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TLS Lyrics and Lemons Contest
Song: Stand by Rascal Flatts
http : / / tinyurl . com / 69msfpr
Rating: M
Word Count: 9,956
Pairing: Jasper/Bella
Summary: Can you forgive the ultimate betrayal? What if he didn't deserve the girlfriend he has? Can you forgive your fiancé? Your brother? Can you find love again? Let's find out…
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.
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A Redeeming Love
March 20, 2011 – the first day of spring (Tuesday)
"Please raise your glasses and welcome, for the first time ever, Mr. & Mrs. Jasper Cullen." I heard the DJ announce us, grabbed my wife's hand and led us into the ballroom. My wife, god it felt good to finally be able to say that. After everything we had been through, the battles we had fought and won, separate and together, she was my peace and I would cherish her until the day I died. As we sat for dinner my mind wondered back to how we arrived at this day.
Winter 2003
She came into our lives my senior year of high school, Bella Swan, the Police Chief's daughter. The entire town had been talking about her for months. Her mother had been killed in a car accident and she was forced to live with her father. There was talk of how she used to visit every summer until she turned 12 and refused to come to the rainy town of Forks anymore. From that point on the Chief either traveled to Phoenix to see her or they took a vacation some place neutral. The male population of FHS was drooling at the prospect of fresh meat.
Not me though. Alice Brandon had been my girlfriend since 8th grade and we had known each other our whole lives. I was going to marry that girl one day, I was sure of it.
Bella was a Junior and in several of my brother, Edward, classes. Edward and I weren't as close as we could be, we were just too different. I was smart but more of a jock. I ran with the popular crowd and enjoyed being at the top of the food chain at school. Edward was a genius and while he played sports no one would consider him a jock. He was too gangly looking, plus his grades and thick glasses put him firmly in the nerd herd. I loved my brother, out of respect for me and maybe a little fear he was not picked on in school.
Bella was wicked smart and the only one that even came close to giving Edward a run for his money for class valedictorian. She was shy and not athletically inclined but they became friends and through him Alice and I became friends with her also. The rest of the year was great and we made lasting memories over the summer. Alice hoped they could become better friends but Bella wasn't interested in fashion and shopping all the time. That kept them from getting closer and the fact that she was apparently immune to Alice's puppy dog eyes. By the end of the summer they were dating and I couldn't have been happier for him. He had found the one that saw and loved him as is.
Fall 2005
Bella and Edward were joining us at the University of Washington. Because of this my parents rented us all a huge house. I think they hoped we would stay in separate bedrooms, it had 5, but knew we wouldn't.
There was an adjustment phase as we all learned how to mesh together but it was fun and things never got too far out of hand. After two months we asked Emmett and Rosalie to move in with us. We had been hanging out and the six of us just fit. Rose and Bella got along great and Emmett was the big brother she never had.
As the year progressed I noticed changes in Edward. He was taking a heavy pre-med class load and I knew that took up a lot of his time but something was different. He had been working out with Emmett and that had helped him fill out but it was something else. He seemed to be coming out of his shell more every day, his confidence level had increased.
Bella was majoring in Journalism and working for the campus newspaper. She always had an air of confidence about her even if she was shy and working for the paper cured her of her shyness relatively quickly. She also decided to rush a sorority the spring semester. Rose was a KD, Kappa Delta, and truly enjoyed the closeness sorority life gave her. Bella decided to join the Zeta's, Zeta Tau Alpha and I must say she endured the ribbing we gave her for some of things she had to do during pledging with more grace than I would.
Alice and I were going strong. We were a little worried about next year because we would be looking for and hopefully doing internships, her for fashion and me for psychology. We were polar opposites but I still knew I was going to marry that girl one day.
It was an uneventful but good year. We went to class, socialized and on any given night the sounds of happy time could be heard from one if not all of the bedrooms. Looking back I'm surprised we didn't have more problems than we did but I suppose we didn't really know each other like we would come to or maybe we hadn't truly known each other at all.
The summer was great. We hung out together and caught up with everyone else that was in town. Alice and I were great, even starting to talk marriage. I knew there was a ring set aside for me to use if I wanted it, Carlisle's mother's ring was for me and Esme's was for Edward. I ask dad about the ring but decided to buy a new one for Alice. I knew she would appreciate a bigger diamond more than the history of my grandmother's ring. So I had a summer mission to find Alice a ring.
Edward was working with Dad at the hospital, more as a volunteer than anything but it required a lot of his time and he loved it. Bella hung at the house around the pool with me and Alice whenever Edward wasn't around. When he was around they tended to hang out in his room. Given that they had dated for over two years you think I would know Bella better, but I didn't. This summer was when I first got to know her, the real Bella and I understood why Edward loved her so much. She was one of the few people I could sit in a room with, not utter a word to for hours and still feel comforted by her presence. I learned we had more in common than I thought, including her dry but wicked sense of humor. She would gladly do something if asked, even if she wouldn't necessarily enjoy it, but try to steamroll her and it would be a cold day in hell before she ever did it. Alice learned that the hard way when she made shopping plans for the two of them.
