LINES OF FATE by Eggbert
Summary - Severus is desperate to find some kind of comfort in the aftermath of 'Breaking Away.' It takes him to some unusual places...
Rating - PG13 at the moment.
Disclaimer - They're not mine, they're JKR's. It's entirely my fault that they won't behave.
Notes - This story ties it all up nicely. From 'Only The Lonely' to 'Moonshadows'. Written mostly for my listsibs who howled like the Furies when I posted 'Breaking Away'. Many said they cried. Ouch. Mind you, it was potent stuff. I thought i'd finish Severus's romantic career on a high note, so everything else I write about this fascinating and complex man will be AU from now on. In my own private universe, of course, where happy endings are pretty much guaranteed.
Dedication - To ReggiBar for letting me share the dream world. With love as always. And to Rowena who loves them too.
I must be mad, he thought. Or possessed. The trip to the Divination classroom had seemed a good idea at the time. How about exhausted? That from a tiny voice in his head he had come to know and loathe. You never had problems sleeping when you shared your bed with Remus Lupin.
He ignored the voice and found he had reached his destination. A silver ladder unfurled from the trapdoor and he climbed it, finding himself in the incense-laden lair of Sybill Trelawny, Divination teacher and well-known crackpot. Still, he thought, if she can help I'll never say a bad word about her again.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when she glided out of the shadows and extended a hand. It was so laden with bangles and rings that when he shook it, it sounded like a badly tuned percussion section.
" Dear Professor Snape. " she said in her mistiest voice. " You seem troubled. How can I help you? "
" I need you to crystal gaze for me. " he said abruptly.
" I thought you had no interest in the more obscure arts. " she replied, sounding more down-to- earth than he had ever heard her.
" Please Sybill. " he said.
She looked at the Potions master and sighed. He looked strained and tired and ill. And he must have reached the end of his tether to come to her for help. She restrained an urge to smooth his soft black hair off his face. It was a well-known fact among the faculty that Severus Snape had no interest in women. Pity, she thought.
She motioned Severus to the table where a huge crystal ball was sitting, clouds of white mist swirling in its depths. They sat on either side of it and she stared deep into the ball, willing it to give up its secrets.
Severus restrained a gasp of horror as Professor Trelawny's eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped forward.
" Sybill..." he ventured.
She raised her head and he felt a chill run through him. Whoever was looking at him now was not Sybill Trelawny.
" So maker of draughts and elixirs, what would you ask of the Fates? " The voice was deep and guttural and Severus swallowed heavily before replying.
" I need to know if there will be an end to this torment for me. " His voice was raw and full of pain. Only now could he admit how much he was hurting.
" Seek not the wolf for comfort for he can only bring you more pain. You will find true happiness. Your love has the heart of a lion and eyes of slate. But be patient, for he is young yet, and not quite ripe for the taking. Already he looks for you every day. Look not for what you desire, but for what you despise. "
And her head slumped forward again. Message ends, he thought.
She lifted her head and pressed her hand to her forehead.
" Forgive me, Professor. It appears that the Fates are reluctant to share their wisdom today. "
Severus sat there with his mouth open.
" Don't you remember anything? " he asked.
" Remember what, my dear? " she replied, adjusting her gauzy shawl.
" Never mind. " said Severus, standing up. " Thank you for your time. "
" You are always welcome. " she said gravely as he climbed back down the rope ladder.
" Waste of bloody time. " he muttered to himself. Well, what did you expect? asked the small voice. He ignored it again and headed for the potions classroom. He rummaged in his private stores for the ingredients and set the cauldron on the fire. This had to work. What he was brewing now would not only get him thrown out of Hogwarts but might earn him a stay in Azkaban itself if he were caught.
He mused as he stirred the bubbling cauldron. Eyes of slate. Heart of a lion. What you despise. Honestly. He could think of only one person at Hogwarts who fitted that description. It was too ludicrous for words. That boy had suffered enough with what happened to his parents.
" And he hates me. Doesn't he? " he said aloud.
He washed his hands and waited. When the potion was ready he took a deep draught, feeling it burn the back of his throat all the way down to his stomach...
He cried out as he felt himself leave his body. All he could sense was light and colour until he came to a dead stop, face down.
He looked up. He was lying in a field of lush green grass that was liberally dotted with buttercups and poppies. Soft white clouds raced each other across the azure sky and the sun streamed down on him. If this is Hell, he thought, it has been wildly misreported.
