I haven't updated or written anything for ages because I am involved in a big literary project in my native language, and it leaves me drained. But yesterday I heard two colleagues chat about the scene at the lake ("the worst memory"), and an idea came to my mind and refused to go away.

I have no beta for this impressionistic fic, so all the mistakes are mine. Sorry!

DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me, except the idea of interpretation, and I share it with the world free of charge. :)

Italic is for the words and phrases, taken from the book.

Relieved

It has been getting more and more awkward. Whoever said a girl would always be thrilled, if someone fell for her, was wrong. At least, James Potter is handsome, and bright, and funny, and… Yes, he is an arrogant, bullying, vain idiot, but he has an excuse of being agreeable to look at.

While Severus Snape doesn't.

Of course, it's not his fault, in the first place, but Lily Evans is a bit tired of reminding herself about this. Besides, Sev is not a child anymore, he could have charmed his robes and done something about his hear, and… Well, he could have done something. And if he doesn't care about it, why should she be indulgent?

Yes, she still likes him. Mostly. Sometimes.

Sev is definitely one of the cleverest guys of their year; he is very gifted; he knows a lot of things and shares his knowledge and skills with her readily. Lily enjoys discussing magic, potions, literature, arithmancy, runes and similar stuff with him from time to time. But life is not all about studies, is it?

And those Slytherin friends of his… Yes, yes, they are not so much different from some Gryffindor idiots – all the idiots are very much alike, as a matter of fact. But you can choose your friends, and this is a choice, which indicates, if you yourself are an idiot.

Severus Snape is not an idiot, perhaps, but he is grim, and round-shouldered, and oily-haired, and insecure, and tight-lipped – and he is driving her mad. She still can make him smile and open up to her, but… Before Hogwarts she felt rewarded, when he laughed or talked at her prompt; later this fact was somewhat flattering, but now she considers the process demanding and fatiguing. Honestly, he doesn't make it easy to like him. He never has. But people are supposed to change. So – why doesn't he? Anyway, Lily does, and it's natural, and nothing to feel guilty about. They are both growing up – and out of their childhood relationship. Right?

Lily is annoyed and tired – and ready to move forward. And Sev…

Well, Sev is her past childhood friend, that's why she doesn't hesitate to interfere, when those moronic Marauders attack him for the nth time. Disgusting. Still Sev hanging upside-down is an amusing sight, and her furious expression twitches for an instant as a smile threatens to give away her involuntary mirth.

Lily knows she must not laugh at such things, and her weakness makes her angry, so she shouts at James Potter with more vehemence than before, deleting this moment of siding with him, with them. 'LEAVE HIM ALONE!'

James obeys reluctantly, but he doesn't forget to emphasise her exclusive power over him. He also doesn't forget to point the same factor to Sev. 'You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-'

Lily's first instinct is to wince – Sev has clearly had enough even without this cheap insult. And she is not surprised, when Severus lashes out, 'I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!'

Lily blinks. Yes, the wording hurts, even if the feeling is quite understandable at the moment, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out the blow is meant for Potter, not for her. But... but this is so perfect an opening! A way out of all this mess with Sev. Besides, she is hurt. Absolutely. Oh yes, she is offended. She is affronted and disappointed, and...

And Lily drinks on these emotions greedily, as she takes her next breath.

'Fine,' she says coolly. 'I won't bother in the future.' And she is looking forward to this future of not bothering! She is so tired already.

Now one tiny additional detail to make sure he won't seek to achieve reconciliation with her. 'And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.'

That's it. She did it.

And he has no one to blame, but himself.

So when Lily walks away from the lake, she doesn't feel hurt or frustrated. Not upset even. Just... relieved.

Author's note:

I don't think Lily cruel or evil. But she is a teenager; she is human; she may have weaknesses and make mistakes. Nothing in the original text strikes me as an evidence of her being wise beyond her age or especially empathic. Frankly, I suppose it was motherhood that changed her into a better person, worthy of admiration. But at the moment she is just a confused girl. And I really don't know, how else her behaviour at the lake could be explained.