She didn't always match up to the girl Edward would talk about. He didn't talk about her much, it wasn't something we shared but it made me wonder if their relationship had always been so focused on his wants and needs. I made a decision to pay more attention when we were all back at the house.
Fall 2006
It was good to get back to school and see everyone. College had begun to feel more like my normal life than being home did. For the six of us in the house it felt almost like living with strangers, we never saw each other unless it was in passing. I had received an internship at one of the local high schools as a counselor. Alice was working in a high end boutique that also did couture work and she was working on her design portfolio. Bella was busy working at the campus radio station and she also free lanced for the Seattle Times on top of her sorority duties. With the classes Edward was taking he was required to take labs, I hadn't realized until now that he had tested out of several of his classes. Rose and Emmett were back in the house and had the most free time, they would be getting internships next summer.
The six of us tried to go out as a group at least twice a month but even that was difficult sometimes. When we got time off we tended to stick close to our significant other. I had fulfilled my summer mission and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to propose. I was thinking about Christmas so our families were there, but Emmett mentioned he was popping the question to Rose at Christmas. I didn't want to steal his thunder and I knew Alice would have a conniption if she didn't have that spotlight all to herself.
I talked to Edward and Emmett about what I wanted to do and they were both surprised. Emmett in a good way and wished me luck knowing that when Rose came back after break with her ring Alice would have a fit she got one first. I didn't have it in me to spoil that for Rose though, she deserved to have that excitement. Edward's reaction surprised me the most; he visibly balked at the idea.
"Really Jazz, don't you think it is too soon? I mean, I love Alice but marriage? You're 21, live a little." I was shocked at his attitude, Mr. Stuffy worried I hadn't lived enough.
"I have known her my entire life Edward. She is the one for me. I have never seen anyone but Alice, you know this." He was nodding his head but didn't seem to really be paying attention to what I was saying. "Don't you feel that with Bella?" I knew he loved her but the look on his face bothered me.
"Yeah, I do. No one will ever get me like she does, but sometimes…" he trailed off.
"But what Edward?" He looked at me and looked down. "Talk to me Edward, I'm your brother, no judgment, you know that."
"I have never gotten the kind of attention that you have Jazz. Girls have always flocked to you, even when they know about Alice. That has never happened to me until now and…"
"And what E? Do you want to break up with Bella?' I was the one getting a shock now. They always seemed so in tune to each other. I couldn't believe he wanted something else, someone else."
"No, I love her. I can't see myself with anyone else. When I think about the future she is the only one I see myself with." He said with conviction.
"Okay, so what is it then?" He took a deep breath before talking again.
"It's just…at the end of last year and this year some of the girls in my labs and study groups have really started flirting with me and I like it." I am sure my eyebrow shot into my hair at that revelation.
"I know geeky Edward has girls coming on to him and he doesn't know what to do." He chuckled but seemed conflicted. "I talked to Alice and she told me if I felt that way then maybe I should see what else is out there. I mean Bella is not only my first girlfriend but she's the only girl to ever pay attention to me." That surprised me, I knew Alice and Bella weren't best friends but Alice encouraging him to play the field didn't sit well with me.
"Is that what you really want to do? Date other girls?"
"I don't know, I mean on one hand Bella is it for me and I know this. But the other hand really wants to say variety is the spice of life."
"Is this about fucking someone else?"
"No, not really." He said as he stood up and started pacing. "I don't know how to react to the flirting and touches and offers I get from these girls Jazz. I like it, more than I should but then I see Bella and know she is the one for me. It's just confusing."
"I know Edward but if Bella is what you want, you tell them you are off limits and ignore them."
"But how do I really know if she is what I want if she is all I have ever had." I know he is a genius but sometimes he is really stupid.
"I can't answer that for you E. but I can tell you that for as big as this campus it is still like a small town. Everyone knows everyone else's business. If you want to date others I suggest you talk to Bella about this first." He nodded and we both went off to bed.
I questioned Alice about it later and she explained she just wanted him happy, it didn't matter to her who he was with. I put that conversation out of my mind until several weeks later when I heard Edward and Bella talking about her moving into the sorority house after break. She had been elected an officer and was required to live in the house. I noticed Rose get a weird look when we heard this but she didn't say anything.
Christmas break was good and as I watched Edward and Bella together I realized they were more relaxed than they were at school, but so were me and Alice. Rose came back excited and showing off her ring. As I feared Alice was envious and took every opportunity to let me know we had been dating years longer than Rose and Emmett but she had no ring to show for it. I loved Alice to pieces, flaws and all but her need to be the center of attention every second could wear thin.
Bella moved into the sorority house but was still at our house quite a bit. Things seemed strained between her and Edward but we all chalked it up to their schedules and the fact that she wasn't here all the time. I actually saw more of Bella this semester. She was in one of my more advanced psychology classes, it met right before lunch so we would often either meet the others for lunch or have it be just the two of us.
