Author's Note: I don't own Blindspot. Just playing with these wonderful characters.
FYI – I used to be EmilyHalpert. So if you're wondering who I am…. That's why.
Many thanks to VanillaAshes for the beta and way to much inspiration!
Title is taken from a quote from John Marsden – "A thousand million memories…. And then some."
36….
Jane's first memory was pure pain; her entire body ached. She was desperate to understand, to recognize someone, something, anything. She had woken up into a world she didn't know.
She accepted being poked, prodded, and scanned by these strangers. Allowed them to take her blood, x-rays, and run countless other tests. All because they said it would help.
Now he was here, telling her that they still had no answers.
His name was on her back. That had to mean something. Someone did this to her, someone made sure he was the one that found her. But why? He didn't even know who she was. How could he expect her to recognize him, when she didn't even recognize herself?
This entire time, she'd been treated like a suspect. She'd been arrested, detained, and questioned repeatedly. Jane stared at him; her eyes searching his face, imploring him to see the truth. That she was a victim – scared, confused, and completely alone.
Her hands shook as she reached out, running her hand over his face – trying to recognize the way it felt, the way it looked. Her lips trembled as she held back tears.
Her hand dropped, defeated. She couldn't remember.
...
904….
Jane began remembering things. Random flashes from her past. She knew now that she was Taylor Shaw. Jane had thought that once she knew who she was, she would start to feel normal, whole again.
When Weller talked about Taylor – about her – his eyes glanced to the side, remembering a past only he knew. She wanted to be Taylor; she wanted to remember, for him. Every fact he told her she filed away. She lived next door to Kurt as a child. She fell from a tree. They liked to play outside in the woods. She disappeared when she was five.
Then she saw the moment her life was changed forever. She was just a little girl, taken from everything she knew. All those children, all those lives destroyed. The memory was so real, it physically hurt. She ran out of the room, unable to stop the tears. Who would do this to her? To them?
Weller grabbed her hand, placing it on his chest. Jane stared into his eyes; she could feel the steady beat of his heart. That's when she knew. She may never have all the answers, but that didn't matter, as long as she had him.
...
1,413….
The first time Jane snuck out, it was just to see if she could. Her security detail was so concerned about people trying to come in; they never thought to worry about her leaving.
First, she didn't venture further than the next building. But when that first night passed without incident, she grew bolder. After a week, she even risked walking right past her detail, pulling up her hood to cover her face.
The first time Jane rode the subway was the first time she felt true freedom. She could go anywhere in the city. She loved the Astoria Line. Jane would sit by the window, watching the city fly by.
She would get off at 39th Avenue and eat at the diner right outside. Then she'd walk for hours. People didn't stare as much as she expected. As long as she stayed out of their way, they paid no attention to the tattoos. She was just another New Yorker.
Jane would eventually head back, climbing into the window at all hours of the night. She always felt a little disappointment when she returned to the safe house. The safe house wasn't her home – the city was where she belonged.
...
2,765….
Her tattoos had killed someone. Not just anyone – David. Patterson was the first person to trust her, the first person to reach out and to be a friend. Now Jane had hurt her, had taken away someone she loved. The pain and grief etched on Patterson's face was too much to bear.
That night, with Patterson's words echoing in her head, all Jane could think about was Kurt. How his stern blue eyes could stare down a suspect, but softened whenever he looked at her. The way he smiled at her, the smile that gave her butterflies. The way he knew exactly what to say, how he understood what she was thinking, sometimes even before she did.
There would be no "what ifs" between her and Kurt. For months, they had made excuses, maintained professional distance. Tonight, it ended.
She knew that he felt the same. The longing, the passion, the desire was reflected in his eyes. There was no hesitation when she kissed him. Her hands played with the wisps of hair at the back of his neck as he pulled her closer. The moment lasted for hours, and when they finally parted, they both knew everything had changed.
...
6,521….
It took months of interrogations and polygraphs before the team started trusting her again. Reade and Tasha were the first to extend the olive branch. They knew that they had played a role in Mayfair's death as well, and they weren't quick to judge Jane. Patterson came around quickly after that. She trusted her friend – Jane wasn't that person anymore.
Weller was the last to forgive. But, then again, he had been hurt the worst. He refused to even talk to Jane, just stared at her as she was being questioned by the other agents.
Jane told them everything she remembered, everything she had learned. She told them about the threats, how she unknowingly planted evidence. She needed them to know how this happened. She needed to make it right.
They found out the truth about her past not long after that – who she really was. Only then did Weller start to come around. He would never accept it, but he finally understood. She was no longer his asset, no longer his childhood neighbor, and no longer his friend. She was only a victim.
But Jane had earned his love and trust before, and slowly, she would earn it again.
...
8,196….
