This is a story which has been floating around in my head for a while and after several reviews and queries regarding the character development and the history of these guys I just had to write it. I have also been working on several other ideas and their outcome is sort of dependent on how this story is reviewed.
This instalment continues with the four way split saga but looks back a little more on their past and even though there is a scene between Zack and Cloud the story is more about the emotional rather than the physical aspects of their relationship. As a result it's not quite as 'stimulating' as my last piece, which I'm not even sure how I'm going to top but I will try :o).
As always I own nothing and it's rated M for Yaoi.
I always love to hear what you all think, but as this is something a little bit different I really would like you to review and let me know what you think.
Amnesia – Part 1
"Hey Brice man, you've got us going in circles."
"I have not" the named cadet responded defensively.
"Yea you have" a third added bluntly.
Cloud silently groaned in frustration at the situation, knowing that if things continued like this then they were going to fail the mission. There were only six people in their group and already half were arguing with each other, the hierarchy that had been assigned falling to pieces. He looked around the area keeping his guard up as the others continued to 'debate' what they should do next and knew that something was going to happen, just knew that it wasn't possible to have so many people distracted and not have something go wrong. This was his first official session in the VR training room and the last thing the blonde wanted was for it to end badly.
The training exercise was originally designed to be a simple search and retrieve mission, but Sergeant Shaw had altered the program to include lower level beasts as well as human enemies. It made the task more challenging for the cadets, but he had stated that Cloud and the others were ready for this level of confrontation. As a result the small group of cadet's had quickly found themselves working hard, as they made their way through the program, trying to complete the mission objective. The initial part of their assignment had gone well, with all of them working together, and they had been making good progress towards their objective. The problem was they were now lost somewhere in the swamp section, knee deep in computer generated slim, and things were beginning to break down between some of the group members.
Cloud knew they had spent too much time in this area, had already past the same spot twice, but he was not the assigned team leader so kept his thoughts to himself. Unfortunately other members of his team did not hold the same respect for authority as he did and the resulting argument, which was quickly developing into a fight, was leaving them vulnerable.
As if confirming his very thoughts they were attacked, the two creatures moving from the shadows and charging them in their distracted and weakened state. Thankfully Cloud had been watching their surroundings more than the dispute and was ready in a second, his body responding to the attack in a rush of adrenaline. He brought his gun up and fired at the nearest beast swinging the weapon to catch the second in a spray of bullets. Both creatures went down in a generated spray of blood and dissolved as the computer programme deleted them instantly.
"Damn it." Brice swore as the cadet's quickly pulled themselves back together again.
Embarrassment showed on their faces as the other cadet's quickly realised what had happened. They knew they had nearly failed the mission, understood that they had been caught unprepared, because instead of following orders they had been arguing.
"What do we do now?" a voice asked cautiously.
When no one spoke Cloud decided to take a chance and make a suggestion, although he doubted that they would listen to him.
"Brice do you mind if I suggest something?" the blonde tried nervously.
"Uuumm yea, Cloud, sure." Brice responded hesitantly.
"I think we need to head west, the trees seem to be thinner that way so it should be leading towards a clearing. The ground also heads up so there must be an incline or hill to see over, it might give us a good vantage point."
"Sounds good to me." A cadet who Cloud knew as Jacob responded.
"Ok." Brice agreed, taking in the nodding heads. "Let's go."
Now that they had a direction to follow the cadet's became more focused on their objective again and Cloud was relieved to note that the group began making good progress across the rough terrain. Thankfully his suggestion paid off and they quickly found a good defensive point which gave a clear view of their target.
"Nice work Cloud" Brice said patting the blonde on the shoulder.
"Yea, good one" Jacob added smiling brightly.
Cloud nodded politely in thanks and smiled at their words of praise before turning his attention back to the surrounding area, as if on guard from any more approaching enemies. From the outside he appeared calm and controlled, a cadet following orders to protect his team mates, but inside his heart was pounding like a drum.
The cadet silently took a moment to absorb their words of approval, to let the emotions associated with them sink in, allowing the rarely spoken comments to fill him with warmth. It was no secret that he was mostly an outcast within his troop, that however much they trained together he wasn't really one of them. Cloud knew he had made a few 'friends' amongst the other cadets, a few individuals who were kind and polite to him when they met outside of classes. He understood why he didn't mix in their social circles, knowing it was because he had never really fit in properly from the start.