I have to say it was over these lunches that we truly became friends, that I met the real Bella. I learned that she had tested out of so many classes that with one summer course she would be a senior and graduate with me. Phoenix had offered a much more advanced curriculum than Forks. I learned we liked the same music, books, we both loved history, even if for her it was European and for me American. The more I learned about her the more I wondered how Edward could ever want anyone else.
She helped me plan my proposal to Alice, which she said yes too, and then threw us a party to celebrate. Rose and Emmett would tease that Bella was my 'school wife' like a 'work wife' because we saw each other so much on campus. Bella was great but Alice was my life. I did worry about her and Edward. She seemed to only stay at the house on certain nights and he had taken to studying more than normal but with his class load studying was imperative. Alice and I weren't necessarily seeing as much of each other either but we always made the time we had together special.
Finals week came and the weekend before we all left found us drunk and discussing the summer. Edward would be helping dad at Forks General again. Rose and Em were doing their internships in New York at the same engineering firm. I landed a job in Port Angeles working with troubled teens. Alice, with my encouragement, took a summer job in LA with a production company as an assistant to the wardrobe manager. Bella was staying in Seattle to take that one course she needed to start in the fall as senior; even Edward seemed surprised at that news. She would be in Forks in July.
The summer passed quickly and between my job and seeing Alice every other weekend it was full. Edward and Bella seemed to have problems when she first got into town but they found their rhythm quickly and I was happy for them.
Fall 2007
The first week back we had a cookout at the house and caught up on what we done all summer. Ro and Em loved New York and there was talk of them moving there after graduation. Bella had completed her class and would be graduating with us. She and Edward seemed a little stiff with each other but she appeared content and Edward couldn't wait for the grind to start again. Alice was planning the wedding, even though we had yet to set a date, and told me all I had to do was show up when she told me too.
It was surprisingly easy to fall back into a comfortable routine, classes, counseling, hanging with Alice and our friends. We would go out as a group sometimes but mostly it was the couples. Bella still stayed over on certain nights and I was glad that Edward had stopped talking about wanting someone else. Bella fit with us and him, it was a fact.
As the year progressed, Alice, Ro and Em started seriously looking for jobs. Alice was looking at either LA or New York, I would be getting my Master's in psychology but I had the grades to get into a good school in either city so I wasn't concerned. I wanted her happy and I didn't mind following her. Bella was also going for her Master's but she would be staying in Seattle for that. Edward had another year and was looking into medical schools. We were growing up and planning our lives.
It was late one Sunday night, or early Monday morning, in late fall when I found Bella in the living room gathering up her things. It looked like she was getting ready to leave. I checked the clock and it was barely 5am.
"What are you doing Bella?" She squeaked as she jumped.
"Sorry J did I wake you up?" She was the only one who called me J. I didn't like being called Jazz and she was one of the few that listened when I told them that.
"No, I have a big test and got to cram some more." She chuckled and continued putting her shoes on.
"Did you and Edward have a fight or something? Why would you leave this early?" Granted I wasn't fully awake but this seemed weird. Her dark chuckle didn't make things less weird.
"Isn't that what a booty call means, be gone by morning?" She said and stood.
"A booty call? What the fuck Bella?" Why would she think she was a booty call?
"We're friends J, right?" I nodded. "Then I'm not going to lie to you. I have talked to Rose about this but I didn't want to involve you or Alice because your loyalty is to Edward, as it should be."
"My loyalty to Edward?" I had to have looked confused and I needed coffee. "I don't understand Bella."
"If I tell you, you have to promise to let it go afterwards. I do not want this affecting the group dynamic. You all mean a lot to me, even Edward."
"Talk to me Bella." I said and took her hand. We still had lunch sometimes and she was a friend, a good friend. In some ways I was closer to her than Edward. I heard her take a deep breath before beginning.
"I know, have known since last year, that Edward loves the attention he receives from females. I know he had thought a lot being with other women and until last month I don't think he had been." I was shocked, Edward was sleeping around on her and she stood for it.
"I understand what he is thinking. I dated other guys in Phoenix but he never dated other girls in high school. At first I don't think he knew what to make of it. He is a very good looking guy and never saw it, well he sees it now. He wants to go out and see if something better is out there." She looked at me and chuckled. "Don't get me wrong Jasper I know he loves me but he also wants to try this other too."
"He does love you Bella, I know he does."
"Love isn't the problem. In some ways I think he has convinced himself he deserves to sow his oats and then come back to me and live happily ever after. From the way he talks sometimes I know he just assumes that we will spend our lives together and I believed that too until last summer." I saw a tear slide down her cheek before she could wipe it away.
"I was in a coffee shop last June and heard two girls talking about how one had a date with Edward before school let out. It was just dinner and he turned her down for sex but it hurt, a lot. After that I asked around and what I thought were study groups weren't necessarily. When I returned to Forks I didn't outright ask him about the dates but I ask leading questions. Did he feel he missed out not having a lot of girlfriends? Was there someone he wanted to date? Was he happy with the way things are for us? I ask a lot of questions and the answers he gave let me know he never planned to tell me any of it. The ease with which he answered those questions scared the shit out of me J. Had you asked me if Edward could lie to me I would have said hell no. He can trust me, he can lie very well."
