YOU WERE HUMAN
By LadyKate (CathyYoung1@cs.com)
Disclaimer: Xena, Ares, Gabrielle, and the other characters in this story are the property of Renaissance Pictures, Studios USA, and MCA/Universal. No profit is being made from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.
This story takes place at the end of the Season 2 episode TEN LITTLE WARLORDS. Written as part of a challenge at the Shipper Heaven Board at the Talking Xena forum (http://pub130.ezboard.com/ftalkingxenafrm35). Thanks to Tango, Carly, Nittany Lioness, XenaAmber, Shipper Queen, Taleen, Enyo, and all my other Shipper Heaven pals for the inspiration. Thanks also to our one-time guest ccce71 for an idea I borrowed for this story.
I hold up the sword in my hand. It looks like an ordinary sword -- well, not quite, the ornate carvings on the hilt are amazing, it's probably the work of Hephaestus himself -- but it takes more than beautiful workmanship to impress me. Yet as I look at the faint gleam of the blade in the murky hall of Sisyphus' castle, I am riveted. It's the sword that holds the key to Ares' godhood.
He asked me before if I wanted it for myself. It was strange; he sounded almost as if, now that he was mortal, he wasn't sure he wanted it. I told him no.
But when I look at it now -- I think I can feel it, the power seeping into my hands, radiating through me ... "You'd make a magnificent Goddess of War ..."
A noise draws my attention. I turn and see that Ares is in trouble. Virgilius, the warlord Ares has stabbed before and left for dead, is back on his feet, charging at him. Unarmed, Ares is frozen in mortal terror for an instant. There's only thing to do.
"Ares, duck!"
The sword flies through the air, and then it's buried in Virgilius' chest. Ares gasps for breath.
"You saved me," he says. "I won't forget this."
But his hand is already on the hilt of his sword.
A small lump of sadness lodges somewhere in my chest and refuses to leave. Just a few instants ago when that sword was in my hands, and when I thought I could have the ultimate power, I knew that I could have forgotten ... a lot.
"Yes, you will," I say.
He raises the bloodied sword as I watch. A strange golden glow begins to radiate from its hilt upwards. It is reflected in his eyes, turning them cold and hard. The glow spreads, streaks of blue lightning snaking around the blade; I wonder if I should turn away -- I've heard stories of mortals being blinded or even burned to a crisp from watching a god in his full glory. And yet I can't tear my eyes away. That shabby shirt is gone now, replaced by the sleek leather vest; the scruffy hair and beard have turned smooth and jet-black again. A shadow of a smile touches his lips, but it's the cold cruel smile of the God of War.
He'll forget.
My eyes are aching; it must be the brightness of that glow. But it's already starting to fade. Now, it's just Ares, still holding up his sword, still smiling.
I hear Gabrielle's hushed voice. "He's ba-ack..."
Sisyphus, the defeated trickster, cowers in terror under Ares' glare.
"Give my regards to Hades," Ares sneers. Shrieking, Sisyphus disintegrates before our eyes, and then Ares turns to me. "I couldn't have done it without you, Xena. But as for mortality" -- he grins nastily -- "you can have it."
The sadness rises heavily to my throat. All I can say is, "It's your loss, Ares. For a while, you weren't just mortal -- you were human." I'm sure he has no idea what I mean.
I see that he's about to vanish. Then, Gabrielle speaks up. "Wait a minute! You promised that Xena would get her body back if she helped you."
"I did, didn't I?" And then he does vanish with a gleeful laugh.
"Wait!" Gabrielle cries out. "You can't betray her! Come back!"
Poor, naïve Gabrielle. Of course he can. He just did. A stricken Gabrielle looks at me.
"Oh, Xena..."
I look down at my body, the body of my worst enemy that Ares put me in as part of his twisted game. And then I realize that as bad as it is to be stuck in this body, it feels even worse, at least for the moment, to know that he betrayed me. What's that all about? Maybe being trapped in Callisto's body has really messed with my head...
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
There they are, walking along the beach on Sisyphus' island, about to get on the boat. That pesky little blonde, Danielle or whatever her name is, is still moaning about how wrong it is that I'm back on Olympus and Xena is still stuck in Callisto's body.
Hah. I'll put her back -- when I decide it's the right time. Truth is, I miss those baby blues as much as she does. But I'll keep her guessing ... maybe another couple of days. I have to show her who's god. Just in case she got any ideas, after the way I had to depend on her to bail me out. I still have a vivid memory of dangling upside down over a pit with sharp spikes sticking out of it, yelling, "Xenaaaaaa!" Yech. Gotta get the taste of that out of my mouth.
The thing is, I have other memories too. The way she was touching me when she was bandaging my wound ... how can her hands be so strong and so gentle at the same time? And then the way she looked at me ... there was definitely something there. I really wanted to kiss her then, and I think she would have let me ... if that accursed warlord hadn't burst into the room just then and then dropped dead with an axe in his back. Serves him right.
