A/N: I've always been struck by the oddity of lying to someone for the "greater good" and these two seemed ripe for the experience. Enjoy-
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Seeing You Off the Edges
- Eluvium
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Naomi has never been the type of woman to breathe false hope into any situation. She's a realist, through and through, bordering on the fuzzy line of pessimism far too often for many of her long time friends and recent acquaintances. She's a thinker. An analyzer. A controller of lives. One who contemplates until the experience is just close enough to almost pass her by. But more than any quirk of her personality she's a good and loyal friend who cares with her whole heart. All of which is why, as she stands trying to get Addison's stupidly long white train to fluff out, she is digging herself a hole bigger than she can ignore.
"I'm doing the wrong thing. Tell me I'm right Nae, I need you to tell me I am right." Her friend fiddles with the latch on her silver (borrowed) bracelet nervously and the glint in her eyes is enough to tell Naomi she is verging on tears that would ruin the world's most painfully beautiful make-up job.
Naomi takes a deep breath to buy time because she likes Derek Shepherd, a lot, and so does her new husband Sam. They were momentarily leery of his charm and perfect hair but deep down he is mostly a good guy. Good enough to convince the rest of the world that he and his redheaded love are two peas in a pod; two halves of a whole. "You're doing the right thing Addie."
"It's just...it feels wrong. Something feels wrong...it shouldn't be like this on my wedding day. I should be...happy." Addison reaches for the word and twists around to her friend. "Did you feel like this?" She shakes her head, "No never mind, you were the most laid back bride-to-be ever."
The blue eyes verging on gray dart around the room, presumably for an escape route and then Naomi knows. It'd for the greater good. Right here, right now, Addison needs faith and she's seeking it in the one person she knows will give the "straight answer". Also known as the answer she needs to hear. "I was a little nervous," Naomi cuts through the incessant rambling.
"Please." Addison scoffs and pulls the half of her hair that is coiled, coiffed and sprayed over her shoulders and then pushes it back again, fiddling with her veil.
"I was. I may not have looked like it but...there's always a risk Addison. You know, you've known, if you didn't you wouldn't have said yes eight months ago."
"Yeah." Addison digs her front teeth into her lip and then gets a reprimanding scowl from the figure in the mirror. "I just thought it would be different...than this." She adds on wistfully.
"Life's not a fairytale- despite how hard your almost husband tries to make it be."
"I know that, I do, Naomi. I don't think...it's not going to be a walk in the park or anything." Her mouth trails on ending in the unavoidable factor that has got her tethered to his side, "He's the good guy."
But that doesn't mean he's the right guy, Naomi adds silently as the knock at the wooden door saves them both from the horrid world of reality. She squeezes Addison's shoulders and then wraps her in a tight embrace, careful not to disturb or wrinkle the millions of yards of fabric in between them. She can't ask her if she's sure and she can't explain that there is a getaway car parked conveniently on the street if they need it. She can't give Addison that because in this moment she might take it and deep down, though it may be wrong, the simple albeit damaging little lie is far better than any piece of truth. She opts for stern assurance instead, "You're ready."
"Let's go!" Savvy squeals from the open entryway, the sun drenching her blonde hair, and the small amount of champagne in her veins running strong.
"I'm ready." Addison nods, feeling the pit of her stomach churn in nauseating anticipation. "I'm doing the right thing." She whispers as they trail behind Sav's sage colored gown.
When she reaches down and grabs Naomi's hand for support all her friend can do is nod and hope she's wrong for once.
--
"It's just, I don't see what the problem is Naomi. Am I crazy?" Addison asks, lounging across her empty bed and speaking into the receiver of the cordless phone with the fervor only strangled nerves and exhaustion can provide.
Her friend is crazy. Sometimes certifiable. Of that much, Naomi is certain, and this subject involving the absent husband is probably a little exaggerated but Addison is Addison and she's fragile so handling must be done carefully. "You're not crazy. I'm sure he's legitimately busy."
"You don't think...he wouldn't." Addison swallows heavily. She can't even complete the sentence.
