So I cross my heart and I hope to die,
That I'll only stay with you one more night,
The sex had started 3 weeks ago.
As much as Emma hated herself for it, she couldn't stop. It made her hate herself even more that she didn't want to. If no one in Storybrooke ever found out about them, she would have been happy to continue to use their "relationship" to its fullest at every stress and frustration that came her way.
The first time was on the Jolly Roger. She told herself that she was just doing her job as the sheriff and that she needed answers that couldn't wait, but she knew in the back of her mind that questioning a pirate on his ship in the middle of the night might encourage something less than work-like to happen. They had been arguing about Cora's whereabouts and before she knew what was happening, he had pushed her against a wall and kissed her with more passion than she had known for a long time. She hadn't fought it. The thought had crossed her mind, but who was she kidding? Did she really think he was beneath her? They were the same, in a sad, sick, and twisted way. They had both spent long periods of their lives as that sad magic bean. Dried up, dead, and useless. Sad little beans that were both searching frantically for something that would heal them, for something that would bring that magic back into their souls and give them some relief from all those years of pain and regret, if only for a moment.
"Mmm," Hook groaned appreciatively as she palmed him through his pants. He smirked and grabbed her wrist, pulling her into him for a rough kiss. "What're you after, love?" he murmured as they broke apart.
"You know what this is, Hook," she replied, meeting his eyes for a moment as she started working at his belt.
He let out a lusty chuckle and grasped her arm again, pushing her against the wall of his room beneath the decks of the Jolly Roger and catching her other wrist in between the empty curve of his hook and the old wooden wall. "oh, this? Yes, I'd say it's becoming a familiar song and dance by now,"
"This is the last time," she threatened.
"I know it is, lass," he agreed with a grin that told her the opposite.
As the weeks dragged on, she found that the time between their "visits" became shorter and shorter. She found herself "having to work" later and later at the office, if only to avoid the prying words of her mother and father when she got home. She couldn't risk anyone in the town finding out about them. She was the sheriff and he was Captain Hook, for God's sake!
But she was addicted. Something about him was so intoxicating and refreshing. He made her feel like her old self again, like she was 18 and carefree, stealing a bug from a cute guy who was stealing it himself.
"God, love, you're killing me," Hook groaned, pressing his head back into the bed. He moved his hand to her hip to guide her, encouraging her to ride him faster.
Emma leaned forward so their chests were almost touching. Her hips were rolling against him, but in the same slow, torturous pace from before. She loved torturing him, and she knew exactly how. The change of position caused him to cry out, driving his hook into the bed. Tiny feathers drifted out of the ripped blanket as their slow but frantic thrusts continued.
Her fingernails dug into his shoulders and she moaned."Killian…"
Emma was quickly realizing that this new-found sort of release was so much more than sexual… and it scared the hell out of her. After years of guarding herself, she refused to believe she was letting her walls down, but still, she let herself stay in his arms longer and longer each time they were together.
She tried to say no to herself, but it was like a drug.
Emma didn't feel exactly like she did when she was with Neal. That was love and it had shattered her heart into a thousand pieces. With Killian, it was different. It wasn't lovey-dovey touchy-feely, there were no flowers or chocolates. He brought her old self back without the pain. It was pure sex, and still, there was so much underlying emotion, so much pain, frustration, anger, sadness, and hope. These feelings were ones they had been so deprived of expressing for so long, that neither of them began to know what to do with themselves anymore when they were not together.
"Emma,"
The way he always barely breathed out her name sent a shiver down her spine that went straight to her core.
She could tell that he was getting close. His thrusts were weak and erratic and his breathing was forced and shaky. She'd have bruise marks on her hip with how hard he was gripping her. She began to move faster with him, chasing her own release, burying her head into the crook of his neck and biting down a bit too hard, making the pirate hiss.
"Mom, are you… ok?"
"Of course," she cast her son a confused look, "...is everything ok with you?"
"I mean, you've been acting different lately…" Henry paused, trying to think of the right words to describe what he wanted to say. "Better? But also worse, but mostly better!"
"What do you mean I'm acting better?"
"You seem happier lately," he replied, shoveling a scoop of vanilla ice cream into his mouth. "…And sometimes kind of sad, but mostly happy. Like you aren't so stressed anymore,"
"I was stressed before?"
"You were lonely before,"
"I was lonely until I found you again," she smiled, ruffling his hair lightly.
"I dunno. I just like that you're happier," the young boy shrugged.
Emma frowned. If Henry could see a difference in her, who else could? Ever since she came to Storybrooke, it had all been about Henry. When had that changed? What had she gotten herself into? The thought left a terrible feeling of guilt and confusion in the pit of her stomach.
"You always get what you want, don't you, love?" Hook crooned, stroking her hair while she rested against his chest.
Emma smirked and raised an eyebrow while glancing up at him. "And it's not what you want?"
The question hung in the air and he held her tighter, and Emma suddenly felt sick to her stomach.
What was she doing? When had this become more than stress relief and turned into something so intimate that neither of them acknowledged?
Suddenly she pulled away and sat up, one of his torn blankets covering her chest. "I can't keep doing this, Hook,"
Something akin to annoyance crossed his expression at the use of that name. It wasn't one she often used anymore, aside from the occasional non-sexual meeting in Storybrooke. "And what are we doing exactly?"
Emma rolled her eyes and turned away."I haven't been there enough for Henry," She started to get off of the bed as if that were the end of the discussion. "I can't keep meeting you like this when he-"
"Really, Swan? That's what this is about? Make no mistake, I endlessly revel in being threatened by you, but haven't we been down this road before?" He joked.
"I mean it this time. What are we even doing? I'm not a teenager anymore, I have responsibilities," She began to gather her clothes from the wooden floor.
"You and I both know you're lying," he snapped, his tone taking a dark turn. "When are you going to stop being so damned scared of what you feel, Emma?"
"I'm not scared, Hook," she said, enunciating his nickname slowly. "Maybe I don't feel anything,"
Killian's eyes flashed with anger and he was up from the bed and had her in his arms in a second. Their previous kisses had been all but tender, but this one rivaled them all, both of them biting, clawing at each other, begging each other to stop what they felt but knowing it wouldn't.
"You know this is about more than sex," he growled.
"I don't want it to be," Emma whispered. For once, her tone was broken and confused.
Hook leaned down and caught her lips in a kiss and she didn't fight it. The thought had crossed her mind, but who was she kidding? Did she really think he was beneath her? They were the same, in a sad, sick, and twisted way... and just maybe, that was ok.
And I know I've said it a million times,
But I'll only stay with you one more night…
The End
A/n: Well, I decided to write a oneshot for them. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review if you read. :D I wrote it in like 2 hours before bed, so I'm sorry if it sucks, but I had to get this idea out of my head. :)