Shane huddled in the corner of his living room. He could hear Mitchie calling his name in the distance. Now usually Shane would run to his wife's smallest whim. But this, this was different.
Flashback to six months ago...
Mitchie opened the door of her house furiously, her husband and son following cautiously.
"Well that was quite a fashion show," Jared said loosening his tie.
"Jared, don't" Shane shushed his son.
Mitchie threw the designer purse at the couch and whipped of the scarf, "I can't believe that skank stole my designs,"
"Now Mitchie-," Shane tried to cut in.
"Shane, do you know how long I worked on those. The only change she made is that she put her ugly ass face on it. Who's going to want to walk around with her face all over their blouse. It's just not done." Mitchie ranted.
"Mitch,"
"Shane, I swear, I'm going to break her desinger knock off wearing neck," Mitchie continued.
Shane sighed, and grabbed his wife of seventeen years and covered her lips with his. He pulled apart only to have Mitchie reconnect them.
"I'm out," Jared said turning on a heel and sprinting out of the room.
"Hey Mitchie, Jared's off to bed. My brothers are gone. The pool house is empty," Shane wiggled his eyebrows.
Present Time...
Shane still sat in his hidden corner and began to chuckle. "Good times Shane, good times," he said to himself.
"SHANE!" Mitchie yelled out once again.
Flashback to four months ago...
Mitchie took a seat at the head of the table, Jared sitting to her left and Shane to her right. "Boys, I have an announcement," she said taking out a small box and pushing it to the center of the two men in her life. Jared looked at his father who seemed to be mortified.
The sixteen year old reached for the box. "What is it?" Jared said trying to open it.
"A pregnancy test," Shane said with a gulp. And with that Jared threw the box back.
"Mitchie, what are you trying to say?"
"I'm pregnant,"
Present Time...
"SHANE!"
"Dad...psst....dad," Jared whispered as he crawled into the room.
"Jared, Jared is that you?" Shane questioned crawling out from behind the couch.
"Dad! I was sure she had killed you," Jared said.
"How's your mom?" Shane asked.
"Depends. Before or after the mood swing? Because she's in the middle of one. She just tore through ten issues of People magazine and almost threw the laptop at the wall because Perez Hilton called her fat and said she using pregnancy as a cover. Why'd you have to knock up mom?"
"Because I have needs," Shane explained, "And I didn't knock her up,"
"SHANE, JARED, GET OVER HERE!"
"I don't know about you but for the next four months, I'm staying at Alex's. I saw mom eat a dill pickle with peanut butter and cream cheese yesterday and as Uncle Nate would say, yo that's illogical, I can't have it,"
"You're not going anywhere, and as for her eating. That's nothing, two days ago she used cookies and cream ice cream as dip with spicy Doritos,"
"Dad, that was you,"
"Oh...right,"
They Gray mansion engulfed in silence for only seconds, broken by the sounds of breaking ceramics and a cat.
"We don't have a cat, do we?" Shane asked.
"Oh, about that-,"
"Shane!"
Jared and Shane scrambled back into hiding places. Mitchie stormed into the living room, sobbing. She let her pregnant self drop onto the couch and began wailing, talking inbetween intakes of breath.
"I'm a horrible wife and mother," Shane guesed the inaudible words to be.
Jared nudged his dad hard in the gut. "Talk to her," Jared whispered.
"No way," Shane denied. "I wanna keep my head,"
The teen glared at his father. Shane sighed and began to approach his wife. "Honey," Shane called out hesitanlty. "Mitchie are you okay," He sat next to her and rubbed her belly soothingly until the sobbing had came to an absolute halt.
"Shane, do you hate me?" Mitchie asked placing her hands on stomach.
"Mitch, why would you think I would hate you." Shane questioned his pregnant wife's words.
"Because I'm acting like a bitch and I'm fat," Mitchie answered.
"You're not fat,"
"Liar, I'm a cow, no, I'm a freaking whale. I'm huge," Mitchie began to cry on her husband's shoulder.
"Mitchie, this is only for a few more months, then you'll be holding our child in your arms." Shane said.
Jared took a seat next to his mother and grabbed her hand. "Yeah Mom, listen to Dad. Wow, I never thought I would be saying that."
"Out," Shane pointed towards the door.
"Fine, be that way," Jared began to exit the living room when his mother called out his name. "Jared can you bring me some fried chicken, an orange and apple sauce? I have a craving for apple sauce dipped chicken,"
Jared looked at Shane with a disgusted look. Shane shrugged. Jared left the room and came back within minutes with his mother's reqiested food. Mitchie began to eat as If she hadn't had food in years. Once she was done she handed the left over to Jared who dispensed of them in the garbage.
Mitchie looked at Shane"Let's watch a movie," she asked him in a peppy tone of voice. Shane stared at his wife. He was amazed at how Mitchie went from all out bitch fit to hysterical sobbing to hungry beast to cheerleader happy.
"Just a few more months Shane," he thought to himself as he placed an arm around his wife. "Just a few more months.
Okay! So who thinks this sucks beyond suck? -raises hand- Gahh, I'm so frikken rusty on oneshots but I've had this one laying around for awhile so there you go.