Oh well. Maybe it's for the best that I didn't kiss her then. I think I feel myself blushing (didn't even know gods could do that ...) when I remember the nonsense I was spouting just before that. "Once I regain my sword, maybe things will be .... different." Yeah, right. She knew better than to buy into that: "A kinder, gentler god of war? We both know that's not gonna happen." Smart girl. But I kept going: "You changed -- why not me? I think you might be surprised about the change you can inspire in a man -- or a god." That was when she gave me that look ... what a look.
The worst of it is, I meant it when I said it. I guess being mortal must have really messed with my head.
Or maybe it's not just mortality. It's her. I think I'm becoming a little obsessed with the girl. I mean, it was perfectly natural for me to get pissed off when my favorite warrior walked away, and to try to get her back. But somehow, it got a little more personal. I wanted her, of course, from the first moment I saw her in battle -- and even when she was still my protégée, she nearly drove me crazy with her will-I-won't-I cat-and-mouse games. I thought I'd get that out of my system if I had her ... what does it matter if it was Callisto's soul inside her? But no ... I want something else from her ... something more. What in Tartarus is it?
Maybe it wasn't so clever of me to tell her that I did it with Callisto in her body. She was --
Wait a minute. Am I actually worried that she was pissed off at me?
Get a grip, Ares. At this rate, pretty soon you'll be the laughingstock of all Olympus.
I look into the portal again. Blondie's carrying on about how if I don't keep my word and switch Xena back, she'll still be there for her no matter whose body she's in. Xena has a strange look in her eyes, like she's actually moved by this mush. Oh please.
Hmph ... suddenly, I don't want her to go on thinking that I lied to her.
All right, Xena. Here we go.
She stops and looks down at herself, runs her hands over her body, picks up a strand of dark hair. That's right, Xena. It's you.
Meanwhile, the blonde isn't even looking at her. She's yapping about how she'll be fine if she can get through the boat ride without killing that jerk who hangs around them pretending to be a warrior.
"Trust me, you'll be fine-- and so will I," Xena says.
Blondie gasps, turns around and looks.
"Xena, it's you, right -- not Callisto?"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's her. Xena's looking at her, beaming with the happiest smile I've ever seen on her face. Or anyone's face. Hey, maybe a little bit of that smile for me... I mean, now that she knows I didn't betray her...
All right, that does it. I've got to shut this thing down and tune in to the bloodiest battle I can find anywhere...
... in another minute or two.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
The boat is rocking gently, the sea around us a vast expanse of glittering blue and silver. Joxer's finally quieted down, and Gabrielle keeps looking at me, her face glowing -- she's so happy to have me back.
I'm happy too. Everything's back to normal ... including Gabrielle, and myself ... and Ares.
Suddenly, I realize that I'm going to miss Ares.
He wasn't exactly a good guy as a mortal. Self-centered ... swaggering ... cynical ... getting all indignant about having to endure the ills and perils of mortality, as if we didn't have to endure them our whole lives -- and put up with the gods and their little games to boot...
But still, he was ... what's that word I'm looking for?
Human.
I remember the look in his eyes when he said he wanted to change. You changed -- why not me? I think you might be surprised about the change you can inspire in a man -- or a god... I wish I could tell myself that it was just one of his clever tricks, that he really knew how to get to me. But the truth is -- I think he did believe it. Not that it matters now...
And then he looked like he wanted to kiss me. The scary thing is, I think I wanted him to.
I've always known I wanted him, of course. What woman wouldn't? We came really close, in the old days when I was a warrior in his service. The only reason we didn't go all the way is that I didn't want him to lose interest too soon. Eventually, we would have ... but then I walked away from my old life, from him, from everything he stands for.
I burn inside you. That's what he said to me once, less than a year ago, when he tried to frame me for killing those villagers so that I'd have no choice but to turn to him for help -- no choice but to go back to him. And he was right, in more ways than one. He is the lust for battle and power that will always be a part of me ... but there's another fever in my blood that burns for him as well. I still remember how he whisked me out of that filthy jail to some fortress of his, a fortress that may have been an illusion he created, and how he caressed my bare shoulders, making the heat spread to my chest, and lower. It makes me shiver. But I can deal with that. I know it's never going to happen. He's the God of War.
What scares me is that after these past days, I know there's more to him than the God of War. Somewhere under the hard shell of his godhood is a man, a human being capable of decency and compassion -- capable of being sickened by the sight of blood on his hands -- capable of wanting to change -- capable of love...
At that moment, I know that he's more dangerous to me now than he ever was. I can deal with knowing that I desire him. But to know that I could actually --
Don't even go there.
What a weapon that would hand him against me. I'll really have to be on my guard next time I see him ... which I know I will.
I shake my head and smile distractedly at Gabrielle.
I wonder if he's watching us right now...
Snap out of it.
It's over. That Ares is gone.
I know he's never coming back.
THE END