AN: So, I am rewriting every single episode of Buffy, with one slight change – Jenny Calendar (killed off in Passion, season 2 episode 17) will be in every single one. Don't like it, don't read it. That simple. If you do like it, I would also suggest that you start out by reading the first five rewritten episodes, before you read this. This is the 6th epiosde rewritten for season one. In the summaries S#E# represents what season and episode the story takes place. It would be best if you went in order - I guarantee you will be lost unless you go episode by episode.
In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
At the Sunnydale Zoo, a sign points to the reptiles, elephants, and the Hyena House. Buffy was walking along the path by herself.
Kyle and his gang, Rhonda, Tor, and Heidi, saw hwr coming.
"Oh, look," Kyle said. "It's Buffy and all her friends."
"That's witty."
"Do you ever wonder why nobody cool wants to hang out with you?" Tor asked.
"Just thankful," Buffy replied.
"Were you this popular at your old school? Before you got kicked out?" Rhonda asked.
The group laughed, and they continued on their way, leaving Buffy standing there alone.
"Careful! She might beat you up!" Tor taunted as they left.
Buffy was in the elephant section, reading the plaque, when Xander and Willow came running up.
"Hey! Buffy!" Xander greeted.
"You missed it!"
"Missed what?" Buffy asked.
"We just saw the zebras mating!" Xander nodded at Willow. "Thank you, very exciting..."
"It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!" Willow described.
Buffy mocked disappointment, "And I missed it. Yet somehow I'll find the courage to live on." She began walking.
Willow followed. "Where were you?"
"Uh, I was looking at the fishes."
"Was it cool?"
"It was fishes."
"I'm feelin' that you're not in the field trip spirit here," Xander observed.
"Well, it would... It's nothing, I... We do the same zoo trip at my old school every year. Same old, same old."
"Buffy, this isn't just about looking at a bunch of animals. This is about not being in class!"
Buffy brightened. "You know, you're right! Suddenly the animals look shiny and new."
"Gotta have perspective."
In the monkey section, a student named Lance was sketching them into his notebook. Kyle and his cronies approached him.
"Lance! How's it goin'?" Kyle asked.
"Hey, Kyle." Lance was unamused.
"So, is this like a, uh, family reunion?"
"No." He just wanted to be left alone.
"I think it's a family reunion. It's so... touching. Doesn't anybody have a camera?" Kyle made a sudden photo-taking gesture. "Whapish!"
Rhonda came up behind Lance. "Hey, does your mom still pick out your lice, or are you old enough to do that yourself now?"
"Quit it, huh?"
Tor took his notebook.
"Hey! Guys, c'mon! It's got my notes in there!"
Mr. Flutie saw the commotion. "What's going on here? I've had it up to here with you four! What're you doing?"
"Nothing," Kyle lied.
"Did I ask you to speak? Okay, I guess I did, but I want the truth. Lance?"
Lance covered for them out of fright, "They weren't doing anything. Really!" He let out a nervous laugh. "We were just playin' around."
"Alright." He started to walk away, but turned back. "I'll be watching you." He continued on.
Kyle pointed at Lance. "You! Came through big time."
Rhonda patted his shoulder. "Way to go, Lance!"
"Flutie's been looking for a reason to come down on us," Tor said.
"It's okay." Lance just wanted to be left alone.
"Come on, we're gonna check out the Hyena House," Kyle stated.
"But I think it's off-limits."
"And therein, my friend, lies the fun."
Lance laughed, and they all went towards the Hyena House.
The Hyena House was closed, but they ducked in through the yellow barricade tape. Buffy, Willow, and Xander saw them go in.
"What are Kyle and his buds doing with Lance?" Willow wondered.
"Oh, playing with him as a cat plays with a mouse," Xander answered.
"What is it with those guys?" Buffy asked.
"They're obnoxious. Professionally," Willow answered.
"Well, every school has 'em. So, you start a new school, you get your desks, some blackboards and some mean kids," Xander stated.
"Yeah, well, I'd better extract Lance before..."
Xander interrupted, "I'll handle it. This job doesn't require actual slaying." He lifted the tape and went in.
"You don't think we should follow?" Buffy asked Willow.
"Kyle and those guys are jerks, but they're all talk. Mostly."
Buffy reconsidered, "Why don't we..."
"Yeah, why don't we?" Willow agreed.
They ducked under the tape and started in, but were caught in the act by a zookeeper.
"Oh, hold it, hold it, are you blind, or are you just illiterate? Because hyenas are very quick to prey on the weak."
"Oh, w-we were just gonna take..." Buffy didn't know what she was going to say.
"You're not going in there. Anyone that does is in a world of trouble."
