I know I haven't written in a while, and for that I am deeply sorry. (Really, I missed it so much.) To be honest this isn't really new, I've had it written up for ages and just sitting on the back burner. I was really into the idea of putting it up for the holidays (posting it in August just wouldn't feel right).

I love James Potter, but sadly I cannot claim ownership. Instead, this totally awesome lady named J.K. Rowling created him.

She'd really thought this would be easier. Certainly, if she'd realized how difficult it'd be just to buy James Potter a Christmas present, she wouldn't have put it off until now, when the option of sending for that mail-order Quidditch strategy kit was off the table. Lily glanced at her watch and cursed under her breath. An hour to curfew, and she was still empty-handed. Worst of all, she'd promised James she'd meet him for a drink in fifteen minutes before heading back up to the castle so this would have to be her last stop. Lily extracted a weathered piece of parchment from her pocket, and began to run through her options for the umpteenth time that day:

James' Christmas Present: Possibilities

1. Tickets to the next Magpies match (bit out of my price range, Sirius will probably go for it)

2. Hangover Potion (I'd need to butter up Sluggy if I want to get my hands on the ingredients, but then he might coerce me into going to this year's Christmas party after all)

3. A bag of Zonko's merchandise (After last Tuesday, I think he has enough dungbombs!)

4. A nice snog (Good Godric, I'm going to kill Marlene)

5. those Self-Warming Socks from Gladrags (Thanks for mentioning that they're pink, Hestia)

6. A subscription to Playwitch (How is it that Sirius manages to get into all of my things? He's going to need to get his act together, especially after I went to all that trouble getting him that bloody motorbike license.)

7. that box of Honeydukes chocolate I bought last week (The truffles are really good, and besides, he never shares his with me, does he?)

8. book on complex Transfiguration theory (As if James Potter wants books for Christmas…)

9. Quidditch strategy kit (It's too late, idiot!)

10. a new quill (bit boring, but he is always borrowing mine during Arithmancy)

Lily pulled open the door to Scrivenshaft's with a mittened hand and ducked in quickly, relieved to escape the cold.

"Hello there, Miss! How can I assist you today? We just got a lovely shipment of scented stationery and fast-drying ink," said the smiling young saleswitch from behind the counter.

"Oh –erm, I'm just looking for a Christmas present for someone. I was thinking a new quill -?"

"Ah, of course! That's our specialty. Why don't you come here and have a look," said the saleswitch kindly. She walked towards a glass display case in the center of the shop, unlocking it with a small brass key and pulling out several trays of brand new quills.

"Do you know what you're looking for, dear?" the saleswitch asked encouragingly, obviously aware of Lily's bewilderment at the number of options. Lily shook her head.

"If you could point me in the right direction -?" asked Lily, offering her an apologetic smile.

"Of course, of course! Well, first of all might I know whether you're purchasing a witch or a wizard?"

"Wizard," said Lily, wincing at the dazzling grin that immediately spread across the saleswitch's face.

"Ah," she said knowingly. "Is this…a young man?"

"Yes," replied Lily, avoiding her ecstatic gaze.

The saleswitch picked up a sleek black quill. "Hm, well I'd say your boyfriend would very much like this eagle feather quill. Distinguished, polished, very –"

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend!" exclaimed Lily. "We're just friends."

"Friends? Well, a peacock-feathered number like this is always good job of saying, 'I like where we are, but I'd like to be more!'" said the saleswitch, gesturing towards a large, colorful quill. "It's especially good for the extravagant type, you know."

"Er, I don't want to be more. We're just friends, and I'd like things to stay that way," said Lily uncomfortably.

"Oh!" said the saleswitch, as though this were very strange, indeed. "Well, a pheasant feather quill is always good for someone you don't know all that well," she said unenthusiastically, pointing out a striped brown quill. "It's practical, very durable. Not very interesting, but –"

"How about a 'very good friend'?" interrupted Lily, a bit annoyed.

"I suppose you could always go for the macaw feather. They're colorful, rare enough, that's what you're looking for, right?" The saleswitch sighed, pointing out a garishly bright feather.

"Er, do you have anything more subdued?" Lily asked tentatively. The saleswitch ran through at least twenty different quills, making Lily more anxious by the moment. None of them seemed right!

"Seagull feather, then? Not my favorite, personally –bit dull, aren't they?-but the quill holds ink well and the feather repels it quite nicely."

"What else have you got?"

"I hate to tell you this, miss, but it's past closing time. Why don't you come back when you're feeling more decisive?" She offered Lily a forced smile.

"Oh, erm, can you just let me look for a few more minutes? I really need to get this gift this weekend, it's for Christmas –" Lily blustered.

"I understand your rush, but I was supposed to close up shop ten minutes ago! Come back tomorrow," said the saleswitch.

"I can't come back tomorrow, I'm a student!" cried Lily urgently as the saleswitch began pushing her towards the door.

"I'm very sorry about that. I suppose you'll just have to go somewhere else!" she said, closing the door. Lily pulled frantically at the handle.