"I had no idea Bella. You two don't even fight." I was in shock and at a loss for words.
"I know and most of that is because I haven't confronted him about any of it. Not even when I knew for sure he had slept with someone else." My mouth dropped open with that statement and she laughed. "I know, you never thought I would just sit back and take that kind of treatment."
"No I really didn't Bella. You deserve so much better than that kind of treatment."
"Oh I know and your right I do. I guess that is why I call this a booty call." I didn't understand.
"When I first heard about things I was immensely hurt and insanely pissed off. I was half way to Forks before I pulled off the side of the road and just…cried. I was scared to death when someone tapped on the window. It was Garrett Hunter, I think is in most of your classes, he is majoring in psychology also." I nodded that I knew him.
"I sat, on the side of the road in the pouring rain, for two hours and got everything off my chest. The stress of school, the fact that Edward and I had been drifting apart, what I learned about his dates and the fact I wasn't sure if what I wanted or needed, aside from sex, even registered on his radar anymore. Did you know that the Zeta's had a formal last spring that I asked Edward to go to with me?" I shook my head even though she wasn't looking at me. "He agreed and then never showed to pick me up. He has never even been to the house to see me."
"Yes he has," I said. "He has told us several times he was going to stay with you there." She quirked her eyebrow at me, "Ooohhh."
"Yeah, oh. Anyway, when I was done Garrett asked me what I hoped to accomplish by confronting him. What did I want or need to take from that encounter and I realized that I had no clue how I wanted that fight to end. I turned around, drove back and spent the next six weeks figuring out what I wanted and how to get it. I know about the nurse from Fork's General and the girls this year and the truth is Jasper, I just don't have it in me to care." Just when I thought she couldn't shock me anymore that statement came out of her mouth.
"How could you not care Bella? I don't care if he is my brother, he shouldn't be treating you like that." She smiled and patted my hand.
"He doesn't see it as treating me any certain way J. I am sure Edward sees it as something he needs to for himself and doesn't have a clue how it may affect me." I looked at her like she was nuts. "Edward is extremely intelligent but he hasn't got a clue socially. This is his chance to experience all the social things most of us do in high school."
"Still Bella, how can you be okay with this? How did I not know this?" She laughed softly again.
"Well, I'm not okay with it at all. I came to the decision that while I love Edward, love just isn't enough. I have been the one putting distance between us. To be honest J I don't want a boyfriend and I sure as hell don't need one but for what I want Edward is perfect. He takes me out every once in a while, we have specific days we have sex and he is almost always up for a little bonus sex, if I warn him. He understands my studies are important and he doesn't like to party too much. To me, Edward is the perfect booty call. I don't know the last time we talked about our future, together." I was shocked.
"I am getting exactly what I need from Edward. I don't want to sleep around and I have needs, he meets those needs and quite well." She sighed and it sounded almost wistful.
"I do feel bad about one thing though." She dropped her gaze to her hands I knew she felt guilty. "I am sure if you asked Edward he would say we are a couple and I just don't feel that way about us now. To me he is a friend, a buddy, he killed any romantic love I had for him over the summer. I understand why he needs this but that doesn't change the fact that he did it without any respect for my feelings, not even after I offered for us to date other people. He probably thinks he will drop them after his graduation and then we will move to wherever he goes to medical school at, not going to happen my friend. Maybe that sounds cold or callous but he is getting what he wants from our relationship and I decided to take what I needed from it also."
"How did I miss all this B? I mean it has been over two years, am I that blind?"
"No you aren't blind and Rose is the only one to every suspect anything."
"Rose?"
"Yeah, she is Vice-President of the KD's." I was still confused. "When I moved to the house I said it was because that is where the officers had to live." She made a motion with her hand like, come on Jasper take it farther.
"Ah and Rose lived in this house." She nodded. "You lied."
"I did. I knew I would never be able to live here and pull off what was happening with Edward and I, so I needed a reason to move. More than that though, all of us are busy and we spend a lot of time studying, then there are internships and labs. I spend just enough time here not to cause too much to be said about things. Although I do think he talks to Alice about things, she seems the most informed and I don't tell her anything."
"Bella I hope you know I am here for you. Yes he is my brother but I don't want you to feel like you can't come to me." I said and put my arm around her pulling her close. She was a great girl and didn't deserve this shit.
"I know J but like I said, for now I get exactly what I want from Edward. So don't say anything, even to Alice." I nodded, she picked up her stuff and left. I decided to stay up and see if anyone noticed in the morning. Rose did but never asked where Bella was, the rest of us were used to her not living there anymore so it went unnoticed that she had already left, even by Edward.
I paid more attention as the year went on to what was happening in and out of the house. I did notice that Bella slowly withdrew even more, she never missed one of their sex nights but the other stuff was non-existent unless it was as a group. I also noticed what she meant about Edward talking to Alice. I was glad he had someone to talk to about things with Bella, but I strongly suspected she was telling him he could do better than Bella and that level of interference didn't set well with me. I was working a hotline this year and that meant I was away most nights so I was glad Alice had someone to pass the time with also.