"No, no one's going in there," Willow stated. She and Buffy went under the tape again.
"Why is it off-limits?" Buffy asked.
"It's a quarantine. These hyenas just came in from Africa, so keep out." He cocked an eyebrow. "Even if they call your name."
"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked.
"The Masai tribesmen told me that hyenas are capable of understanding human speech. They follow humans around by day, learning their names. At night, when the campfire dies, they call out to a person. Once they separate him, the pack-" He snapped his fingers. "Devours them."
Inside the Hyena House, Kyle and the others tore through more tape blocking the way in and looked around.
"Cool!" Kyle stated. He and the girls walked up to the enclosure and looked in.
Lance stayed back, with Tor behind him. "I don't see any hyenas."
One of the hyenas growled and showed itself between some rocks.
"Okay! Now we've seen it." Lance tried to leave, but Tor stopped him.
"Looks cute," Rhonda stated.
"I think it looks hungry." Kyle moved toward Lance. He and Tor grabbed him.
"No!"
"C'mon, Spot!" Tor said.
"C'mon, stop it!" Lance begged.
"Supper time!"
They drug him up the steps and lifted him up to the bars.
"Guys! Stop! It's not funny!"
They pressed him into the bars, and down on his neck.
"Ow! Stop it! It's not funny!"
Xander came in, pulled their arms off of him, and helped him away. "Why don't you pick on somebody your own species?" He spat at Kyle.
"What, are you gonna get in my face?"
The hyenas growled. Xander, Kyle and the others looked at them. The hyenas' eyes flashed green, and then two of the kids' eyes did. The hyenas' eyes flashed green again, and two more kids' eyes did. There was a sacred circle painted on the floor. Lance made an axious move to get away, but tripped on a chair and fell. His notebook skidded across the floor to the far wall. Kyle and the others turned and laughed when they saw him. Lance got up, retrieved his notebook, and rushed out. Xander turned around, and his eyes flashed green as well.
At the Bronze, Buffy and Willow were coming from the bar. Buffy had a Coke and a croissant. They made their way over to an empty table.
"I thought Xander would be here by now," Willow stated.
"Hmm, that'd make him on time. We couldn't have that!"
"Did he seem upset at all on the bus back from the zoo?"
"About what?"
"I dunno. He was quiet."
"I didn't notice anything." They sat. "But then again I'm not as hyperaware of him as, oh, say, for example, you."
"Hyperaware?"
"Well, I'm not constantly monitoring his health, his moods, his blood pressure..."
Willow grinned. "130 over 80!"
Buffy was amused. "You got it bad, girl!"
"He makes my head go tingly. You know what I mean?"
"I dimly recall."
"But it hasn't happened to you lately?"
"Not of late."
"Not even for a dangerous and mysterious older man whose leather jacket you're wearing right now?"
Buffy mocked annoyance, "Goes with the shoes!"
"Come on, Angel pushes your buttons. You know he does."
"I suppose some girls might find him good looking... "
Willow gave her a look.
"...If they have eyes, alright, he's a honey, but... it's just he's never around, and when he is, all he wants to do is talk about vampires, and... I, I just can't have a relationship..."
Willow saw Xander. "There he is!"
"Angel?"
"Xander!"
Xander walked into the club and checked out a girl on the way. The girl stared after him. He came to Buffy and Willow's table. "Girls!"
"Boy!" Buffy replied.
"Sorry I'm late, I... just forgot that we were gonna be here." He saw Buffy's croissant. "Hungry!" He tore a piece off and ate it.
"Xander, you still want me to help you with geometry tomorrow?" Willow asked.
Xander took a swig of Buffy's cola.
"We can work after class..."
Xander gave Willow a thumbs-up. "Yeah." A second later, "What is this crap?" Xander asked Buffy.
"Well, it was my buttery croissant."
"Man, I need some food! Birds live on this!"
Buffy and Willow looked at each other and then at Xander.
He looked back and forth at them. "What?"
"What's up with you?" Buffy asked.
"Is something wrong? Did I do something?"
"What could you possibly do?" Xander asked Willow. "That's crazy talk. I'm just... restless."
"Well, we could go to the ice cream place..."
Xander pointed to the table. "I like it here." He looked up and scanned the area a bit, then leaned toward Buffy and sniffed her hair.
"Okay, now what?" Buffy asked.
"You took a bath," Xander stated.
"Yeah, I-I often do, I'm actually known for it."
"That's okay."
Willow and Buffy exchanged another look.
"And the weird behavior award goes to..." Buffy said.
Xander saw Keyle and the others come in. Buffy saw them, too.
'Reluctant Man' by Sprung Monkey stated playing.
