This is a one shot I wrote after watching episode 4.03 of Downton Abbey, there are some spoilers in this. If you haven't seen the episode you may get spoiled. I haven't forgotten Packet of Letters, I'm still working on it, I just want to make sure I have the rest of it written out before I post again.
Mrs. Hughes and Anna talk over a cup of tea. Spoilers for season 4 episode 3! It's after Anna was raped, but before Bates finds out. Mrs. Hughes' big speech is actually grabbed from handy-for-the-bus, something she posted on tumblr gave me inspiration for this fic. Thanks for letting me use what you wrote!
Anna breathed a sigh of relief as she sagged into one of the chairs in Mrs. Hughes' sitting room. The day had been long and she was glad of the chance to sit and relax before she had to go home.
"How are you dear?" Mrs. Hughes poured a mug of tea and pressed it into Anna's hands.
"Better then yesterday." She tried to look on the bright side. "I only jumped 8 times today, instead of 10."
"You'll get better dear." Mrs. Hughes said gently, she finished pouring herself a cup of tea and she sat down.
"It doesn't feel like it." Anna said, she sipped the tea and then looked over at Mrs. Hughes. "Thank you for the tea." she said quietly.
"Healing takes time."
"I wish the time would hurry up and pass." Anna said. "Mr. Bates..." She trailed off as thoughts overwhelmed her. "I can't tell him, they wouldn't let him off twice. I can't have him in prison again. I can't." She took in a breath, "but I can't keep him in the dark about this either, he thinks he did something wrong. He hasn't." Tears filled her eyes as she whispered. "This will kill him, but it'll kill me unless I talk about it."
"It won't kill you." Mrs. Hughes kindly insisted.
Anna stared blankly at the table in front of them. "How do you know, have you lived through this?" she asked, her voice dull as a tear slid down her cheek. There was silence as both Mrs. Hughes and Anna got lost in their own thoughts. Anna was staring at the table in front of them, her eyes blank.
"Yes." Anna finally looked up as Mrs. Hughes spoke.
"What?" it took a few moments for Mrs. Hughes' words to click and Anna's eyes widened as it hit her what the older woman was saying.
"There's a reason I have the key to the woman's quarters and Mr. Carson doesn't." Mrs. Hughes said simply. "I know what bad men do when they have unfettered access."
"What men do." Anna corrected, her voice thick with emotion.
"What bad men do." Mrs. Hughes repeated her earlier words.
Anna sniffed and then took another sip of tea. "Right now it's what all men do."
"That will change."
Anna's scoff was so quiet that Mrs. Hughes almost couldn't hear it but she saw Anna shaking her head and spoke once more.
"It will take time, dear," She reached out and patted Anna's hand. The girl flinched at the touch but didn't draw her hand away. "You won't trust people like you used to, you'll look at men and think 'Men are horrible.' But then you'll think of your husband and think. "Not every man though." And you'll smile."
Anna could remember a day when she'd thought that. John was a wonderful man, he never hurt her, was always gentle and as he'd proved in the last little while, he listened to her, he always stopped when she said the word. She remembered a day when he'd made her smile.
"It won't be the same. You'll have nightmares every other night. Every time you go near where it happened you'll be sad and depressed and anxious and nervous. You'll think about it often. You'll be reading a book and all of a sudden you'll remember what happened. You'll be brushing your hair and then you'll remember his face." Anna nodded, that had actually happened earlier that day.
"But just because you were traumatized once it doesn't mean you can't smile again and be happy. I know it." Anna could see the echo's of horror in her mentor's eyes, memories of a different household coming back to haunt her.
"You'll thank God for your husband. You'll thank God you survived it. You'll smile every time you see a beautiful flower or a gorgeous dress that you want to buy. Every time Mr. Bates makes a joke or says something silly, you'll look at him and thank God you survived it." Mrs. Hughes leaned over the small table and looked Anna in the eyes. "It will take time dear, but one day you'll be happy and whole again."
"You're not married, how do you know that I'll thank God for Mr. Bates?"
Mrs. Hughes leveled a kind but direct look at Anna. "Because I know Mr. Bates, and because there's a man who has helped me heal. We aren't married, but he helped me heal."
The tea had gone cold during Mrs. Hughes' monologue but Anna took one last sip anyway. "Thank you for the tea."
"You're welcome dear." Anna was suddenly tired, Mrs. Hughes could apparently see it and she spoke again. "Go home dear, it's late and you have to get up earlier then most of us."
"I'll probably have a nightmare." Anna said, pushing the tea away from her.
"The nightmares will come with less regularity as time passes."
"Do they ever stop?" Mrs. Hughes hesitated and Anna could tell what the answer was without a word needing to be said. "They won't stop?"
"They'll come with less regularity." Mrs. Hughes repeated, "and there may be years or months between nightmares."
Anna smiled thinly and said again. "Thank you for the tea."
They hugged briefly and Anna left the sitting room, the door closing softly behind her. Mrs. Hughes stared after the younger girl. What she'd said was true, it would take time, but Anna would heal.
Please review!