During Christmas break Alice and I set a date for the wedding, not this summer but next summer. Alice wanted to be a June bride, so June 25 it would be. Mom and Dad noticed that Bella wasn't around as much that break and asked Edward about it. He said they were both busy but things were great between them. His answer startled me because it was said with such sincerity. Bella was right either he had become a very skilled liar or he was clueless and expected her to be there when he decided to settle down. If he wasn't being such an asshat to Bella I would have warned him of the dangers to his plan.
The new semester continued much as the last one had although I suspected Rose talked to Bella more than any of us. Sometimes when Edward would ask if Bella had called or if anyone had talked to her, Rose is the one that would pipe up and give him a smart assed answer about how he couldn't keep track of his girlfriend. It did seem as if he was finally noticing she wasn't around as much.
In the past we had always gone somewhere for spring break but this year, the last year with all of us together we decided to bring spring break to us. We stayed in town had tropical parties and spent the entire week with a buzz on. I thought Bella was avoiding us even though she was staying at the house until I noticed her doing shots with Emmett. That was weird. Later that night everyone was passed out in the living room except for Bella and I.
She turned to me out of the blue and asked, "J, if I knew something that would crush you but felt you should know anyway, would you want me to tell you?"
"It would crush me." I slurred, I was drunk as hell.
"Yeah, it would." She sounded sad.
"Nope, keep it to yourself." That was the last thing I remembered of that night and it was fuzzy. It would be July before I thought about that conversation again.
We graduated, except for Edward who had another year of undergrad left. Bella hosted a huge party to send Ro and Em off to New York in style. Alice took a job in LA so she wouldn't be across the country and the wedding plans continued. Edward, I and Bella picked our classes for next year and prepared to enjoy our summer. I was awaiting a transfer to UCLA so I could be with Alice.
It was my parents 4th of July party and Alice had forgotten something at her house. She told me where it was and I went to get it for her. Unfortunately for her, part of the papers had fallen and when I bent down to get them I found a used condom. Alice and I didn't use condoms, ever. She was on the shot and neither of us had ever been with anyone else, or so I thought. I was livid. I drove home and confronted her about it. She was pissed, said it must be her younger sister's and couldn't believe I didn't trust her. I apologized but caught the look she gave Edward and the one Bella gave me. Did Edward know she was screwing around on me and not say anything? I couldn't believe that, we may not be super close but he is my brother, he'd tell me. Wouldn't he?
Two weeks later and I just couldn't get that day out of my mind. The look Alice gave me, the ones she gave Edward and finally the ones I saw Bella give all of us. In the shower is when that drunken conversation with Bella came back to me. My hair was still dripping water when the Chief opened the door and I asked to speak to Bella. Her shoulders visibly slumped when she saw it was me.
"Crush me Bella," I said.
"Let's go for a walk J." She closed the door and pulled me around back to the forest. She walked about 200 yards to a fallen log and sat. "What do you want to know?"
"Is she fucking someone else?"
"Yes" she said softly but looking me in the eye.
"Do you know who it is? His name?"
"One of them, yes."
"One of them? There are more?" I shouted and turned away from her. "How many?"
"Three that I know of." She whispered and I could hear the sadness in her voice at telling me this but appreciated her honesty.
"How long?"
"I first saw her leaving a motel with a man before Thanksgiving. Before Christmas I saw her leave a different motel room with a different man."
"The third one, you know him?" She nodded. "How? Who?" I had to know.
"Remember in that last weekend in January when we were all betting on the play-offs and I lost to Edward on the NFC Championship game." I nodded. "The payment was I had to scrub his bedroom until it shined."
"No, not my brother!" I said horrified but her tears told me it was true.
"I found a pair of her panties behind the headboard and the matching bra behind the dresser. I know they were hers Jasper and I'm so sorry." She was crying and I pulled her into a hug.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. Thank you for telling me the truth Bella." That was all I could get out before I ran for my truck. As hurt as I was by Alice, my main focus was rage at my brother. Unfortunately, for him, he was washing his car in the front yard. By the time Dad pulled me off him, Edward was sporting a black eye and a split lip.
We were hauled in to the kitchen where I was told to explain myself. Once I had, it was Mom being pulled off Edward.
"What about Bella Edward?" Mom yelled at him and I laughed as his eyes widened.
"I don't want her to know about this." He said giving me the stink eye when I laughed.
"Considering she told me about the two of you I think you may have a problem there Edward. Alice should have made sure to remove all her clothes when she left your room." I have to admit it was slightly gratifying to see the look on his face and he ran towards his car, probably hoping to salvage some part of his relationship with Bella. Chump.
The rest of the summer…sucked.
