to whoever was listening that he could help Kurt.
Kurt woke with a start, drenched in sweat. He glanced at his alarm clock, the blood red letters staring back at him, declaring the time 9:07. He cursed under his breath, why had no one woken him for dinner? He fell back onto the sheets with a muffled thump and sighed, they probably weren't home yet.
Just when he made up his mind to roll over and go back to sleep, his stomach rumbled loudly. Groaning in response, he dragged himself out of bed, deciding it was probably better to get some food in him and let his head clear a little before going back asleep.
He closed his eyes while he yawned, and images of hate filled eyes and bruising grips swarmed his vision. His eyes snapped open. Definitely better to let his head clear first.
After realizing no one had come home yet to make dinner, he searched every cupboard in his kitchen and couldn't find anything to cook. He opened the fridge and pulled out a salad bowl, deciding it would do. He was so exhausted lately he just couldn't bring himself to cook, the energy it would use up would surely cause him to pass out on the stove, and he put way too much effort into keeping his skin at it's best to let it be ruined by burns.
He plopped onto the sofa and watched reruns of old comedies while he ate his salad, trying to distract himself from the awful nightmares waiting to greet him in his sleep.
His eyes snapped open and he realized he was dozing when Finn's laughter and Burt's voice filtered into the living room. They were just arriving back from a football game at, Kurt checked the time, 10:30 pm. Not unusual, but always disheartening. Kurt couldn't help but feel like his dad was choosing Finn over him. Every time they went to a game or a movie after school and grabbed dinner on the way home was a couple hours bonding time Kurt rarely had with his father. He got up from the couch and stretched, feeling his spine crack.
"Oh, hey Kurt. Didn't see ya there, sorry for waking ya." Burt greeted with a clap on the shoulder.
Kurt smiled at him, "It's fine dad, I should be getting back to my room anyways. How was the game?"
"It was great. I won't bore you with the details but it was very exciting. Couple players took some nasty tackles, made it interesting. Carole home yet?"
"No, not yet. Sorry there's no food for you guys, I was too tired to cook."
"Ah she must be workin' late. It's no problem Kiddo; we ate before we got back."
Finn walked through the room to the kitchen, throwing Kurt a crooked smile and a wave as a form of greeting. Kurt waved back and grabbed the bowl he'd been eating out of. He put it in the kitchen and went up to his room, calling a good night over his shoulder. He went into his bathroom again and swallowed a few more painkillers along with a sleeping aid, hoping they would knock him into a deep sleep where his nightmares couldn't reach him. He was suddenly glad he didn't share a room with Finn anymore; the big oaf would surely question the amount of pills in the cabinet.
He snuggled up under his blankets, hoping to Gaga that tomorrow would be better.
The next day wasn't any better. Karofsky cornered him in the bathroom between second and third period to "make sure he hadn't told anyone how he assaulted him". If Karofsky couldn't even admit that he had kissed Kurt, Kurt figured he was a long way from coming out. He was further into the closet than last winter's now out of style rain coat.
As he's scrubbing his arms raw where Karofsky had gripped him not five minutes after the attack, his phone vibrates.
How are you feeling today? Any better than yesterday? - Blaine xxx
He sighs and hits the reply button.
No better. Thought maybe Karofsky would have come to his senses and eased up by now, but it doesn't look like he'll be doing better any time soon. I'm fine though. All in a day's work. - Kurt xxx
He fishes a bottle of pills out of his bag and dry swallows five before cupping his hand under the water flow and taking a sip. He waits until the pills calm his nerves and body aches before checking his phone again. He knows Blaine just wants to help, but he feels awful unloading his problems on him unless he has a few hundred milligrams of powdered calm in his system.
It's not all in a day's work, Kurt. It's not normal and you should really tell someone. I don't count because I can't do anything official. I don't expect he'll ever come to his senses to be perfectly honest. Think of the position he's in… he's a jock in Ohio and the epitome of macho man - football player, burly, doesn't let anyone walk all over him - he'd be shunned big time if he ever came out and he's probably terrified that you'll out him because he kissed you. I'm really worried something will happen to you, Kurt, and I don't want you getting hurt ): - Blaine xxx
Nothing will happen to me, I take a couple pills and feel right as rain so don't worry. I don't want him to come out, I just want him to get the hell away from me. Maybe I should use the kiss as blackmail material? That might get him off my case for a while. I can't tell anyone Blaine. I told you, he'll kill me. - Kurt xxx
What do you mean you take a couple pills? How often do you that and what pills? Don't use the kiss as blackmail material, that'll make him even more hostile and it's very likely no one will believe you anyway. Because he's who he is, they'll just think of it as a cry for attention on your part and won't even consider the possibility that he could be gay. - Blaine xxx
An idea struck Kurt as he read Blaine's text. Maybe he didn't have to blackmail Karofsky.
Maybe I should say that to him… just tell him to leave me alone because he has no reason to think I'd tell anyone. I'll tell him no one would believe me even if I did tell them and that I wouldn't anyway because I don't want to risk being killed. And I don't know… a few times a day, it helps calm me down. Just painkillers… they kind of numb me, I guess. Makes the pain easier. - Kurt xxx
Don't do that. You have no way of knowing how he'll react. He almost hit me when I told him he wasn't alone. Kurt, how many do you take at a time and how many times a day? There's a difference between 2 every 6 or 8 hours and "a couple a few times a day" … - Blaine xxx
I don't know anymore. He's ridiculous. I take four or five at a time around three times a day… but not everyday…- Kurt xxx
You what? Kurt that's at least 12 a day! That's an overdose! You're going to kill yourself! Are you trying to kill yourself? Oh God, Kurt…how long have you been doing this?
No, it's not. And no, I amn't. Why are you getting so worked up? I told you, it helps me deal! A couple of months, why? Nothings happened me yet, I told you it's fine! - Kurt xxx
Kurt, you could be addicted or something. We have to tell someone. You could end up in hospital! Your liver could fail, you could get kidney problems! There are so many things that could happen to you! This is basically self harm. Do you… harm yourself any other way? - Blaine xxx
Kurt's jaw dropped after he read Blaine's text. He was furious. Who was Blaine to get so annoyed about this? He'd only known Kurt a few weeks! This was none of his business, and making assumptions was something Kurt most definitely did not appreciate.
How dare you! You don't even know me, Blaine Anderson. You met me a few weeks ago and you do not get to make assumptions based on the fragments of my life story that you know. I told you, the pills help me deal. Have you any idea what I've been through? What I still go through? So what if I want something to take the edge off? I am completely entitled to it! This is none of your business, and don't you dare try to make it so!
Blaine dropped his head into his hand and groaned. He didn't mean to annoy Kurt, but he knew now that he had he wouldn't be hearing from him for a while. He sent him a response anyway and went back to his History study. Kurt would contact him when he calmed down, and they would go from there.
I know I only know you a short while, Kurt, but I care about you. I don't want anything to happen to you. You've told me some of what you went through and you deserve to be happy. I want to help you to be happy. We're not friends long, but I feel a lot for you. I'm sorry if I'm coming on too strong, but I can't help it. There is some kind of inexplicable pull I feel towards you and I feel like I've known you my whole life. I'm worried about you. I know they help you deal, but do you think you could try and find a different way to deal? For me? Like, text me if you feel down or put on a show for your bedroom mirror. Those pills will destroy you, and I don't want our story to end before it even begins. - Blaine xxxxx