"You don't understand, I really, really need this gift! It's really important!"

"Then perhaps you ought to have started shopping earlier!" she called.

Lily sighed, before making her way towards The Three Broomsticks. As soon as she swung open the door, she heard him call out to her.

"Lily! Oi, over here, Lily!" James had stood up by a booth near the far left side and was waving eagerly to her. Thinking about the present she hadn't bought, Lily walked towards him, forcing herself to smile casually at him. James pulled out her chair for her and she grinned gratefully at him before taking a seat. He whistled for Madam Rosmerta.

"What'll it be, dearies?" she asked, smiling widely at James. He gestured at Lily to go first.

"I'll have a Butterbeer, please," said Lily.

"Firewhiskey for me," said James. Lily punched him in the shoulder. "What, Lily?" He rolled his eyes and looked back at Rosmerta. "Just Butterbeer, then. This one's a bit of a stick in the mud," he whispered conspiratorially.

"Two Butterbeers coming up," said Rosmerta, winking at James flirtatiously. Lily frowned, more so when James ruffled his hair before turning to her.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately.

"Wha –nothing, nothing's wrong," Lily said quickly, realizing she had been scowling. He raised an eyebrow. "Nothing's wrong!"

"Fine, fine, if you say so," said James, putting his hands up in mock surrender. "No need to get testy."

"I'm not testy!" Lily folded her arms across her chest. James smirked at her knowingly.

"Want to tell me why you're upset?"

"No!"

"That's fine. I had a lovely afternoon by the way, thanks for asking."

"I –what's in the bag?" Lily asked, curious. She'd only just noticed the large silvery bag filled with purple tissue paper beside him.

"Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, in that bag, Lily, is your Christmas surprise," said James, grinning widely. Lily's heart sank in guilt.

"Honestly, James, back to the rhyming?" Lily demanded.

"Not my fault it bothers you so much –if it didn't, I might actually feel inclined to stop," said James.

"Fine," said Lily, rolling her eyes. "What is it?"

"Wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, would it? Besides, you're not being particularly generous with your words today, so why should I?" he shot back. Lily considered hexing him then and there just for being so right.

"Very well. How was your day, then? Did you have fun with the boys?"

"Loads. We went to Zonko's, the Shrieking Shack –"

"Oh for Merlin's sake, James, you know I hate it when you four go in there," said Lily disapprovingly.

"You know it's perfectly safe, Lily, come on! We just go in for a bit of a laugh," said James.

"I can't imagine that revisiting the place where he spends his most painful moments is 'a bit of a laugh' for Remus," said Lily pointedly. James' smile faded.

"He's never said anything about it!"

"Would you tell the three people willing to accept you for who you are, in a world where your entire kind is shunned, that you're not up to something that makes them happy?"

"Oh," said James quietly, looking stricken. "I didn't even think –" Lily shook her head.

"It's alright. I'm sure Remus knows you don't mean anything by it. Just –"

"Merlin, we're never going there on Hogsmeade trips again. I'm telling Padfoot we've got to cut it out –" muttered James, evidently disturbed. Lily put her hand over his.

"You really are a good person, James," she said. He laughed hollowly.

"Apparently, not good enough," he muttered, looking away.

"What do you mean –"

"Here are your Butterbeers!" Madam Rosmerta had arrived. She set down their drinks cheerfully. Lily reached into her pocket, but she'd already left. James smiled guiltily at her.

"Why aren't we paying for our drinks, James?" she asked suspiciously.

"Er, I may have paid before you got here so you wouldn't be pulling any of the 'I should pay for my own drink' nonsense."

"James, how many times have I told you that I don't want you paying for my drinks?"

"A gentleman always pays," said James.

"We're not on a date," said Lily, exasperated. "You don't have to be a gentleman." James frowned slightly.

"Fine. I won't in the future. Now can you just enjoy your drink?" Lily grimaced but took a small sip.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"I forget the question," James said stiffly.

"What do you mean, 'not good enough'?" repeated Lily, slightly irritated at his attempt to avoid answering.

"I could be better. A better student, a better Head, a better man."

"Better. Since when has James Potter been all about self-improvement?"

"Since he realized it was the only way to get what he wanted," he said simply.

"Bit greedy, don't you think, considering you already have everything you want? Not to mention that some of the things you have, other people have only dreamed of," remarked Lily.

"Yeah, well there's still one more thing…I'm holding out for perfection," he said with a grin, though his searching gaze made Lily uncomfortable.

"What's that?" she asked quietly, her heart thudding in her chest. He smiled sadly.

"I think you already know," said James, hazel eyes boring into her own. Lily felt rather dizzy at the implication. Thoughts racing, she stood up.

"Lily, I-"

"I've just thought of something I have to do. I'll see you back at the castle." James got up.

"I'll come with you."

"No, no, you stay here. Just stay here, alright?" The desperation she was feeling must have crept into her voice, because James sank back down, sighing heavily.

"I'll see you later, James." He nodded, but said nothing. Lily all but ran out the door, dashing up the path and sprinting all the way up the steps of the castle. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath before making her way to Gryffindor tower as quickly as she could, and throwing herself into her old bed. Lily lay face down on the pillow for quite some time before she heard a voice.