Fall 2008
The return to school was more than welcomed. Given the circumstances Edward and I rented separate apartments. He was pissed Bella wasn't talking to him. I was pissed Alice wouldn't leave me alone. The only bright spot was my apartment wasn't far from Bella's sorority house, she stayed on in a sort of house mother capacity. We were both looking forward to graduate school.
Bella and I had text a little over the summer but she understood my need to just be alone. It wasn't like I would ever be able to get away from Edward. At my lowest point, the day I saw Edward and Alice in a park on campus, I called Bella and ask her to meet me. That meeting kept me sane. She gave a CD and told me to listen to it.
"I know it sounds cheesy but honestly J I listened to this song a lot when I was making decisions about Edward and I." She put her hand on top of mine and squeezed. "I am always here to help you stand Jasper." I went home and played that song.
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright
That is how I felt. I lost the girl I was going to marry and my brother. I know Edward and I didn't tell each other our darkest secrets but I was his brother for fuck's sake. I would never betray him like that. Alice… I could barely say her name let alone see her. How could I have been so wrong about her. How could I not have seen she was fucking around on me for months. I knew at the time we were seeing less of each other but I thought we were making this sacrifice so we could be together quicker and have a strong beginning. I couldn't stop myself from thinking she wanted me out of the way to fuck my brother.
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand
As the weeks went by I found myself calling Bella more and more often. I felt I had found a kindred spirit in her. She was never too busy or turned me away. She was never too tired or just tired of listening to my shit. She helped me get up and stand every time, even when I didn't realize I had fallen.
School became my lifesaver. I went to class, did my counseling and plowed through as best I could. Bella made sure I was fed several times a week and I never saw Edward. He text a few times, I didn't respond. Christmas was approaching and I wasn't sure I could control myself in the same house with him for two weeks. Turns out I didn't have a choice, mom forced us to play nice with each other. We had to sit down as a family every night and discuss everything for an hour before we were dismissed. It made me feel like a child and I hated it, but I also had to admit it got us talking.
The rest of the year was more of the same only I spent more time with Bella and tried to date. Nothing serious but at least I was attempting to move on. I wasn't comfortable with any of them, to go to dinner and talk fine but they annoyed me too much to be more than casual friends. Bella kept encouraging me to get back on the horse. She never mentioned dating anyone and I hoped she would be able to find someone worthy of her. She was by far the best friend I had ever had. And sex? Yeah, self-love was all I was participating in lately.
I put off visiting Forks for as long as I could but my parents insisted I at least make an appearance at there 4th of July party. I did, Alice showed up with her parents. I had no idea she was even in town. I saw her and Edward slip off inside the house, appearance over. I called Bella and we went to First Beach. We ran, laughed and played in the water. Bella jumped onto my back in an attempt to bring me down and a part of that song Bella gave me popped into my head.
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way out
Take what you're given before it's gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
"I'm holding on Bella." I said out of the blue.
"What?" she asked and I pulled her from my back.
"I'm holding on." I repeated and slowly lowered my head to kiss her.
We sat on the beach and talked till sunrise. As the sun came home starting a new day we decided to try a new dynamic in our relationship, dating. Bella refused to go out with me until we had a conversation with both of our parents. She had listened to me explain how things where with them at the house and she didn't want that to be how we were with my parents or her dad. Before returning to school Bella had us over for dinner at her dad's and told them we wanted to see where things went for us. We hadn't planned it or realized that feelings had started to shift but they had and they were too strong and made us too happy to ignore. They gave us their blessing and most of all respected us for telling them instead of springing it on them months down the road.
Fall 2009
We returned to school for our last year of graduate classes. We weren't making plans together for after graduation but I knew we both hoped to stay in Seattle. Bella had been encouraging me to try talking to Edward. She would tell me he was my brother and I needed to reach a point where we could at least be civil to each other for a few hours. I gave in when we attended one of B's sorority formals and he was there as one of the girls date. He freaked when he saw us together, punches were thrown and only Bella knowing the cop through Charlie kept us from spending the night in jail. We started meeting for lunch once a week. It wasn't by any means comfortable but it was a start and Bella was right, if I wanted to truly lay it all to rest I needed to find a way to accept him, as is, even if I never found a way to forgive him. To this day I would describe our relationship as a casual friendship, in a pinch he could count on me because he was after all my brother but we did not share much about our lives with each other. Me, in a pinch I counted on Emmett, even though he was clear across the country. He had flown in for me before and I knew he would do it again, in a heartbeat if I needed him.
Christmas was interesting, it was the first time the four of us were together in the house at the same time. Things were politely tense and we tried not to stay in the same room alone for too long. The evening took a turn for the worse when Alice asked to speak with me alone.
"Jazz, can we talk for a minute?" I tensed at her words and knew Bella felt it because she squeezed my hand.
"No" I heard but the surprising thing was it came from Bella not me.
"What's wrong scared Jazzy might want me back?" Alice sneered and that was the moment I realized I may have never known the real Alice.