A feeling of sadness began to fill the blonde as he stood watching the silent trees, the memories of things gone by flashing through his mind quickly in a matter of heart beats. He had hoped it was just the people of his village who couldn't see past his physical appearance, had hoped that it would just be those kids who would treat him so cruelly while making his childhood so miserable. But even here it had continued, the hurtful teasing and laughing from some and the disassociation from others. Apart from the few who still spoke to him most of the other cadets had fallen into one of two groups for the blonde, either tormenting him and making his life a misery or ignoring and avoiding him completely.
Cloud smiled faintly as he remembered how surprised he had been when Zack had found him, when the soldier had offered his services as a mentor, when somewhere along the way they had become friends. The blonde hadn't understood the raven haired man's interest in him at first, had even been cautious of the offered friendship, and had certainly not expected their relationship to become so ... personal. The problem was it had also made the ties with his fellow cadets even more strained and given those who disliked him more ammunition for their attacks. Cloud recalled how he had learnt to live with the rumours when they weren't true, knowing that to deny them only made it worse, and then happily ignoring them when they were true and the people spreading them had no idea.
The smile on his delicate features became a mixture of happy and sad, as he remembered the addition of Reno into their relationship. How the Turk's new presence in their lives had been wonderful, but also how it had made things awkward for a while. The rumours becoming either very crude about all three of them or reporting that Cloud had been 'dumped' by the soldier. Cloud had expected it again when their trio increased by one more, by the time Sephiroth's involvement made its way into the compounds gossip network, and thought he was ready for the backlash of his happiness.
The smile slipped away completely as he recalled how he hadn't been prepared enough, the looks he received somehow being worse than before, the silence he received from some becoming just as hurtful as the comments made by others. He knew that things had been hard to start with when it was just Zack, the constant need to prove himself always there, but with the others it had quickly become torturous driving him to the point of breaking. Cloud felt his heart flutter as he remembered their love for him, how it always made things alright. The gentle smile returned to his face, brighter than before, as he remembered how they had saved him from himself when he was falling apart. The blonde drew in a calming breath as he realised that with them by his side, he could handle anything life threw at him.
"So we charge in, kill everyone and get the object, no problems."
Cloud was suddenly dragged back from his personal thoughts by the familiar voice of the cadet who spoke and gritted his teeth in frustration. This had been the one to speak disrespectfully the first time and now it appeared he was trying to taking over, it wasn't good.
"Dean, shut up man" Jacob warned.
"Ok, here's the plan." Brice said ignoring the pair. "We split into three groups, two go north towards the back while two go south and meet there for a rear assault. The remaining two head up towards the front."
The cadets nodded in acceptance of the orders and were quickly split into subgroups. Cloud wasn't surprised when he was paired with Dean, the two of them clearly being the odd ones out in the group, and instantly knew it was going to end badly. They entered as planned, defeating the enemies as necessary and even got close to reaching their target before it all went to hell. Just as Cloud had feared Dean blew it, rushing the last attack and putting them all in jeopardy. There was a loud explosion as a defence mine was set off, throwing the cadet's back leaving them stunned but unharmed.
Cloud was up on his feet in a second, his response times much quicker than the others because of Zack's extra training, and he instantly saw the danger coming. He didn't have time to warn Jacob or Brice about the peril they were in, didn't have words to shout as the structure beside them collapsed, all he had time to do was charge forward and push them out of the way. A second later and the heavy metal frame came crashing down around him, beating his body and breaking bones as it crushed him into the ground.
The computers safety features immediately kicked in and the programme instantly froze, the mission shutting down and alarms sounding to attract medical attention. Cloud blinked up though the red which blurred his vision and tried to focus on breathing as the burning pain coursed through his body, as the stabbing in his chest intensified. His body felt wrong, like parts were now in the wrong place, but it was his head which hurt the most. It felt like someone had tried to split it open and based on the warm liquid which seemed to be running along his face they might have succeeded.
