Britz-Hey y'all and welcome to this fic!, yes it is, your dreams come true, oh mi oh my, it's a collaboration on my and Gem's part, so my name is Britz and I'll be your writer for ths fan-fic, then Gem shall carry on and so forth, should I get on with it already, I think I should. (Oh BTW: After some recent reviews on my latest story can I just say this: "YES I'M A GUY ALRIGHT!!!")
Disclaimer-I don't own the Animorphs or K.A.A. and her kin, and as for Gem, well she belongs to her own lovely self. (now about that space on your page you mentioned Gem...)
Summery-Britz and Gem Stoned get all up in KAA's face about the end of the series, we'll work it out as we go along.
GEM 'N' BRITZ'S MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!
Gem-Britz, are you crying?
Britz-*sobbing* It's just, such a terrible title. *sob*
I choose to start the story now...
Somewhere, deep in the recesses of Fanfiction.net's members combinded psyche, existed a bar, where, after a long day of writing, reading or existing in fic's, characters and fic-writers alter-ego's alike came to unwind and sit back with their beverage of choice.
In this place, a guy sat, about early-to-mid late teens, shaggy brown hair and thin black wire-framed glasses,he was almost unnaturally lanky, in the words of Wheatus: your typical "Teenage Dirtbag" a four-colour pen was stuck in his mouth like a cigar and an empty bottle of Coke dangled at his fingertips, this person was none other than Britz in all his glory, he studied a conversation that was going on at another table with quite some interest.
"look all I'm saying," Marco was elabourating to Cassie, "Is that you OBVIOUSLY got off the easiest of us all." He then sculled another mouthfull of whisky, Marco didn't even like whisky but beer didn't seem forlorn enough for an occasion such as the end of their series.
"Easyiest? Who cares! You're part was BY FAR the best of us all." Cassie argued back, "Yours was like the most coolest and best and coolest, and all the, with the money and the...." Cassie voice than slurred into obscurity, that was understandable though, she had soon tired of Zima as an alcoholic beverage, then while misunderstanding what they were, she had gone for the Choclate Narcotics, an immensly powerful alcoholic drink, she had downed three and was working on her forth.
"I'd have to agree with Cassie there bud, you got all the money, the mansion, the cars and the chicks, she got to hike round the hillside with Ronnie the Jackass." Jake told Marco.
"..Don't..Call him th-that.." Cassie rose her from her alcoholic half-sleep to say to Jake.
"Of course it's obvious I got off the worst.." Continued Jake.
"Oh please, at least you aren't dead" Rachel told him, "I was worst off."
"Oh yeah I got off great!" Jake practically yelled, "Instead of death I get several years of extreme depression THEN death!"
"Pfft, you don't know for sure that you're dead, thats why it's called A CLIFFHANGER!, you're not even dead Jake!" Rachel argued back.
"Oh yeah!?" was Jake's reply, to which, in turn Rachel replied..
"Yeah!" Those two continued to squabble, but at that point Britz's concentration was broken by the bartender.
"You wanna another drink mate?" He asked Britz, gesturing to the empty bottle that Britz was grasphing.
"Yeah thanks, Coke, in a bottle, shaken, not stirred." Britz told him.
"Whatever you reckon." The bar tender shook up a bottle of Coke and handed to Britz, so shook up it was, that when Britz opened it up it fizzed up and spilled all over him.
"SHIT-FIRE!!" He yelled, the other patrons of the bar stared, "sorry, $#!/-FIRE" Britz rectified for them, and they went about their business.
That was when SHE walked across the bar, very mysterious, she was wearing a long over coat, a big hat and a bitchin' pair of shades, and down she sat, one seat away.
Britz cocked up one eyebrow in a quizzical look, then slid closer, Britz's brain was filled with bad pick-up lines, so he tried one out, "Hey baby," He said in his best, most coolest Russel Crowe voice "mind if I russle your crow?"
"Oh, my, God. It's bad pick-up line deju-vu." Gem muttered to herself, then to Britz "Britz, it's me, Gem."
"Oh sorry, hey." Britz said.
"Why are you stealing pick-up lines from my story?" Gem asked him.
"What no good?" Britz asked back, "cause I got many others."
"never-mind that now, do you remember why we're here?"