" Severus!" A well-known voice hailed him and he stood up to see Remus Lupin walking towards him with a soft, sensual smile on his face. When Remus reached him, he embraced him warmly.
" What are you doing here? Where the hell am I? " asked Severus, bewildered.
" You're somewhere between here and there. " replied Remus cryptically.
" The potion has sent you here so you can find what you're looking for to stop you going insane. "
" And I found you. " said Severus, his voice cracking with gladness.
" No, you've found comfort. Severus, I can never belong to you. I was only ever Sirius's. And yet a tiny part of me will always love you. You saw Professor Trelawny today, didn't you? What did she tell you? "
Severus, growing more and more bewildered by the second told him what had transpired, and the conclusions he had drawn.
" It's not so ridiculous. " smiled Remus. " Trust me. Now you must promise me to start living again, instead of existing. "
" I can't. " said Severus flatly. " Not without you. "
" Look deep inside yourself, Severus. You might have loved me once, but you don't now. It was all to do with lust and pity. That isn't love, and you know it as well as I. "
It was insane but the words of the man who had haunted Severus's dreams for so long made perfect sense.
In that brief hearbeat, Severus let him go. Remus smiled, his amber-flecked eyes full of compassion.
" Now do you feel better? " asked Remus.
" I do. How strange. " said Severus, feeling slightly light-headed. His heart felt as if something had been ripped from it and it ached. But it was a healing ache felt after the most putrid of wounds has been drained of foul-smelling matter.
" Very good. " said Remus, smiling. He reached up and kissed Severus firmly on the mouth. Severus held him tight, feeling Remus's lips open under his as he slid his tongue forward, deepening the kiss, twining with Remus's in the cavern of his mouth, melting into the last kiss he would ever share with the man he had loved so deeply.
Then he felt it again, the sensation of flying, colours streaming out behind him as he returned to his body with a jolt. He opened his eyes to find himself gazing up at the concerned faces of Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. He appeared to be in the hospital wing.
" What happened? " he asked.
" You had some kind of collapse, Severus. " said Dumbledore gravely. " If it hadn't been for Mr Longbottom..."
" Who? " asked Severus. His head was aching.
" Mr Longbottom has been very worried about you, or so he told me after we had got you here. He says you've not been yourself of late. Tell me, Severus, how long is it since you slept properly? "
" Not since Remus left. " replied Severus dully still trying to process the information about Neville Longbottom being worried about him. He had noticed Longbottom being, well, more obvious recently. He hardly seemed able to turn round without finding him there.
" Then you need to rest. Your classes will be covered. Don't worry. Oh and Severus? "
" Yes, Headmaster? "
" Come and talk to me next time. I can't have you falling apart like this all the time. "
" Yes, Headmaster. Will you, er, thank Longbottom for me? "
" He's waiting outside. " smiled Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling with secret amusement. " You can do it yourself. "
Severus found himself looking into a pair of pewter-grey eyes full of worry.
" Are you going to be all right, Professor? " asked Neville. The boy's voice trembled. Boy. He had just turned eighteen, if Severus's memory served him right. And there was a difference in him. No fear. Fear had been replaced by something else, something Severus couldn't quite place.
" It's nothing that a good week's sleep can't put right. " replied Severus. " I asked you here to thank you. "
" It was nothing. I have been worried about you; you seemed so lost after Professor Lupin left. And when I found you in a heap on the classroom floor I thought..." Neville turned away. It had possibly been the worst moment of his life to find Snape like that. He had thought the man was dead. He had cried at the thought Snape suffering so much pain and then wondered where that emotion had come from. Like the other strange feelings he was starting to have for this unusual man.
Severus grimaced at the mention of Remus's name but found it didn't hurt so much. Soon, he was convinced, it wouldn't hurt at all. He looked steadily into Neville's eyes. Not so ridiculous, said the small voice and this time Severus agreed.
" I'll be fine, honestly. " He reached out his hand and squeezed Neville's arm gently, his sore heart warmed by the sheer delight in the boy's eyes at the careless touch. He's a student. You're his teacher. The voice was back in stern mode. Oh shut up. I know it's not going to happen, at least not yet, but I can dream, can't I? howled Severus in the depths of his mind.
" Goodnight then, sir. " said Neville standing up to leave.
" Goodnight. " said Severus softly.