"Cloud, Cloud can you her me?" Brice's voice called from the edges of the blonde's semi-conscious mind.
"Move back" a loud voice ordered and Cloud's vision was suddenly filled with blurry images of men in black uniforms and others in white.
"Cadet Strife, Cloud! Can you her me?"
Cloud knew the voice, knew it was someone important, but his mind just couldn't process the thought. He struggled to find a face to that voice as the world slipped from his grasp, as the darkness swept him away, the pain fading into nothing as he passed out.
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"He's got what?!"
Sephiroth winched at the level of Zack's voice and glared pointedly at the soldier as several pairs of eyes settled on them.
"Amnesia" he repeated slowly so that Zack could absorb the word better.
"But don't you need to have a serious head injury for that?"
"Yes, that is correct."
Zack's face actually seemed to pale slightly and his eyes widened.
"What? Why? When? How?" he stammered, the panic slowly rising again.
"It would appear that the program they were using in the training room malfunctioned at a crucial point and believed the cadets to be a group of 1st class soldier's. As a result the safety features fluctuated and when a structure collapsed it caused injuries equal to a real life situation. Had Cloud been a soldier his injuries would have been less severe."
"But cadets aren't supposed to use the VR rooms, only 3rd class soldiers and above are allowed to train in them. Why were they even in there?" Zack demanded angrily.
"Sergeant Shaw felt that their progress was worthy of a more advanced training session. Considering the group he had I would have to agree with his decision. You have taken Cloud in there yourself on several occasions and he has performed well."
"Yea, but that was one to one and I had his back all the way" Zack all but shouted now.
"Calm yourself Zachary. The incident could not have been foreseen. Had the programme been running efficiently then the object would not have caused as much damage. Most of his injuries have been healed and other than some bruising and aching he is well."
"And the amnesia" Zack pointed out bluntly.
Once again Sephiroth glared at the soldier and sighed heavily before carrying on.
"We must be grateful that he is alive and well, from what I understand the head injury was quite severe."
"You're really not helping" Zack growled menacingly.
Sephiroth stopped for a minute and considered the soldiers words. It was true that while Cloud was alright now, the blonde's condition had been very serious when the report had come through. The general was not used to such strong feelings of concern, which almost bordered on panic, and had to admit that the cadet's wellbeing had come above everything else at that moment. He had left his office in a blur of movement, wanting to be at the young man's side, needing to know that he was alright. It was only now as he looked at the soldier in front of him that the general understood. These were Zack's reactions to his own feelings of anxiety over Cloud's injuries, his way of expressing his emotions regarding the cadet, his concern being a displayed reflection of the general's suppressed fear.
"We can see him in a minute" Sephiroth informed the soldier gently, realising that Zack was clearly upset. He had been unsure how the raven haired man would react to the revelation about Cloud's amnesia, but now he knew it made the next part even harder to say. "You may find our visit upsetting as he doesn't remember much."
"What does he remember?" Zack asked sadly, his body slumping forward as the anger was replaced by worry.
"Very little I am afraid. He can recall his name and where he was born, but that is about all."
"And us?" Zack asked almost afraid to know.
"I'm afraid not. He reacted to my presence as if he were meeting me for the first time."
"Maybe if he seems me" Zack asked hopefully.
"That is what I am hoping." Sephiroth replied offering a gentle smile of reassurance.
They waited patiently for another 5 minutes, and Zack had just about reached his limit, when a nurse came to find them.
"Is he ok?" the soldier asked nervously
"He is looking better" the nurse informed him gently as she led them towards a private room.
As soon as the door was opened Zack was in the room, his arms wrapping around the cadet's body tightly. He didn't care what anybody thought, didn't care about any of the rumours as he held his Spiky. What he did care about was the way the blonde went rigid in his arms and tried to pull away.
"Spiky?" he asked moving his hands to grip the cadet's shoulders and hold him firmly in place at arm's length.
Unfortunately Cloud's body reacted to the discomfort of the hold, as well as Zack's close contact, and the cadet quickly pulled away from the soldier's embrace.
"Sir?" Cloud mumbled nervously.