"Ummmm....No." Britz admitted, "it's still AM where I'm from, my minds shot to hell."
Gem sighed and rubbed her temples, "listen dearie think, collaboration, Animorphs, end of series, self-insertion, ring any bells?"
"Ahhh..." Britz concentrated.
"going after K.A.A?"
Britz finally got it and said "ahhh" with a more positive spin, "so what are we doing?"
Gem was quickly becoming exasperated with her latest partner in crime, "look dearie, keep quiet and follow my lead, how does that sound?"
Britz nodded his head in approval.
"We're gonna get on fine then," Gem told him.
CHAPTER TWO (of course there was never really a chapter one, but eh.)
Gem and Britz had found their way into one of the most terrifying places on Earth, where you ask? The 'Bate motel'? One of those war-torn Africa places that are always on the news? that prison from 'The Rock'? (very scary) no it was worse.
Suburbia. (well it terrifies me, one of my friends lives in Suburbia *shudders*)
*Gem and Britz crouch in some bushes across the street from where everyones favourite authoress lives, well it should be your favourite authoress if your reading this.*
Britz-God this place gives me the creeps.
Gem-What place?
Britz-*shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-Wha..? Why are we speaking in script form?
Britz-*shrugs* give us a break I'm missing 'The Footy Show' for this...Oh hang on, no I'm not, doesn't start for half an hour.
Gem-You're really starting to weird me out, yes even ME.
*teen guy walks down the street and spots Britz, hey it's my pal Tom*
Tom-Hey Britz, what'cha doing?
Britz-I'm stalking K. A. Applegate.
Tom-Cool *walks over to the bushes* oh you got a chick in there man? Coool. *makes several subtle movements with his eyes and eyebrows*
Britz-*makes several subtle eyebrow movements back at him*
Tom-*gives thumbs up, respectful* Alright, dude. *walks off*
Gem-What was all that about?
Britz-Oh well, provided the topic is women Australia men can have very in depth conversations just by looking at each other.
Gem-So what did you say to him?
Britz-Umm...Uhhh.....Well....What does it matter it made him go away didn't it?
Gem-Riiiiight, who was that anyway?
Britz-That was my man Tom, he lives around here in *shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-But...We're stalking KAA...Who lives in America...And you live in Australia....Well?
Britz-Well you see were in a place where the laws of logic no longer apply *shudders and 'Twilight Zone' music begins to play* Suburbia, it's all really just one dimensional plane, running almost parallel with our own dimension, but it breaks through into this world in many places. *music stops* Creepy huh?
Gem-Y'know, you're creepy dearie. Are we gonna do this or what?
Britz-Right behind you. *they begin to crawl on their bellies across the road to KAA's house*
Gem-Ow! This tar is hell on the stomach
Britz-Thats cause it's a Suburbia road, always looks freshly paved but it never gets worked on. *tinges of music begin to play again*
Gem-It is so vitally importaunt you shut up, NOW. *they get up and walk across the street and up to KAA's door.
Britz-Every lawn looks freshly mowed, every, single, one, doesn't that scare you?
Gem-*sighs and knocks on the front door*
*A guy about 15-16 answers, a profile quite similar to everyones favourite super-stressed teen leader: Jake! With a dash of K.A. Applegate's genetics through in.*
Gem-Woah freaky, *to Britz* Who's this guy?
Britz-This is that Jake guy that the books have at the start of them, y'know the dedication? I figure that's her son.
Gem-You figure it's her son?
Britz-Hey, I did my research, looked for all of ten minutes, okay maybe a little less, anyhow I couldn't find anything 'bout him soooo....I ad-libbed.
Jake-Riiiight, hello? Can I help you?
Gem-Yes, we're here to deliever pain and devastation.
Jake-You're teenagers, what's new? *rim shot*
Britz-Lemme explain, we're fan-fic writers, here to ruin some lives, devastate the lives of many people, cause massive body counts. All in the name of feedback.
Jake-*slams the door in their faces*
Gem-Well that was rude.
Britz-Indeed. *knocks on the door again*
Jake-*from other side of the door* Who is it?
Britz-Fan-fic writers, may we come in?
Jake-No.
Gem and Britz-Doh!