"I take it the gift-shopping didn't go too well?" asked Marlene lightly.

"It certainly did not," Lily mumbled into her pillow. Her bed sank a bit, Marlene had sat down beside her.

"Poor dear, tell Marly everything," she said soothingly, rubbing Lily's back.

"I-I didn't get him anything –none of the stores had anything decent –Dervish and Bangs was closed, can you even imagine that? -and the woman at Scrivenshaft's was bloody irritating, trying to play matchmaker or something, and then I went to meet James and he's already gotten me something and then he had to go and tell me -" Lily stopped.

"Tell you what?" Marlene asked. Lily said nothing. "Tell you what, Lily?" Marlene repeated, eyes narrowing.

"I think he might still fancy me," moaned Lily, grabbing at her hair. Marlene's eyes widened. "Why in Merlin's name does he have to go and ruin everything? We're perfectly fine the way we are, and he just can't be satisfied until I-"

"Either admit you feel the same or stop leading him on?" offered Marlene.

"Wha-no! I –I don't feel the same way, and I'm certainly not leading him on!" cried Lily indignantly.

"No? Then why'd you even agree to go to the Three Broomsticks with him?" accused Marlene.

"That was strictly as friends, Marly, you know that. What, just because he's a bloke I can't have a drink with him without it being a big deal? That's ridiculous."

"What's also ridiculous is that you let him give you a foot massage the other day –"

"Oh for the love of Merlin, would everyone stop going on about that? It's enough having to listen to James prattle on about payback without everyone mentioning it to me every few minutes!"

"It was a little more than friendly," insisted Marlene.

"He offered," said Lily, blushing. "Alright, fine, I admit I may have let that go too far, but it was only because I wanted a massage. I should have thought that through a bit more. Aside from that, though, I've been perfectly clear where we stand –"

"What about when James got that Bludger to the head last month?" Marlene interjected.

"What about it?" Lily asked innocently.

"You literally spent every spare moment you had in the Hospital Wing until he recovered," Marlene said pointedly.

"I was worried, and rightfully so. Besides, it's not like I was there any more than Sirius or Remus."

"Perhaps, but your name was the only one he could remember when he first woke up, bar his own." Lily turned a bright red.

"We'd had an argument beforehand, his subconscious must have simply remembered it due to the trauma."

"Well, you simply have an answer for everything, don't you, Lily?" cried Marlene, rising from the bed.

"I'm just saying that I haven't done anything to make him think I wanted more than what we have now," said Lily defensively.

"Alright Lily, alright," snapped Marlene, clearly irritated. "But do you, or do you not, fancy James Potter?" Lily froze. Marlene's steely gaze didn't falter for a moment.

"I –I –"

"Well maybe once you can answer me without hesitating, I'll believe you. Until then, I suggest you take a good, hard look at yourself and find the truth. " Marlene grabbed her copy of Witch Weekly off the nightstand and stalked out of the room, the door slamming shut behind her.

"Amor ordinem nescit," whispered Lily quietly to the framed portrait of Cecily von Bleicken the Third, a girl around her age who, bedecked in a bright orange gown, giggled and waved uncontrollably from her frame whenever it was James who said the password. Lily knew it was absurd, but part of her hated Cecily, especially when, every now and then, James winked back at her. All Cecily ever sent Lily's way were vicious glares. The portrait swung open, but not before Cecily could stick her tongue out at Lily. The Head Girl was far too busy making sure she was alone, however, to notice.

Lily gave the Head's common room a brief scan before sighing in relief. James wasn't there. The last thing she needed was to run into him now. She moved quickly and quietly towards her bedroom when a groggy voice interrupted her.

"Lily?" She froze. It was James. He had evidently fallen asleep on the couch. His dark hair was even more of a mess than usual and he blinked blearily, hand clumsily grabbing at the coffee table for his glasses.

"Don't worry about it James –go back to sleep. That's what I'm doing. See you tomorrow!" she rushed out hurriedly, turning back towards her door.

"No –Lily, wait! I need to talk to you, that's why I waited up –" Lily darted into her room and closed her door quickly, leaning against it for support and sighing in relief.

She heard James let out a deep breath, before trudging to his own door and slamming it shut. She could almost imagine him grasping his hair in confusion and frustration, and her heart twinged guiltily. What kind of Gryffindor was she, hiding in her room like this? In my defense, Lily thought darkly, I doubt Godric Gryffindor was ever in this particular situation.

You'll have to face him eventually, Lily. Might as well be sooner than later, and the truth –whatever it may be –has to come out.

Lily pulled out her chair and sat down at her desk. She had a lot of work to do.

Hope you enjoyed that! Next (and final) chapter coming very soon.

Stay magical (and merry),

Leenie

P.S. Yes, I will be updating Completely and Utterly soon. VERY VERY SOON. I've just been having a bit of writer's block, to be honest, and not sleeping has kind of taken more of a toll than I'd like.