A/N: I've been watching Korra since day one, and my first fanfiction piece for it is not a beautiful, eloquent masterpiece for my OTP but rather a crack oneshot (about half of which I typed out on my phone Saturday morning while out doing other things) for a pairing I don't even really ship yet. Someone tell me how my brain makes sense! Sigh. I can't bring myself to feel any shame, though, because I LOVE ESKA AND DESNA'S CHARACTERS OMG. Never in my life have I so quickly fallen in love with two characters that have just been introduced and have only had a few short (but glorious!) minutes of screen time. I thought the twins would be emo when I first heard about them and saw their character designs but no, they are PERFECT. Good call, Bryke, good call. And look, there's even a guy one, for me. Y'know, since Mako is taken and all. -pets Desna-

Disclaimer: I don't own Legend of Korra. Which, as you'll see by the end of this story, is a good thing. Rated for pretty heavy innuendo (though nothing explicit) and a couple of bad words.

The Trouble With Twins

There were only two things about the evening five nights after the solstice that did not surprise Bolin. First, that she showed up at his hut uninvited, dressed in what he assumed were water tribe sleeping clothes and wearing the same all-purpose facial expression that never changed no matter what and yet still made his stomach do funny flip-flops. Truthfully, he had expected her to come to him sooner, as they had yet to share any quality alone time together in the week since she had declared him "hers." And second, that she didn't knock, that she instead strolled right into his hut as if it were her own. She had stopped asking permission for things after the first day. Not that Bolin minded, of course. He liked girls who took charge, which was part of the reason he'd left the first move up to her. A brilliant strategy, if he did say so himself.

"Hey Eska," he greeted her brightly as he stood from his seat on the edge of his bed and set Pabu down on the floor. May she never know that he had spent the past hour rehearsing witty lines with the little fire ferret's squeaks and chirrups assuming her role. He pushed aside the nerves that tried to claw their way into his composure. Tonight he would be Mr. Suave because the ladies loved that side of him. "What's up?"

She strode purposefully across the room without saying a word of greeting, which emboldened him even further. That is, until he acquired an odd case of amnesia the very moment she sat down on his bed and pulled him down so that he was shoulder-to-shoulder with her, and all the amusing one-liners he had memorized just minutes before slipped his brain. Dang it. "…Did ya miss me?" he asked weakly, hoping it would suffice.

And it did. She lunged sideways at him and pulled him by his tunic into a forceful kiss. He squealed at the sudden contact, but the high-pitched noise soon morphed into a moan of pleasure. By the time he had recovered himself enough to respond, she was already pulling away.

Bolin took a deep anchoring breath to shake off the dizzy feeling that was already starting to invade his brain. "Not one for talking today, huh?" he asked rhetorically, and he accompanied it with a shrug. "That's fine with - mmph…."

She was a good kisser, and an incongruously eager one for someone who expressed so little emotion. But then again, she had come to him at a time of night that certainly wasn't appropriate for casual social visits, so what had he expected? Eska pushed on his shoulders and pinned him to the rickety bed, rolling so that she was on top of him. The tongue came soon after, and he welcomed it eagerly into his mouth. God, it had been entirely too long since he had made out with a girl.

The kiss heated as she swept his mouth expertly with her tongue. She obviously had plenty of experience, which was not something he had expected. Huh. He wondered if she practiced on -

Hell no. He would not think about her twin right now. He would only think about the way that her breasts pressed into his chest and her unbound hair fell around his face, tickling his cheeks and chin. A stray strand caught in between their lips when she shifted, and he brushed it off with a gesture that morphed quickly from impatience to affection as he took more of her hair into his hands. It was softer than he had imagined it would be.

Bolin didn't know if they'd been kissing for minutes or hours by the time she pulled away for air, but both their faces were flushed, and he noted with satisfaction that her breathing was ragged and her pupils were dilated ever so slightly.

He lifted his head to bring their lips together once again, but to his confusion Eska pulled herself off him instead. "Remove your garments," she said with such lack of emotion that it took him several extra seconds to process what she had just asked of him.

When he finally did, Bolin's eyes widened and he struggled to find words. "Whoa! Shouldn't - shouldn't we talk about this first?" he asked, less because he actually wanted to talk and more because he no longer seemed able to control the words that came out of his mouth.

So much for Mr. Suave.

"Talk? Do you require instruction as to how to divest yourself of clothing?"

Bolin paused and thought about it for a moment. It wasn't that he'd never been with other girls before, or that he was uncomfortable with the idea, or even that he didn't want her. Because he definitely had, definitely wasn't, and definitely did, in that order. But they had practically just met, and he certainly believed in pre-establishing relationships before - oh God, she was unknotting the sash at his waist.

Well, what the hell.