"It's alright Cloud. Lieutenant Fair, Zack, is your mentor and he is merely worried about you" Sephiroth informed the blonde carefully. "He is always like this, to everyone" the general added trying to reassure the now trembling cadet.
"Sir" Cloud repeated, this time in acknowledgement of the information.
Zack looked at Cloud's face with pleading eyes, his heart desperately wanting the cadet to recognise him in some way. Unfortunately the blonde refused to look up and meet his gaze, instead drawing himself in even more at the presence of the soldier.
"Perhaps the living arrangements need to be changed" the doctor said, noticing the cadet's discomfort.
"No" Zack cut in before anyone else could speak. "He's coming home with me."
"He can stay here until he is well enough to return to the barracks," the doctor responded evenly.
"Will staying here help his memory to return?" Sephiroth asked interrupting the doctor and soldier's glaring match.
"I'm not certain."
"But you believe that familiar people and surroundings could encourage memories?"
"Yes."
"Then Lieutenant Fair is correct, the cadet is best staying with his mentor to aid his recovery."
The doctor was clearly unhappy with this decision, but no one argued with the mighty General Sephiroth.
"He will need to stay here tonight under observation. You can collect him tomorrow morning after rounds." The doctor informed them bluntly before leaving the room.
They were allowed to stay for five more minutes, as visiting times were nearly over, but their presence did little to calm the cadet who remained tense throughout their conversations. As they left Zack watched a nurse give Cloud a sedative to help him sleep, their precious blonde being so confused he was unable to relax, and turned to see the same expression of worry on Sephiroth's face.
"I'll call Reno" Zack said, already removing the phone from his pocket.
"Isn't he on a mission?" Sephiroth asked curiously.
"Yea, but he'll want to know and maybe he can get back here sooner."
"Do you think Cloud will recognise him?" The general enquired with concern.
"I hope so because right now I'm worried." Zack admitted helplessly.
"As am I Zack, as am I" Sephiroth agreed quietly, the soldier not hearing the words as he began to speak with the Turk who had now answered his phone.
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The conversation between Zack and Reno didn't last long, the Turk becoming just as worried about Cloud as they were. He hung up promising to do his best to get back sooner, but when he called back an hour later his irritated tone clearly showed it wasn't going to be possible.
"I'm stuck here for two more days," he growled down the phone.
"It's ok" Zack responded gently, understanding the anger in the Turks voice.
"No it's not, damn it! I should be there."
"You can't help it. We all have jobs to do."
"Yea, well it still sucks" Reno said, his annoyance slipping a little as the soldier's calm tone soothed his frustration.
"I know, believe me I wouldn't want to be in your position right now either, but trust me Reno it's not much better here."
"Is he ... I mean ... how bad is it?"
"Physically he's fine, but ..."
"But what?"
"He didn't recognise us Reno, neither of us. It was like he was looking at strangers and ... and he was scared of us."
"Shit!" was the Turk's simple and heartfelt reply and Zack could only agree.
"So what now?"
"I'm picking him up tomorrow and Seph's giving us the day to get him settled into mine properly. I thought we would take a walk around the base see if anything jogs his memory."
"Sounds like a good plan."
"Right now it's all we've got."
"Look Zack, I hate to leave you like this but Rude's calling and I gotta go."
"It's ok, I understand."
"Keep me up to date ok. I want to know how it goes tomorrow."
"Sure, no worries. Take care of yourself."
"You too."
Zack listened to the soft click as Reno hung up and the phone in his hand went silent. It was getting late and there were still things he had to do before collecting Cloud tomorrow, still preparations which needed to be made. He walked into the small spare bedroom in his apartment and looked around fondly, drawing on the memories of the times Cloud had stayed here before they had become more than friends. How the nervous cadet had ended up sleeping over sometimes after late nights training or studying when Zack was just his mentor and friend. The room had become more of a dumping ground for junk in the last few months as it was no longer used for guests, especially as now most of the 'quests' tended to share the larger bed in the soldier's room.
"Ok, better get started." Zack said to himself, moving towards one corner of the room with a fierce determination to get the place ready.