"He wouldn't do that to you guys Addie. You guys are stupidly, nauseatingly, head over heels in love. He just wouldn't." Naomi looks down the hallway as her eight year old tries to destroy her favorite pair of heels by prancing around ungracefully. "Maya! Take those off right now and get ready for school. Sam, where are you?!"
"I interrupted you with my ridiculous over-analyzing. I'm sorry Nae." Addison stretches, feeling more alone by the second, hearing the voices of a family on the other side.
"You aren't interrupting. You are never interrupting. Sam! Can you come get your daughter ready for school? Ugh...that man."
"Derek thinks I interrupt, all the time." Addison rolls her eyes when she turns into a fourteen year old. She doesn't know when she started to care about these sorts of things. She drops her voice a few octaves, "We're trying."
"Trying for what?" Naomi is distracted and guides both of the other people in her house toward Maya's lunch and backpack snagging a wayward kiss from Sam on their way out the door.
"Trying, trying." Addison reiterates.
"To have a baby?"
"Yes." Addison confirms and then reaches for her wine glass. It is way, way too early to be drinking but she was at the hospital until three and she hasn't slept yet so in her world it is merely an extension of yesterday.
Everyday is an extension of yesterday.
"You think that's wise?" Naomi mutters before she can stop herself.
"We've been married almost eight years Nae, I'd say we're ready." Addison pauses self consciously, a state that is becoming more and more easily accessible, "You think it's a bad idea?"
Horrible would actually be the word Naomi would pick. Babies don't save marriages and it's not fair to put that kind of responsibility on something unborn but who is she to squash the dreams of her friend? "No, no. I was just...being stupid. Stressed out by my own child. Addison, that's great. Really great. I'm very excited for you both."
"Well, don't get all excited on me yet. He would have to come home before, you know, we could actually try." She takes another sip. Derek was off six hours ago and where he is is anyone's guess at this point.
"Ok, we are done with this conversation. Go...make babies...reproduce. I need to work and make money unlike you."
"Yes, life must be so, so hard out there in the sun."
"Jealous." Naomi teases.
"Never." Addison hears the line go silent and asks again for the reassurance she can no longer find within herself, "It's going to be okay?"
"You're Addison and Derek, everything will be perfect." Naomi replies without hesitance. That's what they made their lives out to be and it should be no one's fault but their own when they fall head first into the sticky mud of reality. Besides the weekly phone calls that always end in lies are getting so easy she could almost do them in her sleep. In her weakest moments she hates that everything is about Addison and that she never gets to share.
Mostly, she (selfishly) just wonders when it is all going to finally fall apart. When telling Addison what she wants to hear meets with the truth, and what kind of a glorious collision that will be.
Sometimes Naomi thinks these things because they make her own life easier to deal with; easier to feel like she's on cloud nine and not sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
--
"I'm a horrible person Naomi." Addison sobs, hair sticking to her back, legs quivering on the stairs she hasn't yet removed herself from.
It's three in the morning and all Naomi has got is a hysterical Addison screaming about something to do with Mark and being pushed out into the rain and really it's all too dark for her to be figuring out in her present state of sleep deprived-ness. "Wait...slow down...what did Derek do?"
"He's gone! I...oh, I..." The phone clatters to the carpeted steps as Addison nearly falls trying to make it to the bathroom to purge her system. The tears have been coming for too long and too hard to do anything else but throw up.
"Addison?" Naomi pulls her cell phone back and looks to make sure she didn't drop the call. "Addie? You there?" After five minutes she hangs up and hopes for the best. Addison and Derek fight. They can be stubborn and volatile but surely they work things out. They always have.
At least this time she doesn't have to protect her friend from anything.
That is until Addison calls back three days later and explains that she's blonde now and living with Mark and how she thinks she may be in love with him. Then Naomi lies her sweet little ass off and tells Addison to do what makes her happy for once in her life and how if she loves him then to go ahead with it all.
Naomi does what she's always done, saying exactly what Addison needs to hear, but in the back of her mind she constantly wonders if the favor will ever be repaid; if she'll ever allow herself into a situation where she needs the reassurance someone else can provide.
Maybe someday it will be her turn. Until then she is mostly okay with being the nurturer.
--
"I aborted Mark's baby." Addison gulps and swings her purple sock covered feet out into the air nervously again.
