To My Only Star,

There are days when I wake up, the sunshine falling through the curtain creating a sort of glow that is unreal and makes me think I am still sleeping, and I wonder how on earth you stumbled into my life.

There were days that I wanted to yank my hair out of my very head with some of the things you do. There were days that I wanted to just walk away from everything and loose myself in a million copies of Shakespeare just so I didn't have to think about it anymore.

But then, as the sunlight trickles across the foot of my bed, I am very aware that I would not be who I am now because of you. Those breezy Septembers when we would walk under the changing trees. The way you would smile and make the world just that much better. The way you destroyed my walls, laying me flat, telling me that the only thing to fear is not living while we have the chance.

I was alone until I met you. I was alone and afraid of feeling. I was so good at not feeling that when you turned everything over I didn't have any idea which way was up or down. Drowning in your very presence and terrified that if I so much as let a finger slip I would loose you.

It was then I realized I actually had something to loose.

I know you will never see this, but I need to pretend you are listening.

You taught me to breath, to take life in and not be afraid of it. You taught me not just to see the beauty of living but to embrace it, immerse myself in it. You brought the color to all the images of my life that had been in black and white.

Sirius Black, you were my everything. I still wake up each morning knowing you are my everything. There isn't a thing a regret, not a single thing.

Not anything except what I didn't say that day when we were alone and so close…what I was to afraid to say.

Because the only thing scarier than realizing that I had something to loose, is actually loosing it.

That is why I couldn't say it.

That is why I watched you flirt and run about madly, innocently.

That is why I never told you that I loved you.

And it doesn't matter now, because as the light through the light slips through this window and I lie alone, you are gone. I lost you despite everything.

Now I can never tell you.

I can never tell you I loved you,

And I always will.

Yours Truly,

Mssr. Moony

Who is very lost without you.