A/N: As usual, I'm happy with the beginning, but it kind of loses me at the end. But, hey, this is a exclusive (alongside Apostrophe (')).
FASTER THEN THE SPEED OF NIGHT
Parody of the second chapter of my little pony clopfics by warriorcats223
Written by That Gamer!
Magspeed belongs to Prince Magspeed
brought to you in part by the BET SOME HEAD, dept.
You can tell it was a pretty off day when Nightmare Moon decided to teleport Applejack and Vinyl Scratch to her room. You can tell it was an even off-er day when Nightmare Moon decided to turn Vinyl into a stallion, something even she didn't know she could do. It was an even worse day when Nightmare Moon decided to use MAGICK to make Applejack and Vinyl screw each other. But it was the absolute worst when she did all three.
"This is, like, the fifth time in three days!" Vinyl shouted at Nightmare Moon, trying to be heard over Applejack's involuntary moaning. "What the Hell?!"
"We can get bored, can't we?" Nightmare Moon asked back.
"So, in a technical sense, you're doing this for no reason," Vinyl stated.
"...Well, yes, to be honest," Nightmare Moon admitted.
"We doth expect this kind of thing from-eth Naughty Naughty Luna or Molestia," Luna sighed from the doorway, "but you? We doth mean really."
"Hey, you shut up!" Nightmare Moon barked.
"Sorry," Luna said, shrugging somehow.
"What the buck are you doing, anyways?"
"Trying to figure out how to cut-eth The LunaverseMOV appropriately," Luna replied. "Thou see-eth, it is not that easy to edit something this flank numbingly annoying... Eth."
"Well then why the buck are you here?" Nightmare Moon demanded.
"We heard-eth Applejack moaning," Luna answered.
Nightmare Moon would've had some kind of snappy comeback to that, but that fact was oddly true. In fact, Vinyl has stopped pistioning (all that hard) about the time Luna came in and AJ was still going.
"Sadly, like-eth her, there be-eth only one thing to it," Luna remarked. "Anyways, we be-eth off now."
So Nightmare Moon watched Luna trot off, eventually turning her attention back to Vinyl and Applejack.
"Orgasm, damn it!" Nightmare Moon exclaimed. A few minutes later, nothing happened. "...For the love of Faust! I could-" But at that moment, she spotted somepony out the window, an Earth pony to be specific.
Overwhelmed by sheer horniness and after telling her two prisoners that they wouldn't leave until Applejack came, the nightmare entity immediately warped down to where the pony I mentioned above was. However, Nightmare Moon realized then that whoever this pony was, he probably wouldn't like being hit on by her. Sure, it could be Discord or Sombra, but still. So she came up with a plan...
"Hello, I'm Nightmare Rarity, though you can call me Moon," Nightmare Moon said in a flirting voice, having changed her appeance somewhat.
"Oh... Hey," the purple Earth pony said back, looking away from whatever it was he was doing. "I'm Magspeed. What do you want?"
"Magspeed?" Nightmare Moon repeated. "What kind of a dumb name is Magspeed?"
"First of all, Dumb Name was my grandmother," Magspeed told NИM. "Second, I was named after my father Magick Powers and my mother Fast Speed."
"Those are really your parent's names?" Nightmare Moon asked, confused. "Man, I feel sorry for you, like... Almost full on pity, 'cause, if your father's a unicorn and your mother's a pegasus, those really are some pretty generic names."
"Well, one of my cousin's named Generic Name..." Magspeed muttered. "A-a-anyways, what do you want?"
"Oh, yeah, right!... Um..." Nightmare Moon took a moment to think about how to phrase what she wanted to say.
"Um, could you please hurry up?" Magspeed inquired. "I got a Gary Stu test and I want to be late for it."
"Right... Um... I hope this doesn't sound awkward..." Nightmare Moon began.
"Yes?"
NИM took a deep breath and suddenly became all shy. "I'm horny as f**k right now, how is you sex life?"
Despite not having any water in his mouth, Magspeed still managed a spittake. "THE BUCK!" he shouted. "YOU DON'T JUST WALK UP TO SOMEPONY AND TELL THEM YOUR HORNY!"
"You don't have awkward transitions," Nightmare Moo argued. "Speaking of which..."
Back In Luna's Room
"...I told her it's wrong, she still went strong, bucking that wood..." Vinyl sang to herself, still going in 'n out.
Applejack wasn't even close.
Outside Luna's Room
"OK, so that's kinda bad," Magspeed said.
"Badly childish," Nightmare Moon added.
"But that's still no excuse!" Magspeed continued. "You can't buck me! No way, no bucking how!"
"That's fine with me," Nightmare Moon said with a shrug. "I like rape better anyways."
"...Rape?"
Surely enough, Nightmare Moon quickly used her MAGICK to stop Magspeed from running away, though he still tried to (in midair). She put him on the ground on his back and used MAGICK to hold up his d!ck like a string was tied around it (and it hurt just as much).
"Man, I can see why you have to get that Gary Stu test," Nightmare Moon commented. "I mean, jeez, my horn is shorter then this."
"I can't say I'm not proud, can I?" Magspeed asked, chuckling nervously.
Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes and lowered herself onto Magspeed, bouncing up and down on his stupidly big member like a cricket on a rabbit eating Mexican jumping beans on a kangaroo on a bouncy ball on a pogo stick on a trampoline in a bounce house covered in whatever that gel is from Portal 2. Now Magspeed made no attempt to move, except for trying to move deeper into the villainess (I had someone try it, you can't thrust without moving your back up).
