A/N: My friend and I were having the strangest conversation about Kingdom Hearts a while ago (via text) about the chronicles of the KH gang. This is a short fic based off of it, because the probability of me writing the whole thing is close to none (though I wish I could) and I told her that I would write something.

SO THIS IS FOR YOU.

Disclaimer: This fic is not intended to be taken seriously. The characters are probably OOC, but not so much that Sora is on crack and Riku is an asshole. Also, this is totes non-canon. Annnd: I wrote this while listening to PoPiPo. (If you don't know what that is, search for it on Youtube. Then you'll know why that's not a good thing. :D )

Being crack-a-licious, this is a different style of writing that I usually use. This was more for fun than anything.

Why Riku Should Take Chill Pills

The most stunning chronicle ever to be written (except not)

An hour before their show time. Riku tapped his foot on the ground with such fury that he probably could have cracked the tiled floor. His team had disappeared to make "last minute adjustments to their uniforms" (to this, he snorted) but they'd been gone for at least fifteen minutes. How long does it take to adjust a few skirts, fix a few bows, and apply glitter to the cheek and eye? He was growing more annoyed by the minute—they needed to perfect their pyramid, dammit!

When his team finally filed out of the locker room, Riku let out a rage of fury so loud that it made Axel flinch rather violently.

"Excuse me," Riku hissed, the last of his nerves coming undone, "Since when did it become uniform to have PIGTAILS IN YOUR HAIR?"

Indeed, it seemed that the team had spent their time fixing their hair in pigtails. Well, as best as they could. Zexion's locks were probably the best looking ones, being a cute short length towards his neckline. Both Sora and Roxalicious's hair were an absolute mess with two ties on each side of the head that could barely be noticed as pigtails. Demyx's pigtails were short and awkward, drawn in the back since there wasn't much hair to work with up top. The rest of the vague, non-character (yet sexy) boys of the team had hair too short to work with. (And we don't really care about them anyway, don't lie: so from this point on we're ignoring their presence.)

"Riku~" Sora sing-songed, "Don't you think they're sexy?"

"This is not dressy-time!" Riku snapped, which made Sora's smile disappear faster than a box of choconuts in front of Roxalicious during a slumber party. "We now have—" Riku glanced at his watch, "fifty-three minutes to show time, we have a pyramid to work on, and now we have pigtails that are utterly atrocious!" Riku began to pace as his face reddened.

"Um, Riku, we were only—"

Demyx's attempt to calm Riku was cut off when there was a loud crash. Riku, remarkably, had just smashed his foot through a concrete wall. An awkward silence fell, save for Riku's ragged breathing.

"—kidding." Demyx finally finished.

"Kidding?" Riku spat. "YOU ALL FIX YOUR HAIR THIS MOMENT, AND AFTER THIS COMPETITION IS OVER WE NEED A LONG TALK OVER WHAT IS APPROPRIATE LESS THAN AN HOUR TIL SHOW TIME!"

Without another word, the team filed back to the locker room to get their hair back to Riku standards. (And they'd better put extra sparkles in their hair now, or he was going to have to punch the wall too.) When they were gone, Aqua laid a hand on Riku's shoulder and said, "You didn't have to be so harsh."

"How the hell was that funny?" Riku cried. "Sora hasn't been able to stay on top of the pyramid for consecutive practices because of all the disruptions! If he can't stick this one, we may not get a score good enough to take us further! We need to be practicing now, not ruining our hair! I don't believe my team takes themselves very seriously!"

"Coach, if I could add," Axel cut in, sticking his head between Aqua and Riku's, "I think you've been a little too hard on them. You've been drilling them for days straight without so much as a break. These kids are going to crack if you don't slacken your almighty whip a bit."

Riku thought about Axel's words. Maybe he had been tough on his team… but they were so close to victory! They needed to push!

Before Riku could further his inner monologue, the team reappeared. Riku's opinion of his team was drastically changed. Their hair was razzle-dazzled with extra sparkles and shiny pins. Sora's hair, which had been styled with gel into sleeker, tamer spikes, was showered with glitter.

Riku tried to hide his very unmanly excitement with a simple smirk.

"Maybe my team takes themselves more seriously than what I give them credit for."

A/N: THE END! THAT'S IT! BLEAH!

Yes, Roxas is dubbed "Roxalicious" and he eats choconuts when depressed at slumber parties with his besties, Sora and/or Axel. Don't be hatin'.

I will not take critiques seriously because this was not written seriously, but if you enjoyed plz drop a "lulz" in a review for me. KTHXBAI