I never took anything seriously. Everything in my life used to just fall into place. I didn't have to set things right, put things into perspective. It was already there. I used to be bubbly and sweet. I used to have goals, I used to be me. Until I met you.
The day I met you is clear in my head. The only memory that wasn't disturbed by your existence. Your sister was my best friend. I remember seeing you for the first time. I won't say that I knew I loved you, because I didn't. I knew there was something different about you though. I didn't expect it would be something that would change my life until it did.
In the beginning, you were this sweet, helpless mess of a boy. Well, I wouldn't say helpless, but you were one of a kind. I remember, you were so into science, god help you. I can't remember how many times I stuck my nose up at you. Of course you loved me, it was written all over your face. But, I was obviously too absorbed in my own life to care about the inadequate geek who had a cute little crush on me. Of course, I was too good for you. God, was I ever wrong.
I remember when I started to fall for you. It was the middle of winter and you had just come over for Christmas Dinner. I had always seen you as my best friend's geeky brother, until I saw you that day. Your face had matured over the years from a scrawny boyish complexion to one of a man. The way you spoke so eloquently and honestly made me see something in you I never did before. A spark, perhaps. The way you spoke, it sounded like you were spilling your soul into the conversation. Like you were giving it to me. We all know that I didn't deserve to keep it.
Over the years we began growing a friendship. It was like nothing I had ever experienced in my life. Sure, I had many, many friends. I was head cheer captain in high school. But this was different. It was a real connection. I knew that there was underlying love to the friendship, but I could never bring myself to risk what we had, it was too much of a loss. I should have known.
Then there was her. Of course there was her. Why should my dreamed up fantasy call for you, all by yourself? That would be too much to ask for, but of course I expected it, being served my entire life on a silver platter. Why shouldn't I get whatever I choose?
I remember the first time I kissed you. I told you I loved you. I didn't know what I was saying. It was spite. I wanted her out of the picture, you all by yourself. I didn't understand why I shouldn't get that. You were so perfect, perfect in my imperfection. But of course, you chose her. You said you didn't have a choice, you chased after me for years and that it's unfair for me to want you now.
I remember the last time I saw you. You married her. I almost didn't go. I don't think you realize that true love runs deep, and that was the day that I discovered what love was. You looked at me with regretful eyes. Of course you loved me, It was written all over your face. I just didn't realize that it was written all over mine too.