About two minutes later, Nightmare Moon moaned as Magspeed got up to about ½ its full length and hit her schweet spot and shouted those two classic words: "I came!". Nightmare Moon said it, too.
"Expected a lot more from yah, boy," Nightmare Moon said, getting off of her victim. "Not bad, though. Might recommend you to Molestia or somepony, I dunno..."
Magspeed, on the other hand, was recovering very slowly and glared at Nightmare Moon.
"NO! I can't believe I even liked that!" Magspeed yelled.
"'Cause as a possible Gary Stu, you have high sexual standards," Nightmare Moon muttered. "You can go now, I guess, Magfest. You got down with the nightmare sickness. I'm done with you."
Magspeed took that graciously, living up to the latter half of his name.
"And this is why you need to learn to do oral and anal," Naughty Naughty Luna told Nightmare Moon. "It lasts longer that way."
"Shut up. I hate getting that $#!t in my throat. And I was horny."
"I am too... Wanna buck?"
"NO!"
...
A few days later, Magspeed was at his humble abode, feeling bad about himself because the paper in front of him clearly stated he was, in fact, a Gary Stu. He didn't have the horn or wings, but the assessment was judged solely on his backstory and the size of his Kielbasa sausage.
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in," grunted Magspeed.
The door slowly opened and in came Nightmare Moon, who still looked a lot more like Nightmare Rarity.
"And you found me, how?"
"I am related to royalty," Nightmare Moon told the purple pony.
"I am, too!" Magspeed shouted before remembering that was another reason why he was categorized as a Gary Stu. "Oh..." His ears flopped down because of his sudden remembering of that. "S-s-so why did you find me?"
"Because Celestia wanted me to apologize," Nightmare Moon sighed. "Then Luna got in on it and then Nyx, too, and Twilight goes along with whatever she does because of contracts and stuff a-and then that got all her friends and since Rainbow Dash is one of her friends, Derpy jumped on the bandwagon and she convinced Gamer Luna to join and Molestia did shortly afterward because she's trying to prove she still has relevance in her damn own ask blog, though I personally think it's too late, and Naughty Naughty Luna does whatever Molestia does because their buck buddies or whatever and then it was Tyrant Celestia and them Sombra did something-"
"You're point?" Magspeed interrupted.
"My point is I'm sorry for raping you," Nightmare Moon said. "Even though I'm a villain and I shouldn't have to do apologize, the 'Nightmare Moon = heroes' group also interfered and... Ugh... Look, I'm sorry."
"Urgh... Why not, I'll accept that," Magspeed said, sighing.
Nightmare Moon, too, sighed, though because she got it over with. To be honest with herself, she sort of enjoyed it, but, then again, she's had better OC's... Not any that she could think of right off the top of her head, but still. And she would have gone for more, but Celestia was already on her flank about the whole rape thing, so she decided not to.
...
Nightmare Moon and Magspeed started hanging out after that, about thrice a week, scaled back to twice because of Gary Stu detox meetings held on Tuesday. The entire time, Magspeed insisted on calling Nightmare Moon "Nira", both because it was a combination of "Nightmare Rartity" and it was almost as dumb a name as "Magspeed". They weren't necessarily "good" friends, but they liked each other enough that they didn't want to kill themselves in the others very mere presence.
...
Nightmare Moon and Magspeed were going for a walk a while later, gathering strange looks from background and secondary ponies, probably because Magspeed's c0ck was touching the surface of the Earth... And it was limp.
"I got a memo the other day," Nightmare Moon said, giving threatening looks at the ponies watching.
"That's nice, Nira..." Magspped muttered. "What did it say?"
"Oh, well, it said I'm supposed to say that I want to be your marefriend or whatever," Nightmare Moon told him. "I wrote back to the person who sent me it, saying I don't like you that much, but he said something about a bet and I just don't know."
"Funny, I was just going to ask if you wanted to be my marefriend," Magspeed said. "So I guess I can take that as a no, or...?"
"Well, I can tell you that I'm having your foal," Nightmare said casually.
"...Say whut?"
...
Nightmare Moon looked down at the little colt. He was 2 months old. He had a black mane, a purple body, deep blue eyes and was already seven inches. His name was Lightic.
"He's beautiful," Magspeed whispered from Nightmare Moon, tears in his eyes.
"Sure... Just remember, when your finish Gary Stu detox, he's not my problem," Nightmare Moon reminded Magspeed.
"Actually, he's your problem because it's your fault you got yourself pregnant by raping him," Celestia reminded Nightmare Moon.
"But we already have enough OC's as it is in this place!" Nightmare Moon argued.
"Well you should have thought of that beforehand," Celestia stated, going off.
"...DAMN IT!"
...
"...AHH! AH! AaAaAaAaAaAaHhHhHhHhHh!"
"Oh, thank Faust, you finally orgasmed," Vinyl sighed. "I've done so, like, 87 times..."
"I've done so once," Nyx told Vinyl.
"Wait, if you're there, then where's... AAAA-"
A/N: Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep Magspeed in my fanfiction continuity. I mean, I already have two other OC's related to royalty and I plan on having two more later. But 'tis the way it goes. Bonum nocte et fortuna... By the way, just guess why I chose the pun I chose to be the title.