Britz-I'll deal with this, *trys to kick down door and just falls over*
Gem-Pfft, why not just use writer powers? *trys to focuse powers on the door, and strains at it but nothing happens* what the?
Britz-It seems our powers must be useless in this place *shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-Well I have an idea.
Britz-What is it? How are you gonna make him open up?
Gem-See you don't understand how the male mind works.
Britz-Ummm, I think I have some idea.
Gem-No no, you're an insider looking out, you can't see past the male ego. Listen here's my plan. *wispers in Britz's ear*
Britz-*smacks himself upside the head* Of course! It's so obvious!
Gem-Yes it's brilliant in it's simplicity huh? Alright get into position....*leans up close to the door and crys out in a very loud, very feminie voice:* Oh dear! Help me I'm naked and I have a pizza!!!
Jake-WHA..?!?! *there is thre sound of Jake running very fast, so fast in fact he slams into the door, but he picks himself up and opens the door* what kind of pizza?
Britz-*punches Jake on his chin and the both cry out: OW!*
Jake-*down on one knee, cupping his chin* Owww! My face!!
Britz-*clutching his right hand with a pained expression* Owww! My hand!!
Jake and Britz-*go to punch each other and both fists connects, with the other guys fist* OWWWW!!!!
Britz-Sorry ladies *kisses his knuckles and shakes his hand*
Gem-*grabs Jake and slams him against the wall, his feet dangle in the air*
Britz-Where's K.A.A?!
Jake-My mamma!
Britz-Don't get smart with me!
Gem-Actually he's right, she's his mother remember?
Britz-Oh. Right. *to Jake* Where is she?
Jake-I shall tell you nothing Australia pig dog! *spits in Britz's face*
Britz-Dude you spit on me! *wipes spit off his face, eerily calm* Gem would you bring our host over to the couch? *walks over to the TV.*
Gem-*shrugs, drags Jake over to the couch and sits him down roughly*
Britz-Could you hog tie him for me? *brings a bunch of rope out of his jacket and hands it to Gem, then takes a video tape out of jacket and starts turning on the TV*
Gem-Britz, what's this all about?
Britz-All we be revealed lass.
Gem-What ever, *starts tying up Jake*
Jake-*being tied* Y'know I once had a dream like this, maybe we could make it come true, for a start you could..*Gem graps him around the neck, cutting off his air*
Gem-Dearie, if you wish to live through the next few seconds it is vital that you don't finish that sentence. Understand? *Jake nods* good. *lets go of his neck and begins tying again.*
Britz-*has turned on the TV and gotten ready, stands by with remote* Hey Jake, you must be pretty proud of your mothers accomplishments huh?
Jake-Uhh, sure.
Britz-Yep, one of the most popular book series of it's time, inspiring fan fic writers all over the world, bought you a nice house in Suburbia.
Jake-*suspicious* Ooookay.
Britz-But are you proud of all her work?
Jake-Ummm, I guess so.
Britz-Reeeeeally?
Jake-Yeah.
Britz-I was being retorical actually, it adds affect.
Jake-Oh, sorry.
Britz-Anyhow, are you proud of, this? *presses button on the remote and the tapes starts playing*
TV-*showing Animorphs the TV show!!!* No place to run, noone to trust, noone to help you when you're lost it's only usssss.
Jake-AHHHHHH!!!! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!! I'LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT TO KNOW!!!!
Britz-*switchs the tape off*
Gem-Alright then where's KAA?
Jake-Down the hall two doors on the right.
Gem-Reeeeally? *nods at Britz, who turns it back on*
TV-Hi, my name is Jake and I used to....
Jake-AHHHHHHH!!!! Alright!!! The left!!! Two doors on the LEFT!!!
Gem-Thanks dearie, you've been most cooperative. *nods at Britz again and they walk off, Britz throws away the remote leaving Animorphs TV on*
Jake-No please!! I'm telling you the truth!!! TURN IT OFF!!! I'M BEGGING YOU TURN IT OFF!!!! UNTIE ME!!!! KILL ME!!! ANYTHING!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Gem-That was brutal.
Britz-Thank you.
*they walk down the hall and open the second door on the left.*
Gem and Britz-*gasp* Oh. My Gawwwd.