"Oh, Reluctant Man"
"Oh, great. It's the winged monkeys," Buffy scoffed.
Kyle and company came over to them.
"Who's afraid to touch the world / Why are you hiding? / What is the base of all your fears?"
Xander stared back at them.
"Do you find yourself in a cold cruel world"
Kyle stopped at their table. He and Xander stared each other down.
"Dark and desperate, scared and lonely?"
Kyle and his gang went around to another table that was occupied.
"Selfish Man / Who never gave to no one else / What are you holding? / Is it worth the price you pay?"
Kyle spoke to a boy at the table, "Y'know, I don't understand why you're sitting at our table."
"'Cause your eyes they see just what you want to see"
"Yeah, shouldn't you be hovering over the football stadium with 'Goodyear' written on you?" Rhonda asked.
"And I hope they're not staring blindly at me"
They all laughed.
Xander was watching and laughed to. When he turned back to Buffy, he stopped laughing because she didn't think it was funny. "Kid's fat," he stated.
Giles and Ms. Calendar were in the library.
"You might not want to be here when Buffy comes," Giles told her. "I'll be training her."
"Oh, no you're not!"
"Pardon me?"
"You get to be book man! You do all - well, not all, but a lot of the research. Let me be the ninja!"
Giles laughed. "The what?"
"Never mind. Let me train Buffy, pleeeeeaaase?" Ms. Calendar begged.
"You're acting rather childish."
"Please? I didn't get to kick that She-Mantis woman's ass, and you know I never liked her! Let me feel useful instead of a stalker for once, please?"
Giles sighed and rubbed his forehead. "You really want to train Buffy?"
"Yes!"
"Alright."
"Yay!" Ms. Calendar pounced on him in a hug. She kissed his cheek. "Thank you!"
Giles chuckled nervously. "Y-Yes, w-w-well...we-we'll s-see h-how it goes, then."
Later, Ms. Calendar wore protective gear while Buffy trained on her. Buffy did a roundhouse kick followed by a high punch and a swinging middle punch to Ms. Calendar's gloved hands. She continued,
doing a full spin and finishing with a backhand punch. She did a full spinning jumping high wheel kick followed by a right middle punch, a high roundhouse kick and a front snap kick. Then she jumped high and did
a twin straddle kick. She landed back on her feet and moved in to attack again, when Giles cleared his throat from where he had been watching.
"Right!"
Buffy stopped short.
"That's enough training for one day."
"Well, that last roundhouse was kinda sloppy. Are you sure you don't want me to do it again?" Buffy asked.
Ms. Calendar was out of breath. "No! No, no, that's fine. You just... run along to class." Buffy left. "While I wait for the feeling to return to my arms."
Giles approached Ms. Calendar with a smug smile. "Sedated yet?"
"For the day...but I'm no wimp...I'll do it again...any time."
Giles rolled his eyes. "You just don't give up, do you, woman?"
Ms. Calendar smiled. "Nope...Got any water?"
In the halls, Herbert the mascot had gotten loose. The students in the hall were startled and trying to get away.
Mr. Flutie chased the pig. "Look out! It's gotten loose!"
Herbert the pig was dodging students' legs.
Buffy came around a corner, and reacted quickly to catch him and pick him up.
"Lordy, Herbert! Gave Mr. Flutie quite a scare, didn't he? Students, I'd like you all to met Herbert, our new mascot for the Sunnydale High Razorbacks!" Mr. Flutie introduced.
The students all clapped.
"He's so cute!" Buffy said.
"He's not cute. No! He's a fierce Razorback!"
There was more clapping.
"He doesn't look mean, Mr. Flutie," Buffy stated.
"He's mean, he's ready for action! See?" He indicated Herbert's helmet with foam tusks. "Here are the tusks..." He gestured at a piece of serrated green foam tied to Herbert's back. "The scary Razorback!"
Buffy humored him, "You're right. He's a fine mascot and will engender school spirit."
"Uh, he better. Costs a fortune to feed him." He addressed the pig, "Alright, let's get you back into your cage."
Herbert, the pig, squealed when Buffy went to hand him to Mr. Flutie.
Mr. Flutie pointed behind himself. "This way."
Outside, Willow was helping Xander with his geometry.
"I'm not getting this," Xander stated.
"It's simple, really. See, 'The bisector of a vertex is the line that divides the angle at that vertex into two equal parts.'"
"It's like a big blur, all these numbers and angles."
"It's the same stuff from last week. You had it down then."
"Why do I need to learn this?"
"'Cause otherwise you'll flunk math?"
"Explain the part where that's bad." He rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"You remember, you fail math, you flunk out of school, you end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey, kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this."
Xander rubbed his right temple.