"No" Bella barely got out through her laughter. "Here's the thing Eddie, Allie." I laughed at the looks on their faces, they hated those names. "I know how much you hate being called that and do it to piss you off. Jasper hates being called Jazz. And Jazzy, really Allie, what the fuck that is all kinds of wrong, but you two don't know that about him. He has said he hates it hundreds of times you just never listened. Neither of you really know him nor does he want you back." Saying that she turned to me and held her hand out to help me stand, "Let's go set the table Jasper, dinner should be ready soon."
After the screeching Alice did as we left the room my parent made sure the four of us weren't alone at all. I have to admit though, it felt good watching Bella stand up for us. It also helped me to realize how dysfunctional my time with Alice had been. It was all about her and with Bella it was about us. That was when I realized I loved her and in a way I had never loved Alice.
New Year's found us at the Fairmont in Seattle, romantic dinner and dancing, it was the perfect way to start the New Year. We were on the dance floor when the countdown began and when they reached one I took Bella's face in my hands as I felt a tear run down my cheek and choked out, "I love you Bella. With all my heart and soul I love you." I didn't give her an opportunity to respond I pulled her into a kiss that I hoped showed her my love as well.
"I love you too Jasper." She said when I released her face. "I love you so much." She took my hands and led me back to our table so she could get her purse. Without a word we led us to the elevators, when the doors closed I spied the key she removed from her purse. That was the first night we made love.
When we entered the room she laid her purse on the dresser before walking over to me. Neither of us had said a word since getting on the elevator but the silence was comfortable. She pulled on my tie and let in hang loose around my neck before running her hands up my chest and pushing my jacket over my shoulders. I couldn't look away from her eyes, in them all I saw was love, unconditional love. As she unbuttoned my shirt I gently pushed the straps on her dress over her shoulders. We had fooled around, a lot and still each time seeing her like this took my breath away. With her dress pooled at her feet she moved her hands over my shoulders and down my arms taking my shirt with her.
"Make love with me Jasper. I want to show you how much I love you. I need you to feel with every touch that I am yours and I want you to be mine. Just mine, forever."
I ran my fingers through her hair as I felt her working my belt and pushing my pants over my hips. "Jesus Bella, I love you so much. I am yours and you are mine...always." I pulled her into a kiss, picked her up and moved us to the bed.
I laid her down and as she moaned and writhed beneath me I proceeded to nip, kiss, lick and love every single inch of her beautiful body as I removed her stockings and thong.
"God but you are beautiful." I told her before gently taking her nipple in my mouth.
"I love you Jasper." She gasped out and I felt her nails running down my back as she arched up into me.
I moved down her stomach with wet kisses and I could smell her arousal. I gently moved her thighs wider and chuckled as I kissed the scar that was on inner thigh from a camping trip.
"Jasper" she said on a sigh but it was meant as a reprimand.
"Sorry honey," I said as I licked that scar but didn't mean it.
"Stupid poison oak" I heard her mumble right before I parted her lips and kissed her clit.
"Yes Jasper" she moaned as her hips bucked. Bella loved when I went down on her and I loved doing it. Part of me wanted to bury my tongue deeply in her and get her off quickly but this was about loving her and that part of me wanted to show her just how much she was cherished. Cherishing her won.
I slowly and with light touches kissed and licked her pussy until she was begging me to take her. Her thigh muscles were bunching and she was dripping onto the bed but I want her to cum with me inside her the first time. She scrambled after me as I stood to push my boxers off. One long, hot lick up my shaft was all it took to put me on edge and I had to stop her.
"Bella" I moaned as I held her shoulders and pulled her up. "As much as I love that and believe me I do. I want to be inside you when we cum…the first time." I saw the wicked glint she got when I said first time and laughed softly as I moved her back on the bed.
"Oh believe my honey, I am going to fuck you all over this room." I told her as I knelt on the bed then sat back on my feet. "I'm going to fuck you over, on and in every place possible." I pulled her so she was on knees straddling me, hovering over me. "But first, I am going to make love to you." I lowered her onto to me slowly and we both had to take a minute, it had been awhile for both of us.
"I want to feel you Bella." I said and ran my hands up her sides. "I want you to feel me." I pulled her hips up and dropped her back down on me. "I want us to be one." She swiveled her hips and we both moaned.
"I do feel you Jasper, I feel us and we feel amazing, love does with you." I could feel her fingers pressing into my shoulder blades and it felt like she was trying to hold on to me.
I started slowly moving her up and down on me. I wanted us both to feel every inch of her wrapped around my cock. Damn she felt incredible, like home.
"I love you so much B. You are so precious to me. I need to know you know that." I pulled her head from my neck and kissed away her tears as she nodded.
"I know, I feel how much you love me every day. Jasper!" She squeaked out as I thrust harder and deeper. I moved slightly so her clit would rub against me with every stroke.
"You are mine Bella. Mine. I'm never letting you go." I felt her fingers grip harder on my back.
"Yours" she said softly. I felt her tighten around me and pulled her close. "Too much…Jasper…I'm gonna…please J…" She was holding on like her life depended on it and I couldn't hold back any longer.