To be continued (Dun! Dun! DAA!)
Britz-And now with no idea what be her plans I hand the story over to Gem. arrivederci fan-fic fans and always remember: Write me a friggen review.
Disclaimer-I don't own the Animorphs or K.A.A. and her kin, and as for Gem, well she belongs to her own lovely self. (now about that space on your page you mentioned Gem...)
Summery-Britz and Gem Stoned get all up in KAA's face about the end of the series, we'll work it out as we go along.
GEM 'N' BRITZ'S MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!
Gem-Britz, are you crying?
Britz-*sobbing* It's just, such a terrible title. *sob*
I choose to start the story now...
Somewhere, deep in the recesses of Fanfiction.net's members combinded psyche, existed a bar, where, after a long day of writing, reading or existing in fic's, characters and fic-writers alter-ego's alike came to unwind and sit back with their beverage of choice.
In this place, a guy sat, about early-to-mid late teens, shaggy brown hair and thin black wire-framed glasses,he was almost unnaturally lanky, in the words of Wheatus: your typical "Teenage Dirtbag" a four-colour pen was stuck in his mouth like a cigar and an empty bottle of Coke dangled at his fingertips, this person was none other than Britz in all his glory, he studied a conversation that was going on at another table with quite some interest.
"look all I'm saying," Marco was elabourating to Cassie, "Is that you OBVIOUSLY got off the easiest of us all." He then sculled another mouthfull of whisky, Marco didn't even like whisky but beer didn't seem forlorn enough for an occasion such as the end of their series.
"Easyiest? Who cares! You're part was BY FAR the best of us all." Cassie argued back, "Yours was like the most coolest and best and coolest, and all the, with the money and the...." Cassie voice than slurred into obscurity, that was understandable though, she had soon tired of Zima as an alcoholic beverage, then while misunderstanding what they were, she had gone for the Choclate Narcotics, an immensly powerful alcoholic drink, she had downed three and was working on her forth.
"I'd have to agree with Cassie there bud, you got all the money, the mansion, the cars and the chicks, she got to hike round the hillside with Ronnie the Jackass." Jake told Marco.
"..Don't..Call him th-that.." Cassie rose her from her alcoholic half-sleep to say to Jake.
"Of course it's obvious I got off the worst.." Continued Jake.
"Oh please, at least you aren't dead" Rachel told him, "I was worst off."
"Oh yeah I got off great!" Jake practically yelled, "Instead of death I get several years of extreme depression THEN death!"
"Pfft, you don't know for sure that you're dead, thats why it's called A CLIFFHANGER!, you're not even dead Jake!" Rachel argued back.
"Oh yeah!?" was Jake's reply, to which, in turn Rachel replied..
"Yeah!" Those two continued to squabble, but at that point Britz's concentration was broken by the bartender.
"You wanna another drink mate?" He asked Britz, gesturing to the empty bottle that Britz was grasphing.
"Yeah thanks, Coke, in a bottle, shaken, not stirred." Britz told him.
"Whatever you reckon." The bar tender shook up a bottle of Coke and handed to Britz, so shook up it was, that when Britz opened it up it fizzed up and spilled all over him.
"SHIT-FIRE!!" He yelled, the other patrons of the bar stared, "sorry, $#!/-FIRE" Britz rectified for them, and they went about their business.
That was when SHE walked across the bar, very mysterious, she was wearing a long over coat, a big hat and a bitchin' pair of shades, and down she sat, one seat away.
Britz cocked up one eyebrow in a quizzical look, then slid closer, Britz's brain was filled with bad pick-up lines, so he tried one out, "Hey baby," He said in his best, most coolest Russel Crowe voice "mind if I russle your crow?"
"Oh, my, God. It's bad pick-up line deju-vu." Gem muttered to herself, then to Britz "Britz, it's me, Gem."
"Oh sorry, hey." Britz said.
"Why are you stealing pick-up lines from my story?" Gem asked him.
"What no good?" Britz asked back, "cause I got many others."
"never-mind that now, do you remember why we're here?"
"Ummmm....No." Britz admitted, "it's still AM where I'm from, my minds shot to hell."
Gem sighed and rubbed her temples, "listen dearie think, collaboration, Animorphs, end of series, self-insertion, ring any bells?"