He worked hard for several hours cleaning and tidying away the rubbish, stacking items back on various shelves, and sorting out the piles of clothes which lay scattered around the room. It was only as he began to group the various items of clothing that he realised just how much of their combined wardrobe now resided in his apartment. He loaded the laundry basket with the dirty items and smiled brightly as he then folded the clean ones and put them away in separate draws. There was a strange sense of satisfaction in doing this, a feeling of content at assigning each of the men in his life a draw in his apartment. Zack felt his heart warm as the simple act reinforced their relationship, giving it strength and foundation, and he began to wonder if the same thing needing doing at Sephiroth's place as well.
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The next day Zack was up before the sun, unable to sleep due to his nervous state, and as a result found himself doing some early morning grocery shopping before collecting Cloud from the infirmary. He was at the infirmary before rounds had even finished and shifted restlessly as the doctor took his time discharging the cadet. They were given a list of things to look out for and instructed to not rush back into a normal routine so that Cloud wasn't put under any pressure. Zack had listened intently, taking note of the important information and quickly discarding the rest as pointless ramblings. He smiled broadly once they were finally allowed out and quickly led Cloud back towards the apartment so the 'remembering' could begin.
The raven haired soldier's heart had been so positive at first, as the nervous cadet had followed him across the compound, as they had entered the building and headed up to the correct floor. Three hours later and that upbeat feeling was gone, the soldier's optimistic view being dampened as the blonde failed to remember a thing. In fact the more Zack had talked to Cloud about various things the more anxious and withdrawn the blonde had become. It seemed that the harder the soldier tried the more awkward it became until the cadet had finally sought refuge, away from the soldier, in the spare bedroom which he would be staying in. Zack looked up from his place in the living room in front of the TV and gazed towards the closed door. He knew that Cloud was awake in there, that the cadet wasn't asleep as he pretended to be, but that he was simply hiding. The knowledge of how it should be plagued him. He knew it wasn't Cloud's fault that he couldn't remember, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with.
They decided to give Cloud the first day to settle in with the soldier and then follow the doctor's order of a steady return to the cadet's normal routine starting straight away. Patrol duties were to be excluded from the normal schedule, as they were considered to be unsuitable for his current state, but classes and training sessions were still to be attended. The general used the basis of Zack being Cloud's mentor as an excuse to get the soldier's schedule cleared for the week and have him reassigned to supervise the cadet's reintegration back into his normal routine. It wasn't much of a comfort to the blonde, especially as he didn't really know them either, but at least he wouldn't be alone when he had to go to these places.
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Morning came painfully for the soldier, as the night's torments continued to plague him through breakfast. As a result it was an awkward start to the day and not how Zack had wanted Cloud's first day back to classes to begin.
"You ok?" The soldier asked, as they made their way towards the lecture halls.
He looked cross at the silent cadet beside him and noted the tired look on the blonde's features. He hadn't slept very well either and knew that Cloud has been awake most of the night. He had heard the sounds off movement as someone paced restlessly in the room next to his, wanting desperately to go in there and comfort the cadet, but knowing to do so would probably damage the bond of trust he was trying to rebuild. The soldier watched as the blonde's hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, the slight movement being Cloud's way of trying to shake off the tension he was feeling. It was clear that the cadet was nervous about going back to class as he was expected to, that the blonde still had no memory about where he was or what he was expected to do.
"It's ok to be nervous" Zack said reassuringly, trying to keep his voice neutral and friendly. "I'm sure everything will be fine"
Cloud nodded silently in response and Zack couldn't help but feel like he had gone back in time to when they had first met. His mind raced back over their first few training session together and how the blonde had always been so withdrawn and worried. It had taken him weeks to get Cloud to trust him and open up a little and the thought of having to do that all over again made his heart ache. He could only hope that the classes would help the cadet's memories to stir somehow, that perhaps being around his fellow cadet's would help the past to return. The problem was it was a past which Zack knew would be painful for the blonde. He didn't know much about Cloud's life before ShinRa, mainly because the blonde didn't like to speak about it, but he did know that the cadet struggled to fit in with his peers and that he had nearly broken under the pressure to prove himself to everyone. Zack sighed as the building's entrance came into view and took a deep breath as he opened the door, only Gaia knew how this was going to end.
