/on the cat's grave
in First Month...
dried sardines-issa/
1
Shikamaru lays there and he's counting 1,2,3…10. He KNOWS what's coming.
Death is sort of whistling somewhere getting closer and closer…minute by minute.
And Shikamaru can't help his mind from counting, thinking.
He feels poison wrapping in his veins like spider silk.
And he KNOWS Ino will blame herself for not being a medic nin like Sakura.
His throat burns-the way it felt with second-hand smoke inhaled--his first time.
Not any smoke. No Asuma's smoke…which somehow made it less toxic…more connecting…in some way. Or maybe that's just Shikamaru thinking too much.
But Ino's here and Chouji IS coming sometime. Whether or not he'll recognize him doesn't matter…even if Chouji has to crawl or slither…he'll be here…its team 10's way.
2
But right now…all Shikamaru can see is Ino. And really she's all he wants to see.
He KNOWS this will be his last memory of her. Knows this is the first and the last time he'll ever look at her. And so he does.
Ino's talking, whispering even…the same whisper she does so boys lean closer…and her voice is thick with something. Suddenly, Shikamaru thinks, when Ino speaks her voice is full of garden. Full of flowers, thorns, weeds, pollination. She reeks of buttercup.
And in this light she's wilting but beautiful. Shikamaru even thinks…Ino's eyes are full with dew drops, slowly dripping down each petal. And that Ino has always been a buttercup. Always admired-ignorantly- for her beauty. But now the poison is cutting deeper and deeper. Suddenly the smell of buttercup and vinegar is suffocating.
----Breathe Breathe Breathe---
3
And all Shikamaru really wants is Chouji. Because Shikamaru needs one more last memory of him. Shikamaru is ok with waiting, Chouji waited years, to find a friend…Chouji would die for him. So Shikamaru thinks, death will have to wait until he gets here. Cause all he can think about is Chouji's hands shaking with red,red,red. And all the sudden he really isn't Chouji anymore, but he's still something….beautiful.
Though honestly, Shikamaru could care less what Chouji looked like, fat or not…red,red,red won't change the size of Chouji's heart and his place in it. He thinks it would be perfect, him and Chouji lying there slowly going to the clouds they used to watch. More perfect than marrying that wife and having kids. But Shikamaru can feel his muscle's contracting. And has to realize he is not Lee. His promises are very breakable.
4
It's only now in death that Shikamaru allows himself to let go of his pride. To let go of his "don't care attitude." Now, looking back on it all—well all the important aspects. He feels maybe he should have been more like the rest. Because Shikamaru KNOWS he's an anomaly. KNOWS he's the only one without any real personal drive or purpose. No nindo , no fate, no status of avenger, no need to catch up or even prove himself a good friend. No, Shikamaru did his job, he was no hero, and maybe that lack of heart really was always his downfall. Finally he realizes, he's a coward. But not for the reasons he's claimed all his life. And Shikamaru has never been so disgusted. There's the taste of regret mixed with bile rising and he's swallowing it down. Ino is sill here. Regret because he knows this was bound to happen , simply because of who he's been.
5
He supposes everything in the Leaf village is bound to happen. So part of him wants the others to come. Part of him wants to tell them, warn them…Neji had something going with his fate thing. Because now he thinks that team 7 is so doomed just like the sennin.
And he can see that struggle, can see that disappointment. He would tell Ino how lucky she really is to not be on Sasuke's team…but he thinks the poison is in his throat. Although part of him feels, team 10 is an anomaly. There isn't any reoccurring theme or fate or irrational kids trying to play mini-hero. Now he thinks…team 10 was so unappreciated. But Shikamaru takes pride in the fact that they are the only ones that have it right. Maybe team 8 is on the way…but Kiba had one too many sniffs of everyone and sooner or later the smell of blood, tears, and lies was going to drive him crazy.
6
Despite all this Shikamaru thinks that their generation was honestly made for each other.
