Loneliness. It's something she never felt before. It's a sneaky feeling. Unlike happiness, it does not announce its arrival but creep up on you when your guard is the lowest. It makes her remember things. Things that are best left forgotten. It made feel like dying all over again. Something that she can never do, seeing that she is already dead. This gaping hole in her heart needs to be filled and soon. She knows very well what was missing but lacked the courage to seek it. The bed feels cold without her warmth and her arms felt empty. She tried to use a pillow to replace her body but it lacked the warmth that only her body could provide. If only she knew how badly she wants to feel her in her arms again, how sorry she was for leaving her. Then maybe, just maybe, she might forgive her a little. The nights she cried herself to sleep are countless. Not one day pass without her thinking about an alternate future. A future where she did not abandon the one person that matters most to her. There were times when she would go to really crowded places just to feel people around her, to ease off the feeling of loneliness. But it never worked. Not once. The saying was true. In a huge crowd, she felt her loneliness more acutely than before. "You are not loneliest when you are alone but it is when you are in a group of friends that you really feel it" someone once told her. How true. But she knew, deep down that loneliness is at its worst in the middle of the night; when she relieved the happiest time of her life and the crashing of reality when she know that never again would she be able to hold her, listen to the rhythm of her heart, watch her sleep, taste her. She wishes fervently that she could turn back time and stop it there. Then she would not have to go through this all of this pain and suffering. Each day she wakes up, she measures the intensity of the pain and the longing for her in her heart. On a scale of one to ten, it remained at twenty for the past fifty yrs without her and she doesn't think that it will ever get lesser. Loneliness, it is her constant companion.
AN: jus a little drabble. a little heavy on angst but its meant to be so. hope u guys out there enjoy. pls read and review. all reviews are greatly appreciated.
peace,
shane.mc