"Ahhh..." Britz concentrated.
"going after K.A.A?"
Britz finally got it and said "ahhh" with a more positive spin, "so what are we doing?"
Gem was quickly becoming exasperated with her latest partner in crime, "look dearie, keep quiet and follow my lead, how does that sound?"
Britz nodded his head in approval.
"We're gonna get on fine then," Gem told him.
CHAPTER TWO (of course there was never really a chapter one, but eh.)
Gem and Britz had found their way into one of the most terrifying places on Earth, where you ask? The 'Bate motel'? One of those war-torn Africa places that are always on the news? that prison from 'The Rock'? (very scary) no it was worse.
Suburbia. (well it terrifies me, one of my friends lives in Suburbia *shudders*)
*Gem and Britz crouch in some bushes across the street from where everyones favourite authoress lives, well it should be your favourite authoress if your reading this.*
Britz-God this place gives me the creeps.
Gem-What place?
Britz-*shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-Wha..? Why are we speaking in script form?
Britz-*shrugs* give us a break I'm missing 'The Footy Show' for this...Oh hang on, no I'm not, doesn't start for half an hour.
Gem-You're really starting to weird me out, yes even ME.
*teen guy walks down the street and spots Britz, hey it's my pal Tom*
Tom-Hey Britz, what'cha doing?
Britz-I'm stalking K. A. Applegate.
Tom-Cool *walks over to the bushes* oh you got a chick in there man? Coool. *makes several subtle movements with his eyes and eyebrows*
Britz-*makes several subtle eyebrow movements back at him*
Tom-*gives thumbs up, respectful* Alright, dude. *walks off*
Gem-What was all that about?
Britz-Oh well, provided the topic is women Australia men can have very in depth conversations just by looking at each other.
Gem-So what did you say to him?
Britz-Umm...Uhhh.....Well....What does it matter it made him go away didn't it?
Gem-Riiiiight, who was that anyway?
Britz-That was my man Tom, he lives around here in *shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-But...We're stalking KAA...Who lives in America...And you live in Australia....Well?
Britz-Well you see were in a place where the laws of logic no longer apply *shudders and 'Twilight Zone' music begins to play* Suburbia, it's all really just one dimensional plane, running almost parallel with our own dimension, but it breaks through into this world in many places. *music stops* Creepy huh?
Gem-Y'know, you're creepy dearie. Are we gonna do this or what?
Britz-Right behind you. *they begin to crawl on their bellies across the road to KAA's house*
Gem-Ow! This tar is hell on the stomach
Britz-Thats cause it's a Suburbia road, always looks freshly paved but it never gets worked on. *tinges of music begin to play again*
Gem-It is so vitally importaunt you shut up, NOW. *they get up and walk across the street and up to KAA's door.
Britz-Every lawn looks freshly mowed, every, single, one, doesn't that scare you?
Gem-*sighs and knocks on the front door*
*A guy about 15-16 answers, a profile quite similar to everyones favourite super-stressed teen leader: Jake! With a dash of K.A. Applegate's genetics through in.*
Gem-Woah freaky, *to Britz* Who's this guy?
Britz-This is that Jake guy that the books have at the start of them, y'know the dedication? I figure that's her son.
Gem-You figure it's her son?
Britz-Hey, I did my research, looked for all of ten minutes, okay maybe a little less, anyhow I couldn't find anything 'bout him soooo....I ad-libbed.
Jake-Riiiight, hello? Can I help you?
Gem-Yes, we're here to deliever pain and devastation.
Jake-You're teenagers, what's new? *rim shot*
Britz-Lemme explain, we're fan-fic writers, here to ruin some lives, devastate the lives of many people, cause massive body counts. All in the name of feedback.
Jake-*slams the door in their faces*
Gem-Well that was rude.
Britz-Indeed. *knocks on the door again*
Jake-*from other side of the door* Who is it?
Britz-Fan-fic writers, may we come in?
Jake-No.
Gem and Britz-Doh!
Britz-I'll deal with this, *trys to kick down door and just falls over*
Gem-Pfft, why not just use writer powers? *trys to focuse powers on the door, and strains at it but nothing happens* what the?
Britz-It seems our powers must be useless in this place *shudders* Suburbia.
