Thoughts VI: The Depths of Silence
By Sailor Onyx Pluto
As I lay here in my low-lit room, I let the silence wash over and envelope me with its dark embrace. I cannot see it, but the day has now turned to night and the house is quiet in the darkness as I let my thoughts flow freely in my mind. They whisper, speak, and scream of the past when Mistress Nine inhabited my body, and of what the future will one day bring if I continue to be Sailor Saturn. They seem to constantly speak of a coming apocalypse that will be brought on by my hand and by my hand alone, although I can see no reason as to why this will happen. All I can see is chaos, death, destruction, and then only silence as the world goes dark at a single touch from my glaive. A single touch from my own weapon is all it takes to bring about the destruction and then silence of a whole planet. It is not a power that should be bestowed on anyone for they would have to live with the cold, hard fact of knowing that they have reduced a world to nothing but a dry husk in space.
I almost chuckle to myself as I think about the people who now take care of me: Tenou Haruka, Kaioh Michiru, and Meioh Sestuna. Back when I had Mistress Nine as a part of me and I was revealed to the other Senshi as Sailor Saturn, the aforementioned women also tried to kill me to keep Saturn from fully awakening. They said that it was written in the stars that Sailor Saturn would destroy the Earth if she were allowed to regain control of her current human vessel, i.e. me. Obviously, that never happened, thanks to Tsukino Chibi-Usa and Tsukino Usagi, who were willing to believe in me as a friend and as a fellow soldier. It was because of Usagi that I was able to be reborn as a baby and the other Outer Senshi ended up raising me. I tell you though that existence as a child who has no idea who she was or who she will eventually be is extremely blissful, but that childhood bliss only lasts for so long.
As you can see, my train of thought jumps all over the place, but I like to think that way; it's chaotic. However, I do not thrive on chaos in all its forms, only the simpler forms of it in everyday life. It almost makes me wonder why one of my titles isn't the 'Solider of Chaos', but since Sailor Chaos already exists, I suppose it would be somewhat redundant when it comes to Senshi titles. Besides, mine's already long enough as it is: Soldier of Silence, Destruction, Ruin, and Birth. Quite a mouthful, don't you think?
Being Sailor Saturn is not an easy job, but I'd imagine it's not an easy job for anyone to be a Senshi, with having to keep that identity a secret from everyone except others of your kind. Unlike most of my fellow Senshi, I have to deal with the burden of not only my destructive past of annihilating the remainder of the Silver Millennium, but also my somewhat precognitive visions of a mysterious apocalypse that I will inadvertently cause, although I still have no idea why and Sailor Pluto won't give me any details. So typical of her, but given her status, I can't say too much against her about it.
My thoughts are abruptly interrupted as I hear the front door open and the voices of Haruka and Michiru make themselves known. I sigh and roll off my bed in order to go greet them since I know Michiru will start dinner in a few moments. As I open my door, I turn back to my room briefly and smile, as I'm glad I had a little time to bask in my chaotic thoughts in the depths of silence.