Simply because, if you want perfect friends…you'll be alone all your life. So they weren't perfect. But in someway they all fit. Naruto and Lee both have this thing to prove to the world. Both have their unbreakable promises. And Lee is like Chouji--they might not be the best, or the smartest, but they could care about someone so much they'd know the best thing to do and do it no matter what. Even Sakura and Ino, regardless of the stupid feud they are in, which Shikamaru thinks Sakura has won by default. And he KNOWS that Neji, Kiba, and himself are the only ones who really understand what it feels like to understand too much. But more than that, they all to some degree know what it is to feel uniquely alone.
7
Even more than all that, he KNOWS that team 10 was meant to be together. A rose might be a rose if called by another name, but team 10 had to be them. He thinks of their parents, and he can hear his mom's voice screeching. Poison is slowly confusing systems…entering charka. Ino is saying something but all he can hear is his mother. All he wants is his father. Who happened to know and be on a team with both Chouji and Ino's fathers. He thinks, perhaps, this is what glues them closer together than the other teams. It's harder to break 2 generations worth of friendship. And that's comforting. He knows Inoichi will do the flowers for his and Chouji's burial. He knows if Ino survies and IF Chouji survives, his family will take care of the medicine. That's comforting. Team 10 isn't a team. They aren't just friends. Shikamaru thinks they are family.
8
They are a broken family though. Times have changed and team 10 doesn't really take missions together anymore. Not since Asuma….And team 10 hasn't really gotten to accepting that either…which leaves this huge giant elephant in the room. Shikamaru can almost swear he's seeing it. Although he's sure its poison. Which is starting to hurt so bad he's tasting bbq in his throat. Its blood he KNOWS. But honestly, how many teams survive without their captain? And Asuma wasn't so much a Sensei as a vital member.
This makes Shikamaru not feel so bad. He KNOWS team 7 or team gai (since they are too good for numbers) couldn't do shit without Kakashi or Gai. He thinks it's stupid to feel bitter about this now of all times. But he can't help it. He KNOWS everyone will blame them for not practicing, for being lazy…cowards.
----Don't cry, Don't cry, Don't cry---
9
Although, suddenly he can't feel bitter anymore. Suddenly he can't feel anything. And Ino's talking but he can't hear her. So her mouth is just-open, close, open, closer-like a fish out of water. And Chouji has finally dragged his way over. Shikamaru can feel every lost word, every emotion bubble, pushing its way out. Instead black vomit, appropriately landing on Ino's knee and Chouji's hand. Shikamaru looks at Chouji, because it's the last time he'll see his best friend. Chouji isn't speaking, isn't trying to speak either but Shikamaru KNOWS everything he's saying. Dew drops are spilling everywhere, and everything is so foggy he thinks he'll drown. Everything is blending together; the taste of bbq, smoke, and garden is revolting. It's getting dark, dark, dark, he thinks maybe his dad is sending a shadow to say goodbye. But the whistle is deafening and Shikamaru…
10
Is gone. His eyes wide open and hand splayed as if he was trying to reach something.
Ino thinks he looks horribly, beautiful. she's breaking…her petals falling off one by one. She thinks it's all over for her too. And Chouji has been gone…his bag of chips lying beside him-last one uneaten. Ino's always felt a little out of place in team 10. But now she knows her place is out of place so she breaks the chip in half and slips a piece into their mouths. She thinks maybe she'll work at the flower shop. Or maybe she'll move away entirely. For now Ino sits there waiting for something, anything to happen. She touches her earring lightly…deciding one day she'll have to take it out. Team 10 never was good with these sort of things. One day Ino will accept team 10 is done…more done than team 7 or all the failures before that. For now Ino sits waiting counting—1,2,3…10.
/"Oh how tired I feel."- death be not proud/
A/N: Ok so please take notice of 10 lines in each section and the 10 sections…yes yes..crazyness born. This is totally made up…Shikamaru never died…well he hasn't yet…this sort of came to me and yea…please review thanks. Buttercups are poisonous flowers and vinegar is used as weed killer. Italics and capitalizations were used for a reason…ok that's enough of my rambling…please just review -.