"Cum with me B. Hold on and cum with me. I'll keep you safe I promise just keep holding on to me." Saying that we both came unbelievably hard, watching her fall apart in my arms was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
"I love you Jasper." Bella murmured as she laid her head on my shoulder and gently ran her hands up and down my back.
"You are everything I never thought I would have Bella." I laid us on the bed facing each other. "You are everything I want and all I never knew I needed. I plan on spending the rest of our lives showing you how much I love and appreciate you." I wiped her tears.
"What did I ever do to deserve you Jasper Carlisle Cullen?"
"You loved me Isabella Marie Swan someday Cullen. You gave me your love."
We drifted off to sleep after that but before we checked out, two days later, I had her on every possible surface, like I said I would. Our first time was soft and romantic and all about showing our love for each other. The rest of the time was pure primal fucking. I was happy to discover Bella gave as good as she got and didn't mind some manhandling. She was up for anything as long as we held onto each other.
June 2010
Graduation was great. I was proud of myself and Bella. I received my Master's in psychology. I had no desire to have a private practice. I wanted to help troubled kids and in July would start working for the New York City public school system tackling some of their toughest schools.
Bella and I had decided to start over in New York. Alice had moved back to Seattle and it was hurting the slight relationship I had managed to form with Edward, to see them together pissed me off every time I thought of his betrayal. It wasn't so much that he slept with Alice, I was over her. It was the fact that he so easily threw away our relationship as brothers, he would rather get laid than walk away from something that would hurt me deeply.
Bella received her MBA. That coupled with her Journalism degree and experience with the Seattle Times landed her a good job with the Wall Street Journal. She was looking forward to the move also, we both missed Ro and Em.
We were in Forks for a graduation party. We had shipped all of our things and would be in New York by the end of next week. Edward and Alice were here and they tried to talk to us but they were too self-centered to spend any length of time with. I walked Bella through the garden under the stars and out into the gazebo, a clear night in Forks was a rarity and I took it as a good sign. She was pointing out the Big Dipper to me as I pulled the box from my pocket and dropped to one knee.
"Isabella Swan," I said and when she turned her eyes were wide. "I love you with my whole heart and promise to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives. You are the center of my world, my northern star, my salvation and I am only at peace in your presence. Please do me the incredible honor of becoming my wife."
"Yes Jasper, I love you. A million times yes." She yelled as she cried, jumped and kissed me at the same time. Then I slid onto her finger my grandmother's ring. The ring never meant for Alice. The ring that at a total of two carats she would complain was too big but would love the history of.
Present Day
When my mother insisted we get married in Washington State Bella held firm to the wedding date, the first day of spring. She said spring symbolizes birth and this was the birth of our new life. She also insisted it be held in Seattle and not Forks.
We were just married in the Japanese Gardens of UW with the reception at the Fairmont. Both held special meaning for us. Rose and Emmett had flown in to stand up for us and he was currently making my bride laugh so hard I was worried about her. She didn't know it yet but we would be honeymooning for two weeks in a private villa in Greece. I hoped we didn't make it out of the bedroom the whole first week.
The DJ called us out for our first dance. We had taken a lot of grief over our song choice but stood firm and refused to explain why. As I led my wife out onto the floor the beginning notes of Stand started.
"You are so beautiful Bella. I love you."
"I love you too Jasper."
I pulled her close to me and we just enjoyed the feeling of each other. When the song ended I had a present I wanted to give Bella, something I knew she would love.
"Bella I want to give you a present." She started to argue and I placed a finger on her mouth. "It is something I know you have wanted for a while and I finally feel ready to do it. You may not believe me but please know the words come from the heart." I moved to the DJ and asked for a microphone.
"If I could have everyone's attention." I waited for people to quiet down. I pointed at Bella. "My bride and I would like to thank everyone for coming today and we hope you are enjoying yourselves." I once again waited for them to quiet. "We want to thank our parents for all the support they have given us and the friends who stood by us, we wouldn't be here today without you guys."
I looked around the room until I found them. "I do have two people I want to send a special thank you out to." I saw Bella's head whip to me and I smiled but wouldn't look at her. "I'm not sure if everyone knows this but Bella and I were actually brought together by Edward and Alice." My mother gave me a look that told me to play nice and Edward was looking like he wanted to crawl under the table. He has yet to learn his lesson. He told me last night that Alice is pregnant with a child he isn't sure is his and he is hoping a woman in his medical program isn't pregnant with a baby that would definitely be his. I told him to grow the fuck up, he didn't appreciate the sentiment. What can I say, I forgive him but we aren't friends.
"Edward, Alice what can I say. Thank you for giving me the love of my life, the one woman that makes me complete. She is the best thing in my life. I will spend all my days making her happy and showing her that she is what makes life worth living. Thanks brother!" I raised by glass to toast the two of them. Bella walked over and gave me a hug, I could tell she was trying not to laugh in my chest.
"What?" I whispered to her innocently. "You wanted me to forgive them and I even went as far as to thank them." She pinched me, my wife pinched me.
"Let's get this party started." I yelled to Emmett and that is exactly what he did.