Summary - Severus is desperate to find some kind of comfort in the aftermath of 'Breaking Away.' It takes him to some unusual places...
Rating - PG13 at the moment.
Disclaimer - They're not mine, they're JKR's. It's entirely my fault that they won't behave.
Notes - This story ties it all up nicely. From 'Only The Lonely' to 'Moonshadows'. Written mostly for my listsibs who howled like the Furies when I posted 'Breaking Away'. Many said they cried. Ouch. Mind you, it was potent stuff. I thought i'd finish Severus's romantic career on a high note, so everything else I write about this fascinating and complex man will be AU from now on. In my own private universe, of course, where happy endings are pretty much guaranteed.
Dedication - To ReggiBar for letting me share the dream world. With love as always. And to Rowena who loves them too.
I must be mad, he thought. Or possessed. The trip to the Divination classroom had seemed a good idea at the time. How about exhausted? That from a tiny voice in his head he had come to know and loathe. You never had problems sleeping when you shared your bed with Remus Lupin.
He ignored the voice and found he had reached his destination. A silver ladder unfurled from the trapdoor and he climbed it, finding himself in the incense-laden lair of Sybill Trelawny, Divination teacher and well-known crackpot. Still, he thought, if she can help I'll never say a bad word about her again.
He nearly jumped out of his skin when she glided out of the shadows and extended a hand. It was so laden with bangles and rings that when he shook it, it sounded like a badly tuned percussion section.
" Dear Professor Snape. " she said in her mistiest voice. " You seem troubled. How can I help you? "
" I need you to crystal gaze for me. " he said abruptly.
" I thought you had no interest in the more obscure arts. " she replied, sounding more down-to- earth than he had ever heard her.
" Please Sybill. " he said.
She looked at the Potions master and sighed. He looked strained and tired and ill. And he must have reached the end of his tether to come to her for help. She restrained an urge to smooth his soft black hair off his face. It was a well-known fact among the faculty that Severus Snape had no interest in women. Pity, she thought.
She motioned Severus to the table where a huge crystal ball was sitting, clouds of white mist swirling in its depths. They sat on either side of it and she stared deep into the ball, willing it to give up its secrets.
Severus restrained a gasp of horror as Professor Trelawny's eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped forward.
" Sybill..." he ventured.
She raised her head and he felt a chill run through him. Whoever was looking at him now was not Sybill Trelawny.
" So maker of draughts and elixirs, what would you ask of the Fates? " The voice was deep and guttural and Severus swallowed heavily before replying.
" I need to know if there will be an end to this torment for me. " His voice was raw and full of pain. Only now could he admit how much he was hurting.
" Seek not the wolf for comfort for he can only bring you more pain. You will find true happiness. Your love has the heart of a lion and eyes of slate. But be patient, for he is young yet, and not quite ripe for the taking. Already he looks for you every day. Look not for what you desire, but for what you despise. "
And her head slumped forward again. Message ends, he thought.
She lifted her head and pressed her hand to her forehead.
" Forgive me, Professor. It appears that the Fates are reluctant to share their wisdom today. "
Severus sat there with his mouth open.
" Don't you remember anything? " he asked.
" Remember what, my dear? " she replied, adjusting her gauzy shawl.
" Never mind. " said Severus, standing up. " Thank you for your time. "
" You are always welcome. " she said gravely as he climbed back down the rope ladder.
" Waste of bloody time. " he muttered to himself. Well, what did you expect? asked the small voice. He ignored it again and headed for the potions classroom. He rummaged in his private stores for the ingredients and set the cauldron on the fire. This had to work. What he was brewing now would not only get him thrown out of Hogwarts but might earn him a stay in Azkaban itself if he were caught.
He mused as he stirred the bubbling cauldron. Eyes of slate. Heart of a lion. What you despise. Honestly. He could think of only one person at Hogwarts who fitted that description. It was too ludicrous for words. That boy had suffered enough with what happened to his parents.
" And he hates me. Doesn't he? " he said aloud.
He washed his hands and waited. When the potion was ready he took a deep draught, feeling it burn the back of his throat all the way down to his stomach...
He cried out as he felt himself leave his body. All he could sense was light and colour until he came to a dead stop, face down.
He looked up. He was lying in a field of lush green grass that was liberally dotted with buttercups and poppies. Soft white clouds raced each other across the azure sky and the sun streamed down on him. If this is Hell, he thought, it has been wildly misreported.