"Actually, yes," he answered in reference to her earlier question. "I, uh, seem to have forgotten how to remove a shirt. Would you mind giving me a hand?"

Eska's lips twitched. Victory! he thought. Momentary display of emotion AND she's asking me to take off my clothes.

She finished removing the sash and discarded it carelessly on the floor beside his bed, and she wasted no time in following up with the shirt.

Or trying to. She didn't seem very interested in unfastening the frog clasps on his changshan, however, and instead she began to yank up the fabric - including the undershirt beneath - from the bottom. "Uh, Eska," Bolin said sheepishly, "you have to undo the clasps."

"Was your claim of possessing no knowledge on how to remove clothing a false one, then?" A low, seductive note crept into her voice this time, his only indication that she was teasing. With a small shake of his head, Bolin decided fuck the shirt. He had others.

The slight rrrrip of the fabric as she wrestled it over his head made Bolin cringe only momentarily before Eska glued her lips to his in another feverish kiss. Seeing as how she had basically propositioned him and removed half his clothing already, Bolin decided this time it was safe to let his hands wander. Her sleeping clothes were thick (they needed to be in such a cold place) but still thinner than the robes she normally wore, and Bolin searched sightlessly for an opening somewhere in the fabric where he could slip a hand inside. Or underneath. Or between - or anything.

The damn robe proved to be an impenetrable fortress, so for the time being he settled instead for skimming his hands along the curve of her clothed breasts as she explored the same area on his body. This girl knows what she's doing, he thought as her hands trailed over his pectorals and down his abs with delicious pressure. He knew without looking down that his arousal would by now be apparent, but he couldn't bring himself to feel any sort of shame or even to care when she was making him feel like this.

Bolin wrapped both of his hands around her butt and pulled her onto his legs, and Eska let out a small noise that might have been a moan into his mouth. She allowed herself to linger in his lap for only a moment before pulling them both into a standing position, never breaking the kiss, and her hands began to work at the waistband of his pants.

Eska seemed to be struggling because she dialed back the intensity of the kiss and tugged impatiently at the fabric, hands caught at a particularly obstinate knot. Bolin pushed her hands gently out of the way and removed the pants himself, then stepped out of them (already shoeless) with about as much care as she had shown for his changshan.

He licked her tongue one last time before breaking the kiss and pulling her back onto his lap once again. He smiled at her. This was usually the part where he started saying flattering things to the girl and divesting her of her own clothing, but Eska didn't seem to be in a mood to talk, and there was the matter of how to get that damn robe off her. He settled for kissing her neck and squeezing her butt, hoping she would get the hint and start removing it herself.

"Eska," he said heavily as his kisses took on a mind of their own, trailing saliva from the hollow of her throat to the edge of her robe, which didn't expose nearly enough skin for his liking. Maybe things would speed up if…?

He pulled back and looked into her eyes for a moment, but she stopped him just as his hand gripped the sides of his underwear. "I told you he would if I commanded it," Eska announced into the air.

"What? Who would do what?" Bolin asked slowly amid brain fog so intense it crippled his comprehension. Why had she stopped him from getting all the way naked? "Eska, who are you comman-"

"As you can see, he is still partially clothed. Without a conclusive resolution, your hypothesis remains a simple conjecture."

Bolin let out the most girlish "Eek!" at the sudden new voice and turned around to see Eska's mirror image standing by the door of his hut. He suddenly felt severely underdressed as he glanced back and forth between the siblings. After a second of adrenaline-induced light-speed thinking, Bolin adopted a strategy that seemed viable. "Desna!" he exclaimed like he was greeting a long-lost friend, hoping the excitement in his voice would draw Desna's attention away from from… well, his excitement elsewhere. Bolin shifted his position on the bed so that he was mostly blocked by the female twin. Which wasn't hard to do, considering she was still straddling his legs. "How ya doing, buddy? Your sister was just helping me out. And I'm really grateful for it, too. I, uh, you see - I had a southern… ice… spider-scorpion… thing… in my shirt." He paused. Perhaps he had not thought this out well after all. "And also in my pants." Desperately, quietly. "I hear they're very deadly."

Both siblings seemed unfazed by the very transparent attempt at damage control, and Bolin wasn't sure if he should be relieved or concerned by this.

To his confusion, though, the siblings ignored him entirely and looked back at each other. "He will remove his undergarments as well if you require it," Eska deadpanned to her brother.

"If he requi-" Bolin stopped mid-mimic, looking back and forth uncertainly between the two nearly identical gazes that were now once again, uncomfortably, trained on him. He swallowed. "So are you two, like, a package deal?" he asked. Neither twin reacted in any way, which intimidated him all the more. He couldn't help but think longingly about how much less awkward this conversation would be if he were fully clothed. "Because I'm not gonna lie, that's a little creepy… But also hot in a weird, kinky kind of way. I don't normally roll like that, you know what I'm saying? But I could live with it, you know. If I had to."