"What?" Naomi spins around with her chart in hand.
"I...just," Addison points to the file, "I aborted Mark's baby. So you know."
"When?" Naomi demands and lets the papers fall to the counter.
"A year ago." She hangs her head. It's one thing to be strong and sure around Mark, and something completely different with Naomi.
"That's what you were doing while you were busy ignoring me?" Naomi walks over slowly, carefully keeping her distance until she is needed.
"I wasn't ignoring you...I was hiding...with my mistress." Addison explains.
"But how-"
"I don't want to talk about it...ever, ok?" Addison pulls on the hem of the gown trying to keep a straight face. Here she is trying to have some random guy's baby and the last thing she wants to do is discuss the fact that her "abortion" was actually a miscarriage that she doesn't have the heart to talk about. Anger is an easy emotion. It was better that Mark hated her. It was for the best the nature took its course before she had to make a decision. Because God knows she would have needed Naomi's opinion and that would have been a guilt ridden field trip to the zoo of hell.
"Yeah." Naomi squeezes her shoulder tightly before giving in and offering up a hug. "You could've called me. I would have been on the first flight out."
"I know." Addison nods and again she would have, if the process had bothered to pencil itself in on her calendar.
"You made the right decision Addie. You did what was best for everyone involved." Naomi states plainly as she walks back to grab a pair of gloves. She doesn't even need to be asked anymore to give the support. This is just their relationship. Naomi is the mother bear; she guards and scrounges up cheer, even if it takes lying to people she loves the most.
She understands the need for affirmation and in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter what she honestly believes. What matters is that she is there for her friend. Plus it's kind of all she can handle in the current state of her messy ex-love life.
--
"...there's no fertility potential here." Naomi sighs as Addison begins to chuckle in outrage. She can't even help herself before she speaks but in this moment what Addison doesn't need is to be told she can have whatever child she wants, that is, with a little finesse and disciplined help. Okay, a lot of scientific help and a little bit of luck.
She can't give a child to the redhead sitting on her couch babbling about how she is out of time. No matter how much it stings, the new realization, it is better than putting a helpless life into a world where it is needed for some type of mid life crisis change. "I'm so sorry Addie. I know how much you wanted this."
"No, no it's alright. I'll just...I'll see you at home." Addison drifts out of the room, heart heavy and mind dizzy. The dream has officially crashed into a brick wall.
The second Naomi's door clicks closed the criminality of what took place wraps it's strong hands around her throat. She'll deal with it though, every second of every day to make sure that her only real close friend is saved from her own idiotic ideas about what her life needs to succeed.
--
Naomi is busy scribbling over a few lines of mess in a patient's chart at the front desk when she hears Addison's determined heels. She doesn't even need to look up. Jotting down a few more notes on her last appointment she grins cordially at Dell who takes the papers and disappears like he knows something she doesn't.
"You lied to me." Is all Addison can choke out. She can't even fathom what's happening.
Naomi glances to the folder in her friend's now tanned hand and realizes that right now, out in the middle of the lobby with patients and coworkers and random vending machine guys, is not the time to tell Addison about how it was for her own good. How she planned on telling her the truth at some point. How she would have done the exact same thing (except Naomi is pretty sure she wouldn't have considering how insanely attached she seems to be to her ethics these days) if she was in different shoes. Instead of the speeches and hugs and tears that she knows are coming she merely takes a deep breath at sets her gaze just over Addison's left shoulder, staring down a suspicious Sam in the process.
"Yes." She whispers; an admission to everything, not that Addison will know the difference.
Naomi gets a slight whiff of the taller woman's conditioner as she suddenly turns and marches away. Twenty seconds later, when she still hasn't pried herself from the scene of the prosecution, she feels a hand slamming against her chest. Addison walks away again, this time her eyes already formed with the wetness Naomi won't get to help relieve or dry.
She looks down at her feet. Sheets, labs, pages of scratch all clearly labeled with the patient name of one Addison Forbes Montgomery. Naomi always knew the secured little bubble her friend inhabited would blow wide open, she just never expected to get swept up in the inferno as it all burnt to the ground.
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