" Severus!" A well-known voice hailed him and he stood up to see Remus Lupin walking towards him with a soft, sensual smile on his face. When Remus reached him, he embraced him warmly.
" What are you doing here? Where the hell am I? " asked Severus, bewildered.
" You're somewhere between here and there. " replied Remus cryptically.
" The potion has sent you here so you can find what you're looking for to stop you going insane. "
" And I found you. " said Severus, his voice cracking with gladness.
" No, you've found comfort. Severus, I can never belong to you. I was only ever Sirius's. And yet a tiny part of me will always love you. You saw Professor Trelawny today, didn't you? What did she tell you? "
Severus, growing more and more bewildered by the second told him what had transpired, and the conclusions he had drawn.
" It's not so ridiculous. " smiled Remus. " Trust me. Now you must promise me to start living again, instead of existing. "
" I can't. " said Severus flatly. " Not without you. "
" Look deep inside yourself, Severus. You might have loved me once, but you don't now. It was all to do with lust and pity. That isn't love, and you know it as well as I. "
It was insane but the words of the man who had haunted Severus's dreams for so long made perfect sense.
In that brief hearbeat, Severus let him go. Remus smiled, his amber-flecked eyes full of compassion.
" Now do you feel better? " asked Remus.
" I do. How strange. " said Severus, feeling slightly light-headed. His heart felt as if something had been ripped from it and it ached. But it was a healing ache felt after the most putrid of wounds has been drained of foul-smelling matter.
" Very good. " said Remus, smiling. He reached up and kissed Severus firmly on the mouth. Severus held him tight, feeling Remus's lips open under his as he slid his tongue forward, deepening the kiss, twining with Remus's in the cavern of his mouth, melting into the last kiss he would ever share with the man he had loved so deeply.
Then he felt it again, the sensation of flying, colours streaming out behind him as he returned to his body with a jolt. He opened his eyes to find himself gazing up at the concerned faces of Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey. He appeared to be in the hospital wing.
" What happened? " he asked.
" You had some kind of collapse, Severus. " said Dumbledore gravely. " If it hadn't been for Mr Longbottom..."
" Who? " asked Severus. His head was aching.
" Mr Longbottom has been very worried about you, or so he told me after we had got you here. He says you've not been yourself of late. Tell me, Severus, how long is it since you slept properly? "
" Not since Remus left. " replied Severus dully still trying to process the information about Neville Longbottom being worried about him. He had noticed Longbottom being, well, more obvious recently. He hardly seemed able to turn round without finding him there.
" Then you need to rest. Your classes will be covered. Don't worry. Oh and Severus? "
" Yes, Headmaster? "
" Come and talk to me next time. I can't have you falling apart like this all the time. "
" Yes, Headmaster. Will you, er, thank Longbottom for me? "
" He's waiting outside. " smiled Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling with secret amusement. " You can do it yourself. "
Severus found himself looking into a pair of pewter-grey eyes full of worry.
" Are you going to be all right, Professor? " asked Neville. The boy's voice trembled. Boy. He had just turned eighteen, if Severus's memory served him right. And there was a difference in him. No fear. Fear had been replaced by something else, something Severus couldn't quite place.
" It's nothing that a good week's sleep can't put right. " replied Severus. " I asked you here to thank you. "
" It was nothing. I have been worried about you; you seemed so lost after Professor Lupin left. And when I found you in a heap on the classroom floor I thought..." Neville turned away. It had possibly been the worst moment of his life to find Snape like that. He had thought the man was dead. He had cried at the thought Snape suffering so much pain and then wondered where that emotion had come from. Like the other strange feelings he was starting to have for this unusual man.
Severus grimaced at the mention of Remus's name but found it didn't hurt so much. Soon, he was convinced, it wouldn't hurt at all. He looked steadily into Neville's eyes. Not so ridiculous, said the small voice and this time Severus agreed.
" I'll be fine, honestly. " He reached out his hand and squeezed Neville's arm gently, his sore heart warmed by the sheer delight in the boy's eyes at the careless touch. He's a student. You're his teacher. The voice was back in stern mode. Oh shut up. I know it's not going to happen, at least not yet, but I can dream, can't I? howled Severus in the depths of his mind.
" Goodnight then, sir. " said Neville standing up to leave.
" Goodnight. " said Severus softly.