Eska gave him a ghost of a smile, which he realized was the first one he had received from her all night. Was that a bad sign? A hint of amusement crept into her voice as she asked, "Do you desire my brother as well?"

Bolin backtracked so quickly he was surprised no one heard brakes squealing. "No! No, no, of course not. I'm definitely into chicks. Definitely. I just - I, uh, needed a little clarification, is all." He regrouped himself with a slight clear of his throat and sat up straight, eyes darting to his pile of clothes on the floor. This conversation had taken a turn for the worse and he envied the twins their much less indecent state of dress. (Especially the male one. Bolin could really use a loose robe right about now.) He was also, he realized, very chilly now that the initial heat of his encounter with Eska had worn off. He wondered if trying to put his clothes back on might draw unnecessary attention to his state of undress, to which both of the twins seemed to be desensitized. After a brief internal debate, he decided to let it go because neither twin seemed to show much concern at the moment about what he was wearing. Or, rather, not wearing.

And also, that would mean pushing Eska away.

So he continued acting casual, as if lounging around mostly naked with a raging boner, a hot girl, and her admittedly almost equally hot brother were something he did every day. But his state of undress didn't bother him nearly as much as the oppressive silence that surrounded them. The twins seemed content with the quiet, but Bolin was a constant talker, and even fear of more mortifyingly awkward situations like the one he'd just tried to patch up failed to stop him from initiating more conversation after a minute or so of the eerie silence.

"So yeah, uh, it was nice of you to stop by, Desna," he intoned. He hoped he sounded dismissive enough. "I'm sorry for borrowing your sister. I hope you hadn't been, uh, looking for her long." The sudden and horrifying thought that the twins may have actually arrived at the same time popped into his mind, and it creeped him out so much that he did not allow himself to dwell on it.

When Desna failed once again to respond to his small talk, Bolin finally wrote it off as a lost cause. He leaned closer to Eska. "So, like… are we done making out?" he asked quietly, trying to make it look as casual as possible even though the other twin seemed uninterested in their interaction. "And, uh… I can keep my underwear on, right?"

Eska looked at him with such a dead expression that he wondered if he had spoken at all - perhaps he had become a ghost or something? Weird shit had been happening with spirits in the South Pole recently, after all, and maybe one of them had been kind enough to grant him his overwhelming desire to disappear -

But no, she kissed him then, unhesitatingly and with no warning, and in full view of her brother. Bolin was definitely still there, as much as he wished he wasn't. Too shocked to respond, especially with a voyeur present, Bolin simply sat on the bed, rigid as the element he bent. Eska parted his lips with her tongue, stretching their mouths in a way he knew would leave no doubt to the observer that this kiss was anything but chaste. Gods take him now.

(…But what a way to die, though.)

Then, as quickly as the kiss had started, it ended. Bolin was both relieved and disappointed - no, scratch that. Just disappointed, now that he glanced over her shoulder and noticed Desna was gone.

But Eska was already backing away from him, dousing his hopes for another kiss with the icy air she left in her absence. She crossed the small hut in only a few steps, and he was pleased to note as he watched her retreating back that her robe looked considerably more disheveled than when she had entered. When she got to the door, Eska turned around and stated plainly, with no visible change in expression, "Good night, my turtle-duck. I will think about your unclothed body as I fall asleep tonight. I expect my dreams will be pleasant."

Bolin opened his mouth to respond, then found that he could come up with no suitable reply. He simply blinked and waved weakly, hoping beyond hope that Desna hadn't still been lingering around close enough to hear her.

A/N: I think Bosami will always be my OTP, especially since I just cannot bring myself to take Boleska seriously. Well, not for now, at least, but we're only two episodes into season two of four, so who knows what I'll ship in the future after we've seen more development between them. For now, all I know is that I cannot get enough of the interaction between Bolin and the twins because it is hilarious.

I can't believe I'm saying this because it should be really obvious, but guys, don't take this oneshot seriously. I don't even know what this is, and I wrote it. Please keep in mind that it's meant to be complete and utter crack. That's the reason it's so freakishly fast-paced. Do you think in real life Bolin would strip for a girl he just met? I sure don't (even though the idea amused me such that I knew I had to write it, haha), so I know there's at least one huge canon flaw already. I still tried to keep them all somewhat true to character (but honestly the twins haven't had enough on-screen time yet to make a lot of judgments), and I hope I pulled it off. As always, I'd love to hear your likes and dislikes about the story, and I hope you all enjoyed it! Expect more twinteraction from me in the future. Maybe next time I'll even write something that makes sense, though if you look at what I've been writing lately, you'll see that that is actually really doubtful.