Gem-Well I have an idea.
Britz-What is it? How are you gonna make him open up?
Gem-See you don't understand how the male mind works.
Britz-Ummm, I think I have some idea.
Gem-No no, you're an insider looking out, you can't see past the male ego. Listen here's my plan. *wispers in Britz's ear*
Britz-*smacks himself upside the head* Of course! It's so obvious!
Gem-Yes it's brilliant in it's simplicity huh? Alright get into position....*leans up close to the door and crys out in a very loud, very feminie voice:* Oh dear! Help me I'm naked and I have a pizza!!!
Jake-WHA..?!?! *there is thre sound of Jake running very fast, so fast in fact he slams into the door, but he picks himself up and opens the door* what kind of pizza?
Britz-*punches Jake on his chin and the both cry out: OW!*
Jake-*down on one knee, cupping his chin* Owww! My face!!
Britz-*clutching his right hand with a pained expression* Owww! My hand!!
Jake and Britz-*go to punch each other and both fists connects, with the other guys fist* OWWWW!!!!
Britz-Sorry ladies *kisses his knuckles and shakes his hand*
Gem-*grabs Jake and slams him against the wall, his feet dangle in the air*
Britz-Where's K.A.A?!
Jake-My mamma!
Britz-Don't get smart with me!
Gem-Actually he's right, she's his mother remember?
Britz-Oh. Right. *to Jake* Where is she?
Jake-I shall tell you nothing Australia pig dog! *spits in Britz's face*
Britz-Dude you spit on me! *wipes spit off his face, eerily calm* Gem would you bring our host over to the couch? *walks over to the TV.*
Gem-*shrugs, drags Jake over to the couch and sits him down roughly*
Britz-Could you hog tie him for me? *brings a bunch of rope out of his jacket and hands it to Gem, then takes a video tape out of jacket and starts turning on the TV*
Gem-Britz, what's this all about?
Britz-All we be revealed lass.
Gem-What ever, *starts tying up Jake*
Jake-*being tied* Y'know I once had a dream like this, maybe we could make it come true, for a start you could..*Gem graps him around the neck, cutting off his air*
Gem-Dearie, if you wish to live through the next few seconds it is vital that you don't finish that sentence. Understand? *Jake nods* good. *lets go of his neck and begins tying again.*
Britz-*has turned on the TV and gotten ready, stands by with remote* Hey Jake, you must be pretty proud of your mothers accomplishments huh?
Jake-Uhh, sure.
Britz-Yep, one of the most popular book series of it's time, inspiring fan fic writers all over the world, bought you a nice house in Suburbia.
Jake-*suspicious* Ooookay.
Britz-But are you proud of all her work?
Jake-Ummm, I guess so.
Britz-Reeeeeally?
Jake-Yeah.
Britz-I was being retorical actually, it adds affect.
Jake-Oh, sorry.
Britz-Anyhow, are you proud of, this? *presses button on the remote and the tapes starts playing*
TV-*showing Animorphs the TV show!!!* No place to run, noone to trust, noone to help you when you're lost it's only usssss.
Jake-AHHHHHH!!!! TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!! I'LL TELL YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT TO KNOW!!!!
Britz-*switchs the tape off*
Gem-Alright then where's KAA?
Jake-Down the hall two doors on the right.
Gem-Reeeeally? *nods at Britz, who turns it back on*
TV-Hi, my name is Jake and I used to....
Jake-AHHHHHHH!!!! Alright!!! The left!!! Two doors on the LEFT!!!
Gem-Thanks dearie, you've been most cooperative. *nods at Britz again and they walk off, Britz throws away the remote leaving Animorphs TV on*
Jake-No please!! I'm telling you the truth!!! TURN IT OFF!!! I'M BEGGING YOU TURN IT OFF!!!! UNTIE ME!!!! KILL ME!!! ANYTHING!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Gem-That was brutal.
Britz-Thank you.
*they walk down the hall and open the second door on the left.*
Gem and Britz-*gasp* Oh. My Gawwwd.
To be continued (Dun! Dun! DAA!)
Britz-And now with no idea what be her plans I hand the story over to Gem. arrivederci fan-fic fans and always remember: Write me a friggen review.