To his surprise the cadet had hardly made it through the door when he had been pounced on and was bombarded with questions from the other cadets all wanting to know if he was alright. Zack's body went into instant defence to protect Cloud as the surprise of such a greeting hit them both. The sudden interest in his Spiky was enough to make him question their intentions and Zack was not about to let them hurt the blonde in his current state.
It was only as he listened to the questions and took in the genuine looks of concern on the other cadet's faces that he began to relax. The honest and sincere questions regarding Cloud's health and wellbeing appeared legitimate, as they filled the room, and the apprehension within Zak's chest was slowly replaced by caring warmth. He looked over at Cloud and couldn't help but smile at the cadet's confused and nervousness state, as he began to wonder what had changed to make the other's view the blonde differently now.
As if to answer his question, the soldier found his thoughts being interrupted by two cadets who pushed their way to the front of the crowd and embraced the blonde tightly. Zack's smile brightened as Cloud's eyes opened in silent panic and begged him for help, as the cadet was forced to call on another stranger to rescue him from this new and unexpected attack.
"Ok boys give him some space," the soldier advised light-heartedly.
The boy's in question obeyed instantly and it was only now as they all stood in an awkward silence that the large group was able to see the lost expression on Cloud's face.
"Oh my god, it's true, you don't remember" one of them gasped.
"Jacob!" the other one hissed in warning, his eyes darting nervously towards the soldier.
"It's ok. Just don't overload him with information" Zack reassured them smiling.
"Uuummm ok, so I'm Brice and this is Jacob" the first began uncertainly.
"You saved our butts in the training exercise." Jacob added, seeing Cloud's blank expression to hearing their names.
The comment didn't meant much to Cloud, the poor cadet still having no memory of the event, but it meant something to Zack. The soldier immediately understood why the blonde was suddenly cared about by his peers, knew it was because of his actions in saving these two boys that the other cadet's now accepted him into their world. He smiled brightly as the small group led Cloud away to his normal place within the classroom and relaxed in the knowledge that perhaps something good had come from this near fatal disaster.
The tutor's had been made aware of Cloud's case so didn't call on the cadet during classes, instead allowing him to follow the lessons as best as he could. They even allowed the occasional word of advice or helpful hint to slip from the boys beside him when he appeared lost, knowing it was not being done out of disrespect for them. The instructors for the more practical classes had also been warned about the cadet's memory loss and so it was no surprise to Zack when Cloud was made to sit out and observe the sword training session. The soldier watched with sympathy as the cadet fidget restlessly on the bench, knowing that the blonde was probably bored, but also understanding why the instructor was unwilling to take a chance in him being harmed more.
Sighing at himself for what he was about to do, knowing that he shouldn't be doing it, Zack grabbed two of the practice swords and approached the cadet.
"Come on" he said passing the blade to the confused blonde and leading him towards an empty mat.
Cloud's expression was even more fearful than it had been the first time Zack had faced him with a sword and the soldier had to remind himself that they had known each other then and Cloud had trusted him.
"It's fine, you can use a sword. Just relax and let you body work instinctively," he gently reassured the trembling cadet.
He started off slowly performing a few simple moves, which Cloud defended well, and gradually built up their interaction until it was up to what the blonde was truly capably of. The progression of difficulty was seamless and the cadet didn't even notice that the attacks were becoming more forceful as he defended himself against the soldier. It wasn't long before Cloud began to retaliate with his own attempts to disarm Zack and the soldier smiled with joy as the blonde's moves became as natural to him as breathing. They were so lost in the mock combat that neither noticed the room falling silent and all eyes turning to face them. Cloud's reflexes were quick and precise, his attack and defence moves being performed gracefully without fault, and Zack's smile grew even wider as the mock battle raged on.
The soldier had just begun to swing his sword round for a blow to Cloud's chest when the cadet stumbled forward holding his head. The sound of the sword hitting the floor resonated in the room a second before the blonde sank to his knees on the mat, clutching his head in both hands, and Zack was by his side in an instant.
"Spiky?"
"I'm ok" Cloud managed before a small gasp escaped his lips.
It was only now that Zack took in the sight of Cloud's exhausted body noting the sweat soaked hair and uniform, which was plastered to his trembling figure, and began to worry as he observed the cadet's heavy breathing mixed with small restrained sounds of pain.