They celebrated Jane's birthday in September. Even though they now knew the truth – who she really was, her real birthday – it still didn't feel right. Jane wasn't that person anymore; she didn't want to be that person anymore. She asked Patterson for the exact date she was found in Times Square. September 21st – that was the date Jane considered her real birthday.
Jane enlisted Sarah's help in transforming the safe house for the night of the party. Sarah had asked what Jane's favorite color was, but apparently did not accept her answer. There were red balloons and streamers everywhere. Sarah was quick to point out the single black streamer, her only concession to Jane's request.
Jane didn't mind, though. All she really cared about was that her friends were there, celebrating with her.
The guest list was short, but the house was filled with her favorite people in the world. So much had happened in the past year, and Jane couldn't believe how close she came to losing it all. But they had helped her survive. They gave her life meaning. There was no one else she'd rather have spent it with. These five people had become her whole world.
...
9,018….
Their first date was at Totonno's. The smell of oven baked crust, melted cheese, and spices assaulted her as they got out of the car; her mouth was watering before they even stepped inside. Weller had insisted it was the best pizza in the city, and Jane was inclined to agree.
The restaurant was decidedly low-key – their pizza was served on paper plates, their beer in plastic cups. But the pizza itself was delicious.
Weller suggested a walk after dinner; neither was ready for the night to be over. They walked down a side street, laughing and sharing stories the whole way. Jane could tell they were getting close to the ocean – she could hear the roar of the waves and smelled the salty air. But nothing could prepare her for the sight of it. She gasped, as the deep blue water reflected the golds and reds of the setting sun. It was more beautiful than she could have imagined.
They walked along the beach for hours, until the moon was high in the sky. As the temperature dropped, Weller draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. Jane couldn't remember being happier than she was at that moment.
...
11,328….
They had been dating for eight months when Kurt proposed.
Jane discovered the ring on accident. She'd grabbed the keys from Kurt's locker when the box caught her eye. The ring was hidden in the back, underneath some loose paperwork.
She didn't know what to think. She knew she loved Kurt, with all her heart, but were they really ready to be married?
Once she knew it was there, the anticipation became agonizing. Of course, she wanted to marry him. She knew that now. She found reasons to check Kurt's locker daily, always running back to the locker room because she 'forgot' something. Every day, the ring was still there, hidden in the back corner, under the clothes and papers, just like Jane had left it.
Until it wasn't.
If Jane thought that the wait before was bad, now it was a thousand times worse. Kurt was acting normal, calm even. Jane had the horrifying thought that he had changed his mind.
He proposed three days later. They had just finished dinner at Totonno's when she noticed him pulling something out of his pocket. He smiled as their eyes met. He barely said "Will you – " before Jane shouted "Yes!"
...
13,443….
They traveled for nearly a day straight, to the other side of the world. But Kurt would have done it a thousand times over, seeing the joy on Jane's face when they finally arrived. He wasn't sure what had put the idea in her head, but suddenly, all Jane would talk about was Australia. Kurt bought the tickets the next day.
Jane practiced her accent, greeting everyone at the office with a "G'day, mate," before bursting out laughing. She was fascinated by the land and the animals – she loved the fact that everything was out to kill you. Weller, in turn, studied the guidebooks, determined to protect Jane from anything that could happen. He even asked for permission to bring his gun and credentials into the country (it was denied).
They tried everything the country could offer. They climbed the Sydney Harbour Bridge, went snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef, and even rode the Great Southern Rail into the heart of the outback. Jane could hardly contain her excitement when she saw a real kangaroo. Their days were spent exploring; their nights were spent together, wrapped up in each other's arms. Jane couldn't have asked for a more wonderful vacation.
...
16,297….
They'd been trying to get pregnant for so long; they'd almost given up hope. They'd gone to the doctor and had countless tests, but there was nothing conclusive. So, they kept trying, and every month, heartache followed. When the test finally came back positive, they didn't believe it. They nervously took the test again and again, before calling the doctor.
The following months were the longest in their lives. The doctor assured them that trouble conceiving was in no way correlated with problems in pregnancy. She kept telling them everything was progressing normally; their baby's development was right on track, and Jane was perfectly healthy.
But still, they worried. Every appointment, they questioned the doctor, asking about every symptom, every change. They listened to the heartbeat, studied the ultrasounds, needing to confirm that everything was alright. Even as her water broke and the contractions started, there was still the fear that something could go wrong. Jane grabbed Kurt's hand and took a deep breath.
Ten and a half hours later, they held their baby in their arms. Lilly Alexandra Weller was seven pounds, three ounces of perfection. For the first time in nine months, all they felt was pure joy.
If it wasn't clear, the numbers are 'counting' her memories. I hope that came across. If it didn't, oh well. Each memory is exactly 200 words because I am a masochistic writer. Seriously, that's the only explanation for why I did that to myself.
Thoughts? This was a different kind of piece for me. I'd love comments, reviews, favorites, anything. Just want to know how it turned out.