I learned conflicting lessons in my first 15 years. Odin. J. And Duo.and
Duo.
Odin told me to follow my emotions. I tried. I was a young boy, learning the ways of the assassin, but he told me to wear my heart on my sleeve. I passed on his message to Trowa, hoping that though it no longer applied to me, someone could get something out of my surrogate father's wise words to me. I followed my emotions when I could, truly. My emotions led me not to kill Duo, after all. For this I am thankful to Odin. He taught me many finer points of life, but none that have helped me in the war as much as this one.
J tried to crush my emotions. Emotions had no place in the perfect soldier I was to be. I was to save the world. He may as well have kept me in a sensory deprivation chamber. I had no emotions with him. He was not bad, but I could afford no attachments. We're all dying, and the perfect soldier I was becoming could not be destroyed by death: my comrades or even my own. So I was allowed no emotions. And I became J's soldier.
Duo taught me that attachments are okay. That emotions can be a strength instead of a liability. He enabled me to become friends with the other pilots. Duo cracked open my sensory deprivation chamber and pulled me out. He shook the glazed look away and helped me to care for the first time since Odin. No, since a young girl. He taught me the first real emotions since Odin had allowed me to follow them. For how can you follow what you do not have? He retrained me. Duo had salvaged a human soul.
But Duo taught me another lesson. He told me once, and that was enough. You would understand if you saw his face when he said it. "Boys don't cry." Duo had told me to follow my emotions, but not to cry. And so, for Duo, I don't cry. It's been five years since Duo gave me my emotions. And though I bury my face in his shoulder for strength...I have never cried there. Odin, J, would be proud...Duo is.
Odin told me to follow my emotions. I tried. I was a young boy, learning the ways of the assassin, but he told me to wear my heart on my sleeve. I passed on his message to Trowa, hoping that though it no longer applied to me, someone could get something out of my surrogate father's wise words to me. I followed my emotions when I could, truly. My emotions led me not to kill Duo, after all. For this I am thankful to Odin. He taught me many finer points of life, but none that have helped me in the war as much as this one.
J tried to crush my emotions. Emotions had no place in the perfect soldier I was to be. I was to save the world. He may as well have kept me in a sensory deprivation chamber. I had no emotions with him. He was not bad, but I could afford no attachments. We're all dying, and the perfect soldier I was becoming could not be destroyed by death: my comrades or even my own. So I was allowed no emotions. And I became J's soldier.
Duo taught me that attachments are okay. That emotions can be a strength instead of a liability. He enabled me to become friends with the other pilots. Duo cracked open my sensory deprivation chamber and pulled me out. He shook the glazed look away and helped me to care for the first time since Odin. No, since a young girl. He taught me the first real emotions since Odin had allowed me to follow them. For how can you follow what you do not have? He retrained me. Duo had salvaged a human soul.
But Duo taught me another lesson. He told me once, and that was enough. You would understand if you saw his face when he said it. "Boys don't cry." Duo had told me to follow my emotions, but not to cry. And so, for Duo, I don't cry. It's been five years since Duo gave me my emotions. And though I bury my face in his shoulder for strength...I have never cried there. Odin, J, would be proud...Duo is.