Zack wasn't the only one to end up on his knees beside the cadet, as Sergeant Shaw appeared on the mat next to the pair. Together they calmed the blonde and encouraged his swaying form to lie down on the mat before he fell. After a minute Cloud had stopped gasping for breath and his tense body had relaxed against the plastic surface. Zack run a hand across Cloud's brow brushing some of the blonde spikes out of the way so he could see the cadet's face more clearly. When tired blue eyes fluttered open and came up to meet his own he felt a sense of relief, that was until they closed again and Cloud moaned softly his brow furrowing in pain.
"You ok?" he asked softly
"Yes. I ... it's like I saw stuff, but it was too fast I couldn't ... see it properly" Cloud mumbled feeing embarrassed by the situation.
"That's ok, it's natural. There's no hurry to remember so don't rush it" the sergeant informed them both evenly.
It was only as they sat watching the cadet recover that Zack begun to notice the audience and looks of combined wonder and worry on the other cadet's faces. He smiled at them brightly and began to imagine that the display must have been quite impressive by their standards and a sense of pride blossomed in his chest. Of course that sensation was quickly squashed when he looked down and observed the blonde's pale features.
"I guess I pushed it" Zack commented by way of apology.
"The activity was more advanced than a cadet should be capable of, but he seemed to be handling himself." Shaw responded as he checked Cloud's pulse again.
"You don't think it was too much too soon?"
"No. If anything it proves that my opinion about cadet Strife ... about Cloud is correct."
"And what opinion is that" Zack asked cautiously.
"That he's got a lot of potential. It's one of the reasons why I put him in with the training session where ..." The sergeant's voice trailed off and he looked away as if unsettled by something. "I'm sorry ... about what happened."
"It wasn't your fault" Zack responded evenly.
"That damn programme, it should have been a challenge for them instead it nearly ..." He stopped again and Zack watched as the man took a deep breath to gather himself. "I've seen stuff in battles, just like you have, but I'm telling you I've never felt like that before. Cloud didn't hesitate to save those boys, threw himself at them without a second thought for his own safety. It was the proudest moment a commanding officer can have and also the scariest at the same time. I've never seen a man risk himself like that for a comrade, especially a cadet who ..."
"Who what?" Zack asked, worried by the man's hesitation
"Who ... isn't part of the crowd" Shaw finished, his voice both hesitant and a little saddened by the fact.
Zack quickly looked down at Cloud worriedly, hoping that the blonde hadn't heard the upsetting revelation. Thankfully the cadet still appeared disorientated and Zack sighed in relief.
"So you think he's good?" the soldier asked, deciding it was time to change the subject.
"Yes. If he's capable of performing that well in his current situation then he must have a natural talent for using the sword."
"A natural talent, so you don't think it's possible that he remembered how to fight?"
"No not remembered. His reflexes were instinctive, which is good, and it's probably what triggered the small flashback he just had" Shaw replied calmly.
"So maybe by doing things which are natural, it will help him to remember sooner" Zack had asked curiously.
"It is a possibility," the sergeant agreed before excusing himself to dismiss the remaining cadets.
That idea stuck with Zack for the rest of the day and remained there throughout the next as well, the concept giving rise to ideas in his mind which could help Cloud to remember. He tried various actions which should have been natural to the cadet, things like hugs and hair fluffing, constant banter about various experiences they shared. He even tried to tickle the blonde who had actually laughed, after hearing a rather embarrassing story about the soldier, but this only seemed to make Cloud uncomfortable again ruining the moment. In the end there was really only one thing, other than training, which should feel natural for Cloud and maybe help him to rediscover himself. The problem was it was a very personal activity and the soldier knew that if it was done wrong then it could have the reverse affect and end badly for them all.
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It was the night before Reno was due to return and Zack sat in his apartment staring absentmindedly at the cup in his hands. Sephiroth had come over once Cloud was asleep, wanting to check on the blonde without upsetting him. It bothered him that he couldn't spend more time with the cadet as easily as Zack and that the lack of interaction meant he was still a stranger to the blonde. He took comfort in the knowledge that even though the memories had not yet returned properly, Cloud was at least more relaxed around the soldier now. It was because of this fact that they had waited until so late for Sephiroth to visit, not wanting to upset the trust Zack had built up, making sure that the cadet was sound asleep before they began discussing their options.
