I never imagined my Hogwarts graduation day would be like this. I always imagined it with hundreds of smiling faces, confetti, and lots and lots of balloons. With an excess of Butterbeer and cupcakes. All the magical creatures of Hogwarts would attend and Hagrid would convince the unicorns to wear big, hot pink bows around their necks. I figured that it would be insanely boring and that the headmistress' speech would bring tears to out mothers' eyes; but it would be worth it. I figured that after seven years of pouring my blood, sweat and tears into my education it would definitely be worth it.
But just like my other childhood visions of sugarplums and prince charmings and true love, my dream of the perfect graduation was shattered into a million tiny pieces.
On the day of my real Hogwarts graduation it poured; thunder boomed and lightning crashed in the sky as we all huddled underneath the magically enhanced tent that sheltered us from the violent wind and the pouring rain. It was fitting weather when I think about how the rest of the day turned out. After the ceremony we retreated back to the castle and, after a half hour of tearful hugs and kisses, our parents bid us a farewell (until the next afternoon when we would all be picked up from the station) and flooed home. We were left to enjoy our last night at Hogwarts.
I remember how cold I was sitting there in the great hall on the Ravenclaw table bench. My hair was clinging to my scalp underneath my black wizard hats. My robes were sodden and felt like lead. My best friend Riessa Litten was giving her parents a final hug next to me. My parents had flooed off moments before, my mum still crying over the fact that 'her baby was all grown up.' Later I was to be glad my parents had left so quickly after the ceremony, but at that moment I was not to happy; in fact, I was pouting.
Unable to take the crying and laughter anymore, I stormed out of the hall. I left a trail of water behind me on the stone floor as I walked away. I didn't know where I was going. I just followed my feet. One foot in front of the other; one step at a time. Eventually I found myself standing on the Astronomy Tower balcony, my arms open wide to the elements. The downpour kissed my face and the wind caressed my body. Despite the chaotic weather around me I was at peace.
It was finally over. Done. Finished. Complete. No more homework or classes. No more tests or quizzes. No more Riessa waking me up at six a.m.
No more him. I smiled into the rain at the thought. No more him. Never ever again. No more dealing with the way he made me feel. No more listening to Riessa and her damn theories. No more getting detention for fighting with him. No more him.
I could run away from it all now, move on and create a entirely new Linnys 'Linn' Hyatt. One that was defined by her intellect and cunning. One that was not defined by her 'relationship' with him. One that was…
I could feel the tension in the air grow a ten-fold. It was hard to breathe, despite the wind around me. I felt like I was on fire, even though it was freezing outside. I knew he was behind me, he didn't have to make a sound or say a word. I could feel him. I stared defiantly at the clouds, hoping that if I ignored his presence long enough he would dissolve into a million tiny pieces and go away. Silly me.
"Trying to kill yourself Hyatt?" his voice was as smooth as the marble carved banister around the balcony and sent chills even colder than the wind up and down my spine. I shuddered and turned around to face him. He, too, was still draped in his black robes. Rivers of water spilled off his broad shoulders. I felt my knees go weak as I took in his hazel eyes and soaked black locks. Carefully I met his gaze. My mouth went dry as I watched the raindrops cling to his eyelashes. Merlin, how I hated his eyelashes. They were far too long for any guy to have, let alone him. His tongue darted out to lick the rainwater off his lips, and I felt my eyes narrow.
"Why would you care Potter," I said coldly.
His perfect lips twisted into the smirk I had grown to hate, and later (secretly) adore. He took a few steps towards me and shoved his hands in his trouser pockets. The wind flung the rain about around us, but I didn't feel it. Right here, right now, it was only me and him. I felt his eyes trace my body, and I crossed my arms protectively over my chest as I saw them pause there. I hated the way he made me feel, so vulnerable and weak. I hated feeling weak.
"Well, wouldn't you care if I decided to prance out into a storm like this," he asked still smirking.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, "Highly unlikely."
The smirk fell off his face and he threw his hands up in the air, "Oh come one Linn," he groaned, his eyes now blazing with something I couldn't define.
I just hugged myself tighter, as the raindrops pounding down on, and around, me, "Oh come on Potter, just deliver your final insult so I can yell at you and you can disappear and be finally gone from my life."
His eyes turned cold and he too cross his arms over his chest, "You know what Hyatt, you are an ice cold bitch."
I rolled my eyes, "Tell me something you haven't already Potter. If that's all you have to say, then be gone," I waved him away and turned my back to him again. I heard him mutter a string of curses under his breath as he finally closed the distance between us. Without looking I knew his chest was only centimeters away from my back, "Go away Potter," I hissed through clenched teeth.
"No," he said simply, "Not until I've had my say. You've been nothing but a bitch to me for the past seven years Hyatt! I have every right to tell you exactly…"
"Oh I've been a bitch," I spun on my heel and shoved him away, "What about you Potter? Living with you for seven years hasn't exactly been a walk in the park!"
He narrowed his eyes at me and I felt the cracks in my already broken heart get just a little bigger, "For Fuck's sake Hyatt! Will you ever grow up? We bloody graduated today! Here I was just trying to have a civil conversation with you for once and you can't even do that!"
"Oh yes because asking me if I was going to kill myself is clearly civil!"
"You're so fucking prideful! You can't get rid of your damn pride for five seconds can you?" my ears rung at his words and suddenly the raindrops felt like knives.
"Oh fuck off Potter! I don't need Mr. Egotistical himself lecturing me!"
I could feel tears clouding my eyes and I struggled to keep from sobbing; I gave him the worst glare I could create, "Merlin I hate you!"
James just stood there silently, anger radiating from him as he glared back at me. I tugged my fingers through my hair and looked him straight in the eyes, "I hope you die," I said in a cold, angry tone as I shoved past him and skidded down the stone steps.
By the time I got to the common room and mumbled my answer to the question that was asked of me; hot, angry, tears were pouring down my face. After a steaming shower I climbed into my bed and charmed the hangings shut. I spent my last night at the school I loved ignoring the pleas of Riessa and bawling my eyes out over a stupid, stupid boy.
And that's where I am now. Curled up under my covers, the salt from my tears dried to my cheeks, wishing that tomorrow afternoon would just come. I need to get out of here and move on.
Merlin, how did it end up like this? How did James and I end up this way? Where did we go wrong? As I lay here now I realize that the time for me to find the answers to these questions has passed. And worst of all I know why, James was right. It's because of pride. Not just because of mine, but because of his as well. Because of both of our ego complexes. Because we both refused to be the first to fall and crumble.
Because of all this I now realize that I will take one secret with me to the grave. The secret that in the end I never really hated him. In the end I fell in love with him.