"Do you have a headache?" She reached up to him.
Xander shook her off. "Yeah, and I think I know what's causing it." He threw his geometry book into the trash. "Ah! That's better, it goes right to the source of the pain."
"Xander..."
Xander was frustrated, "Look, forget it, okay? I don't get it. I won't ever." He got up. "I don't care." He threw his math notebook into Willow's lap and left in a huff.
Willow watched Xander go. "We can finish this another time."
In the hall, Buffy followed Mr. Flutie to the faculty room with Herbert in her arms. They stopped outside.
"See, the problem is you kids today have no school spirit. Hold on, let me get his outfit off." He removed Herbert's outfit. "Today it's all gangs and drugs and those movies on Showtime with the nudity."
Buffy gave him a look.
"I don't have cable, I only heard. When I was your age we cared about the school's reputation and the football team's record, all that stuff! Of course, when I was your age I was surrounded by old guys telling me how much better things were when they were my age." He went into the faculty room.
"Yeah!" Buffy said to Herbert.
Xander came into the hall from outside. Herbert squealed, reacting to his presence as he walked by. Buffy looked confused as she watched Xander pass, and tried to keep Herbert from jumping out of her arms.
Outside, lightning struck.
In the gym, the coach addressed the students, "Alright, it's raining, all regular gym classes have been postponed, so you know what that means: -" He held up a large rubber ball. "Dodgeball! Now, for those of you that may have forgotten, the rules are as follows: you dodge." He tossed the ball to Buffy. He blew his whistle, and the two groups moved back from center court. He whistled again and the ball throwing commenced. Xander nailed his first victim. Buffy and the pack members easily dodged the balls. The coach enjoyed the game from the sidelines. Xander nailed another victim. The coach continued to watch. Buffy threw a ball and hit her mark. Xander threw again and nailed Willow hard on the back. She gave him a hurt and confused look as she walked off of the court. Xander caught a ball as he watched Willow go, but soon continued the game. Willow sats down, crossed her arms and kept looking at him. A few seconds later just the pack of Kyle and friends and Lance were left on one side, Buffy on the other. The pack looked at her briefly, then focused on Lance. He fell to the floor and cowered as they each threw their ball at him hard. Buffy ran over and helped Lance up. She stared at Xander. He stared back. She watched as he and the others left.
"God, this game is brutal. I love it!" Coach Harrold was thrilled.
In the hall, Buffy was waiting for Xander, and went up to him when he came from the other hall with the pack. "Xander... What's wrong with you?"
Xander looked at the others briefly and pulled Willow aside. "I guess you've noticed that I've been different around you lately."
"Yes."
"I think, um... I think it's because my feelings for you have been changing."
Buffy came around a corner to her locker and saw them. She worked the combination.
"And, well, we've been friends for such a long time that I feel like I need to tell you something."
Willow looked at Xander expectantly.
"I've, um... I've decided to drop geometry. So I won't be needing your math help anymore. Which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again." He and the others laughed.
Willow was crushed. She turned and left.
Buffy watched her quickly walk by. She slammed her locker and approached Xander with her arms crossed. He stopped laughing. "You gonna say something to me?"
Xander just looked at her and started laughing again more loudly. He went back to the pack, and they left.
Buffy went after Willow.
Outside, at lunch, the pack walked along.
Xander stopped and sniffed the air. "Dogs!"
"Where?" Kyle asked.
Xander lead them to a group of three boys sitting at a table.
"You're out of your mind, that's no way to play guitar," Boy #1 said.
"What are you talking about?" Boy #2 asked.
"I mean, that's just hunt and peck!" Boy #1 continued.
"It's not!" Boy #2 defended.
They pack arrived.
"Hey, Xander, you've heard Wretched Refuse play, what do you think of the guy who plays lead?" Boy #1 asked Xander.
Tor reached for Boy #1's hot dog. Heidi took Boy #2's hotdog.
"Hey. Hey, what are you guys..."
"Shut up." Rhonda cut Boy #1 off.
"You're sharing," Kyle told them.
"Friends like to share." To Tor and Heidi he asked, "Good?"
"It's too well-done," Tor answered. He threw the rest of the hotdog back with Boy #1's lunch, Heidi back on Boy #2.
"Hey! That is not cool." Boy #1 said.
Xander sniffed the air again and looked in the scent's direction. He lead them off. Kyle climbed onto the table and stomped the boys' lunches.
"Hey!" Boy #1 cried.
Moments later, the pack entered the faculty room.
Xander inhaled deeply through his nose. The other two boys went to close the blinds. They all approached the cage that Herbert, the pig, was in. Xander bent down to look at him. "Let's do lunch."
The pig became nervous and squealed.