The soldier had already gone over the event in the gym with Sephiroth after it had happened, drawing on what Shaw had said, and proposed his strategy for helping Cloud to regain his memories. The general had listened intently to the suggestion and although he also noted the dangers involved with the scheme, he was prepared to do what was necessary. It was now as they sat in the silent room, scheming in the darkened night, that the worry of what they were planning to do really began to take over.
"He has not experienced any more flashes of memory" Sephiroth enquired hopefully.
"None that I'm aware of. It didn't give him much to go on, but he's calmer around me now and there's odd things he says or does which make me wonder if there's more going on than either of us realise." Zack replied optimistically.
"Then we will see how he reacts to Reno's presence tomorrow. If there is no change then we will try what you suggest."
"Seph, are we doing the right thing?"
"I do not know, but he needs to remember. If not for our sakes, then certainly for his own."
"We could give him more time, maybe if we..."
"Zack" the general cut in gently. "He is vulnerable right now and is a danger not only to himself but also to the people around him. I do not like this any more than you do, but we cannot let him continue to live in such a confused way."
"He's not weak" Zack defended the blonde quickly "His instincts are automatic, if he needs to fight ..."
"I did not say he was weak Zack" Sephiroth continued sternly "I am merely pointing out that until he knows who he is again, he cannot truly understand what it is he is living for. There are people out there who will take advantage of him and his strengths. Do you really want him to rediscover himself after he has done something he could never forgive himself for?"
Zack went to speak but stopped, the words dying on his lips as he finally understood Sephiroth's concern.
"You're worried he won't remember at all" he whispered, as if afraid to say the words out loud.
They looked at each other from across the room and neither spoke, as the answer shone brightly in the general's eyes, the mako burning within the green orbs flaring to show the emotions which plagued Sephiroth's mind and heart. Zack looked away first unable to accept the idea, his eyes watering at the thought of Cloud never being the same again, of the blonde being lost to them forever. Sephiroth was by his side in an instant and holding him tightly, as the tears escaped and slid down his cheeks, as he let his own fears free to be seen by both of them.
"Have faith in him Zack, he is strong and will find his way back to us." Sephiroth soothed gently, as he held the soldier close.
"Are you sure?" Zack breathed.
"As sure as I can be right now."
"That doesn't help much" Zack chuckled dryly.
"It is the best I can give without lying to you and I will never do that."
"Thanks" Zack breathed softly against the general's chest.
They sat in silence for a few minutes holding each other tightly, trying to give and receive comfort from the embrace.
"It is late I should be going" Sephiroth eventually said, drawing away from the soldier's hold.
"I wish you didn't have to go" Zack admitted sadly.
"Neither do I but we cannot rush this. It would be a mistake to let him see us together before he is ready."
"I know you're right, but it still feels wrong."
"Hold on a little longer Zack. If all goes well tomorrow then maybe we will be sharing a bed again soon."
"Do you think he'll remember ... that he'll be ready for that?" Zack asked nervously.
"I'm not sure, we can only hope. If he is not then we will give him the time he needs."
"Seph?" Zack said, as he followed the general towards the door.
"Yes Zack" the general replied, turning back towards the sombre soldier.
But Zack remained silent, his eyes drifting in all directions unable to meet the generals, his lips unable to say the words which plagued his heart.
"You're tired and it's affecting your emotions." Sephiroth soothed gently as he moved to hold the soldier again. "Things will feel better in the morning once you have rested properly."
With that he placed a light kiss on Zack's forehead and left the apartment, his departure marking the end of their discussion and the end of the long day.
A quick check of his phone revealed a message from Reno saying that all was going to schedule and that he should be back by late afternoon tomorrow. Zack smiled and took comfort in knowing that they would all be together again soon and let the hope of what might happen blossom in his chest.
That night all four men slept in separate beds but only three of them knew it could be different, only three of them slept amongst the cold sheets feeling very much alone.